WHY Do Parents Encourage Violence?

[SilverSabre25]

I can't understand this. Why do parents (or grown ups in general) encourage kids to give harder and harder high fives until the high five is so hard that it HURTS and it's become hitting more than high fiving? Why do parents pretend to punch or hit their kids? Why do parents encourage their boys to pretend fight with daddy and then get angry when they pretend fight with mommy or at daycare? Why do parents encourage their kids to kill every darn bug they see? Why do they freak out if their son wants to wear a princess dress at daycare? Why do they pretend to punch or say "I'm gonna beat you up, boy" and then get ANGRY and punish the child for punching mom and saying "I'm gonna beat you up, mom"? Why do they blame DAYCARE for their child calling them a brat...when they call HIM a brat TO HIS FACE on a regular basis?

/rant

Three more months of this family...this child...the stupid problems I'm encountering...

[MarinaVanessa]

Rough and tumble play is actually very healthy BUT not appropriate at DC. All of my DCK's play rough with their parents especially the boys and even my husband plays this way with our kids. They wrestle, roll around, play fight, jump on each other, chase each other around with fake swords and one of their favorites is when they are wrestling and my DH throws them on the bed.

HOWEVER I always make sure that the parents understand that if they don't clarify to their kids that this type of behavior is only acceptable at home and not in daycare and it becomes a problem it will be handled just as any other aggressive behavior.

My kids (8yo and 2yo) and DH get buck wild at 6pm every day or earlier once the last DCK gets picked up because they know that at that point they are "free" (my DH came running down the stairs one day with blue and white facepaint on his face yelling "freedom!" while my kids squealed in delight ) but at DC they know that I don't allow it.

If your DCK's are doing it at your DC and you don't approve but they won't listen after reminding them that it's not appropriate then a meeting with the DCK's parents to discuss the problem and maybe a call at work to come and pick the child up if it continues in in order.

[WImom]

I can't understand this. Why do parents (or grown ups in general) encourage kids to give harder and harder high fives until the high five is so hard that it HURTS and it's become hitting more than high fiving? Why do parents pretend to punch or hit their kids? Why do parents encourage their boys to pretend fight with daddy and then get angry when they pretend fight with mommy or at daycare? Why do parents encourage their kids to kill every darn bug they see? Why do they freak out if their son wants to wear a princess dress at daycare? Why do they pretend to punch or say "I'm gonna beat you up, boy" and then get ANGRY and punish the child for punching mom and saying "I'm gonna beat you up, mom"? Why do they blame DAYCARE for their child calling them a brat...when they call HIM a brat TO HIS FACE on a regular basis?

/rant

Three more months of this family...this child...the stupid problems I'm encountering...

Thank you!! I have two families like this. Only two more weeks left. I'm sooo looking forward to getting back normal play preschool play.

[WImom]

Rough and tumble play is actually very healthy BUT not appropriate at DC. All of my DCK's play rough with their parents especially the boys and even my husband plays this way with our kids. They wrestle, roll around, play fight, jump on each other, chase each other around with fake swords and one of their favorites is when they are wrestling and my DH throws them on the bed.

HOWEVER I always make sure that the parents understand that if they don't clarify to their kids that this type of behavior is only acceptable at home and not in daycare and it becomes a problem it will be handled just as any other aggressive behavior.

My kids (8yo and 2yo) and DH get buck wild at 6pm every day or earlier once the last DCK gets picked up because they know that at that point they are "free" (my DH came running down the stairs one day with blue and white facepaint on his face yelling "freedom!" while my kids squealed in delight ) but at DC they know that I don't allow it.

If your DCK's are doing it at your DC and you don't approve but they won't listen after reminding them that it's not appropriate then a meeting with the DCK's parents to discuss the problem and maybe a call at work to come and pick the child up if it continues in in order.

Yeah, I have one family that the child know's it's not allowed. The others not so much. Your kids are going to remember that fun with dad forever.

[MarinaVanessa]

Yeah, I have one family that the child know's it's not allowed. The others not so much. Your kids are going to remember that fun with dad forever.

Yes they will remember that play forever but just like they will remember I have made it clear to my DH that he will also remember a call from me at HIS work to come and get OUR kids if the rough housing becomes a problem in MY daycare. Same rules apply to my family during DC hours that my clients get. No ifs, no buts, no coconuts.

[daycarediva]

Rough and tumble play is actually very healthy BUT not appropriate at DC. All of my DCK's play rough with their parents especially the boys and even my husband plays this way with our kids. They wrestle, roll around, play fight, jump on each other, chase each other around with fake swords and one of their favorites is when they are wrestling and my DH throws them on the bed.

HOWEVER I always make sure that the parents understand that if they don't clarify to their kids that this type of behavior is only acceptable at home and not in daycare and it becomes a problem it will be handled just as any other aggressive behavior.

My kids (8yo and 2yo) and DH get buck wild at 6pm every day or earlier once the last DCK gets picked up because they know that at that point they are "free" (my DH came running down the stairs one day with blue and white facepaint on his face yelling "freedom!" while my kids squealed in delight ) but at DC they know that I don't allow it.

If your DCK's are doing it at your DC and you don't approve but they won't listen after reminding them that it's not appropriate then a meeting with the DCK's parents to discuss the problem and maybe a call at work to come and pick the child up if it continues in in order.

everything MV said.

My kids get to wrestle and play fight with Dad every evening. It's also awesome for our DS as he needs deep muscle input (sensory processing disorder). So wrestling=free therapy. My kids are treated like everyone else during dc hours and as soon as they have an issue with taking it outside of wrestle time with Dad, they LOSE wrestle time with Dad until they earn it back with good behavior. It's only been an issue for yds ONCE. He lost ONE day of Dad time and earned it back immediately.

Same with my Ds and karate.

I think the issue is setting limitations, not the activity itself.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I actually suggested a dad up his wrestling with dcb because he was wanting to engage in that behavior so much here. It worked.

[SilverSabre25]

Rough and tumble is one thing--one I can support wholeheartedly! But this family is more on the side of encouraging it to cross a line fighting/violent/TOO rough.

"Oh come on, you can hit harder than that! Harder! Come on, hit me like you mean it!" sorts of stuff--until the child is incapable of giving a high five without actually HURTING people, me included.

And it's the other stuff too...the getting angry at him because he says/does the things that are said/done back to him. It paints a picture of across-the-board lack of respect for him

[spud912]

My kids (8yo and 2yo) and DH get buck wild at 6pm every day or earlier once the last DCK gets picked up because they know that at that point they are "free" (my DH came running down the stairs one day with blue and white facepaint on his face yelling "freedom!" while my kids squealed in delight ) but at DC they know that I don't allow it.

That's hilarious! ::

[MarinaVanessa]

Rough and tumble is one thing--one I can support wholeheartedly! But this family is more on the side of encouraging it to cross a line fighting/violent/TOO rough.

"Oh come on, you can hit harder than that! Harder! Come on, hit me like you mean it!" sorts of stuff--until the child is incapable of giving a high five without actually HURTING people, me included.

And it's the other stuff too...the getting angry at him because he says/does the things that are said/done back to him. It paints a picture of across-the-board lack of respect for him

Yeah this is crossing the line ... if it's to the point where the child is hurting others then he obviously does not know the difference between when it is okay and when it isn't.

My BIL is REALLY rough with my 2yo and gives him semi-hard slaps on the face and punches on his body while saying what you described "Oh come on, you can hit harder than that! Harder! Come on, hit me like you mean it!" - type of stuff BUT my 2yo loves it and laughs HOWEVER once my 2yo came over to me and tried to do it to me and my BIL immediately stopped him and told him firmly "NO. Only with uncle ____ . Not anyone else!" and he never tried it again. Clearly either the child "isn't getting it" or his dad isn't making it clear.

[bunnyslippers]

Rough and tumble play is actually very healthy BUT not appropriate at DC. All of my DCK's play rough with their parents especially the boys and even my husband plays this way with our kids. They wrestle, roll around, play fight, jump on each other, chase each other around with fake swords and one of their favorites is when they are wrestling and my DH throws them on the bed.

HOWEVER I always make sure that the parents understand that if they don't clarify to their kids that this type of behavior is only acceptable at home and not in daycare and it becomes a problem it will be handled just as any other aggressive behavior.

My kids (8yo and 2yo) and DH get buck wild at 6pm every day or earlier once the last DCK gets picked up because they know that at that point they are "free" (my DH came running down the stairs one day with blue and white facepaint on his face yelling "freedom!" while my kids squealed in delight ) but at DC they know that I don't allow it.

If your DCK's are doing it at your DC and you don't approve but they won't listen after reminding them that it's not appropriate then a meeting with the DCK's parents to discuss the problem and maybe a call at work to come and pick the child up if it continues in in order.

This, 100%! My kids (two boys) know that we can be "crazy" when daycare and school is over, but never before. My two sons and their dad have their physical bonkers time every night, while I sit quietly in another room with a book.