Disciplining Kids In Front Of Parents

[2grls4us]

I deal with this on a daily basis. I try and look at things from a different perspective. I will ask the kids to settle down or will put them in time out if needed. I want the parents to know I do see everything going on and have control of the situation. They have hired me to keep thier children safe, teach them and really take their place while they are not available. These children are with me 40-50 hours a week. I do not treat them any differently than I do my own children and my daycare parents are all okay with that.

I do feel out of place when the mom's come to pick up and their own children start misbehaving. But when I've told them all day to not jump on the couch and as soon as mom sits down on the couch the child starts jumping. I'm not going to just let them the rules. The mom's want me to continue the rules when they are there and not. My first pick up is at 4:30 so by this time they have had a full nap, snack, ready to be picked up and at home with thier own parents. They go "crazy" as soon as she gets here because they know thier mom's come next. I have even said to this mom several times that I feel like I'm always getting on to the kids when she comes. That she gets to see the worse of the day for the kids and me. She understands. However I have 2 dkg that are not yet 2 yrs, the dkb she's picking up is 15 mos and my own is not yet 3. One of the girls is so small she can climb through this mom's legs and does, the other one is fasinated by her nail polish and shoes. So they almost attack her as she walks in. They are like this for drop off and pick ups.

You may say something like " Please excuse me I need to get the others settled down. I don't know why they think the rules don't apply when a parent is present."

[LeslieG]

When I would wait for them to (...it never happened...) I'd have children jumping down my flight of stairs (children are NOT permitted to be on another level in my state, nor do they EVER go near the stairs), trying to climb in/on top of my expensive cubbies that are meant to hold backpacks and supplies, running into the street, etc. What a nightmare.

In the very beginning, I also wouldn't correct the other children if a parent came early until they left. Now I IMMEDIATELY correct inappropriate behavior, no matter who is here. The children have completely changed since the point that I began doing that. We also review the rules on a regular basis discussing how we behave when other people are here, what happens if we don't, and how we should act with our own parent at pick up.

This sounds pretty similar to what happens here. I'm a fairly new provider, so I'm still trying to figure things out and am learning the hard way. i'm sure I'll look back at this and be like "What was I thinking??"

Starting Monday things are changing!!

[Blackcat31]

I don't usually discipline a child when their parent is present because it is my personal belief that the parent needs to be the primary authority over their child and this includes while other authority-figures are present.

I will ask a parent to have their child stop doing this or that or to comply with the rules. If the child does not listen to the parent, I will simply tell them it is time to go.

I make it VERY clear to parents when interviewing that I expect them to step up and be a parent while in my presence.

I will not be the first or last non-related person that will be an authority figure to a child so expecting the parent to step up and parent when in my presence is "practice" for all the other times this scenario will occur.

If behaviors get so out of hand that pick up and drop off is tough to manage, I will help guide the parent or set up a time we can get together and talk strategies for getting their child to listen/behave more positively.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I don't usually discipline a child when their parent is present because it is my personal belief that the parent needs to be the primary authority over their child and this includes while other authority-figures are present.

I will ask a parent to have their child stop doing this or that or to comply with the rules. If the child does not listen to the parent, I will simply tell them it is time to go.

I make it VERY clear to parents when interviewing that I expect them to step up and be a parent while in my presence.

I will not be the first or last non-related person that will be an authority figure to a child so expecting the parent to step up and parent when in my presence is "practice" for all the other times this scenario will occur.

If behaviors get so out of hand that pick up and drop off is tough to manage, I will help guide the parent or set up a time we can get together and talk strategies for getting their child to listen/behave more positively.

If I did that with the clients who have had children misbehave, they would always be asked to leave. :: The parents have absolutely no idea how to get their child to comply with what they'd like/what they know the rules here to be. I've witnessed them attempt to and it appears as though they are SCARED of the child and don't want to upset them. The best they can come up with to GET their child to listen is to say, "Does Ms. ___ need to put you in time out?"
I once had a child slap me and grab me with their arm to scratch my arm (almost 3-year-old, for no reason at all) to which I gave a stern, "No. We do NOT hurt Ms. ___." The child began crying and the Mom said, "Oh no, ___! I'm so sorry you're sad. Let's go and make it all better."

As for the children being 2 and 3? They are more than old enough to know what they are doing. I have children here between the ages of 2-5 and they do not misbehave on a regular basis any longer. Even the child that is redirected ALL day long and has no impulse control whatsoever.

[Blackcat31]

If I did that with the clients who have had children misbehave, they would always be asked to leave. :: The parents have absolutely no idea how to get their child to comply with what they'd like/what they know the rules here to be. I've witnessed them attempt to and it appears as though they are SCARED of the child and don't want to upset them. The best they can come up with to GET their child to listen is to say, "Does Ms. ___ need to put you in time out?"

See I don't like that (Bolded above) because it makes ME always have to be the bad guy.

I can see it now.....Child is in Target on a Saturday with their parent.
Child misbehaves
Parent says "Do you want me to drive you over to Miss C's house so she can put you in a time out?"

Uh uh, no way.

I don't want to be THAT person to a child.

I want children to listen to their parents and I am perfecting willing to help, guide, coach and/or assist a parent in being the authority but I won't be the ONLY authority and I won't devote my time and patience to a parent who resorts back to only doing what's easiest at the moment.

[Leigh]

Do any of you have to discipline kids in front of parents?

I have a parent who comes to pick up right after lunch everyday and it's like as soon as she steps foot in the door the kids think all rules are thrown out the window. They'll start running around everywhere (which I don't allow running inside), get super crazy and wild, and start spitting at each other and sometimes the parent!! Ahh, it drives me nuts because they SO know better, especially the 3 year old.

With that being said, I know that they do this when this parent comes because they know I'm not going to do anything and that they can get away with it. So I am taking the blame for it... but I feel so uncomfortable having to discipline kids in front of parents. I know I just need to get over it and start doing it!

What is your experience with having to discipline kids in front of parents?

It took about 3 weeks before I realized that parents NEVER parent their children until they pull out of my driveway. While they are still here, it's still MY job. VERY sad.

[canadiancare]

One of my soon to be 3 year olds begins breaking my rules and refuses to go home when his parents come. Today I "snapped" and said"this is not an option, dad is here, time to go." He proceeded to do jello body and refuse to walk to the door. I picked him up, handed him to dad and said "have a nice weekend"

[daycare]

See I don't like that (Bolded above) because it makes ME always have to be the bad guy.

I can see it now.....Child is in Target on a Saturday with their parent.
Child misbehaves
Parent says "Do you want me to drive you over to Miss C's house so she can put you in a time out?"

Uh uh, no way.

I don't want to be THAT person to a child.

I want children to listen to their parents and I am perfecting willing to help, guide, coach and/or assist a parent in being the authority but I won't be the ONLY authority and I won't devote my time and patience to a parent who resorts back to only doing what's easiest at the moment.

I have a family that does this to me all the time....Because the child is an angle here and not at home. ANy time there is an issue, they say do you want me to call your teacher??

When they told me that I was mad. I said please do use me as a threat towards your child. it's not fair.

[rmc20021]

I discipline no matter who comes to my door when kids act up when someone arrives.

I'm also a licensed foster parent so there are caseworkers and others related to foster care in and out of my house often. I will stop what I am doing with a caseworker in order to discipline a child as needed.

I also make it very clear to the kids that if they misbehave when someone arrives, even if it's their parent at pickup that they will have time out if needed. And I also have a 'boundary' the kids cannot cross except the one's who are leaving at the time so they aren't all surrounding parents as they are trying to pickup their child.

[LoraJenkins]

[QUOTE=rmc20021;352411]I will stop what I am doing with a caseworker in order to discipline a child as needed. QUOTE]

I had this sort of thing happen recently. A New DCM was dropping off her son for the first time when my two 4yr old DCKs decided it was time to start RUNNING through the house. This is a big pet peeve of mine so I asked DCM to hold on just a moment (we were talking), and called both children over to me. I bent down to their level and asked them "what is the rule about running"? They both answered "running is for outside, inside we use walking feet". I then told them both to go to time out. They both sat down, without a peep, and the new DCM just looked puzzled and asked "how did you do that"? I told her consistency. Lol. Little did I know her son had NO rules whatsoever...we are still working on that...

[melilley]

I had to do this just today! I have a 20 mo old dcb who kicks, hits, pulls hair and bites often. Well he pulled hair right in front of another dcm. I had to redirect him and he screamed and cried forever. I finally had to walk him over to a spot in the room and have him sit to calm down because I couldn't even hear the parent talking to me. It was embarrassing!

[LoraJenkins]

Double post

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

See I don't like that (Bolded above) because it makes ME always have to be the bad guy.

I can see it now.....Child is in Target on a Saturday with their parent.
Child misbehaves
Parent says "Do you want me to drive you over to Miss C's house so she can put you in a time out?"

Uh uh, no way.

I don't want to be THAT person to a child.

I want children to listen to their parents and I am perfecting willing to help, guide, coach and/or assist a parent in being the authority but I won't be the ONLY authority and I won't devote my time and patience to a parent who resorts back to only doing what's easiest at the moment.

I can totally see your side, it just wouldn't fly here. I WISH it would since I really believe in people being in control of themselves and their children.

If I had more time I would type out the crazy scenarios that happened when I was telling kids to "Listen to Mom, please!" and let parents handle things. I know I did not handle the situation as you do exactly, or possibly even close, but it was just madness. Pure madness. The entryway (cubbies and sign in desk), my front porch with plants, my garden, and my lawn looked ... fantastic.

[Bookworm]

I have no problem with disciplining children in front of parents, including that parent's own child. My kids are not allowed to approach any incoming /outgoing parents. Lately, I've been noticing that several parents WANT us to discipline their kids in front of them when they drop off or pickup because they don't want to be the bad guy. This usually brings up the question of "Why don't they listen at home the way the do here?"

Example, there is a DCG who usually leaves when I do. Mom tells her it's time to go and DCG runs around hugging her friends for about ten minutes. DCM won't make DCG leave so we have to escort DCG to the car. Mom loves this because she doesn't have to deal with it and it makes US the bad guys and not her.

[Unregistered]

If it's EVERY child I fall back on an easy game we play sometimes when things get crazy. The "find it" game. "Okay kids, go find me something... blue!"

They all love it and it keeps them occupied, plus it helps them work their sillies out. They know the game well enough to know that after I've OK'd their item, they have to put it back.