I Don't Think I Can Take...

[melilley]

it anymore! I need some advice please! I have a 9 month old who, unless is sleeping, eating, or being held, pretty much cries a high pitched cry all day, EVERY day! He will play 1-2 times a day and not cry, but other than that cries. He cries when playing, when waiting for food, when going to sleep, when doing anything. I don't know if I can take it anymore! I do feel bad because when the mom and I had a phone interview she did tell me that he cries a lot. She said that sometimes he needs to be in a dark room alone-I told her I could only do that at his napping times, and I've tried that, but only in the p&p when I thought he was tired, but that didn't work and I can't let him scream alone in a room, I feel bad.
I thought I could handle it as in the past I have been a lead teacher in an infant room and toddler room and have come across many babies who have cries a lot, but I also had help. Here it's just me. I've had him for about 3 months now and it's really starting to wear on me. I have talked to mom and at first she said I could carry him around...well I can't-I have 4-6 children a day and now he is heavy and it is impossible.

She has also said maybe it's over or under stimulation and to hold him and turn on water and if he goes towards it, he needs more stimulation, if he shies away from it, he needs less stimulation :confused::confused: Also he has to poop, he this he that, I just don't get it, there doesn't seem to be anything specific that makes him cry, he just does all day! This is the brother of the 2.5 year old who I told about in a thread last week who's mom is an education major and knows everything about children and say's that her 32 month old is saying stuff to her that no 32 month old would or could say on their own without being coached and saying that he doesn't like it here, yet he screams and throws a fit when he has to leave. Anyways, some of her theories or suggestions of what to do make no sense and aren't practical for a fcc.

I want to term, but at the same time, I told her I could handle it. I would feel bad terming, but it's also wearing terribly on my nerves and it's adding to what I already talked about last week. What would you do? Have you ever said you could handle something that had to do with a child, but then come to find out, couldn't?

Thanks for letting me vent, I needed that.....he's about to scream, his food is gone off of his tray. Ughhh!

[Blackcat31]

He needs his own adult.

I'd let him go.

Nothing personal, just not something YOU can "fix" or deal with when taking care of other kids too.

They deserve your attention and you deserve to like your job.

It's business NOT personal.

HUGS for dealing....been there a time or two myself and that is probably the BIGGEST thing for me.....realizing that I don't HAVE to do it.

You don't either.

[wdmmom]

There's nothing worse than a chronic crier. Has DCM looked into WHY he is crying all the time? Is formula upsetting his tummy? Is he lactose intolerant? Celiacs disease? Etc. I would encourage DCM to get a full health examination done on him by his primary care physician and by a chiropractor. Maybe an adjustment would do him some good.

I wouldn't even consider carrying him around. I would ask DCM what he's like at home and what his schedule is like during the weekends and do everything you can to make the schedule the same at your house and see if that changes anything.

If he's just a generally unhappy baby, I would buy a 6 or 8 panel playard and let him either play, sleep or cry in there. Eventually he has to come to terms that crying nets him nothing. I wouldn't give him the attention he's begging for unless it was time to eat, sleep or change his diaper. He needs to learn self soothing techniques.

If you can, offer him a dark, cool place for his naps and ensure the nap is as uninterrupted as possible.

If none of those help, he's probably better with a nanny that can pamper his every need all day long.

[melilley]

There's nothing worse than a chronic crier. Has DCM looked into WHY he is crying all the time? Is formula upsetting his tummy? Is he lactose intolerant? Celiacs disease? Etc. I would encourage DCM to get a full health examination done on him by his primary care physician and by a chiropractor. Maybe an adjustment would do him some good.

I wouldn't even consider carrying him around. I would ask DCM what he's like at home and what his schedule is like during the weekends and do everything you can to make the schedule the same at your house and see if that changes anything.

If he's just a generally unhappy baby, I would give him buy a 6 or 8 panel playard and let him either play, sleep or cry in there. Eventually he has to come to terms that crying nets him nothing. I wouldn't give him the attention he's begging for unless it was time to eat, sleep or change his diaper. He needs to learn self soothing techniques.

If you can, offer him a dark, cool place for his naps and ensure the nap is as uninterrupted as possible.

Well this child's brother is gluten and dairy intolerant so they said that they are treating the baby like he is because he has a chance of being the same. This child is on almond milk-which he won't drink anymore and breast feeds 1-2 times a day so he has no gluten or dairy. When I tell them that he has had a rough day they always have some explanation and also say he didn't sleep very well-which is just about everyday. I also think that his mom holds him all day and I just can't do that here.
Thanks for the advice! I definitely agree, he needs to learn to self soothe. I do let him cry sometimes, but it's so loud and it hurts my ears and the other dck's! I'm also afraid that my neighbors are going to hate me, I often have my windows open and I'm pretty sure they can hear him...-well not really funny, but anyways

[nannyde]

He needs his own adult.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

That sounds really stressful. :hug:

[melilley]

He needs his own adult.

I'd let him go.

Nothing personal, just not something YOU can "fix" or deal with when taking care of other kids too.

They deserve your attention and you deserve to like your job.

It's business NOT personal.

HUGS for dealing....been there a time or two myself and that is probably the BIGGEST thing for me.....realizing that I don't HAVE to do it.

You don't either.

Thank you for the advice and you are right, I don't HAVE to go through this. It is business not personal. I'm just too nice and I know I have to separate the business part of me that I need to be from trying to be nice and please others.

[melilley]

Thanks everyone! He does need his own adult and ironically, his mom is done student teaching soon and then is going to be a nanny to her friend's 3 kids while her 2 come here!:confused:
I think she is doing that so her kids will have a spot here in the fall because I told her that I can't hold a spot because of financial reasons.

[wdmmom]

If DCM is breast feeding and she is consuming dairy or wheat products, it is being passed onto the child possibly causing his issues. I would check with her to see if she eats dairy or wheat products.

[melilley]

If DCM is breast feeding and she is consuming dairy or wheat products, it is being passed onto the child possibly causing his issues. I would check with her to see if she eats dairy or wheat products.

She told me that she tries not too because one day he was really upset for her and she said that she may have eaten some gluten. But you never know if they are telling the truth. You would hope that they are!

[Familycare71]

I feel for you!!:hug:
I had a baby 3-6 months that cried non stop!! He wouldn't even sleep! I did it for three months- I only had him part time and he had no schedule at home! He was held all the time, laid down on his tummy for sleep- on the couch! it was a wreck!
After I termed (well officially she did because I kept having her pick him up) I wondered why I waited so long! The money wasn't worth it and I did the best I could to work through it...
You told her you could do it not knowing fully what "it" was! Be fair to yourself and the other kiddos and term. Plus sounds like she is a pita mom anyway.
Good luck !!

[Leigh]

it anymore! I need some advice please! I have a 9 month old who, unless is sleeping, eating, or being held, pretty much cries a high pitched cry all day, EVERY day! He will play 1-2 times a day and not cry, but other than that cries. He cries when playing, when waiting for food, when going to sleep, when doing anything. I don't know if I can take it anymore! I do feel bad because when the mom and I had a phone interview she did tell me that he cries a lot. She said that sometimes he needs to be in a dark room alone-I told her I could only do that at his napping times, and I've tried that, but only in the p&p when I thought he was tired, but that didn't work and I can't let him scream alone in a room, I feel bad.
I thought I could handle it as in the past I have been a lead teacher in an infant room and toddler room and have come across many babies who have cries a lot, but I also had help. Here it's just me. I've had him for about 3 months now and it's really starting to wear on me. I have talked to mom and at first she said I could carry him around...well I can't-I have 4-6 children a day and now he is heavy and it is impossible.

She has also said maybe it's over or under stimulation and to hold him and turn on water and if he goes towards it, he needs more stimulation, if he shies away from it, he needs less stimulation :confused::confused: Also he has to poop, he this he that, I just don't get it, there doesn't seem to be anything specific that makes him cry, he just does all day! This is the brother of the 2.5 year old who I told about in a thread last week who's mom is an education major and knows everything about children and say's that her 32 month old is saying stuff to her that no 32 month old would or could say on their own without being coached and saying that he doesn't like it here, yet he screams and throws a fit when he has to leave. Anyways, some of her theories or suggestions of what to do make no sense and aren't practical for a fcc.

I want to term, but at the same time, I told her I could handle it. I would feel bad terming, but it's also wearing terribly on my nerves and it's adding to what I already talked about last week. What would you do? Have you ever said you could handle something that had to do with a child, but then come to find out, couldn't?

Thanks for letting me vent, I needed that.....he's about to scream, his food is gone off of his tray. Ughhh!

Mom must be at the end of her rope to actually suggest putting him in a dark room alone. He is crying because he NEEDS something. My guess would be that he is uncomfortable or in pain. He needs to see a doctor. Could be an allergy, could be anything. A child should not have to cry all day-Mom needs to step up and get to the bottom of it. I'd insist on a doctor's visit (and a note from doctor for you telling you how to deal with whatever the issue is) or term.

[Laurel]

it anymore! I need some advice please! I have a 9 month old who, unless is sleeping, eating, or being held, pretty much cries a high pitched cry all day, EVERY day! He will play 1-2 times a day and not cry, but other than that cries. He cries when playing, when waiting for food, when going to sleep, when doing anything. I don't know if I can take it anymore! I do feel bad because when the mom and I had a phone interview she did tell me that he cries a lot. She said that sometimes he needs to be in a dark room alone-I told her I could only do that at his napping times, and I've tried that, but only in the p&p when I thought he was tired, but that didn't work and I can't let him scream alone in a room, I feel bad.
I thought I could handle it as in the past I have been a lead teacher in an infant room and toddler room and have come across many babies who have cries a lot, but I also had help. Here it's just me. I've had him for about 3 months now and it's really starting to wear on me. I have talked to mom and at first she said I could carry him around...well I can't-I have 4-6 children a day and now he is heavy and it is impossible.

She has also said maybe it's over or under stimulation and to hold him and turn on water and if he goes towards it, he needs more stimulation, if he shies away from it, he needs less stimulation :confused::confused: Also he has to poop, he this he that, I just don't get it, there doesn't seem to be anything specific that makes him cry, he just does all day! This is the brother of the 2.5 year old who I told about in a thread last week who's mom is an education major and knows everything about children and say's that her 32 month old is saying stuff to her that no 32 month old would or could say on their own without being coached and saying that he doesn't like it here, yet he screams and throws a fit when he has to leave. Anyways, some of her theories or suggestions of what to do make no sense and aren't practical for a fcc.

I want to term, but at the same time, I told her I could handle it. I would feel bad terming, but it's also wearing terribly on my nerves and it's adding to what I already talked about last week. What would you do? Have you ever said you could handle something that had to do with a child, but then come to find out, couldn't?

Thanks for letting me vent, I needed that.....he's about to scream, his food is gone off of his tray. Ughhh!

Even though you said you could handle it there is no shame in saying "Well it turns out that it isn't going to work out after all. I tried but I think he needs one on one care."

Also, I think the doctor's note someone else said is a good idea for something like this in the future.

Laurel

[cheerfuldom]

I would term. This is not your problem to fix. I think its pretty telling that the mom is going to be working taking care of other kids while sending her own to daycare. Doesnt sound like this kid is a good fit for a daycare.

[youretooloud]

It sounds like they are in denial.

I had an infant who's parents said he did NOT cry all the time. But, here, he cried NONSTOP. It wasn't the kind of cry you could handle either.

They continued to deny he cried at home. But, the older brother would say things that you could tell was something they said all the time. Like "Oh, Bobby, crying again?"

My final straw was when they whole family...cousins, kids other babies, everybody went to Florida for 14 days, and they left him with friends. Obviously, he was bad enough that they didn't want to include him on a huge family reunion get together in Florida, and they were willing to leave their infant son with someone else. Of course, he was here at my house both weeks, and the lady who was watching him looked like she wanted to punch herself in the head for agreeing to it.

(they are no longer friends)

So, shortly after that, I dropped the family, because I just wasn't getting any help from the parents. Even a simple "Oh, he's killing us at home too" would have made me feel better.

He went to grandma for a short time, then SHE called me and begged me to take them back, and she told me he was the hardest child she's ever met. That helped a little, but I "was full".

I did eventually take him back. He's much better now. But, waiting for him to outgrow that was a living nightmare. I'm honestly still traumatized over it.