So Sick of "The Look"

[DaisyMamma]

Dcd is a first time dad. Doesn't say anything very often. But I can tell he is overprotective. 18mo dcb is miserable. Cries for 20 min if you simply tell him "no"
Dcm is great. Second child for her. She's got the "ah whatever" attitude and does not like this new crying behavior at all. Dcb was such a good infant.
Every day at pickup I feel like I need to explain, yet again, what dcb's problem is. Dcd gives me this look, like what did or didn't you do now.
I find myself saying something every day in regards to the miserable child. Like, oh I just told him no, he can't go outside the fence with the other leaving family, or like today he is teething so what can I say, he's obviously uncomfortable.
Anyway I just needed to vent. I'm thinking I should try to make sure I'm holding this kid at pickup to avoid any trantrum and the inevitable stink eye.
Just curious how you would deal with it.

[bunnyslippers]

I think I would keep handling it as you have been. The next time you get the stink eye, I would probably point it out.

"I see from your look that you are wondering what happened. Well, I told DCB that he couldn't swing from the light fixtures and eat a banana at the same time. He doesn't like the word "NO", but that I have rules. He will get used to it. Have a great night."

[CedarCreek]

I have one like this and I just flat out ignore it.

I say why dcb is upset (brief explanation) then hand dcb over and say, "have a great night!"

[SilverSabre25]

"He's having a rough five minutes/ten minutes/afternoon. Being a toddler is hard sometimes Bye dcb!"

[KBCsMommy]

Dcd is a first time dad. Doesn't say anything very often. But I can tell he is overprotective. 18mo dcb is miserable. Cries for 20 min if you simply tell him "no"
Dcm is great. Second child for her. She's got the "ah whatever" attitude and does not like this new crying behavior at all. Dcb was such a good infant.
Every day at pickup I feel like I need to explain, yet again, what dcb's problem is. Dcd gives me this look, like what did or didn't you do now.
I find myself saying something every day in regards to the miserable child. Like, oh I just told him no, he can't go outside the fence with the other leaving family, or like today he is teething so what can I say, he's obviously uncomfortable.
Anyway I just needed to vent. I'm thinking I should try to make sure I'm holding this kid at pickup to avoid any trantrum and the inevitable stink eye.
Just curious how you would deal with it.

I used to have a dcd like this too. The dcg would get absolutely hysterical when her dad would pull in the driveway. Then he would be giving me the stinkeye. They eventually quit my daycare. I was so relieved, I would get an upset stomach nearly everytime he picked up dcg.

[Blackcat31]

I have one just like this now but mine is 3.

When the parent(s) ask why the child is crying I always say "Because I enforced a rule and they aren't comfortable with someone else being in charge yet."

Then I really big.

Parents don't like to be the bad guy anymore so a majority of them rarely use the word no in their homes. They genuinely do not want to see their child upset or sad and certainly not crying. But being told no and having to follow rules is important for kids.

The more we allow our children to feel frustrated or to be told no the easier it is for them to develop coping skills.

This world needs more people who have coping skills and are capable of dealing with things that don't go their way.

[cheerfuldom]

I would just go about my business and be super positive and upbeat in my answers but I dont volunteer information. Kids cry. If the parent wants all the details, they can ask but otherwise I just shuttle them out the door with a cheerful goodbye and thats that. I ignore any stink eyes. Thats passive aggressive communication to me and I dont justify it with a response. If the parent wants have a mature conversation about it, lets talk by all means! but otherwise I remain outwardly oblivious. If they say something vague like "oh he really has been crying a lot lately" and sort of bait me, again I just be really upbeat in return "Yes thats true. Being a toddler is hard sometimes. I think he will be just fine as he learns verbal skills and boundaries. Its very normal for the age" but I dont apologize or try and figure out the reason why for every cry. I am way too busy for that.

[MyAngels]

I think I would keep handling it as you have been. The next time you get the stink eye, I would probably point it out.

"I see from your look that you are wondering what happened. Well, I told DCB that he couldn't swing from the light fixtures and eat a banana at the same time. He doesn't like the word "NO", but that I have rules. He will get used to it. Have a great night."

Calling out passive-aggressive behavior is the quickest way to stop it.

[nannyde]

I would look at the kid and say "YOU cry. Good cry. You are a GREAT crier". happyfacehappyfacehappyface

Then do a big cheer with a cheesy smile and hand her off to stink eye Dad. Then say to Dad... "she is the most excellent crier. She's gifted in cry."

Bye guys see ya tomorrow.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have one just like this now but mine is 3.

When the parent(s) ask why the child is crying I always say "Because I enforced a rule and they aren't comfortable with someone else being in charge yet."

Then I really big.

Parents don't like to be the bad guy anymore so a majority of them rarely use the word no in their homes. They genuinely do not want to see their child upset or sad and certainly not crying. But being told no and having to follow rules is important for kids.

The more we allow our children to feel frustrated or to be told no the easier it is for them to develop coping skills.

This world needs more people who have coping skills and are capable of dealing with things that don't go their way.

I have a similar set of parents for a 3-year-old. Whenever he is disciplined by me and tells them he is sad they tell him they will go home and fix it.
:: Now, when he tells me he is sad and starts crying while HERE to me after I tell him, "No." or instruct him what to do I tell him, "That's because you are not following the rules." It has lessened somewhat but he still has a complete meltdown when being told no as do the other children who aren't told no at home. I noticed this in 3 of the boys here today, actually.

[MissAnn]

Dcd is a first time dad. Doesn't say anything very often. But I can tell he is overprotective. 18mo dcb is miserable. Cries for 20 min if you simply tell him "no"
Dcm is great. Second child for her. She's got the "ah whatever" attitude and does not like this new crying behavior at all. Dcb was such a good infant.
Every day at pickup I feel like I need to explain, yet again, what dcb's problem is. Dcd gives me this look, like what did or didn't you do now.
I find myself saying something every day in regards to the miserable child. Like, oh I just told him no, he can't go outside the fence with the other leaving family, or like today he is teething so what can I say, he's obviously uncomfortable.
Anyway I just needed to vent. I'm thinking I should try to make sure I'm holding this kid at pickup to avoid any trantrum and the inevitable stink eye.
Just curious how you would deal with it.

Several hears ago I told a dad that unless he begins to trust me, this might not be a good fit. This morning I mentioned that I probably should work for the school system to get better insurance......he looked panicked and said No! Not until dd is in kindergarten! Guess he trusts me now.

[Hunni Bee]

I have a couple that do that.

One of our kids has really turned into a little snot lately. We have no idea why. He just goes around trying to provoke a negative reaction out of everyone.

So sometimes he loses a privilege. And of course when mom arrives he melts into a puddle, even if the situation happened hours ago.

And the mom would give me the look, and I used to jump in with some explanation. Once he was crying because she picked him before we went outside, and she said "You need to be mad at your teachers, not me, because they're the ones that didn't take you outside early enough."

After that I stopped explaining anything...I just greet her, round him up, bid them a good night, and turn my back.