Can I Report

[hope]

Dcd picks up his son today. Dcb's step mom told dcd that he had a tantrum this morning and dcd decided to reprimand his son in my home at pick up. It was the most uncomfortable situation I have ever witnessed. After dcd was done speaking with his son he told me that dcb may come "half dressed" some days bc dcb is not getting ready quick enough in the morning.
I find both dcd and step mom to be horrible parents and definitely have my suspicions that they are abusing this little boy but I have no proof, nothing but a feeling. Dcb is scared of them, won't talk Infront of them. Child protective services have been called on this family twice since in my care for neglect and have found nothing. Older SA brother had a teacher that called in when they heard kids were left home alone and when he was dropped off before school opened unsupervised. Cps dropped both inquiries. I look and ask for anything I can report on but have never had any proof of abuse or neglect.
Now, if dcb shows up here tomorrow with no shoes or no pants or shirt can I call Cps for neglect?

[CedarCreek]

You can call cps if you suspect abuse. Which you do.

Also, in Texas, no one can use any form of punishment that includes spanking, withholding food, excessive time outs, degradation or humiliation on my property. This includes the parents.

[hope]

Parents say he steals food. I didn't understand and questioned. They said he can have anything he wants but needs to ask and he takes food without asking. I find the wording "steals food" and odd way to phrase that but they say they are not withholding food.
Dcb says when he is in trouble he is sent straight to bed after his dinner which is often. When I ask parents they say by the time he gets home and finally has dinner its his bed time.
I see the fear he is in when he is around them. I see how he eats like he hasn't been fed in days here. I see how they talk about him. But they have an explanation for everything and dcb goes all.g with their story. I was hoping this may be the evidence Cps has been looking for.

[Willow]

How old is he?

Is his mom in the picture?

[stephisme]

I am sorry you had to see that

I would definitely call CPS. What alarms me most is that the child is scared of his parents. If nothing else, this seems like emotional abuse. Definite authoritarian parenting style with all of the punishments that seemed to be dished out and this can very easily turn into abuse.

Do you know if CPS ever questioned the older sibling at school?

Good luck with everything.

[hope]

Five. I have watched his half sister (newborn different mom same dad) since January. Started watching dcb a few weeks ago. His mother lost custody of all her kids by different fathers. She has visitation but rarely takes them. When she does she sends boys to a babysitter. Step mom seems to truely dislike them but will tell you she loves them like her own. Doesn't say much bc her own seem to have their own problems.
I feel so bad for this boy. Cps has been called before so I feel like if I call with no proof it will end same way....no help for dcb.

[hope]

Older sibling is 7 and autistic. Don't know if he was questioned and if so what info they would get. I have straight out asked dcb many times if he is hit. He always says no.

[stephisme]

The stress of having an autistic child can contribute to why the parents are behaving the way they do but is no excuse. I hate to think how they are treating the autistic boy.

The child denying being hit means nothing (like you already know). The parents may be telling him to lie or telling him what they are doing is not hitting. Abuse can take other forms as well. I know you already know all of this.

Calling can help, because if CPS keeps seeing reports made by different adults they will have to make note of it and take it into consideration. If you do end up calling please make sure you mention about the child being hungry and how he is disciplined for taking food without permission.

It is great how much you care for this boy.

[hope]

I have never dealt with Cps before. I assume when I call the parents will know it was me who has called. I don't worry about missing out on the money, but I am worried about the reprucutions. Dcd scares me. I know I am an adult and should be but he is very odd and scary. He is military so I also believe he would have a firearm carry. Don't mean to sound dramatic but I have a house full of kids to keep safe.

[stephisme]

You do not sound dramatic at all, and I totally understand why you would be worried. I would be worried too :hug:

I think you could ask CPS to keep you anonymous, but I am not 100% sure if they can do that for mandated reporters. Maybe another provider would know if this was possible? I know it varies state by state, but I know in many states the mandated reporters identity can be given to social workers, police, lawyers, etc. So the parent may very well find out.

Hopefully someone else here will have more info or experience with this. Again, I am so sorry you have to go through this, it must be very difficult.

[Willow]

I would be willing to bet mom not having custody has a lot to do with his behaviors. Trauma can result in food and fear issues, it can certainly appear as if dad is over reacting and controlling, unfortunately that level of line drawing can make the difference between a child overcoming a tumultuous early childhood or not.

Several of my foster kiddos had food issues for example. I did have to keep all food under lock and key for a few and outsiders hearing that may have assumed I was being abusive in doing so when actually it was advised by their behaviorists and psychiatrists. If anyone had asked at any point, even after they'd just eaten a huge meal, they'd have told them they were starving and hadn't eaten in days. If I didn't restrict like that they'd have gorged themselves to the point of vomiting or even worse. It's typically the result of deprivation. Would be nice if undoing those patterns was as easy as offering unrestricted access but it's rarely if ever that easy.

I think bringing a child half dressed at that age is likely overkill, and it's not feasible to keep him that way throughout the day so what's the point you know? You might want to ask dad what he expects the long term result will be. My guess is he hasn't thought that far ahead about it.

Same for sending him to bed without dinner if there are already food issues present.

While he may seem really strict, what you write reads more like a parent who lacks tools to cope with childhood blips. Odds are he's not a jerk, just overwhelmed and dare I say, SCARED, which is why he's got such a tight grip on the reins right now.

I realize he intimidates you, but would you maybe feel comfortable talking to him about more effective ways to discipline?

I do think if he were being physically abused you'd see evidence of that. As far as mental abuse goes it's an incredibly tough thing to prove and parents are given an unbelievably wide berth as far as what's acceptable in the eyes of the law.

I'd never tell someone not to call cps, but from what you describe I don't think there's anything they'd be able to do even if they agreed with your gut feeling. It's so tough because when it comes to kids and parental rights over them proof literally is everything.


I feel for you regardless. Suspecting any child is being hurt is enough to make you sick inside.....

[itlw8]

How old is the child? If the child is say 4 and refusing to get dressed I would find it better to take the child without shoes on, maybe even still in jammies as long as we are not talking underware only. believe me if it happens 1x that child will get dress quickly and I doubt it will not happen again That is much better than the parent forcing the clothes on the child.

Not abuse

sending a child 10 minutes early to bed without dessert not abuse

sounds like some poor parenting possibly or maybe a stressed family but I would not call those examples abuse.

oH I have locks on my fridge and food cabinets to keep dgs out of the food. He would empty them if I did not and he is three. We are not talking about getting a piece of cheese or a cookie. How about all the eggs broken in a bowl.. or all the cheese with one bite out of it... I do not think locking up the food is abuse either.

[hope]

Dcd told me that if dcb comes without shoes, he can't go out for the day and then he will learn his lesson. He does not plan on sending him half dressed so he can continue getting dressed once here. Whatever article of clothing is missed is left at home.
I was stunned by dcd's anger towards the boy and the show he put on in my home. He wasn't asking for a response from me and I didn't give one out of shock. I can turn them away at my door when he comes without pants or shoes bc I need to take all the children outside and dcb would be unable to do so.
My suspicions come from hearing dcd in the background screaming like a mad man while I am on the phone with DCM. The fact that dcb wears long sleeve shirts even when its 75 degrees and he is sweating but refuses to take layer off to wear shorrt sleeve shirt he has underneath. The fact that in the past few weeks dcb is a playful talkative kid here but does not say one word when dcd is here.

[CedarCreek]

That's scary.

Like I said before, its against licensing rules for anyone to degrade or humiliate as a punishment on my property.

I personally would call.

[stephisme]

I agree that locking the fridge and such sometimes is necessary and not abuse. What I am concerned with is how hungry the child appears to be.

As I mentioned, it sounds like dad is using an authoritarian parenting style which sometimes can turn to abuse when the parent is angry, which it seems the parent is. Also the fact that there was 2 previous CPS complaints in the past not by the provider.

If the child was not hungry, there were no previous CPS complaints, and Dad did not come off as very angry I would say it was just a strict parent. It just seems to be more going on, you know what I mean?