I Am Not Here Today

[rmc20021]

I've been so stressed and overwhelmed with both my parents going into the hospital last week...now my dad's in a nursing facility. My mom's second cousin has been trying to push me out of the way of taking care of the medical aspects of my mom's care under the pretense she's trying to 'help'.

I made suggestions as to the many other ways cousin can help without being involved with the medical care...I do not trust this woman.

My mother confided in me yesterday that this cousin has been getting vicodin from her every month for several months now so that explained cousins interest in my mom's medical care. My mom told me cousin was going through her meds to find out when the refill dates were and counting her meds.

So yesterday I took my mom to the doctor and she got a new script for vicodin, which cousin was aware she was going to do as she had already gone through her meds. Shortly after I dropped my mom off after getting the script, cousin shows up asking for pills.

I'm so stressed and so angry that I feel as though I'm going to explode from teh inside out. I am so depressed that I just cannot get into doing the activities and projects with the kids that I usually do and I feel awful about it.

I feel as though I could use a day or two off from childcare to regroup. I know if I tell the parents that I'm going ot hear nothing but complaints just like I did last Friday when I told them everyone had to be picked up on tiime when I was admitting my dad into the nursing home.

I cannot afford to lose any of these families, but I know I need to have some time because as far as I'm concerned the way I'm feeling right now is an illness which I need to recover from. I believe a day or two would be enough for me to get back on track. I've had one day off since January 1st but I just don't feel up to dealing with the additional stress the parents would create if I told them I need even one day off...especially the one family who is my problem family and if I could afford it, I wouldn't even care if they left.

[Cradle2crayons]

Do you have a friend, a parent, a relative than can come in and help with the kids. You could explain to the parents you are bringing in someone to help. I'm not sure what your policy is on this etc. but in the end, you HAVE to take care of YOU

[Lucy]

I've been so stressed and overwhelmed with both my parents going into the hospital last week...now my dad's in a nursing facility. My mom's second cousin has been trying to push me out of the way of taking care of the medical aspects of my mom's care under the pretense she's trying to 'help'.

I made suggestions as to the many other ways cousin can help without being involved with the medical care...I do not trust this woman.

My mother confided in me yesterday that this cousin has been getting vicodin from her every month for several months now so that explained cousins interest in my mom's medical care. My mom told me cousin was going through her meds to find out when the refill dates were and counting her meds.

So yesterday I took my mom to the doctor and she got a new script for vicodin, which cousin was aware she was going to do as she had already gone through her meds. Shortly after I dropped my mom off after getting the script, cousin shows up asking for pills.

I'm so stressed and so angry that I feel as though I'm going to explode from teh inside out. I am so depressed that I just cannot get into doing the activities and projects with the kids that I usually do and I feel awful about it.

I feel as though I could use a day or two off from childcare to regroup. I know if I tell the parents that I'm going ot hear nothing but complaints just like I did last Friday when I told them everyone had to be picked up on tiime when I was admitting my dad into the nursing home.

I cannot afford to lose any of these families, but I know I need to have some time because as far as I'm concerned the way I'm feeling right now is an illness which I need to recover from. I believe a day or two would be enough for me to get back on track. I've had one day off since January 1st but I just don't feel up to dealing with the additional stress the parents would create if I told them I need even one day off...especially the one family who is my problem family and if I could afford it, I wouldn't even care if they left.

I had to double check to see if I was on my DAYCARE forum!! I'm also on a support forum for caregiver's of people with Alzheimer's (my mother), and there was a story almost exactly like yours on there just last night! I really thought I had clicked the wrong bookmark. This lady was caring for her mom. There's a cousin (who would be niece to the lady with Alz) was butting in and trying to take over. Well, after awhile, they discovered that the niece was depleting the aunt's prescription of Vicodin. They were asking for advice on the forum and some of the suggestions were to call DHS. They don't just deal with abuse to children - they deal with elder abuse as well.

Keep us posted!

Edited to add: My gosh, it's YOU!! How weird is that!!!!! Maybe I misunderstood the "cousin" relationship. It seems it's your mom's cousin and not yours?? Anyway, how strange!! Small world, as they say!!!

[rmc20021]

I had to double check to see if I was on my DAYCARE forum!! I'm also on a support forum for caregiver's of people with Alzheimer's (my mother), and there was a story almost exactly like yours on there just last night! I really thought I had clicked the wrong bookmark. This lady was caring for her mom. There's a cousin (who would be niece to the lady with Alz) was butting in and trying to take over. Well, after awhile, they discovered that the niece was depleting the aunt's prescription of Vicodin. They were asking for advice on the forum and some of the suggestions were to call DHS. They don't just deal with abuse to children - they deal with elder abuse as well.

Keep us posted!

Edited to add: My gosh, it's YOU!! How weird is that!!!!! Maybe I misunderstood the "cousin" relationship. It seems it's your mom's cousin and not yours?? Anyway, how strange!! Small world, as they say!!!

Hahaha...nope, not weird at all. Yup...it's me. My mom JUST now called and chewed me out because she doesn't have any vicodin. She had PLENTY a few days ago and then she told me she had given them to the cousin Llast night and was yelling at me that they are HERS and not MINE. I reminded her they are HERS and not COUSINS. I was in tears...really don't know how much more I can take and I'm just not with it with the daycare kids today. I feel so bad, but my mind just isn't focused. My head is just spinning...

[rmc20021]

As for the relationship...it's my mom's first cousin's daughter, making her my mom's second cousin and then whatever down the line that is to me. 3rd cousin, maybe????

[Lucy]

Hahaha...nope, not weird at all. Yup...it's me. My mom JUST now called and chewed me out because she doesn't have any vicodin. She had PLENTY a few days ago and then she told me she had given them to the cousin Llast night and was yelling at me that they are HERS and not MINE. I reminded her they are HERS and not COUSINS. I was in tears...really don't know how much more I can take and I'm just not with it with the daycare kids today. I feel so bad, but my mind just isn't focused. My head is just spinning...

It's nice to know that there's someone in an even MORE similar situation to me. Dealing with DC kids AND a mom with devastating ALZ. Sorry to sound like it was soooo off-the-wall, but it was just weird how my discovery came about, and it just seemed amazing that you were the same person! LOL

[rmc20021]

Well, maybe we can create our own support system. can you send me a private message? I'm not very good at that stuff and we can stay in touch...

[Lucy]

Sent!

[MarinaVanessa]

I would be calling whoever I could to report the cousin. DHS, the pharmacy, your moms DR etc. Ask them what they recommend.

Is it possible for you to visit your mom daily? If this is the case I would be taking ALL of moms prescriptions home with me and leaving only what was needed in order to cover the dosage she needed while I was away. I would in no way leave the prescriptions around Mom or cousin.

I would also take into consideration that maybe I would try to get legal control of Mom. I'd also start alerting the rest of the family of what is happening with cousin getting prescriptions from Mom and letting them know that I will be willing to start involving the police of needed if she didn't stay away. Sounds like yup either have to get someone to care for mom and pops (if they are still at their own home) or get them in hospice care.

So sad that yup have to deal with this. You can't control what others do but you can control what you do. Hugs.

[rmc20021]

CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!!!!!!! My mom is stranded on the side of the road with the car broke down. She has no tags on it due to her mental confusion and not allowing anyone to help her.

Then during lunch one of my dcb's started throwing up. Called mom's phone and it's been disconnected. Called dad's phone and it went straight to voicemail. Called grandma and she's supposed to be trying to get hold of someone to pick him up...just called back, she's on her way.

As for parents...I've done everything possible to try to help them. Tried to get guardianship, that fell through, gone to every agency in the country with no help. Mom refuses to let me keep her meds. I tried that and she then refused to take ANY of them out of defiance. She's still enough in her right mind to scream and yell at me about everything, yet lets others take advantage of her and if I intervene between her and the cousin, there would be all h*** to pay. We already got into a huge fight the other day about cousin and I left crying my eyes out. I've talked to adult protective services, I've talked to area agency on agency, I've talked to mental health officials...you name it, I've done it. Long, long story...and so frustrating.

Now I just want to get the little sick guy home and hope nobody else gets sick....especially me.

[momofboys]

CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE!!!!!!! My mom is stranded on the side of the road with the car broke down. She has no tags on it due to her mental confusion and not allowing anyone to help her.

Then during lunch one of my dcb's started throwing up. Called mom's phone and it's been disconnected. Called dad's phone and it went straight to voicemail. Called grandma and she's supposed to be trying to get hold of someone to pick him up...just called back, she's on her way.

As for parents...I've done everything possible to try to help them. Tried to get guardianship, that fell through, gone to every agency in the country with no help. Mom refuses to let me keep her meds. I tried that and she then refused to take ANY of them out of defiance. She's still enough in her right mind to scream and yell at me about everything, yet lets others take advantage of her and if I intervene between her and the cousin, there would be all h*** to pay. We already got into a huge fight the other day about cousin and I left crying my eyes out. I've talked to adult protective services, I've talked to area agency on agency, I've talked to mental health officials...you name it, I've done it. Long, long story...and so frustrating.

Now I just want to get the little sick guy home and hope nobody else gets sick....especially me.

I am soooo sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine how stressed/upset you are at this moment but I do think you need to figure out a way first of all to get someone to come help with your DCK for 1-2 days so you can be more devoted to helping your parents. My dad had Alzheimers & was admitted to a nursing home after my sister & her family had loyally devoted 2 yeatrs caring for them, as he deteriorated it got to be too much for my sis & became a potentially dangerous situation (my dad was a large man, not overweight just very tall) & helping him with day to day tasks got to be too much. Is your mom safe to drive in her confused state, I know before my dad was admitted to nursing care we had to take away his keys? If you ever want to chat send me a PM. Sending you hugs that you can get through this stressful time.

[e.j.]

I would be calling whoever I could to report the cousin. DHS, the pharmacy, your moms DR etc. Ask them what they recommend.

Is it possible for you to visit your mom daily? If this is the case I would be taking ALL of moms prescriptions home with me and leaving only what was needed in order to cover the dosage she needed while I was away. I would in no way leave the prescriptions around Mom or cousin.

I would also take into consideration that maybe I would try to get legal control of Mom. I'd also start alerting the rest of the family of what is happening with cousin getting prescriptions from Mom and letting them know that I will be willing to start involving the police of needed if she didn't stay away. Sounds like yup either have to get someone to care for mom and pops (if they are still at their own home) or get them in hospice care.

So sad that yup have to deal with this. You can't control what others do but you can control what you do. Hugs.

I'm sorry you're going through all that you are. I watched my Dad deal with his brother who had Alzheimer's and it's not an easy thing to do. Try to take a couple of days if you can, just to destress a little. If you burn yourself out now, you'll end up having to take far more time off later. If you explained what's going on to your dc parents and assured them closing the day care wouldn't be an every day event, do you think they'd be a little more understanding? Do you have vacation time outlined in the contract that you could take now instead of during the summer? Good luck. I hope your dc parents will surprise you and be a little more understanding than you think they will be.