Little Things Like This Rub Me The Wrong Way

[MamaBearCanada]

Dcm just dropped off her two kids and she said to her daughter "Don't forget to play outside today."

????

We played outside yesterday, in the morning but not in the afternoon since it was thundering and rained. I don't know if dcg forgot or if they even had a conversation about it but now that comment will eat at me ALL DAY LONG!

I know I need to let it roll of my back but I just don't know how.

Passive Aggressive

Comments like this used to really bother me but now I think if a parent doesn't bring it up to me directly then it's not important enough to address. If they have a real concern then they need to be a grown up, use their words, and talk to me directly about it. I don't have the time or energy to be trying to mindread and pacify parents like that. I don't like this expectation some people have that everyone around them should be hyperaware of how they are feeling and why.

If I was particularly ticked off:

DCM: Don't forget to play outside today.
Me: She forgets to play when she's outside?! I've never heard of a kid doing that!

Or
Me: DCG doesn't make the schedule choices here, I do. Is there a concern you want to make an appointment to discuss?

[daycarediva]

Passive Aggressive

Comments like this used to really bother me but now I think if a parent doesn't bring it up to me directly then it's not important enough to address. If they have a real concern then they need to be a grown up, use their words, and talk to me directly about it. I don't have the time or energy to be trying to mindread and pacify parents like that. I don't like this expectation some people have that everyone around them should be hyperaware of how they are feeling and why.

If I was particularly ticked off:

DCM: Don't forget to play outside today.
Me: She forgets to play when she's outside?! I've never heard of a kid doing that!

Or
Me: DCG doesn't make the schedule choices here, I do. Is there a concern you want to make an appointment to discuss?

:: :: :: consider this STOLEN! LOVE IT!

[Angelsj]

The outside comments drive me bonkers!!!!! I have one DCM who told me the ONLY thing she cares about during the day is that her child gets outside. I have explained time and again that we go out when we can, but that there are days it just doesn't happen. It is so annoying to hear!!! Her daughter came in today telling me "Mommy said we are definitely playing outside today and that I can skip nap." Seriously?!??!

The thing is, when I am told I have to do something, I am more than likely going to do the opposite. The more this mom pushes for outside, the more I want to stay inside.

I would say to the daughter, and again to the mom at pickup. "That is so cool that your mommy is definitely taking you outside to play today. Are you going to the park, or playing outside in your yard?" Then I would tell mom the same thing, "DD said you guys were definitely going outside today...where are you going?"

I ignore the skip nap business. You can skip nap at your house. At my house we do things this way.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

DCM: Don't forget to play outside today.
Me: She forgets to play when she's outside?! I've never heard of a kid doing that!

Love this!

[RosieMommy]

These outside questions drive me nuts too. I have one mom that all year long the first thing she asks me is if we went outside that day and what did we have for lunch. I always say that when she drops him off in the morning I'm going to start asking what they had for dinner last night and did he go outside last night.

What is wrong with this? I like to know if my daughter went outside and what she ate for lunch only because I'm curious about her day. It's not asked with any kind of judgement.

[RosieMommy]

I am so doing this next week bwahaha!

These comments are probably coming from the parents that pickup at 5:30 and put their kids to bed at 7:00. Spending no time with them.

I would imagine that if parents have to work fulltime to support their families, it's pretty difficult to fit in outside time (assuming they have a backyard at home) after picking, getting home, getting dinner, fixing bath, reading story, etc or whatever else parents do in the evening to get ready for the next day. I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent hoping their kid spent time outdoors it was nice and sunny WHEN it was nice and sunny. If you can't get the kids outside ok, but what's wrong with wanting or hoping your child can go outdoors when it's nice and sunny?

[Laurel]

I had parent who used to make comments like that. She had a big personality and would say things like "miss ______ you've got to get these kiddos outside". Read that as less mean, and more loud/exaggerated personality.

This was when we had 8 kids under 2.5. I felt like saying, you come get everyone's diaper changed - get 8 pairs of shoes on, only to have a few pairs already taken off by the time you are done. Get them all outside, stop all of them from eating rocks and keep all the crawlers from getting too dirty. Help all of the new walkers from getting hurt since they aren't stable outside. And them have someone poop, the minute you walk outside.

I'd say the above but change the first part a bit. "Well I do my best but I have 8 kids under 2.5....and then what you said. At the end I'd say, "Any suggestions?" I'd say it in kind of a joking way cause the way you said it above makes me laugh.

Maybe if they don't know what we do, we have to tell them in a nice way, ya know?
Laurel

[Angelsj]

What is wrong with this? I like to know if my daughter went outside and what she ate for lunch only because I'm curious about her day. It's not asked with any kind of judgement.

It doesn't bother me if they ask. It is the passive aggressive comments like the OP posted that drive me crazy.

[bunnyslippers]

I would imagine that if parents have to work fulltime to support their families, it's pretty difficult to fit in outside time (assuming they have a backyard at home) after picking, getting home, getting dinner, fixing bath, reading story, etc or whatever else parents do in the evening to get ready for the next day. I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent hoping their kid spent time outdoors it was nice and sunny WHEN it was nice and sunny. If you can't get the kids outside ok, but what's wrong with wanting or hoping your child can go outdoors when it's nice and sunny?

I agree that some parents have a hard time fitting in outside time with their schedules. In my situation, all of my daycare kids leave by 4:00. Their parents could certainly squeeze in a few minutes outside.

It isn't so much the parents wanting their kids to get outside that is frustrating. What is frustrating is having parents try to dictate what goes on in our days. You also get to know your families pretty well ~ there are families who just expect you to do the things they don't feel like doing themselves. The one mom that I have who obsesses about her child getting outside picks her daughter up at 3:00 from my house, and brings her home (which is next door). I NEVER see them out in the yard...unless I am outside with my own two boys and then they seem to be in my front yard right along with us. She has no interest in entertaining her own child.

[RosieMommy]

I agree that some parents have a hard time fitting in outside time with their schedules. In my situation, all of my daycare kids leave by 4:00. Their parents could certainly squeeze in a few minutes outside.

It isn't so much the parents wanting their kids to get outside that is frustrating. What is frustrating is having parents try to dictate what goes on in our days. You also get to know your families pretty well ~ there are families who just expect you to do the things they don't feel like doing themselves. The one mom that I have who obsesses about her child getting outside picks her daughter up at 3:00 from my house, and brings her home (which is next door). I NEVER see them out in the yard...unless I am outside with my own two boys and then they seem to be in my front yard right along with us. She has no interest in entertaining her own child.

Got it. Thanks for explaining.

[Laurel]

Dcm just dropped off her two kids and she said to her daughter "Don't forget to play outside today."

????

We played outside yesterday, in the morning but not in the afternoon since it was thundering and rained. I don't know if dcg forgot or if they even had a conversation about it but now that comment will eat at me ALL DAY LONG!

I know I need to let it roll of my back but I just don't know how.

I'd just have to say something back but nicely. Directly to mom "It sounds like you are concerned if we get outside enough. Are you?" (sweet smile here). See what she says. Who knows? Maybe she is just making conversation with her child who may have been looking forward to going outside at your house today because they had such fun outside yesterday.

Laurel

[sharlan]

I'm trying to let what a grandmother said this morning roll off, hasn't happened yet, though.

I'm losing one of my toddlers today. She's moving on to a center (nothing against centers). We're really attached to her and hate to see her leave. This morning, Grandma comes in all smiles and happy - "Todaaaay's her last daaaay. She's going to have so much fuuun!"

I am not in the mood for happy and smiles.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'd ignore it, too, if I could. So weird!

[e.j.]

What is frustrating is having parents try to dictate what goes on in our days.

In addition to the above, the frustration for me is that a promise has been made to the child that I may not necessarily be able to follow through on. Now the child is excited because the parent told her something will definitely happen and when it doesn't, I have to deal with the child's disappointment. It's not fair to me and more importantly, it's not fair to the child.

[blandino]

In addition to the above, the frustration for me is that a promise has been made to the child that I may not necessarily be able to follow through on. Now the child is excited because the parent told her something will definitely happen and when it doesn't, I have to deal with the child's disappointment. It's not fair to me and more importantly, it's not fair to the child.

I had that happen last week. DCD drops off DCB at 10:45 and tells him he will get to play outside today (no passive aggressiveness at all - just trying to get DCB excited about being dropped off). We had been outside from 9:00-10:30. So the rest of the day DCB asked about going outside, and was very disappointed when he didn't get to go out.