How do you deal with the screamer?

[Lorna]

ok so how do I deal with the screamer child. This little one started 2 weeks ago. Its pretty apparent she is also a handful for her parents. Basically the parents I think do exactly what this 18 month old wants. If she doesn't like something she screams. Alot of times the mom brings her she hasn't slept alot and then it takes very little to set her off. I explained to the mom that I thought her being tired was alot of the problem. If you wipe her nose or face she screams, you say no she screams, you try to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do. ie diaper change, drink from a sippy mug, etc. and I don't mean a little cry. I mean an all out scream. If you try to walk away from her she chases you and screams at you.

Will a child learn that what they can get away with at home is not what they will get away with at daycare? I did try telling the mom that when she screams to get her way I don't give her her way. I tell her to stop screaming first. When she screams because someone said no to her. nose wiped etc I say stop screaming. If she doesn't I move her away from the other children. To a playpen in the other room. I tell her when she stops crying she can come back and play. I explained exactly to the mom what I was doing. Hoping she would do the same at home. The gramma and the mom basically said good luck in stopping her. I am wondering if what happens at home is going to make it impossible for me. It seems they don't try to get her to stop they just find another way of doing something so she won't scream.

[Lorna]

Actually I'm off. This is her 4th week.

[Heidi]

Got the same situation with my 18 mo here. He's been here a year, and he gets frustrated about EVERYTHING. Oh, and he's biting, too.

I empathize with him when I can "I know you don't like your nose wiped, but it needs to be cleaned. Can yo help me?" "I can hear you telling me you want that toy, but you threw it, so it's put away".

Wisconsin doesn't allow "time outs" for children under 3. Redirection pisses him off royally (some children aren't easily fooled with that). Mom uses a pnp at home for time-outs. I'm thinking I have to create an area just for him, but unless it's 35 sq ft, I'd be out of compliance.

[CedarCreek]

Duct tape.





Just kidding.

I tell screamers to use their inside voice and practice a lot of "soft voice" talking with them.

If that doesn't work and they need to scream, I take them into my bedroom (right beside the living room) and tell them to scream there. I model it for them. I go into the room and "throw a fit" and then come out and say, "There, I can talk to you now" Nice and calm. I swear it has worked in the past. My screamers are hardly an issue anymore because they are too lazy to go to the bedroom to scream. ::

[cheerfuldom]

OP is your kiddo full time? have you had any progress with her napping? I had a horrendous toddler screamer one time that was almost 99% due to SEVERE sleep deprivation. I don't know that she had ever had a nap before coming to my daycare at 11 months. The first few weeks here....boy was I worried about ever making progress but about 6 weeks, she finally caught up on sleep, got into the routine and a switch happened. She was darling when provided with adequate sleep and a routine....literally one of the easiest children I have ever cared for. Have you seen ANY progress overall? That would be the deciding factor. To me, 18 months IS old enough to get with the program at daycare. If you have seen some small bits of progress, I would stick with it. If every single day has been a struggle and you are not able or willing to invest any more time in this situation, then by all means, be honest with mom and let them go.

[melilley]

Can the child talk? I have a 20 mo. old here who screams all day too, and bites, and hits..etc...but he can't talk and I think that's some of the reason why he screams. I also try to model soft talking and will sit him down facing away from us if he is screaming and won't stop or let him stand in the hallway until he is done (my playroom is right next to the hall). That usually makes him scream louder though....

[KBCsMommy]

Here is my 2 cents!

I have the EXACT child you are talking about, this dcg is a handful here and at home. We call her emotionally intense! I handle it exactly like you are as well.

What I have found is that the more she is able to communicate her needs the less "screamy" she is. She has recently learned yes and no and this has helped immensely. I have also taught her "help" and this has helped a lot too.

She is now 20 mo and the screaming is a lot less intense and she isn't as emotional about everything.

I have 2 others that are 24 mo and they went through a similar phase at the same age from about 17 m to 20 m. I think it's a developmental phase!!

[Patches]

Duct tape.





Just kidding.

I tell screamers to use their inside voice and practice a lot of "soft voice" talking with them.

If that doesn't work and they need to scream, I take them into my bedroom (right beside the living room) and tell them to scream there. I model it for them. I go into the room and "throw a fit" and then come out and say, "There, I can talk to you now" Nice and calm. I swear it has worked in the past. My screamers are hardly an issue anymore because they are too lazy to go to the bedroom to scream. ::

:: I worked with a lady once that would do the "throw a fit" thing if we were having a particularly fitty day. She wold go so far as to lay on the floor and kick and yell...worked like a charm though

[Lorna]

This child is almost fulltime. 4 days a week. Nap is fine. Once she has that bottle in her mouth. She has cried a bit at nap but usually doesn't last long. But wow when she wakes up. Screams. Until I go get her. Wakes up so unpleasant. What I started doing was going in and say no screaming. I'll come back when you stop crying. I'm just not sure if she will ever stop because of what they do at home.

[CedarCreek]

This child is almost fulltime. 4 days a week. Nap is fine. Once she has that bottle in her mouth. She has cried a bit at nap but usually doesn't last long. But wow when she wakes up. Screams. Until I go get her. Wakes up so unpleasant. What I started doing was going in and say no screaming. I'll come back when you stop crying. I'm just not sure if she will ever stop because of what they do at home.

It's super hard when parents are either in denial about a problem or don't care enough to help solve it.

It might just take repetition with what you're already doing.

:hug:

[MNMum]

I have a 19 mo old that is similar. It seemed to intensify of the past couple weeks. Screams when I wipe her nose, ask her to go play, tell her no. I've been dealing with it like you are. Thursday is her last day, though. So I haven't gotten too invested in why she is doing it, if it happens at home, etc. My little one is fairly verbal. But does not necessarily ask for things that she wants. Very independant. The littlest thing will set her off.