Interesting Article

[nannyde]

http://www.slate.com/blogs/how_babies_work/2013/04/10/parental_ethnotheories_and_how_parents_in_america_differ_from_parents_everywhere.html

"American parents talked about their children as intelligent and even as “cognitively advanced.” (Also: rebellious.)"

Parents WANT their child to be the one who is intellectually ADVANCED and bucks the system.

Spot on... "My child is so smart and he doesn't like being told what to do". The latter being said with a prideful smirk.

Seen it over and over again. When they get out of paid child care that high intelligence and rebelliousness most often turns into a kid who behaves badly in school and is actually not advanced at all or possibly even delayed. It often takes the school system YEARS to deconstruct this parental mindset. Sometimes it takes multiple in class scenarios and different adults to hammer home to the parent that what they have thought of their child since they were toddlers is completely wrong. It's bad behavior... it's just normal... OR it's actually a defecit.

That's a long hard fall and rarely the decent starts when there is money being exchanged for the day to day of the child.

[Blackcat31]

Couldn't agree more.

I spent years trying to work with a DCM and her DS. I just kept hearing,

• "He's bored"
• "You (myself or the other kids) simply don't understand him or challenge him enough"
• "He is so smart he works differently than other kids"
• He never behaves that way at home"
• "He is more mature than is peers"
• "He has scored high on all the charts"

I had the two younger sibs in care so I was lucky enough to be able to see this evolution in DCM first hand. By the time that her "Extremely gifted" and "talented" DS got to 3rd grade, the family had already had several CPS checks, hours of detention for the child, countless parent-teacher conferences and a couple suspensions.

Now the comments the DCM makes to me about her DS have completely changed and the tone is no longer a proud smirk or joyful praise but one of embarrassment and defeat.......sometimes exasperation in wondering where everyone "failed" her DS.

[Meeko]

http://www.slate.com/blogs/how_babie...verywhere.html


"American parents talked about their children as intelligent and even as “cognitively advanced.” (Also: rebellious.)"

Parents WANT their child to be the one who is intellectually ADVANCED and bucks the system.

Spot on... "My child is so smart and he doesn't like being told what to do". The latter being said with a prideful smirk.

Seen it over and over again. When they get out of paid child care that high intelligence and rebelliousness most often turns into a kid who behaves badly in school and is actually not advanced at all or possibly even delayed. It often takes the school system YEARS to deconstruct this parental mindset. Sometimes it takes multiple in class scenarios and different adults to hammer home to the parent that what they have thought of their child since they were toddlers is completely wrong. It's bad behavior... it's just normal... OR it's actually a defecit.

That's a long hard fall and rarely the decent starts when there is money being exchanged for the day to day of the child.

[Meeko]

couldn't agree more.

I spent years trying to work with a dcm and her ds. I just kept hearing,

• "he's bored"
• "you (myself or the other kids) simply don't understand him or challenge him enough"
• "he is so smart he works differently than other kids"
• he never behaves that way at home"
• "he is more mature than is peers"
• "he has scored high on all the charts"

i had the two younger sibs in care so i was lucky enough to be able to see this evolution in dcm first hand. By the time that her "extremely gifted" and "talented" ds got to 3rd grade, the family had already had several cps checks, hours of detention for the child, countless parent-teacher conferences and a couple suspensions.

Now the comments the dcm makes to me about her ds have completely changed and the tone is no longer a proud smirk or joyful praise but one of embarrassment and defeat.......sometimes exasperation in wondering where everyone "failed" her ds.

btdt!

[Starburst]

I think it's because many parents don't understand the difference between "Nurturing" and "Coddling". Nurturing is give the child support and instruction (rules) but enough independence to grow and learn (like a mama bird gently nudging her baby to fly). Coddling is hovering over them, not enough them enough structure/expectations, and never giving them a chance to grow or learn at their own rate, almost smothering (like a mama hamster eating her baby).

[Willow]

http://www.slate.com/blogs/how_babie...verywhere.html


"American parents talked about their children as intelligent and even as “cognitively advanced.” (Also: rebellious.)"

Parents WANT their child to be the one who is intellectually ADVANCED and bucks the system.

Spot on... "My child is so smart and he doesn't like being told what to do". The latter being said with a prideful smirk.

Seen it over and over again. When they get out of paid child care that high intelligence and rebelliousness most often turns into a kid who behaves badly in school and is actually not advanced at all or possibly even delayed. It often takes the school system YEARS to deconstruct this parental mindset. Sometimes it takes multiple in class scenarios and different adults to hammer home to the parent that what they have thought of their child since they were toddlers is completely wrong. It's bad behavior... it's just normal... OR it's actually a defecit.

That's a long hard fall and rarely the decent starts when there is money being exchanged for the day to day of the child.

Fascinating read, love the international comparisons.

All truth!!!

[Heidi]

I think it's because many parents don't understand the difference between "Nurturing" and "Coddling". Nurturing is give the child support and instruction (rules) but enough independence to grow and learn (like a mama bird gently nudging her baby to fly). Coddling is hovering over them, not enough them enough structure/expectations, and never giving them a chance to grow or learn at their own rate, almost smothering (like a mama hamster eating her baby).

nice analogies!

[Heidi]

:MY favorite line was:

"Even when compared to other Western cultures, we Americans are a deeply strange people."


::::::::::::::::::::

I've lived in this country since I was 3, and I'm 80% American, but even with the fairly minimal exposure I've had to other cultures, I agree. In the most loving, repectful way, of course!

As for the rest of the article, I agree that Intelligence is considered an important trait here, unless you're from a small town, in which case it's all about althletics.

[MNMum]

Great article, thanks for sharing!

[Laurel]

This part seems so true.

“The U.S.’s almost obsession with cognitive development in the early years overlooks so much else.”

What else? Well, nothing in American parenting is anything like the concept of ng’om, which is used by the Kipsigis people in rural Kenya to describe children who are especially intelligent and responsible. This concept of intelligence, as Harkness and Super have written, highlights “aspects of social competence, including responsibility and helpfulness.” These aspects, they add dryly, “have tended to be overlooked in Western formal theories of children’s intelligence.”

Part of the lesson of parental ethnotheories is that when we look for certain qualities, we stop seeing others. It’s a cruel circle: Because our version of intelligence overlooks ng’om, we don’t prize it. Because we don’t prize it, we don’t see it. Because we don’t see it, we obviously don’t encourage it or acknowledge it—we don’t create its condition for possibility. And yet none of this stops us from wondering, years later, why our children insist on leaving their damn coats on the floor.

I wish we weren't such a competitive society in general. I have no use for honor rolls, trophies for sports, babies that can read, toys that talk to you and tell you to play with them

I loved a Montessori elementary school that my son went to for awhile. No report cards just a parent conference to let us know what he was doing well in, what needed more work, etc. That was great. Why should one child be compared to another? I never did get that.

Although my three were in some organized sports as children (because they wanted to) I think they had way more fun playing football on our side yard with all ages. The big ones watched out for the little ones and 'everyone' played. They made their own rules. No adult was even out there. I just looked out every so often to make sure everything was okay.

I guess I'm saying I wish we had as much emphasis on social skills and kindness as we do on academics.

Laurel

[just_peachy]

This article makes me feel slightly better for being too lazy to create "sensory bins" I'm reading about all the time!

[Laurel]

This article makes me feel slightly better for being too lazy to create "sensory bins" I'm reading about all the time!

::

Laurel

[blandino]

Couldn't agree more.

I spent years trying to work with a DCM and her DS. I just kept hearing,

• "He's bored"
• "You (myself or the other kids) simply don't understand him or challenge him enough"
• "He is so smart he works differently than other kids"
• He never behaves that way at home"
• "He is more mature than is peers"
• "He has scored high on all the charts"

I had the two younger sibs in care so I was lucky enough to be able to see this evolution in DCM first hand. By the time that her "Extremely gifted" and "talented" DS got to 3rd grade, the family had already had several CPS checks, hours of detention for the child, countless parent-teacher conferences and a couple suspensions.

Now the comments the DCM makes to me about her DS have completely changed and the tone is no longer a proud smirk or joyful praise but one of embarrassment and defeat.......sometimes exasperation in wondering where everyone "failed" her DS.

I think I had this child too. While in DC, DCM would blame his behavior on any small change in our schedule. Or excuse it away in some other way.

Now that he is in school, he has done countless things to get himself into heaps of trouble, with completely out of control behavior. He has been referred to a child psychologist, which didn't do a thing since DCM needs to get rid of the attitude your are speaking of. The psychologist can't do a thing to help when mom just doesn't get it. She still says his teachers have "poor classroom management"

We still have the younger daughter in our care (she is sweet as sugar, and gives us no problems whatsoever. DCM comes in and says that DCB (now 8) has to go to a special dentist with TVs on the ceiling because it is the only dentist he will tolerate. They even pay out of network for him to go there. I'm sorry, WHAT ?!?!?

[Meyou]

This article makes me feel slightly better for being too lazy to create "sensory bins" I'm reading about all the time!

Noone told you that you make them so you can have planned lazy time. :: The kids love them so much you practically don't exist for stretches of time.

I had 4 two year olds absorbed with bins yesterday and I had time to fold 3 loads of laundry, sweep and dust my main floor before the first one got bored. lovethis

ETA: I just realized that my crazy cleaning was NOT lazy time but you get the idea. ::::

[Play Care]

This article makes me feel slightly better for being too lazy to create "sensory bins" I'm reading about all the time!

Or go insane looking for a "teachable moment" every.single.second. of the day.

(ETA: I have a younger group, but even when I have older ones, I find I have to be *right* there when doing any sensory activity or the materials go all over the place.)