Aggressivness And Attention-Not Sure How To Word The Title

[melilley]

So I have posted a few threads/questions about a 20 mo. old dcb in my care and how aggressive he can be among a few other things. Well, I just got a call from a dcm who has a 2.5 year old and a 9mo. old enrolled in my care. She told me that the 2.5 year old hit her last night and he has never done it before with the exception of when he was a baby (:confused: she said he knew what he was doing) and also hit his brother the other day. The dcm claims that when she asked him why he did it that he said "because I want to be like M (the aggressor) and he gets to be with Ms. Me all the time". I know they always say to comfort the child that gets hurt and deal with the aggressor after, but I am the only one here so I usually have to go right to the aggressive dcb and redirect him or walk him to where none of the other kids are at so he doesn't lash out at everyone and then give the hurt dck a hug and talk to them. I will also shadow the aggressive dcb so that he doesn't hurt anyone, but not all the time because we have been working on nice touches and he's been doing ok. The aggressive dcb isn't aggressive all the time, but I have been keeping a close eye on him and have talked to his parents and we are working together to solve the problem so I don't want to dis-enroll him especially when he is getting a little better. (he can't talk so I think that's part of why he's like that).
I can see where the 2.5 year old is coming from- he sees is that I'm talking to M and having him by me and sees that as I am giving M more attention. I try to give everyone the same amount of attention, but as I said, I'm the only one here with 4-6 kids (2 babies) and it's hard trying to juggle feeding the babies, changing and potty training, cooking, activities, etc... and giving one on one time. She said if he keeps doing this at home (he doesn't ever do anything here, except for not sharing, but that's typical for his age) then she may pull him.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do so that the 2.5 year old doesn't feel that way?

Honestly, this dcm is always saying things or making comments (she's in school for education so knows everything about children ) so I think that sometimes she says things to her son to make him say certain things, just from other things that she has said that he said that didn't make sense for him,at 2.5 years old, to even know unless she said something to him and made him answer her question with what she said confusing I know, but kwim? So I don't know if those exact words came out of his own mouth or not, but either way I would like to help him not feel that way.

[itlw8]

If he was doing the behavior at your house she might be right.. But if it is at home then it is HER attention he wants not yours. You need to tell her that.

And she needs to look at how much attention she is giving him at home or is she busy with the baby ? plus that seems like a very advanced thought for a 2 1/2 yr old to say. I hit my baby at home because I want to spend more time with Mrs M in childcare...... hmmm I do not believe that at all.

[Unregistered]

That phrase never came out of a 2 year olds mouth!Sorry,but she's telling a fib.
Maybe a 4 or 5 year old,even then,a child's mind doesn't work like that. That may be the reason but he did not actually say those words.

[melilley]

[QUOTE=itlw8;353890]If he was doing the behavior at your house she might be right.. But if it is at home then it is HER attention he wants not yours. You need to tell her that.

And she needs to look at how much attention she is giving him at home or is she busy with the baby ? plus that seems like a very advanceal
This is what I thought! He is a smart little boy, but in my opinion she wants him to be older than he is. And she had told me that he doesn't want to come here because M bit him and hurts him, yet he throws a fit when he has to leave. (the dcb bit him twice, one of which the marks weren't visible and they only knew because I told them and the time that she said he said that, it was a Monday- after the weekend- so I think she said "because M bit you and he said yes, not because he outright told her.) They are very concerned that he throws fits at departure, even though it is typical for his age and all my kids never want to leave and do the same. They think that he's picking up on behavior here from the younger children when in all actuality he is for the most part acting his age, but she wants him to act 4 it seems! She is busy with school and the baby, but according to her, works with him when she can. To me, she's too focused on wanting him to be "big" and smarter than everyone else and doesn't let him be a kid. There are boundries, of what a child should and shouldn't do for each age, but geez!

[melilley]

That phrase never came out of a 2 year olds mouth!Sorry,but she's telling a fib.
Maybe a 4 or 5 year old,even then,a child's mind doesn't work like that. That may be the reason but he did not actually say those words.

Thank you! I think she says things and he just repeats her so that "he" said it. But I see this child every day and though he is very smart, I don't believe it.
And why doesn't he talk like that here, right!?

[Laurel]

[QUOTE=melilley;353908]

If he was doing the behavior at your house she might be right.. But if it is at home then it is HER attention he wants not yours. You need to tell her that.

And she needs to look at how much attention she is giving him at home or is she busy with the baby ? plus that seems like a very advanceal
This is what I thought! He is a smart little boy, but in my opinion she wants him to be older than he is. And she had told me that he doesn't want to come here because M bit him and hurts him, yet he throws a fit when he has to leave. (the dcb bit him twice, one of which the marks weren't visible and they only knew because I told them and the time that she said he said that, it was a Monday- after the weekend- so I think she said "because M bit you and he said yes, not because he outright told her.) They are very concerned that he throws fits at departure, even though it is typical for his age and all my kids never want to leave and do the same. They think that he's picking up on behavior here from the younger children when in all actuality he is for the most part acting his age, but she wants him to act 4 it seems! She is busy with school and the baby, but according to her, works with him when she can. To me, she's too focused on wanting him to be "big" and smarter than everyone else and doesn't let him be a kid. There are boundries, of what a child should and shouldn't do for each age, but geez!

Maybe you could print out some info from the internet that outlines typical behavior for his age and give it to her. Some people respond better to something 'the experts' say.

Laurel

[countrymom]

yup I agree with the above posters. He's looking for moms attention. And he also didn't say that. I have kids that are smart too and I have yet to hear them say anything like that.

[melilley]

[QUOTE=Laurel;353930]

Maybe you could print out some info from the internet that outlines typical behavior for his age and give it to her. Some people respond better to something 'the experts' say.

Laurel

I have wanted to do that, but she "knows"everything. She wants to give me literature on how to deal with the aggressive boy because obviously I am doing it wrong. She even brought stuff for her 2.5 year child to do here because all of my toys are for the younger kids....funny he never plays with what she brought and half of it is close to stuff I have here and the other half I have never seen a 2.5 year old do!....smh!

[melilley]

Oh now I remember, that time that I said her child got bit and he said "he didn't want to come", no, she actually said that he said that "he doesn't want to come to Ms. M's house, he doesn't feel safe because of M". Come on! Then when he threw a fit once, she said "come on M. Quit acting like that or we are going to have to do what daddy said....take you somewhere else". What do they think? Anywhere he goes, if he likes it he's not going to want to leave and they only want family or group childcare homes (if they go to a big day care they will be institutionalized she says) and most of them have a lot of younger kids.
(yes there are a lot of M's in this house..)
Sorry, the more I think about this woman, the more irritated I get and it feels good to vent! If I didn't like her son so much...

[stephisme]

Developmentally that does not sound like something a 2.5 year old would say... It sounds like the mother might have encouraged him to say something like that by asking questions like "Does ________ happen in daycare?"

Also, it's really rude of an education student to be telling you how to run your business. I am pretty far along in graduate school for mental health counseling, specializing in young children and I would NEVER tell a counselor how to run their practice. In my opinion real life experience > some schooling.

Maybe if her son hits her again you can offer her back the materials she gave you on aggressiveness to use at home with her son. I agree with the others, this is a problem at home and not in your care.

Good Luck!