Would You Enforce This Policy?? 3 Strikes You're Out!!

[LaLa1923]

I have a little boy who is almost 18 months old. He is super aggressive!! He's constantly hitting, throwing, or pushing my much bigger DS. My ds is 3 and does not and will not hit him back. He calls him "baby" and runs to me. (he does not do this to be mean, that's how he describes him since he's so much smaller)

I know that ds is having a hard time with this bc he's very confused as to why dcb does this. We are very loving, and my ds is a sweet little boy. He's a hugger and a kisser.

I don't know what to do, I'm at a loss. I need to protect my little guy, but how can I stop this other little boy from doing this???


He is allowed to get away with whatever he wants at home, he's also the only child. He torments his animals at home and his mom lets him. I really don't know why!! She just says, "I just don't know why he does that".


Today was really bad, he intentionally took a cookie monster (hard plastic) figurine and hit ds in the head with it. He now has a knot on his head and it almost bled. (now a blood blister is evident)

Mom and I will have a chat today about his behavior. I have a three strikes you're out rule in my handbook. I just never thought I would need to enforce it on a younger child.

What would you do??? Would this count as a strike???

[bunnyslippers]

Have you talked with the mom before? If not, then I would let her know that you are now beginning the 3 strikes program. Document the next three incidents then term.

[LaLa1923]

Have you talked with the mom before? If not, then I would let her know that you are now beginning the 3 strikes program. Document the next three incidents then term.

So then he really gets 4 strikes??


Just confirming

[LaLa1923]

Does anyone have a form I can use to document things like this???

[bunnyslippers]

Well, if you have let other instances go without implementing a strike, then I would imagine that is a bit of a gray area. If you now sit down with the mom and explain that the behavior is a concern and you will now begin documenting and counting the "Strikes," she may understand that you mean business and that this is a serious problem. If he is as aggressive as you are describing, then it shouldn't take long to accumulate 3 strikes.

If it is so bad that you are just ready to term, then I would just give her a two-week termination notice and not even worry about the strike program.

[Blackcat31]

Personally my three strikes rule is for behavior that I KNOW a child understands and comprehends.

I don't think at 18 months, he FULLY understands why we don't hit or act aggressively. I think hitting at that age IS normal as they have yet to master self-control or impulse control.

If I were you, I would have him shadow you and make a HUGE deal out of pointing out good behavior as well as having your DS model appropriate play for him.

Good luck ~ that age IS tough and can be exhausting some times.

[RosieMommy]

I have a little boy who is almost 18 months old. He is super aggressive!! He's constantly hitting, throwing, or pushing my much bigger DS. My ds is 3 and does not and will not hit him back. He calls him "baby" and runs to me. (he does not do this to be mean, that's how he describes him since he's so much smaller)

I know that ds is having a hard time with this bc he's very confused as to why dcb does this. We are very loving, and my ds is a sweet little boy. He's a hugger and a kisser.

I don't know what to do, I'm at a loss. I need to protect my little guy, but how can I stop this other little boy from doing this???


He is allowed to get away with whatever he wants at home, he's also the only child. He torments his animals at home and his mom lets him. I really don't know why!! She just says, "I just don't know why he does that".


Today was really bad, he intentionally took a cookie monster (hard plastic) figurine and hit ds in the head with it. He now has a knot on his head and it almost bled. (now a blood blister is evident)

Mom and I will have a chat today about his behavior. I have a three strikes you're out rule in my handbook. I just never thought I would need to enforce it on a younger child.

What would you do??? Would this count as a strike???

I'm just wondering is 18months for this kid too young to really understand so that the behavior can be corrected without acquiring 3 more strikes so? This sounds like a policy that you use with your older kids and if that's the case, then terming with notice is the best option here instead of going through the drama with the strikes.

[daycare]

I dont think that at 18 months old they really know what is going on, other than how to get a reaction... as we know, they will do things for a reaction no matter if it is negative or positive.

We need to teach them how to behave, how to be nice, how to play, how to use gentle hands. ESPECIALLY if mom is not doing this at home.

Also, as I always say, try to be proactive, instead of reactive. Set the child up for success and when he does succeed, praise him over and over.

I would tell your son, that when the baby does something he does not like, tell him NO, I don't like that when you_________________.

YOu can teach your son at the same time how to deal with younger kids and situations when people hurt them.

I always tell my kids you tell the babies nice hands, or no, I don't like that and walk away. If it happens again, you come tell me. Most of the time I see it happen the first time, I jump right in. But as you know we can see everything every single time.

I would sit with mom and let her know today, this is becoming an issue and I will have to document this today as strike 1.

I agree with bunnyslippers here, that if you never announced the other strikes, then you need to start right now.....

[LaLa1923]

I filled out a short conference form and she signed it. She was super nice about it. I am not going to count this as a strike. I do think those will be enforced for older kids though.

I am going to try and be proactive with him here and that should help. thank you all!!

[LaLa1923]

I dont think that at 18 months old they really know what is going on, other than how to get a reaction... as we know, they will do things for a reaction no matter if it is negative or positive.

We need to teach them how to behave, how to be nice, how to play, how to use gentle hands. ESPECIALLY if mom is not doing this at home.

Also, as I always say, try to be proactive, instead of reactive. Set the child up for success and when he does succeed, praise him over and over.

I would tell your son, that when the baby does something he does not like, tell him NO, I don't like that when you_________________.

YOu can teach your son at the same time how to deal with younger kids and situations when people hurt them.

I always tell my kids you tell the babies nice hands, or no, I don't like that and walk away. If it happens again, you come tell me. Most of the time I see it happen the first time, I jump right in. But as you know we can see everything every single time.

I would sit with mom and let her know today, this is becoming an issue and I will have to document this today as strike 1.

I agree with bunnyslippers here, that if you never announced the other strikes, then you need to start right now.....

Luckily, my cameras catch everything I do not!

[daycare]

Luckily, my cameras catch everything I do not!

ohh I want cameras so so bad. I will pm you so you can tell me which ones you have...

[Cradle2crayons]

I have a dcg who is 18 months.... And an only child. She had never been in a care environment before here and didn't really have any other relationships with other kids before here either. The good thing is her parents are super great.

My other kids are 2.5, 3.5, 4.0. And my sin who is almost 5.

The 18 month old constantly goes to the other kids and will very gently tug on their hair or try to get into the middle of what the other kids are doing. I explain they are the only kids that dcg has ever been around and she's learning to relate to them. Well recently she has started to pinch. She pinches herself and occasionally the others. She simply expects a reaction from them. She really at first had NO idea it hurt. So when it happened, I would go up to her, take her hand in mine, and place it gently on the other child's shoulder or arm and say "soft touches" and I repeated this every time. I would also explain that pinching hurts and have the "victim" tell her " when you pinch me, it hurts dcg"

That seamed to work, and when she would walk up to them and she was gentle, I taught the other kids to say "great job that was a gentle touch" and I would tell her and she would clap her hands. It just took her realizing that those behaviors hurt and aren't nice.

[AmyKidsCo]

I don't think at 18 months, he FULLY understands why we don't hit or act aggressively. I think hitting at that age IS normal as they have yet to master self-control or impulse control.

ITA! My 18 mo old grandson is with me M-W and yesterday he hit a 2 yr old with a metal ladle. It was one of those situations where he was trying to sit on her lap on the bike and she was yelling because she didn't want him on her and I couldn't run fast enough. At that age they really don't understand that these things hurt, they just know that they get a big reaction and lots of attention from them.

I'd keep a close eye on him so you can intervene before he hurts another child, and be sure to give him LOTS of attention when he's not causing problems. Also, practice "nice touches" and "gentle hands" with him so he can learn appropriate behavior.

[melilley]

I have the exact same child! He just does hit and runs, takes toys, sometimes bites and pulls hair! I guess the daycare that he came from was chaotic most times and the older kids did it to him so I don't know if he learned it from the other place or if he is just like that. I told myself that I would do a 3 strikes and you're out, but I can't do it. I know that he is still young and I think he understands to a certain point and I have caught him looking as he was going to pull hair to see if I was looking at him and when he saw that I was looking, he would smile and stop, but I also think that he doesn't really understand how his actions hurt. I am constantly redirecting and telling him "nice touches" and "that hurts" and I also take his hand and have him nicely touch the person he just hurt. It seems to work a little, he has been here for two months and though he still does it, he is much better.

I have talked to his parents and we both came to an agreement to do the same things here and at home when he hurts others, in fact I just had to talk to them yesterday. Sometimes I just think that that is how he is going to be.
Plus, I know he is so young and I told myself that I will work with him. If he goes somewhere else it's just going to happen there and the circle of aggressiveness will just continue. But if I start to lose families because of him, I will have to be forced to dis-enroll him and I really don't want to do that..I do love him and his parents!

[LaLa1923]

Personally my three strikes rule is for behavior that I KNOW a child understands and comprehends.

I don't think at 18 months, he FULLY understands why we don't hit or act aggressively. I think hitting at that age IS normal as they have yet to master self-control or impulse control.

If I were you, I would have him shadow you and make a HUGE deal out of pointing out good behavior as well as having your DS model appropriate play for him.

Good luck ~ that age IS tough and can be exhausting some times.

OT- Thank you for showing me how to multi-quote