DCM Giving Me a Baby Shower

[Blissful Kids]

So about a week and a half ago my sweet daycare mom asks me if anyone is giving me a baby shower. (It's my third child, but the first girl =) I told her no, not yet. (I've really wanted one, but of course haven't asked anybody.) She offered to get a group of friends together to go to lunch and she'd send out invitations.

I sent her the list of invites on Monday and gave her two of my friends email addresses who I thought would like to help her. I texted one of the friends today to ask if she'd gotten an email and she said no. I told her about DCM offering to throw the shower and I gave her DCM's email. I told my friend (who stays home) that she's a working mother with a lot on her plate. Do you think it was rude of me to give my friend DCM's email to ask about the shower? Am I being too up front? My friend said she was thinking about it anyways. Would DCM be offended if SAHM takes the initiative?

I hope I'm not being pushy, I was just really excited when she offered. I don't have a ton of baby girl stuff yet, and am super happy to be having a daughter. =)

[Christina72684]

I would LOVE a DCM to throw me a shower! I'm due Aug 9th with a boy (I have a 2yr old daughter). So far no family or friends have offered to throw one yet I wouldn't say you are being pushy or anything, you're just wanting to make sure she follows through since it is a pretty big deal. Did she say what date she was going to do it?

[melilley]

First of all, congrats! happyface
I wouldn't feel bad. You could just ask her if she got the email from your friend about the baby shower and that your friend offered to throw a shower too and you weren't expecting it so you gave her her email to see if both of them could do it together.

[littlemissmuffet]

I've said it before... but I think showers are tacky...

Personally, I do think it was rude of you to have your friend email the DCM who offered to throw you a shower. You said DCM is a working mom with alot on her plate - and it's only been a week and a half since she even asked you about the shower. I'm sure your lunch date isn't her top priority, but I'm also sure she didn't offer just to do nothing about it. How about being polite and waiting?

If I was DCM I would be pissed that you tried to have your friends take over something *I* offered, and they clearly did not

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I've said it before... but I think showers are tacky...

Personally, I do think it was rude of you to have your friend email the DCM who offered to throw you a shower. You said DCM is a working mom with alot on her plate - and it's only been a week and a half since she even asked you about the shower. I'm sure your lunch date isn't her top priority, but I'm also sure she didn't offer just to do nothing about it. How about being polite and waiting?

If I was DCM I would be pissed that you tried to have your friends take over something *I* offered, and they clearly did not

I'd feel annoyed, too, as well as pressured.

[Play Care]

Personally, I do think it was rude of you to have your friend email the DCM who offered to throw you a shower. You said DCM is a working mom with alot on her plate - and it's only been a week and a half since she even asked you about the shower. I'm sure your lunch date isn't her top priority, but I'm also sure she didn't offer just to do nothing about it. How about being polite and waiting?

I agree.
In our area/circle showers after the first child are frowned upon, so I would have politely refused dc mom. But since you didn't the best thing to do is let her do the work without feeling pressured.

[MyAngels]

Maybe times are changing, but typically showers are only for the first born, and the parents are not supposed to initiate or take part in the planning.

I would not have done anything more than feel appreciative that your DCM thinks enough of you to attempt to throw a shower.

[Cradle2crayons]

My mom and sister refused to throw me a baby shower with my son because he was adopted (straight from,the hospital) and my daughter was five and we had NOTHING. so we ended up having to go and get everything ourselves.

So I think it's sweet for someone to throw you a shower, especially considering this one is a different sex.

I don't the what you did was wrong. The Dcm told you she was doing it. You were probably thinking the friend could help etc.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I agree.
In our area/circle showers after the first child are frowned upon, so I would have politely refused dc mom. But since you didn't the best thing to do is let her do the work without feeling pressured.

This is true where I live, too, and many of my friends who live in other states feel the same way. I just didn't know how to word it in my response above so I left it out. After baby #1 (whether you had a shower or not), showers are not normal here.

[littlemissmuffet]

!

My mom and sister refused to throw me a baby shower with my son because he was adopted (straight from,the hospital) and my daughter was five and we had NOTHING. so we ended up having to go and get everything ourselves.

So I think it's sweet for someone to throw you a shower, especially considering this one is a different sex.

I don't the what you did was wrong. The Dcm told you she was doing it. You were probably thinking the friend could help etc.

Call me crazy but isn't this part of having a child??!
I couldn't imagine thinking that other people were going to help us with our kiddo. We bought everything ourselves... and prepared for that!

[Hunni Bee]

Call me crazy but isn't this part of having a child??!
I couldn't imagine thinking that other people were going to help us with our kiddo. We bought everything ourselves... and prepared for that!

I don't expect anything from anyone. I was talking to bf about feeling a little guilty when I buy things for LO. He said I shouldn't bother buying anything because people will probably end up giving me most of it. First, I am not depending on anyone to provide for my child, possibly to be left hanging. Second, why wouldn't I buy things for my baby? Isn't that a large part of being a parent?

[Cradle2crayons]

Call me crazy but isn't this part of having a child??!
I couldn't imagine thinking that other people were going to help us with our kiddo. We bought everything ourselves... and prepared for that!

Geesh that was a little crude . First of all, my family has never helped us with anything. They didn't even barely raise me, I raised myself. My point was that they would have had a baby shower for me but BECAUSE I ADOPTED they believed it wasn't as important. My mom was never supportive of our decision to adopt because my sister (the golden child) was unable to have more than one child. As was I. I had an emergency hysterectomy when my daughter was 1.5.

I bought everything myself for the first one other than a few outfits and the baby bathtub I got at my small baby shower.

We were PREPARED to buy and did but everything ourselves... But as my post said... They assumed I didn't deserve a baby shower because I wasn't actually pregnant with him.

Your post was rude and you for some reason assume that people feel entitled to a baby shower just so they don't have to spend money??

[Cradle2crayons]

I don't expect anything from anyone. I was talking to bf about feeling a little guilty when I buy things for LO. He said I shouldn't bother buying anything because people will probably end up giving me most of it. First, I am not depending on anyone to provide for my child, possibly to be left hanging. Second, why wouldn't I buy things for my baby? Isn't that a large part of being a parent?

Yes, and I'm sure some people get a LOT for baby showers. But where I come from baby showers don't provide EVERYTHING you need to take care of a baby. And awe never feel guilty for buying all that cute stuff!!! Go buy more!! Tell bf I said so :hug:

[littlemissmuffet]

Geesh that was a little crude . First of all, my family has never helped us with anything. They didn't even barely raise me, I raised myself. My point was that they would have had a baby shower for me but BECAUSE I ADOPTED they believed it wasn't as important. My mom was never supportive of our decision to adopt because my sister (the golden child) was unable to have more than one child. As was I. I had an emergency hysterectomy when my daughter was 1.5.

I bought everything myself for the first one other than a few outfits and the baby bathtub I got at my small baby shower.

We were PREPARED to buy and did but everything ourselves... But as my post said... They assumed I didn't deserve a baby shower because I wasn't actually pregnant with him.

Your post was rude and you for some reason assume that people feel entitled to a baby shower just so they don't have to spend money??

I'm sorry your family was/is unsupportive of your adopted child - but I fail to see how my post was crude or rude. You said, and I quote "we ended up having to go and get everything ourselves" - which to me indicates you were not prepared for the idea that you would have to provide items for your own child. I really do feel that having a child entails providing everything they need on your own.

And yes, I do feel showers are about gifts - this is why I do not attend them and I did not have one myself. If a person wants to give a parent or new child a gift, that's wonderful - but I think the idea of a party simply to get gifts is tacky. Mind you, this is coming from someone who refused birthday parties, even as a child. Don't even get me started on how disgusted gift registries for bridal/baby showers make me!
I think a party AFTER a child is born, to introduce them to the world is much more appropriate.

Again, this is my own personal opinion and you don't have to agree with it. But please, understand, I wasn't being rude.

[Cradle2crayons]

I always have and always will provide not only for my kids, but my step kids, and unfortunately lots of other neighborhood kids.

Yes I'm responsible and other than the five presents at my only baby shower, I've provided everything. I expected that. That's kind of a huge duh for me and a pet peeve that people refuse to provide for their own kids, even when they can afford to.

But I still think its a bit rude to assume because people enjoy baby showers they feel entitled and then that means they don't have to provide everything for their kids.

That's just plain silly.