Hard Toddler Behavior

[abigailrw5]

I need some advice... I've had this 19 month old in my care since 2 months old. The child has been throwing tantrums (high pitched cry, screaming, throwing himself down on the floor and banging his head.) several times a day. He started by becoming very difficult during diaper changes (squirming and screaming) at age 12 months. He screams everytime still! First, would you term because of the screaming and being diffucult(I have to redirect or give timeouts several times a day.)
Also for now in the morning he comes at 7:30 a.m. and use to go to the table and scream and cry until I gave him bfast. I like to make it when he comes and serve at 8. The only thing I can do where he doesn't scream the entire time is put a 20 min t.v. show on. Is there anything else to occupy him until breakfast?
Thanks!

[nannyde]

Put him back to bed when he gets to your house. He's tired. REQUIRE the parents to feed him before he comes and do a second breakfast a bit before nine.

[abigailrw5]

Thanks! Since he does this ALL day long, would anyone just term?

Thanks again!

[Willow]

I need some advice... I've had this 19 month old in my care since 2 months old. The child has been throwing tantrums (high pitched cry, screaming, throwing himself down on the floor and banging his head.) several times a day. He started by becoming very difficult during diaper changes (squirming and screaming) at age 12 months. He screams everytime still! First, would you term because of the screaming and being diffucult(I have to redirect or give timeouts several times a day.)
Also for now in the morning he comes at 7:30 a.m. and use to go to the table and scream and cry until I gave him bfast. I like to make it when he comes and serve at 8. The only thing I can do where he doesn't scream the entire time is put a 20 min t.v. show on. Is there anything else to occupy him until breakfast?
Thanks!

Until breakfast I agree with nannyde. He sounds exhausted and starving, it's obviously too much for him to handle right off the bat in the morning and it's ridiculous to ask you to fix both of those problems. Parents need to be doing something different.


What do you do when he tantrums throughout the day? How do you counter his resistance during diaper changes? When he pitches himself on the floor what is your response?

I know you mentioned time outs and redirection but can you offer more details on that? (like your overall demeanor when he gets to acting ridiculous, do you talk to him, just do your best to rush through diaper changes the best you can, try to pacify him for the sake of the group, get angry, sad, frustrated, ignore?)

[Willow]

Thanks! Since he does this ALL day long, would anyone just term?

Thanks again!

You could if you genuinely feel you've exhausted all your other options or just don't plain and simple don't care to try this hard anymore.

I do think though if you want to salvage the situation there are probably a bunch of things you can try. You just have to figure out what is going to trip his trigger in a way that gets your point across and nets you the results you're after.

[nannyde]

If he's a head banger I would term. I had a Center contract through my consulting biz a couple of years ago and they had a kid that banged his head to the point where he ended up in the PICU clinging to life. The staff became so used to him doing it that they became complacent in stopping it. It was a bad deal.

[abigailrw5]

I rush thru diaper changes or catch his blowing kisses. (parents said he likes it, it doesn't always work). I praise him when he walks over with me without throwing a tantrum. When he screams for coming inside, or no reason, I ignore it. When he doesn't want to share I talk to him about it.

He's getting a little better with the head banging. It's maybe a couple times a week. Before it was seaveral times a day.

[Heidi]

I rush thru diaper changes or catch his blowing kisses. (parents said he likes it, it doesn't always work). I praise him when he walks over with me without throwing a tantrum. When he screams for coming inside, or no reason, I ignore it. When he doesn't want to share I talk to him about it.

He's getting a little better with the head banging. It's maybe a couple times a week. Before it was seaveral times a day.

-Diaper changes; give him a warning ahead of time "dcb, I am changing x's diaper now, then we will change yours". Then when it his turn, say "let's go change your diaper now". Guide him to the table as gently as you can, and then get his cooperation where you can. "Can you hold this clean diaper for me?" etc. Changing him can be something you do together, not something you do TO him.

-Head banging, throwing himself on the floor, just move him to a soft spot. "I know you are angry you can't have x right now, but I don't want you to get hurt, so here is a soft place to be angry".

I think Nan is right about still being tired, although my 19 mo dcb sleeps 8-7 every night and still acts like that at times. Some kids are just more frustrated at that age because communication is tough for them, and they don't really understand WHY things can't always go their way. Be empathetic but firm. "I know you really ...., but that is not a choice right now".

Here is a great website full of tools for using to teach handling emotions:

http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/strategies.html