What Would You Do?

[MaritimeMummy]

I have one DCG who comes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Those are her contracted days.

Her mom picked her up on Tuesday and said that she would be out on Thursday, they were going away, and if I could use a vacation day that would be great. My policy on vacation time is 2 week's notice but I am actually pretty lax on that since my one problem parent left. Anyway, that doesn't bother me.

8pm Wednesday night I got a PM on Facebook from the DCM asking if there was still a space for her daughter on Thursday, that they weren't going away after all. Honestly, she was my only DCK originally scheduled for Thursday. She's always the only kid to come on Thursdays. So since she cancelled, my husband put in for time off to stay home with us and do family stuff.

I told her no, we had made family plans.

This morning at 8am I got another PM from her, asking if I was taking any kids today and if her daughter could come. The only other child I had scheduled for today cancelled due to illness so I was again without children. I was completely willing to take her until the DCM said, "Oh, I have barely been getting any sleep, with a teething baby at home and no nanny anymore!" (She had a sitter come into the home for the baby while I kept the older child...mom works from home). I have been having a completely miserable time with my own son and have been up with him at 4:30 every morning for the past week...and has never slept the night. I have never really complained about it (not to the day care parents, anyway!), but that comment really pissed me off. Knowing she wasn't scheduled to come that day I used that to my advantage and said that no, I wasn't taking kids today.

What would you have done? Since their nanny quit I am getting the feeling that she is trying to use me as an on-call sitter and I am really getting annoyed by it.

[bunnyslippers]

I would have done exactly what you did. Don't give it a second thought!

[juliebug]

I would have said no too. I do drop ins but as I see fit. It didn't work for u so you had every right to say no.

[Blackcat31]

I would have done exactly as you did....went about my life/plans and not let hers issues be my problem.

This is why you require a schedule and if she has last minute changes, that's not on you.


Someone else's lack of planning does NOT constitute an emergency on your part.

I wouldn't feel bad either. Her kids = her issue.

[MaritimeMummy]

So I admit I kind of felt guilty about not being available for her on Thursday. So I really shouldn't?

[Play Care]

So I admit I kind of felt guilty about not being available for her on Thursday. So I really shouldn't?

Dear Lord, no!

Why? She will be the only dc kid there. When I have days whee it's just one, the child is BORED. They want to play with their friends. Yes I try to do one on one things but in the end, I am not as exciting as a little pal their own age. Why would I purposely do that to the child (or me)

[momofboys]

So I admit I kind of felt guilty about not being available for her on Thursday. So I really shouldn't?

You should not! She needs to let you know sooner than the night before, especially when she said she didn't need you. Don't feel guilty!

[slorey]

I probably would have said yes, because I am a pushover BUT I would have been mad, resentful and miserable that she was there. So, I think you did the right thing. I am sitting here now with my fussy, difficult dc baby who is not scheduled on Fridays because I haven't learned to say no and am regretting every minute of it!

[MaritimeMummy]

Dear Lord, no!

Why? She will be the only dc kid there. When I have days whee it's just one, the child is BORED. They want to play with their friends. Yes I try to do one on one things but in the end, I am not as exciting as a little pal their own age. Why would I purposely do that to the child (or me)

Well, my daughter is a good little buddy to her. I have a small day care and I have my daughter, this DCG, and another DCG who all chum around. The it's my son and a DCB who are close in age. The other DCG is the one who was sick today. All the kids are part time so it's rare that they're all here together. I probably would have taken DCG today but OMG, what she said just totally made me angry.

Here's a little backstory: my neighbours own a shop that they have sold to this DCM and her husband. DCM and her husband live right next door to the shop. So while the shop officially changes hands, my neighbour is there every day making sure they operate in a way that reflects positively on the years they've spent into building the business.

Anyway, on days when DCG isn't scheduled to be here and the nanny isn't there, DCM takes DCG to the shop and my NEIGHBOUR looks after her. Instead of helping run the shop, she becomes the hand-off babysitter. Then DCM goes shopping.

My neighbour has vented about DCM many times, saying she doesn't "know how to be a mother" and that DCM has said to her, "having 2 kids is easy, I should have a third!". My neighbour laughed at that and said, "she doesn't take care of the 2 she already has!".

[Blackcat31]

Well, my daughter is a good little buddy to her. I have a small day care and I have my daughter, this DCG, and another DCG who all chum around. The it's my son and a DCB who are close in age. The other DCG is the one who was sick today. All the kids are part time so it's rare that they're all here together. I probably would have taken DCG today but OMG, what she said just totally made me angry.

Here's a little backstory: my neighbours own a shop that they have sold to this DCM and her husband. DCM and her husband live right next door to the shop. So while the shop officially changes hands, my neighbour is there every day making sure they operate in a way that reflects positively on the years they've spent into building the business.

Anyway, on days when DCG isn't scheduled to be here and the nanny isn't there, DCM takes DCG to the shop and my NEIGHBOUR looks after her. Instead of helping run the shop, she becomes the hand-off babysitter. Then DCM goes shopping.

My neighbour has vented about DCM many times, saying she doesn't "know how to be a mother" and that DCM has said to her, "having 2 kids is easy, I should have a third!". My neighbour laughed at that and said, "she doesn't take care of the 2 she already has!".

That's pretty sad. (for your neighbor).

If I were her, I'd refuse to watch that child.......

I hate being in that position.....someone else simply assuming you are keeping an eye on their child..... WHILE parent is present.

[momofboys]

Here's a short story of something that happened to me in my early daycare years that made me realize I need to put my family first. DCM calls me at drop-off time to say they won't be coming, I have the day off because one of the kids is ill & she is staying home. I am gleeful - I had no other DCK that day so it's a DAY OFF!!!!!!! Anyway, my own dr's office called me soon after about a test I needed to have done at the hospital & could I come in today. I thought, what great timing. So I took MY OWN toddler son with me to have this ultrasound done on my leg (checking to make sure I did not have a blood clot, thankfuly I did not). So I am gone from the house for an hour or two. When I return home there is a call from DCM saying she got DCC an appt to the dr, can I please watch the younger one when they go (appt is 1 hr from the time she called). Not sure why but maybe b/c she already paid for the day I thought I was obligated to so so I did, after all she had already said you have the day off so I was resentful. I went ahead & did it but I felt resentful about it & let's be honest, there is NO reason she could not have taken the other DCC with her to the sick child appt. She just did not want to. And lo and behold even though the dr office is only 5 min from my home she was "at the dr appt" for 3 hrs. So from that point forward whenever someone "gives me the day off" and then tries to retract it at the last minute I let them no I am now unavailable & I do not feel guilty about it.

[mrsnj]

I am like momofboys. Had a DC mom cancel for actually good friday. Had no DCC that day as everyone else had off so family and I packed up and went out to breakfast. Came home to find like 10 really nasty messages about where was I? That the mom who canceled decided to show and I wasnt there and she was MAJOR pissy. Really? Cause I sit around all day twiddling my thumbs just in case someone decides to change their mind and come? Hum..... Now I have in my info, no show, no come, I make plans, no complain! Yeah...and I take off good Friday too! LOL!

Since it sounds like this isn't the best client, I likely wouldn't have taken the child either. I have good clients. I would bend over backwards for them. Then I have those parents that are not exactly my best and they get held to my rules 100% and I don't feel bad about it. So I say move on and that mom needs a reality check!

[AmyKidsCo]

If she said the child wasn't coming then you have no obligation to take the child if she changes her mind.

If she tries to bring the child on extra days you have every right not to take the child.

[MaritimeMummy]

An update:

The day after I posted this, I had to ask DCM for my pay, so I pm'd her through Facebook. This is our standard method of communication as she never gave me her phone number. :confused: Anyway, she PM'd me back and said that she secured two immediate openings at a day care facility that would be "more flexible". Grr... And she said she'd be by sometime THIS week to pick up her DD's belongings and that care was ending asap. No mention of 2 week's written notice or anything, like my contract requires, but instant. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered to deal anymore, so I happily said,

"Great! I am so glad that you were able to get your kids in on such short notice, as I know the wait times for the day care centres here are well over a year. You are very lucky. Anyway, it's for the best as I was going to talk to you next week as I have accepted a position which will require me to close the daycare. Best wishes!"

So, not even 2 days after that, my neighbour in the earlier story talked to me. Asked me what happened. I explained everything to her.

Turns out DCM was COMPLETELY lying to me about the day care centre. She was attempting a scare tactic apparently, to get me to take her baby son. When it backfired, she freaked out apparently. She keeps her husband in the dark 100% about child care, so when he caught her crying about it, she said *I* closed the day care IMMEDIATELY. So now I guess he's mad at me. Good lord, teh dramaz, haha.

[TheGoodLife]

So I admit I kind of felt guilty about not being available for her on Thursday. So I really shouldn't?

I wouldn't feel bad at all- you aren't doing drop-in services and she needs to give more notice if she wants to reschedule a day!! Enjoy your time off w/o DCKs : )