Advice Before I Open My Mouth...

[Unregistered]

Logged out for privacy, but I post here often...

My next door neighbor and I are pretty good friends, and our kids play together quite a bit. Last week I agreed to watch her 7 years old son for two hours after he gets home from school, until she comes home from work - I'm not getting paid for it, because she often watches my son, and we try to help each other this way -


I'm having an issue with this kid playing on his tablet for the entire two hours that he is here. I'm taking care of a small infant, my son and another daycare kid, and we have our schedule going on when he gets here. He is a very spoiled kid, that does whatever he wants, and if I try to tell him what to do he either pretend I'm not talking to him, or gets mad and starts throwing toys, and behaving aggressively in general. He does the same with his mother...

She uses discipline that is inconsistent, and that doesn't work, and she has this parenting ideas that each child is an individual so they need to be free to do what they like to do... I agree on that until I certain point, I still like my kids to have boundaries and rules to respect. This kid doesn't have any - he doesn't have any appropriate manners, he never says please and thank you, and acts like the adults are supposed to just mind their own business...he just gets away with whatever he wants...

Anyway, the tablet thing is really getting into my nerves because the other kids wants to play as well, and every day is just a big mess... disrupting the schedule, and what we are doing, as soon as that thing comes out..

I have told him many times to put him away, but unless I physically remove it from his hands, or get really angry at him, he totally ignores me. And if I do intervene in a drastic manner he explode with his aggressive behavior, which I don't want the other kids to see, and learn from.

I don't know how to approach my friend about this; he doesn't have a time limit to how much he can play videogames, and she is the kind of parent that is afraid to tell her kid what to do - she told me more than one time that I run a ship that is too tight for her own parenting style - I do have rules in my house, and when I have 5-6 kids here all day long, I expect them to be followed to maintain a safe environment.

I want to limit his playtime on the tablet for 30 minutes, and then he has to put it away, but I'm sure that he is going to have a HUGE fit about that, and his mother will believe that he should do what he wants to do.. even in my house... if he wants to play videogames, then I should let him do it...

I don't know what to say, or not say... I know that when friends are involved is always tricky, but we try to help each other out....

[Cradle2crayons]

How about " mom I know that tablet is very expensive and I only have about thirty minutes of spare time that I can monitor no to be sure the other kids don't break his tablet. I have lots of other things for fun, I'm thinking we could just limit it to that 30 minutes that I'm able to help him protect his tablet if that okay"

Or
Explain the oer kids want to play and although you don't mind if he plays his tablet, it's not fair to the others if he's playing on his tablet

Or blame it on licensing regulations. While dck are there, no electronics?

I'm out of ideas other than the obvious I know you've already thought about

[Starburst]

You can say that some of the other kids are getting jealous and it is causing issues with other daycare parents (basically saying it is effecting your job).

You can also make a rule of no electronic in use during daycare hours and that if he does bring it with him it will be put up where he cannot get to it during daycare the minute he walks through the door.

[ksmith]

I honesty would tell her he can't bring it at all. You could say you're worried about it being broken, it's disruptive to the other children, or whatever makes you feel comfortable. But ultimately when he is at your house he is apart of the daycare environment and I doubt you would let any of the other DK bring one. It sounds like its just becoming too much of a hassle to deal with even if you limited his time.

[Play Care]

If you want to try to soothe hurt feelings, make it about the fact other kids can't seem to keep their hands off it and you would hate for it to be broken. That said, be prepared to hear how "bored" he is.

And FWIW if there isn't an end date on this arrangement I would make plans to end it ASAP. "Mom, I just signed on a new child and won't legally have the space for Johnny anymore. I'll need to end the arrangement as of X date."

I went through something very similar with a neighbor/friend and it didn't end well.

[rmc20021]

There is a rule where I am that electronics, tv, computer is limited for dck's...don't remember off hand how much time it is as I don't allow it at all, so telling her licensing sets the limits may not be too far from the truth...check out your rule book. Maybe there's something in it to back you up.

I have a 5 and 8 yo from the same family and that's all they do at home...they have no clue how to play. The EACH have their own ipads, ipods, wii, xbox, tv and computers.

I don't believe in all that. They are nice to have to use sparingly but when the kid is so addicted to them they can't do anything else, it's a problem.

[mrsnj]

Its your daycare. Even if she isn't paying, you still are working and have rules. Take it away. Done. I guess I don't see the issue. Just because he is a friends child doesn't justify him to have different rules. That is opening a Pandora Box I know I wouldn't want. The tablet is causing an issue. Put it away until you say he can have it. And rules for bringing things from home here is that they have to share. If that is an unsharable item either by moms rules or he won't allow it, it doesn't get brought anymore.

[itlw8]

Nope he would not bring it here at all. PLUS everything that is brought here is shared by all so if he did bring it she needs to know he gets 5 minutes then it is passed on to a different child including the 2 year olds. so it woud be much safer to leave it at home anyway.

He survives not having it at school . he can wait until he gets home a few hours longer.

[Meeko]

I would just say no to the tablet. Tell the mom that if you let one child bring one, you have to let all kids bring one and that doesn't work in a daycare setting.

She has to understand that your child going to her home is different from her child coming to your house. You are running a business and are working while her child is there. Business rules apply to her son too.

[Childminder]

I have in my contract that no toys allowed in day care and that experience has initiated this ruling. No exceptions.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I would just say no to the tablet. Tell the mom that if you let one child bring one, you have to let all kids bring one and that doesn't work in a daycare setting.

She has to understand that your child going to her home is different from her child coming to your house. You are running a business and are working while her child is there. Business rules apply to her son too.

Exactly!

[nannyde]

I don't allow screens or items from home. I also don't allow ANY aggression so he and his tablet would be gone the first time I told him no and he got nasty with me about it.

[AmyKidsCo]

I agree - I'd say the tablet has to stay home because I'm afraid it would be damaged.