Different Rules for DCK

[JenNJ]

My daycare room is a dedicated space. It is a 20 x 25 room that is seperate from the rest of my house with acess off the kitchen. The daycare kids only go from my foyer, into the kitchen and into the daycare room. They come through the kitchen and into the dining room to eat. Backyard acess is off the hallway that leads to the daycare room.

Our bedrooms are on the second floor. Only the babies go to the second floor to the nap room. No daycare kids are allowed in my kids bedrooms. We tried it and it didn't work. They don't respect my children's things or treat them nicely. Clean up took far too long and the space was too small.

The daycare toys are all toys my children have outgrown or no longer consider special. I would never ask them to share their personal belongings for my business. They have a right to say no to sharing, but I ask that special toys be kept out of sight of the daycare kids so it isn't teasing.

[JenNJ]

mnemom -- my kids are the same ages as yours. It will not be bad, I promise. Is your son into bugs? I got all sorts of digging tool and bug kits for my son so he can explore our yard this summer. Plus, my son is old enough to be outside alone happily now. He takes his water bottle and a snack or two and stays outside as long as possible.

[LittleFootMomma]

Our own kiddos rooms are off limits to DCK, though sometimes my own kiddos will invite a DCK into their room. I do keep them separate because my daycare space is exclusive for daycare purposes. Our space in our home is "our space" that is so we can avoid having our house look like a tornado ripped through it with as many DCK we have running around. There is more time for family if I'm not spending the hours after we've closed cleaning up the messes made by multiple DCK. Our other trick for helping our own kiddos feel like they have a voice is to remind the DCK that when "so and so" has a special toy out it's only for show and tell, not for sharing. Once that toy has been "shown" it goes back to either DCK cubby or my own kiddos room. We too spend as much quality time with our own kiddos as possible. We like to invest our time in them.

[Blackcat31]

First off....I am NOT saying anyone is right or wrong....I am only giving you MY personal perspective AS A PARENT and NOT a provider.

I pulled my children from a child care in which the provider allowed her own children to pick and choose certain daycare kids to go into their rooms and play. My provider has two kids the same age/gender as my own and often times the provider's children would take one or two other daycare kids into their room and play with them. There were a couple kids (my own included) who complained about this.

I honestly felt like it was unfair treatment and I was not okay with it.

I understand that the provider's children live there but I looked at it like when daycare was open and running, they WERE daycare kids just like everyone else. (Even providers are limited to certain behavior during business hours). I didn't feel it was fair that the provider's kids could snack when they wanted and do things the daycare kids couldn't.

It caused such an upheaval in my kids' attitude about going to that child care that I eventually pulled them and enrolled them in a center.

Again, I am NOT saying what you do and don't do as a childcare provider AND parent in your own home is right or wrong, I am only giving you a different perspective.

As a parent, I was NOT ok with this.

I would NEVER have my kids attend a child care where the provider's own children got special treatment or were treated differently or better than mine.

[Play Care]

First off....I am NOT saying anyone is right or wrong....I am only giving you MY personal perspective AS A PARENT and NOT a provider.

I pulled my children from a child care in which the provider allowed her own children to pick and choose certain daycare kids to go into their rooms and play. My provider has two kids the same age/gender as my own and often times the provider's children would take one or two other daycare kids into their room and play with them. There were a couple kids (my own included) who complained about this.

I honestly felt like it was unfair treatment and I was not okay with it.

I understand that the provider's children live there but I looked at it like when daycare was open and running, they WERE daycare kids just like everyone else. (Even providers are limited to certain behavior during business hours). I didn't feel it was fair that the provider's kids could snack when they wanted and do things the daycare kids couldn't.

It caused such an upheaval in my kids' attitude about going to that child care that I eventually pulled them and enrolled them in a center.

Again, I am NOT saying what you do and don't do as a childcare provider AND parent in your own home is right or wrong, I am only giving you a different perspective.

As a parent, I was NOT ok with this.

I would NEVER have my kids attend a child care where the provider's own children got special treatment or were treated differently or better than mine.

I understand my kids are not dc kids and this is their home, but I feel it would be rude to have allowed them to eat whenever and whatever whenever dc kids were present. It sets them up to expect "special" during dc hours and quite frankly I was/am way to busy to accommodate that. Now were there times when my kids had an evening activity and needed early dinner? Sure. In that case I would keep the dc kids away and busy. DC kids are never allowed in my kids rooms, period. That would lead to a situation like Blackcat described. I did lose a school aged dc girl over this rule, because our kids were friends the parents expected it would be like a play date while I was working
As my kids get older/ more independent they can do more, but when they were younger and still needed me to make meals and supervise them, I wasn't going to make more work for myself.

[NeedaVaca]

First off....I am NOT saying anyone is right or wrong....I am only giving you MY personal perspective AS A PARENT and NOT a provider.

I pulled my children from a child care in which the provider allowed her own children to pick and choose certain daycare kids to go into their rooms and play. My provider has two kids the same age/gender as my own and often times the provider's children would take one or two other daycare kids into their room and play with them. There were a couple kids (my own included) who complained about this.

I honestly felt like it was unfair treatment and I was not okay with it.

I understand that the provider's children live there but I looked at it like when daycare was open and running, they WERE daycare kids just like everyone else. (Even providers are limited to certain behavior during business hours). I didn't feel it was fair that the provider's kids could snack when they wanted and do things the daycare kids couldn't.

It caused such an upheaval in my kids' attitude about going to that child care that I eventually pulled them and enrolled them in a center.

Again, I am NOT saying what you do and don't do as a childcare provider AND parent in your own home is right or wrong, I am only giving you a different perspective.

As a parent, I was NOT ok with this.

I would NEVER have my kids attend a child care where the provider's own children got special treatment or were treated differently or better than mine.

I totally get what you are saying. In my case my children are much older than the DCK's so I think that makes a difference.

[JenNJ]

My kids are older now. When they were younger, they were on the same schedule as the dc kids. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

Yes, they snack as they please, but the dc kids don't know. In fact, if my kids ask out loud, they get no snack. They know they need to whisper to me or call me aside to ask for things like that.

An no, the inviting people ot the room thing was causing drama so it stopped. My dd has 2 girls here her age and one has a younger sister by 2 years. Once the younger girl got mad about the "big girls" going away to play, I shut it down. Becuase you are right BC, it isn't fair or right to cause hurt feelings.

Everything else I feel is pretty logical. My kids can go outside alone bc I am their mom. The other kids moms say that they need an adult with them. My kids roomsa re here so they can go there just ike the dc kids go in their rooms at home, etc. I haven't seen hurt feelings about these things yet and hopefully I won't!

[Blackcat31]

My kids are older now. When they were younger, they were on the same schedule as the dc kids. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

Yes, they snack as they please, but the dc kids don't know. In fact, if my kids ask out loud, they get no snack. They know they need to whisper to me or call me aside to ask for things like that.

An no, the inviting people ot the room thing was causing drama so it stopped. My dd has 2 girls here her age and one has a younger sister by 2 years. Once the younger girl got mad about the "big girls" going away to play, I shut it down. Becuase you are right BC, it isn't fair or right to cause hurt feelings.

Everything else I feel is pretty logical. My kids can go outside alone bc I am their mom. The other kids moms say that they need an adult with them. My kids roomsa re here so they can go there just ike the dc kids go in their rooms at home, etc. I haven't seen hurt feelings about these things yet and hopefully I won't!

When your own kids are much older than the DCK's it DOES make a huge difference and the rules DO have to be changed/modified a bit.

My own kids were allowed to go to the park and play outside whenever they wanted to also when they got older. Some things are just what they are but mixing daycare kids with your own kids is a tough thing to balance fairly so that everyone is happy.

I know I had some deep thoughts about the whole subject simply based on what I wrote in another thread about my DH's experiences growing up in his mother's daycare that I tried really hard to make things fair. Not necessarily fair but certainly balanced.

LOVE your rule about asking outloud......:: I always told my kids that if they asked me something on the spot or in front of their friends the answer would always be no.

I also tell the DCK's when it comes to treats "If you ask, the answer is no".

[rmc20021]

When I had daycare way back when my kids were little I would 'buy' them nice gifts for birthdays, Christmas etc...but it was actually for daycare for which everyone shared.

I also bought my own kids toys that were just for them. They had to keep those toys in their rooms which was off limits to daycare kids. They were not allowed to go into their room during daycare hours to play with those items.

If they insisted on bringing their 'special' toys out of their rooms, then they understood the toy would be used just the same as any other toy in the daycare area. It would be for anyone and would no longer be just their special toy.

They knew which toys they were willing to share like this, and which ones they weren't. Once they came out of their rooms, they couldn't just take it back to the room because they decided they no longer wanted dck's to play with it...it was out for good.

It forced my kids to decide which toys they really wanted to keep as their own.

Now that I have custody of my grandkids, I do the same with them (one is almost 17 so that's not even an issue with him) but my granddaughter does not bring anything out she's not willing to give up permanently.

It may not sound fair to them, but it's how I've been able to get the kids to understand the difference between their personal toys, and shared toys.

[KDC]

This is difficult for me too. I have kids ages 4, 6 &8. My DCK's are all age 3 and under with the exception of 2 DCK's that grew up with my children ages 4&6. The 6 yr. old really looks up to my 8 yr. old... The 6 yr. olds are in Kindergarten and have 1/2 days. My ds is in school full time. The issue is the hour between 4-5. DCB age 6 loves my ds and can't wait until my son comes home to play. But, his Mom is very anti electronics... Which I understand and respect, but it doesn't feel right making my 8yr. old son play with this DCB when he gets home. His parents used to come pick up their kids at 4:30, but would cry at pick up so now they're home at 4:30(they live across the street), but leave him there an extra 1/2 hour to 'play'. My 8 yr. old loves to unwind after school with a snack and do his homework so he can earn his electronic time. There is a short window of dinner, homework, shower and bed). If he is forced to play with this DCB, then he loses his electronic time... He chooses homework instead of play time to earn electronic time. This has started causing a rift, but feel my son is old enough this should be his choice. And, I'm willing to stand by my decision.

I treat all the younger ones like my kids, no special treatment, however all the kids are allowed different things based on age. Entrance into the other half of the room is age based... 100+ piece puzzles and board games are only for the 4 and up crowd or they'll be trashed.

[clep]

First off....I am NOT saying anyone is right or wrong....I am only giving you MY personal perspective AS A PARENT and NOT a provider.

I pulled my children from a child care in which the provider allowed her own children to pick and choose certain daycare kids to go into their rooms and play. My provider has two kids the same age/gender as my own and often times the provider's children would take one or two other daycare kids into their room and play with them. There were a couple kids (my own included) who complained about this.

I honestly felt like it was unfair treatment and I was not okay with it.

I understand that the provider's children live there but I looked at it like when daycare was open and running, they WERE daycare kids just like everyone else. (Even providers are limited to certain behavior during business hours). I didn't feel it was fair that the provider's kids could snack when they wanted and do things the daycare kids couldn't.

It caused such an upheaval in my kids' attitude about going to that child care that I eventually pulled them and enrolled them in a center.

Again, I am NOT saying what you do and don't do as a childcare provider AND parent in your own home is right or wrong, I am only giving you a different perspective.

As a parent, I was NOT ok with this.

I would NEVER have my kids attend a child care where the provider's own children got special treatment or were treated differently or better than mine.

This is how I feel. I have never treated my son special or given him any sort of different treatment. When he became old enough to start resenting the day home space and being in it, I hired someone part time so he and I could spend more time away from the day home space.

Now I work in the day home for two hours and then go upstairs. I have a full time employee. My day home is completely self contained with the whole basement with a bathroom and kitchen area.

My son is with me upstairs during the rest of the day where he does his school work and I work my other home based business....the one that actually pays well. ::

I would not put my child in care where there were different rules for the providers children. I would not want my child to see that and feel upset about that all the time or feel like less than the providers child.

[Play Care]

This is difficult for me too. I have kids ages 4, 6 &8. My DCK's are all age 3 and under with the exception of 2 DCK's that grew up with my children ages 4&6. The 6 yr. old really looks up to my 8 yr. old... The 6 yr. olds are in Kindergarten and have 1/2 days. My ds is in school full time. The issue is the hour between 4-5. DCB age 6 loves my ds and can't wait until my son comes home to play. But, his Mom is very anti electronics... Which I understand and respect, but it doesn't feel right making my 8yr. old son play with this DCB when he gets home. His parents used to come pick up their kids at 4:30, but would cry at pick up so now they're home at 4:30(they live across the street), but leave him there an extra 1/2 hour to 'play'. My 8 yr. old loves to unwind after school with a snack and do his homework so he can earn his electronic time. There is a short window of dinner, homework, shower and bed). If he is forced to play with this DCB, then he loses his electronic time... He chooses homework instead of play time to earn electronic time. This has started causing a rift, but feel my son is old enough this should be his choice. And, I'm willing to stand by my decision.

I treat all the younger ones like my kids, no special treatment, however all the kids are allowed different things based on age. Entrance into the other half of the room is age based... 100+ piece puzzles and board games are only for the 4 and up crowd or they'll be trashed.

I will say that although I strived to be fair, I have maintained that my kids are not here for dc kids amusement. I don't force the dc kids to play with each other - they usually do but if someone doesn't mesh or want to play I'm not making them and I afford my own kids the same respect. My kids chose to come home from school and play on their iPods. I usually take the dc kids outside at this point.
After an experience where a dc family thought they were doing me a "favor" by sending their dd to me so my kids could have a play date, I try to make it clear to parents that my own kids are enrolled in lessons, clubs, etc. and are often not here. In addition since DH is a teacher they often go places together during the day (mostly to get a break from DC but I don't say that ) on school vacations. It seems to help take away the awkward/hurt feelings if they know the deal from the get go.

[Unregistered]

My daycare is in the basement and separate from the rest of the house. My daycare children are all under 26 months, and the daycare is set up for this age group. My child is 7, and has free run off the house and is not expected to be in the daycare. She is able to get her own snacks as she wishes.

[mema]

I let my kids go outside, to their rooms, or to a neighbors house to "hang out" (you don't play after a certain age I guess). They are in upper elementary and middle school tho. If I didn't have dc, they wouldn't be in it. When they were younger and I had kids closer to their age, they were not allowed to take them in their rooms. If they wanted to go their room, it was alone or with each other, but not dcks. I do let them play video games/watch tv, but it is out of sight and sound of dcks and only for their allotted daily time. The things they don't want to share, they keep in their rooms or our family room. As they outgrow their toys, they migrate to the dc area.

[busymommy0420]

For me and the wide range of ages of my six children I have different ways for each "age" group. My sons are 18, 17 and 12 and come and go as they please (well in the home anyways). They also eat on their own too. The 12 year old is considered a daycare child for the food program but he does not count in my attendance. Out of the three boys he is involved in the daycare the most. He helps here and there and has snack with the kids too. My daughters are 3, 3 and six months and they are 100% apart of my daycare occupying 50% of my pre-school capacity. I feed them the same foods and they are to follow the same rules as the daycare children. There are a few exceptions...

Their outside bikes are just for them. (DCP were asked to supply bikes and helmets for their children)

Their room is just for them. (It is rare that we are up there so it doesn't really apply)

My one daughter gets OJ at snack while the others have water including my other daughter. (This is for her miralax and the parents are aware of this)

My daughters get vitamins with breakfast, I do not supply vitamins for the other children.

My exceptions have never been an issue. It will be interesting once my daughters are older and may want time alone in their rooms. Right now I can't imagine not having them in eyesight. I feel all the children should be treated the same. I do sneak in extra cuddles, snuggles and I Love you's to my daughters but...I can't help that! lovethis