What Was I thinking?

[mrs.meg]

Okay,

I just started a new DK kid yesterday. He is resisting structure at all costs. I am having trouble just being nice. I have to be very stern with him or he does not even listen. I am so bad with boys. I am a mom of 5 girls and it seems all I ever babysit is boys. I just don't know what to do with them. I am not sure I can do this. I wonder if any of you have ever had to tell someone that you couldn't do it. I was thinking of telling the parents I would just keep him until they find someone else. Maybe I have just lost my mind!

I was getting ready to lose my 3 year old DK boy to preschool and thought this would just be great so I wouldn't lose my income. I should have known, it took me almost 2 years to get the 2 boys I watch to behave. I didn't even advertise, I just don't know what to do. Maybe it will get better in a few weeks, so crazy!

[tymaboy]

Stick to your guns, it will get better. Structure is the best thing for kids. When they realize that you will not change your mind cuz they are being difficult they will fall into place. I had a set of sisters when I started that had NO structure at home. The 1st several weeks in care they spent most of the time in TO. I also had to take toys & books away until the realized that it goes much easier when they go with the flow. If they are the type to cry/fuss cuz they did not get there way I also put them in TO so they know it may work at home but will not here. After awhile I the DCM would tell me how they listen to me more then her. Its cuz I do not change the way our day goes & it is the same rules for everyone day in & day out.

[mrs.meg]

He threw a HUGE fit while his dad was here because he didn't want to do the morning routine of sitting and watching cartoons until breakfast. He wants to run around the house and do whatever he wants, but I have a 1 year old sleeping and do not want them waking her up at 7:15am. It is just about 30 minutes of morning quiet time until breakfast. I do not think that is too much to ask, but I don't think dad likes it at all, either! I told him that I just don't want them waking up the others who are sleeping. I have tried to let them play but they always end up screaming in the mornings and it doesn't work. The place he was before had NO structure at all and at meal time he just runs to the fridge, tries to open it and yells "CHEESE"! It is funny in a way, because I am like, you have to eat what everyone else is eating, and when everyone else eats. It is like teaching him a foreign language!

[mrs.meg]

BTW, thanks for the advice, it helps to talk to someone who has been there!!!!!

[melskids]

how old is this child? boys do have a harder time sitting still, and can be WAY more active then girls. what if you brought him in the kitchen and put him to work helping with breakfast or setting the table? or something quiet, but can still use his body, like playdough or the sand table? with the understanding of course, that if he gets loud, its back to sitting. i had a horrible time this summer trying to keep the SA quiet while the little ones slept. finally, one afternoon i made them all sit in silence the entire nap time. they now know i mean business, and never were loud again. thank goodness they went back to school yesterday...

[mrs.meg]

He'll be 3 in January. Not sure about the activities, I would be looking to let him go before I rearrange my schedule since I would have to let the other two kids do that, too. I would feel like I am catering to that one child and and just letting him win a power-struggle.

[momofsix]

i don't have any 2 year olds that would sit for a half hour and watch tv-boy or girl! Would he sit quietly if you gave him a little snack of cheerios or something at the table while you're preparing breakfast, or maybe some puzzles/beads and string/crayons...? That waY he could be sitting quietly in one spot, and you could still be getting work done. I can kind of see where dad doesn't like the idea of the tv for a 2 year old, unless he know that when they started him.
If you need the money, and are willing to give it time, I think he will come around. Structure is so important, but if he has never had any, he's probably wondering what the world is going on--why can't he run all around like he has avery day before? Once he gets used to it and sees the other kids having fun he'll come around.
I know what you mean about the boys though-after raising 6 girls, the boys sure are a whole other species::

[kitkat]

the boys sure are a whole other species::

It is amazing how different they are

Since dcb had no structure before, he's definitely going to test you, and test you longer than your other kids probably did. To me, it makes sense that he can't sit still or quietly for the cartoons. My own 2 can't, but all my dckids turn into zombies as soon as a movie comes on. We don't watch many movies, but I can tell my dck do when at home. I would let the dcb have a choice: either sit and watch tv quietly, or sit at the table and do puzzles quietly. What's the harm in letting him do a puzzle or if other kids want to do a puzzle also? As long as they know they will have to sit there the entire time and not be able to go watch tv when they are bored of the puzzles, then I think it would work. Who knows, dcb might get tired of sitting and doing quiet stuff at the table and want to be with the other kids. I do this when someone is misbehaving when I'm getting lunch ready, but then they usually don't get to do anything. Sometimes the others will want to sit and wait, but when I explain why the one is sitting, they usually rethink wanting to join in.

[missnikki]

I've noticed that my most difficult kids do a lot better when I put out the effort before there's an issue. It sounds like he needs a bit more 'action'. Just try to stay one step ahead with him, like before he gets there or before you turn on the TV you can put out some blocks, the next day trucks and cars, etc... show him what he can play with if he doesn't want to watch TV. I would try the old..."you have a choice, you can do _____ or you can watch TV. Which do you choose?" Repeat your expectations often and be patient. He just needs to learn that in your house, he's not in charge but his needs are important.

[mrs.meg]

Today was better. I see what you are saying, I did give him a few toys to play with quietly while the kids were watching TV and he did okay. He does always seem to get loud, each morning no matter what I do, so I have to keep him in the farthest room from the sleeping baby, but that is where the other kids are.

I found out that his sitter before had literally zero structure, or even have a nap, they said he just fell asleep in the chair for a few minutes a day. So, this is very different from what he is used to! I have a lot of free play, but I am always watching him. I also see that he is VERY stubborn. 2 of my children are extremely stubborn and both of them always resist change more than the others. Thank God is was better today!!!! Thanks for all your advice!!

[kitkat]

So glad to hear it's going better! Hopefully it'll get easier each day and he'll come around sooner rather than later!