Boys Playing War

[hope]

I have a dcb whose father is military. Dcb was playing dinosaurs with my Ds and turned it into "war". He seems to turn many games into "war" and when he does I start another activity for him to play to avoid this. Today he asked my Ds if he knew what war is and my Ds at the age of three said no, what is war. I should have intervened, oh I wish I did. Dcb went on to say "war is when you kill all the bad guys. Let's go kill!". Ughghghg.
Now I understand that children eventually need to learn that life is not all rainbows and unicorns but I would like to keep it happy and carefree for a little while. And when I do explain what war is I would reffer to "getting the bad guys". Anyways, I interrupted the conversation and told dcb that kill is a word and subject that adults talk about and that if he would like to talk about killing than he needs to do so with his parents. I feel I could have handled this better. Any suggestions??????

[Laurel]

I have a dcb whose father is military. Dcb was playing dinosaurs with my Ds and turned it into "war". He seems to turn many games into "war" and when he does I start another activity for him to play to avoid this. Today he asked my Ds if he knew what war is and my Ds at the age of three said no, what is war. I should have intervened, oh I wish I did. Dcb went on to say "war is when you kill all the bad guys. Let's go kill!". Ughghghg.
Now I understand that children eventually need to learn that life is not all rainbows and unicorns but I would like to keep it happy and carefree for a little while. And when I do explain what war is I would reffer to "getting the bad guys". Anyways, I interrupted the conversation and told dcb that kill is a word and subject that adults talk about and that if he would like to talk about killing than he needs to do so with his parents. I feel I could have handled this better. Any suggestions??????

I think you handled it perfectly!

I used to sub in public school libraries. Once a little girl's grandmother had just died. She started talking about her going to heaven and asked me if that was where her grandmother went. I am an atheist yet I didn't want her to think I didn't care but couldn't really tell her what I thought. It simply was not my place. So I gave her a generic answer along the lines of 'she is in your heart' but she persisted with the religious aspect. So I did the same as you. I said "I'm so sorry about your grandma. She loved you very much. The thing is adults believe different things about God and heaven so what I would do if I were you is ask your mom or dad." That seemed to please her.

Laurel

[nannyde]

I wouldn't allow that. I don't like any escalation play. It is the same to me as superhero play or video game recreation play. Not something I like being around so I don't allow it.

You don't need a reason for quelling it. If you don't like listening to it or seeing it tell him to stop it.

[Starburst]

I would just say "We don't allow that kind of talk around here; we use kind/nice words" (for the words) or "we don't allow that kind of play around here; we use gentle hands" (for the play) and remind the parents (or let them know) that you try to discourage violent play or talk in the daycare as a general rule, especially if he is older and talking about that to children younger than him.

Maybe, you could also make a list of words/phrases that are not allowed in daycare and give parents a copy (or put it in policies) so they understand certain words are not okay for children (or parents for that matter) to say or act out in daycare: words like "Hate", "Ugly", "Kill", "Stupid/Dumb", "Fat".... or pretty much anything violent, vulgar, or that is a put down to others. I think I did a thread where people talked about words they don't allow in their daycare (besides obvious swear words).

[hope]

Thanks! I do need to set some rules now. Going to sit him down and let him know there is no war play in my home. I have spent so much time tip toeing around the subject with him when there is really a simple fix. Maybe I was afraid of insulting dcd but I need to remind myself to not take other people's feelings personal. This is not an issue of weither or not I agree with war and if dcd takes it that way so be it.

[Laurel]

I wouldn't allow that. I don't like any escalation play. It is the same to me as superhero play or video game recreation play. Not something I like being around so I don't allow it.

You don't need a reason for quelling it. If you don't like listening to it or seeing it tell him to stop it.

I did that when a four year old girl was 'dirty dancing'...her words. I told her it is not appropriate for little girls and she should never do it again at my house. Period.

Laurel

[Laurel]

Thanks! I do need to set some rules now. Going to sit him down and let him know there is no war play in my home. I have spent so much time tip toeing around the subject with him when there is really a simple fix. Maybe I was afraid of insulting dcd but I need to remind myself to not take other people's feelings personal. This is not an issue of weither or not I agree with war and if dcd takes it that way so be it.

If dcd says something tell him it is not allowed at any daycares. I've worked in a few before doing home care and I haven't seen one yet that allows it.

Laurel

[Starburst]

This is not an issue of weather or not I agree with war and if dcd takes it that way so be it.

Even if they are a military family I am sure they understand that in a child care setting violent play and talk is not appropriate. Especially if the child is encouraging others to partake in such language/play whose parents may not want their child exposed to that language or behavior.

If he was in school, nowadays he would get in serious trouble because most schools have a zero tolerance when it comes to violence- even talking. It's a part of life- kids need to learn there is a time and a place for everything; its good to speak your mind but there are times when you need to bite your tongue or where its just not appropriate.

[Meeko]

We were a military family and I started daycare 28 years ago on a military base. I had then...and still do......a no weapon/violence policy.

I don't allow any kind of play that involves "killing" each other or blowing things up etc.

I don't believe that pretending to harm someone is ever "fun".

No war play. No fingers as guns. No shooting noises. No Lego guns/tanks etc.

My house. My rules!

Many of my clients are avid deer hunters, but they also understand that their children are not allowed to play "kill" at my house. What they do at home is their business.

[rmc20021]

I just termed a 5 yo boy for this same type of behavior. I had already taught all my other dck's (who are all boys) that we do not do or say anything that hurts anyone or anything...which includes making shooting sounds.

The 5 yo came and it was as though every lesson the other kids had learned just went out the window. It was ALL he did all day long....constant shooting sounds. As hard as I tried to instill in him that it was not allowed here, he was only here every other week so on the off week he would FORGET this rule.

Eventually for this reason (as well as a few others, but this was a biggie for me) I had to term him. He was just such a disruption to the other kids and all his bad habits (which he had MANY) was rubbing off on the other kids as well.