Update And A Little Bit Of Vent..And A Little Sadness..And......

[Binkybobo]

Hi guys,
I hope all is well with you. I haven't checked in much, but probably will since my daycare will be starting up again for the Summer. I will be going back to work part time this Summer, about 10 hours a week at most. I make good money at my part time job,but I will only be bringing home about $300/ week from that. I decided to do a small Summer camp in order to be able to pay a friend to watch my 2 kids while I work. She seemed like the perfect candidate. There is no one that I would trust in my home and with children besides her. My first parent interview was with the wife of one of my husband's co-workers. My assistant showed up during our interview and started talking about condoms. I was so embarrassed. I din't know what to do. When i handed the lady the handbook she (assistant)made comments like, "You have a handbook? You actually need shot records?" I feel like she made me look extremely unprofessional. I am a very tidy person and after seeing her house I am afraid that when I come home form my part time job there will be food everywhere and holes in the wall. I am so stressed. I almost want to cancel my daycare plans and just leave my 5 year old home alone with my 11 year old for a coupe of hours a week. My 5 year old's ADHD is getting so bad that I don't want to leave her alone with her sister. She is barely able to play with other children and drives them crazy even when she is being nice. I was so stressed yesterday that I couldn't wait for the daycare girl to leave so that I could drink.I really don't know what to do. I love children. I always have a house full of children whether I am getting paid or not. I am looking forward to working 10 hrs/week after doing daycare alone for over a year. I am looking into changing my daughter's diet. I even tried giving her black coffee this morning! it slowed her down, but she still pushed a few buttons. I just don't want to put her on meds...
Thanks for listening

[Binkybobo]

I know that the natural response would probably be that I shouldn't got to work. The thing is I have to work these 10 hrs in order to be given hours during the school year. This is the perfect job that would allow me to be available during the day when they are at school if needed with decent pay.
I am just wondering if anyone has any advice on dealing with ADHD or talking to my assistant.

[snbauser]

First (hugs). I'm a little confused though. Is the assistant the same person who would be watching your kids while you worked? Either way I would be having a serious talk with your assistant about what is appropriate and what isn't, especially in front of current or prospective famillies.

[Play Care]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this! The assistant's behavior was so over the top, I don't know if a talking to would even cut it. Who does that?! Is there anyone else you can turn to?

As the mom of a child with ADHD, I feel your pain! But please, talk to your child's doctor about a better plan of action. ADHD is a medical condition. If your child had diabetes, would not give them their medication? Our child isn't on meds and does well, BUT it is a LOT of work on our part. My thought is that is mom is so stressed she's hitting the bottle each night, the time has come to get serious about managing the condition.
Best of luck to you!!!

[mnemom]

Some people don't see any improvements... BUT we have seen huge improvememts in my son's behavior by eliminating ALL artificial flavors and colorings including caramel coloring a vanillinin. He is still a hyperish kid, but he is able to focus more and isn't so jittery, bouncy, and like he is on LSD.

[Starburst]

I would tell her that it's unprofessional/inappropriate to talk about birth control/religion/politics or any non-daycare or non-kid related topics in a daycare interview (unless the client brings it up first, for some odd reason). Also remind her that you are the program leader (the one whose reputation is on the line) and the behavior and appearance of the home and the assistants are a reflection on you and your program and that you want to keep a professional image. You should tell her that if she has any questions she should ask when potential parents are not present, so it at least looks like she is capable of keeping up to your standards. After that I would try to avoid having her at the interviews for now on, if possible. I understand if you let her sit in so the parents can get to know her and ask her questions to become comfortable with everything, but some people are good with kids and still tend to put their foot in their mouth when it comes to adults (I'm guilty of this too). I'm wondering why wouldn't she think you have a handbook or need shot records? IMHO that tells me she doesn't see this as a legitimate child care business, but more as a babysitting gig.

I know she's your friend but you need to still set limits, during daycare hours you are the boss. It's nothing personal, its just business. The FCC I used to work at she always had problems setting boundaries with her friends who worked for her and they walked all over her (like talking back when she gives them a task, trying to fudge the times their hours to get more money), but sometimes she had no problem setting boundaries with her daughter (who she had fired several times).

[MarinaVanessa]

I was like you and didn't want to medicate my DD for ADHD but there comes a point when you have to decide whether medication is not right for her or whether its not right for you.

When I heard about a non narcotic called Strattera I was hesitant but I was at a point that I was crying becuase my DD was struggling making connections with other kids, having trouble in school, making poor choices and having trouble with self control. I just didn't think it was fair for the staff at the school, the other kids in her class and to her so I decided to try it. The only reason I did was because the research said that it was a non narcotic and non addictive. You could start and stop it whenever you wanted and skip days. We give her a dosage that's enough to get her through the school day but wears off completely by 3pm. Best of all she is no zombie, she's herself but makes better choices. Not as much sass, no pushing, no yelling, no hitting, no throwing things, no getting into other kids faces and screaming and she has just as much energy. We have the option of giving her a second dose once it wears off but choose not to and (with her therapists approval) we dont give it to her on the weekends.

If you still don't want to talk to your doctor about medication then I suggest a therapist for her at minimum and at most for your whole family. They can help you with tools and strategies. Every ADHD child is different so not everything works for every child. You just have to find her currency.

My DD (8 to) does well with visual lists and charts, an "allowance" job board and simple directions. A set schedule and routine also helps dramatically. Firm rules and boundaries are a necessity and so is consistency. LOTS of large motor movement and excercise is a need and lots of breaks when she is doing something like homework or a chore.

I give her simple chores and one or two step directions. "Take out the trash in the bathroom and put a new bag in the trashcan then come back". She comes back "now wipe the sink with the sponge and soapy water until there is no toothpaste stuck to it" . Etc. Detailed directions are a must for my DD.

It's a process and it takes a lot of effort. A lot of my issue was having to adjust and shift my perception of what normal is. She is not like easy going kids, she is high energy ... and that's ok. That's her "normal" and I can't expect her to change her behavior because its biological not emotional. All I can do is work with her and hope to improve some of the extreme bahavior. The rest is normal behavior for a child with ADHD. Sometimes they grow out of it, somethimes they don't ever grow out of it ... even as adults.

[Blackcat31]

I was like you and didn't want to medicate my DD for ADHD but there comes a point when you have to decide whether medication is not right for her or whether its not right for you.

When I heard about a non narcotic called Strattera I was hesitant but I was at a point that I was crying becuase my DD was struggling making connections with other kids, having trouble in school, making poor choices and having trouble with self control. I just didn't think it was fair for the staff at the school, the other kids in her class and to her so I decided to try it. The only reason I did was because the research said that it was a non narcotic and non addictive. You could start and stop it whenever you wanted and skip days. We give her a dosage that's enough to get her through the school day but wears off completely by 3pm. Best of all she is no zombie, she's herself but makes better choices. Not as much sass, no pushing, no yelling, no hitting, no throwing things, no getting into other kids faces and screaming and she has just as much energy. We have the option of giving her a second dose once it wears off but choose not to and (with her therapists approval) we dont give it to her on the weekends.

If you still don't want to talk to your doctor about medication then I suggest a therapist for her at minimum and at most for your whole family. They can help you with tools and strategies. Every ADHD child is different so not everything works for every child. You just have to find her currency.

My DD (8 to) does well with visual lists and charts, an "allowance" job board and simple directions. A set schedule and routine also helps dramatically. Firm rules and boundaries are a necessity and so is consistency. LOTS of large motor movement and excercise is a need and lots of breaks when she is doing something like homework or a chore.

I give her simple chores and one or two step directions. "Take out the trash in the bathroom and put a new bag in the trashcan then come back". She comes back "now wipe the sink with the sponge and soapy water until there is no toothpaste stuck to it" . Etc. Detailed directions are a must for my DD.

It's a process and it takes a lot of effort. A lot of my issue was having to adjust and shift my perception of what normal is. She is not like easy going kids, she is high energy ... and that's ok. That's her "normal" and I can't expect her to change her behavior because its biological not emotional. All I can do is work with her and hope to improve some of the extreme bahavior. The rest is normal behavior for a child with ADHD. Sometimes they grow out of it, somethimes they don't ever grow out of it ... even as adults.

I researched for YEARS. I read book after book, tried diet changes, eliminated red food coloring and preservatives, added vitamins and tried LOTS of behavioral management techniques....some with moderate success and some with no change or effect what so ever.

I finally caved and decided to try Strattera. It was the ONLY medication I was "sort of" comfortable with as it is a non-stimulant.

http://www.strattera.com/Pages/index.aspx

We were able to use it on a modified schedule and the side effects were minimal. My DS used it for about a year and half and went completely off of it.

It is the ONLY medication I would ever consider again and/or recommend to someone else.

[DaisyMamma]

I was imagining your assistant snapping her gum, crossing and uncrossing her legs in her too short shorts... and mortified for you.

I would assure that family that you were mortified of her behavior and that you won't be using her as an assistant.