Got Notice Today

[MarinaVanessa]

wow, Ill bite too,.. #1.... california can smooch on my tush ! . I DO spank my own kids.

Lol I totally agree with you there. I also spank my 5yo but not during DC hours and yes I live in CA. It's amazing to me that we have come to a point in this country where you can get arrested for terrorism for spanking a misbehaving child on a plane . I choose not to spank my child during daycare hours because you never know when you'll get a parent that goes bonkers on you for whatever reason and calls licensing on you or CPS for spanking, even your own child. It's just the hassle of the investigation that I begrudge. I believe that if a parent wants to spank their child then thats up to them and it's my choice to spank my own child just like I believe that if a woman wants to get an abortion it's up to that woman even if I would never do it and don't agree with abortion. This is America people.

[MyAngels]

wow, Ill bite too,.. #1.... california can smooch on my tush ! . I DO spank my own kids. I have for 19 years and will continue to do so until they are at an age they no longer require it. (by saying that I mean,.. the 9 yr old, , not the 19 yr old. ) eww. .

Lets see,.. between the four kids,.. REAL spankings,.. probably 10 total? in 19 years. So they knew if they got one it was something they NEVER did again. And they knew NOT to do whatever they did to get the spanking. Like when the 7 yr old (now 12) just took off down the street, around the corner and down the block to see if her friend was home after I TOLD her she couldnt and then I went to the bathroom.

Or when the 19 yr old was 9 and lied about grade cards and assignments, telling the teacher I was dead and trying to forge his step moms name on his report card. (he didnt know his teacher and I were friends). He enver did that again..... .

Or when the 13 yr old didnt know I was standing behind her in the store and used a bad word and said something to the effect of,.. Ill just tell her to kiss by butt. (only she did NOT say buttt) Ummm,... oh no,.I dont talk that way,.. neither will they. so in front of God and everyone else I popped her butt, embarrassed her in front of her friends, and made her think twice about thinking I was out out of earshot. She didnt get a mark, she didnt get beaten, I popped her butt and yes, I would do it again.

I think a balance of what YOU personally believe is how you are the best parent you can be. Noone can make that decision for you,.... And YES I tell my clients I spank my own children, Yes I will swat their behind when the kids are here, Yes I take them to the other room, and yes the other kids know its happening. If daycare clients dont like that they can find another provider,... If one of my own children do something to warrant a spanking, then they get the shame that comes with everyone knowing they got one. However,... Mine arent the ones causing trouble at the store, throwing fits to get things, and NEVER have they raised a hand to me. If they did,.. they WOULD get a spanking. And I HOPE they raise my grandkids the SAME WAY.

Absolutely couldn't agree more! My own kids are grown now, with the oldest thinking about having kids of his own. Get this - he talks often about how he will raise his children exactly the way he was raised, spankings and all. I can't tell you the number of times through the years that my husband and I got compliments about how great our kids are - loving, respectful, helpful and kind. And to think, they suffered the indignity of a handful of spankings and still managed to turn out to be wonderful people in spite of it .

[momofsix]

You miss understood me. I didn't mean that another child would spank another child. I meant that say your kid is told no and starts throwing a huge fit and becomes completely uncontrollable and you can't get her to stop for anything. You take her to another room and swat her and she reacts by calming down and you now have her attention because of the swat. Now say another kid starts throwing the same kind of uncontrollable fit for the exact same reason and you are not allowed to swat this child. What do you do? and why can't that be the same thing you do with your child?

OK i'll bite on this one
why would I choose to spank my child when I can find another option for a daycare child-why wouldn't I use that same option for my own child--this is the question, correct?
1. just because something "works" temporarily for a dck, doesn't mean it actually is going to stop any behaviors permanently. ie. distracting a child does nothing to teach him his behavior is wrong-yet it's one of the "experts" favorite tools
2. I am responsible to God and to society (now and in the future) for the behavior of MY children, not the daycare children I have for a short time.
3. I am responsable for providing an environment for dcks that is a different environment from the one I need to provide for my own children in many ways, discipline being only one.
4 My children are my LIFE -although I love my dcks to bits, they are not the same as my own, and I don't think anyone other than a parent should spank a child-the relationship is not the same and the love that is involved in a spankng done correctly would not be there for a child that is not your own
I'm sure if I took the time, i could answer this better, but this is what i've come up with off the top of my head. I hope this explains it for you
(also remember that just because this is true for me, doesn't mean it's true for everyone that believes in the value of spanking)

[marniewon]

OK i'll bite on this one
why would I choose to spank my child when I can find another option for a daycare child-why wouldn't I use that same option for my own child--this is the question, correct?
1. just because something "works" temporarily for a dck, doesn't mean it actually is going to stop any behaviors permanently. ie. distracting a child does nothing to teach him his behavior is wrong-yet it's one of the "experts" favorite tools
2. I am responsible to God and to society (now and in the future) for the behavior of MY children, not the daycare children I have for a short time.
3. I am responsable for providing an environment for dcks that is a different environment from the one I need to provide for my own children in many ways, discipline being only one.
4 My children are my LIFE -although I love my dcks to bits, they are not the same as my own, and I don't think anyone other than a parent should spank a child-the relationship is not the same and the love that is involved in a spankng done correctly would not be there for a child that is not your own
I'm sure if I took the time, i could answer this better, but this is what i've come up with off the top of my head. I hope this explains it for you
(also remember that just because this is true for me, doesn't mean it's true for everyone that believes in the value of spanking)

I couldn't have said it better! This is exactly how I feel.

[Aya477]

I do respect that each parent differs in their belief on spanking children. I do not spank my child and do not think that his behavior differs greatly from any of his 23 other classmates. (4yo) I know of children that are spanked and quite frankly I see them act out more than my own child. Using logic, if we teach our kids that spanking is necessary to control a situation (actually, control a person), then are we not indirectly teaching our children that hitting gets results? I was spanked as a child. It did nothing for me other than make me angry at my parents for the moment. I did not learn from the spankings but I did stop whatever the behavior was my parents intended to stop....for the time being. Doesn't mean that I didn't do whatever it was again even an hour later. What I did learn from was when my parents stopped spanking me and started talking to me around 10ish yo and I could understand the disappointment I caused them. It wasn't until then that I truly began to consider my actions before doing them. My best friend was spanked until he was a teenager and began fighting back which caused Dad to back down. My friend is a father now and will not allow his son to have anything to do with his dad due to the fear that his dad will spank his child or discipline him in a manner he disagrees with. Just food for thought....not trying to create a debate or argument on the rights/wrongs of spanking.

But clearly the child heard you spank or swat (whatever you choose to call it) your child or heard you threatening to spank/swat your child. How else would he have an undisputed occurance that you admit to report back to mom? I know I wasn't in your home during the situation but I do have to side with the mom in that she should have known at time of enrollment that you spank your children during daycare hours and that she needed to know things of that nature could occur around her children. I also agree with a PP in that if licensing does not allow corporal punishment that you should not engage in that during daycare hours even if it is your own child.

Another item to consider--people speak of having respect for those with differing parenting styles but OP stated that dck's are uncontrollable because their parents do not discipline them (judgmental and not respectful of the parents' choices). I urge everyone that does not have grown children to consider that the effects of your parenting styles have yet to be determined....including myself.

[Crystal]

A wise man once told me..."If you are raising your voice or raising your hand to a child, YOU are the one out of control, not the child"

However, I'll say, to each his own. But I'd NEVER even mention spanking in front of a dck or dcp.....it's just asking for trouble.

[misol]

OK i'll bite on this one
why would I choose to spank my child when I can find another option for a daycare child-why wouldn't I use that same option for my own child--this is the question, correct?
1. just because something "works" temporarily for a dck, doesn't mean it actually is going to stop any behaviors permanently. ie. distracting a child does nothing to teach him his behavior is wrong-yet it's one of the "experts" favorite tools
2. I am responsible to God and to society (now and in the future) for the behavior of MY children, not the daycare children I have for a short time.
3. I am responsable for providing an environment for dcks that is a different environment from the one I need to provide for my own children in many ways, discipline being only one.
4 My children are my LIFE -although I love my dcks to bits, they are not the same as my own, and I don't think anyone other than a parent should spank a child-the relationship is not the same and the love that is involved in a spankng done correctly would not be there for a child that is not your own
I'm sure if I took the time, i could answer this better, but this is what i've come up with off the top of my head. I hope this explains it for you
(also remember that just because this is true for me, doesn't mean it's true for everyone that believes in the value of spanking)

This was a great answer momofsix.

[Jewels]

Lol I totally agree with you there. I also spank my 5yo but not during DC hours and yes I live in CA. It's amazing to me that we have come to a point in this country where you can get arrested for terrorism for spanking a misbehaving child on a plane . I choose not to spank my child during daycare hours because you never know when you'll get a parent that goes bonkers on you for whatever reason and calls licensing on you or CPS for spanking, even your own child. It's just the hassle of the investigation that I begrudge. I believe that if a parent wants to spank their child then thats up to them and it's my choice to spank my own child just like I believe that if a woman wants to get an abortion it's up to that woman even if I would never do it and don't agree with abortion. This is America people.

YEs I agree with this, Not during daycare hours is best, But like I said one time I swatted my son during daycarte hours, but he was in his room going down for nap, and was kicking me, and he got a swat, but I knew no other kids would know about it, cause he would be in his room for 2 hours, but I know all of my daycare parents have swatted their own kids butts, and in conversations, They know I have swatted my sons butt before also. But I dont ever want a kid going home saying anything about me spanking, that would make me scared of a complaint or something,. your situations ****s, and I feel for you.

[kidkair]

OK i'll bite on this one
why would I choose to spank my child when I can find another option for a daycare child-why wouldn't I use that same option for my own child--this is the question, correct?
1. just because something "works" temporarily for a dck, doesn't mean it actually is going to stop any behaviors permanently. ie. distracting a child does nothing to teach him his behavior is wrong-yet it's one of the "experts" favorite tools
Distracting is not the only way too redirect. I constantly stop a child and tell them that what they are doing is wrong and direct them into a better way to solve the situation. I don't simply distract them.
2. I am responsible to God and to society (now and in the future) for the behavior of MY children, not the daycare children I have for a short time. I believe you are very much responsible for the behavior of any child in your care be them yours always or temporary. I believe that no matter how long we have with each child that comes in our care, we affect their lives a little or a ton. Don't forget that children react to everything in their environment a lot more than us adults do.
3. I am responsable for providing an environment for dcks that is a different environment from the one I need to provide for my own children in many ways, discipline being only one.That's your choice. You could chose to provide the same discipline.
4 My children are my LIFE -although I love my dcks to bits, they are not the same as my own, and I don't think anyone other than a parent should spank a child-the relationship is not the same and the love that is involved in a spankng done correctly would not be there for a child that is not your own.Spanking out of love is BS. You're reacting to their behavior with frustration and anger not love. Love would be taking them in hand and having them repeat the situation in a better way so that they learn how to do it better rather than learning to fear a spanking.
I'm sure if I took the time, i could answer this better, but this is what i've come up with off the top of my head. I hope this explains it for you
(also remember that just because this is true for me, doesn't mean it's true for everyone that believes in the value of spanking)

I hope this clarifies my feelings on this subject.

[misol]

But clearly the child heard you spank or swat (whatever you choose to call it) your child or heard you threatening to spank/swat your child. How else would he have an undisputed occurance that you admit to report back to mom?

Yes, I said that dcb may have heard me say "spank" but I am 100% certain that he did not see or hear it because A) he was in a completely different room and B) there was nothing to see (I was behind a closed door) or hear (she did not cry).

I know I wasn't in your home during the situation but I do have to side with the mom in that she should have known at time of enrollment that you spank your children during daycare hours and that she needed to know things of that nature could occur around her children. I also agree with a PP in that if licensing does not allow corporal punishment that you should not engage in that during daycare hours even if it is your own child.

In the interview, this mom only inquired about my discipline methods as they related to her children. Had she asked me about the discipline methods I use on my OWN children, I would have certainly discussed that with her. She never even mentioned to me that she had an issue with time-outs (I think she said that in her post). It's odd to me that a cardholding member of the anti-spanking coalition would not ask this question when interviewing a provider.

Another item to consider--people speak of having respect for those with differing parenting styles but OP stated that dck's are uncontrollable because their parents do not discipline them (judgmental and not respectful of the parents' choices). I urge everyone that does not have grown children to consider that the effects of your parenting styles have yet to be determined....including myself.

I do respect different parenting styles - as a parenting style is comprised of way more than just discipline methods. I will say, again, that I can respect a parent's decision not to spank but I cannot respect a parent's decision to do nothing. I have dealt with plenty of parents who don't spank. Most of their kids are respectful and exhibit behaviors typical for their ages. They were not out of control, disrespectful, and obnoxious. This is because even though their parents don't spank them, they still use some form of discpline with their children. And let me go on record as saying that ignoring a behavior hoping it will go away does not constitute discipline in my book. These are the same kinds of parents who end up on a talk shows crying and begging for help because they have out of control teens. The bottom line is that you can either discipline them yourself now, or have the penal system discipline them later.

But I'd NEVER even mention spanking in front of a dck or dcp.....it's just asking for trouble.

You are right and I've had to learn the hard way. I did not expect to ever have to spank my kids during daycare hours but it happened. And since I cannot predict how and when my kids are going to act out or predict when my normal methods of discpline are not going to be effective - it may very well happen again. One thing I am certain of though, is that no other daycare kid will ever hear me threaten a spanking again.

[professionalmom]

The bottom line is that you can either discipline them yourself now, or have the penal system discipline them later.

I TOTALLY AGREE!!! I hold a bachelors degree in Criminal Justice. Try to find a police officer, correctional officer, or probation / parole officer who does NOT repeat this same sentiment. Most of the people I went to school with said this exact thing, "Either discipline your kids when they're young or I'll do it for you when they become teens or adults."

Plus, let's compare: a swat on a diapered tush vs. 5-10 years in a 5 by 9 cell with someone serving a life sentence who hasn't had sex in 10 years? Darn, straight I'll swat my daughters' tushies when they deserve it. And "deserve it" usually means they are endangering themselves (pulling out the outlet covers) or doing something that could do serious harm (DD kicking my belly during a diaper change, with me pregnant with twins and desperately trying to NOT have contractions or any more dilation).

That's not to say that people who don't spank have kids that will end up doing time. That's for the parents who don't do anything. As for the parents who don't spank, but have other methods - great! But keep in mind, the techniques you use, may not work on every kid. For instance, I got a couple swats growing up, but it was that look of disappointment and loss of trust, coupled with a firm tone and lecture that would have me in tears faster than anything. I have cousins who could ignore all that, but would respond to a spank much better. Children are not all alike and no cookie cutter discipline (created by someone who has never met my child(ren) will ever be appropriate for ALL children.

[MarinaVanessa]

Just wondering what happened Misol. In your thread DCM gave notice, which I noticed that she didn't mention in her own thread when I read it. Is she still leaving? Were/are things akward?

[misol]

Just wondering what happened Misol. In your thread DCM gave notice, which I noticed that she didn't mention in her own thread when I read it. Is she still leaving? Were/are things akward?

Well, the spit hit the fan. One of my worst fears was that a daycare parent would be able to identify me on here and now that fear it has come true. Turns out that someone also alerted this mom to my post and she came here and read it. I kind of figured that this might happen but was still hoping that it wouldn't.

Anyway, through a long series of email exchanges over the weekend and a long, heartfelt discussion yesterday at drop-off, we have reached an understanding. We have respectfully agreed to disagree on the discpline issue. She is happy with the care that I provide to her children in most every other aspect. As difficult as it may have been, I should have just been upfront with her. I should have scheduled a conference to discuss the behavior issues that I was having with her son, given them an opportunity to work on the problem, and then made a decision from there. They are still leaving but she has made it clear that the reason is because of her work situation and not the spanking issue. The timing between the two was purely coincidental. Friday will be their last day but the door is still open to them. She is welcome to use my drop-in service and when her work situation changes I will consider taking her boys back if I haven't filled the spaces by then.

I love this board and will continue to read and post here. However, I will always be mindful that a parent (or licensor, or whoever) may be lurking and so I will phrase my posts accordingly. In order to protect my identity and reputation as a provider, I am considering re-registering under a different screen name with as little identifying information as possible. In the meantime, I will be posting as unregistered if I have questions or comments that I feel may be unpopular or controversial in nature.

[misol]

I TOTALLY AGREE!!! I hold a bachelors degree in Criminal Justice. Try to find a police officer, correctional officer, or probation / parole officer who does NOT repeat this same sentiment. Most of the people I went to school with said this exact thing, "Either discipline your kids when they're young or I'll do it for you when they become teens or adults."

Plus, let's compare: a swat on a diapered tush vs. 5-10 years in a 5 by 9 cell with someone serving a life sentence who hasn't had sex in 10 years? Darn, straight I'll swat my daughters' tushies when they deserve it. And "deserve it" usually means they are endangering themselves (pulling out the outlet covers) or doing something that could do serious harm (DD kicking my belly during a diaper change, with me pregnant with twins and desperately trying to NOT have contractions or any more dilation).

That's not to say that people who don't spank have kids that will end up doing time. That's for the parents who don't do anything. As for the parents who don't spank, but have other methods - great! But keep in mind, the techniques you use, may not work on every kid. For instance, I got a couple swats growing up, but it was that look of disappointment and loss of trust, coupled with a firm tone and lecture that would have me in tears faster than anything. I have cousins who could ignore all that, but would respond to a spank much better. Children are not all alike and no cookie cutter discipline (created by someone who has never met my child(ren) will ever be appropriate for ALL children.

professionalmom, my degree is in Criminal Justice too. I knew there was a reason I liked you

[professionalmom]

professionalmom, my degree is in Criminal Justice too. I knew there was a reason I liked you

Ditto. And your update post reminded me to state something VERY important: Although I support a parent's right to spank or swat his or her OWN child(ren), I do not support ANYONE hitting, smacking, spanking, etc a child that is NOT his or her own, including DAYCARE PROVIDERS. Nor do I support abuse. I just feel that there is a difference between a "swat" and a "whooping". If you don't know the difference, then for the love of God and all His children, do NOT use any form of physical discipline.

Misol, I am guessing this is basically your stance too. There's nothing wrong with that. Some parents think giving their kids an occasional Happy Meal is fine. Some think it's so nutritionally wrong that they think it's abusive. So, as with everything else, parent as you see fit. My guess is your kids will turn out to be wonderful, productive members of society. And if they are anything like me (who got a handful of swats when I was young), they will grow up and thank you for raising them to be people they can be proud of (like I have thanked my mom)!