I Believe The Child's Story...

[youretooloud]

Three year old dcb is very verbal. He can explain anything to me, and he doesn't yet make up stories.

His mom said the little brother has been biting the older brother, so the older brother bit the little brother on the back. It left deep cuts on the baby's back.

But, the older brother (biter) told me "We were rough housing, and I just couldn't stop biting him". So, I looked baby brother over closer, and found 9 more bite marks on him, some older than others. I asked older brother to show me where baby bites him. He says "He never bites me... I just bite him...because it feels good". (the other bite marks are not very dark, or deep...just this one that is pretty severe.. I took pictures)

So, why would the parents #1. Lie about it. #2. Not intervene sooner? They aren't even upset.

In the same position as these parents... would you be understanding, or really upset?

Also... The older brother is very nice and has always been sweet. He's just kind of spoiled beyond the norm. (chooses dinner for everyone, vacations, day trips, clothes, etc) Other than that, he's very likeable, smart, and easy to be around. He has never had tantrums, or been bratty to other kids.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I have had biters at a yr and a half or two but not at three! He is old enough to know it is not ok to bite!
I would talk to the parents. Maybe offering him something else to bite on. Serious steps need to be taken so that biting becomes less enticing. Earlier bedtimes, no privileges etc. He is old enough that there should be serious consequences!!
Good luck!

[daycarediva]

I would be super upset about it as the child's mother (biter and bitee). Does dcb KNOW not to bite anyone in care??? That would be my biggest concern.

How are the parents NOT intervening when this happens? It's abusive, imho to allow that to continue and do NOTHING.

[NeedaVaca]

I think the parents need to realize how serious this is and stop sweeping it under the rug like it's not a big deal. For a 3 year old to bite this much could be a sign of other behavior problems, it could be an oral sensory issue as well. I would talk to mom, let her know you are documenting the bites and how many you found. This alone could be a wake up call for her. Then ask what his consequences are for biting and how she is addressing the "bullying and abuse" towards his brother. Another term that could open her eyes.

How old is the younger brother and has he ever bitten at daycare?

[countrymom]

you need to tell the parents what the child said. They need to know that their child is going around saying this. I had a child yesterday (she's 3) tell me that her brother is hitting her on the bum when she is putting her pj's on. I would have said something yesterday but dad forgot to pick dcg up and was then in a rush out the door.

[Blackcat31]

I would be super upset about it as the child's mother (biter and bitee). Does dcb KNOW not to bite anyone in care??? That would be my biggest concern.

How are the parents NOT intervening when this happens? It's abusive, imho to allow that to continue and do NOTHING.

I'm sorry but if these parents are not doing anything to protect their child, I would consider that neglect and would call the authorities.

I would talk with the parents first and assess their attitude/behavior about it and then if I felt they weren't going to do anything to change the behavior, I would call and report this.

It is neglectful and sad.

[Crystal]

I would NOT be nice about this. I would very directly tell the parent what you have been told and that you want to know how they are handling it. I would then let her know that you consider this to be abuse and that, as a mandated reporter, if you see anything like it again that you would be required to report it to the proper authorities. If she decides, given that information, to pull the child out of care, I would consider that a way of protecting her "biter" and would report it immediately.

Take a photo of the marks. Document everything. And, consider calling anyway.....I just do not see THAT many bites occurring with any child who is at a developmentally appropriate level and Mom's nonchalance about it would have me SERIOUSLY questioning WHY this is happening to this degree and WHY mom isn't more concerned.

[Willow]

Sounds like he understands it's wrong, but just doesn't care because it gives him some sort of satisfaction?

I'd act over the top horrified while explaining to mom and dad what he told you. I'd put directly in an email that you have to address this in writing so there is official notification of the issue and how you intend to handle it on your end.

I would *try* to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe he lied and did tell them the little brother was biting first.

I'd add in an bit saying something along the lines of "I'm really sorry this is happening at home but as a mandated reporter if I continue to see such serious injuries I'm going to have to at the very least let my licensor know to check whether it's something I should be hotlining."

Get response in writing and if you can get them to sign something acknowledging the injuries are NOT happening at your home, in your presence, or are being inflicted by any of the other kids in your care. I'd be incredibly concerned about them turning this around on YOU. Please protect yourself for liability's sake.

[Crystal]

This is really bugging me.

Is the biter the three year old? How old is the child being bitten?

Ugh. This makes me sick to my stomach.

[KnoxMom]

Sounds like he understands it's wrong, but just doesn't care because it gives him some sort of satisfaction?

I'd act over the top horrified while explaining to mom and dad what he told you. I'd put directly in an email that you have to address this in writing so there is official notification of the issue and how you intend to handle it on your end.

I would *try* to give them the benefit of the doubt thataybe he lied and did tell them the little brother was biting first.

I'd add in an bit saying something along the lines of "I'm really sorry this is happening at home but as a mandated reporter if I continue to see such serious injuries I'm going to have to at the very least let my licensor know to check whether it's something I should be hotlining."

Get response in writing and if you can get them to sign something acknowledging the injuries ate NOT happening at your home, in your presence, or are being inflicted by any of the other kids in your care. I'd be incredibly concerned about them turning this around on YOU. Please protect yourself for liability's sake.

Couldn't have said it better. I feel for the younger child and am horrified that the mother seems to think this is no big deal. Many centers in our area have a zero-tolerance policy for biting and term because of it.

[Unregistered]

Maybe lying saying that the toddler bite him first was a way for them to provide an excuse or reasoning for him biting the little one. A way to lesson the seriousness of the action in your eyes, as they knew you would see the bite. Or maybe he gets in trouble for it at home and tells them that the toddler bit first. Yet he sounds not remorseful at all and comfortable telling you only he did the biting??? I'd be VERY concerned that a 3 year old was biting a younger child, especially so as it sounds like it was unprovoked and for pleasure. ???

The poor toddler needs someone to speak up for him and make sure he is protected

[youretooloud]

I was really harsh with Dad this morning.

He drops them off and says "Big brother is not going to bite anybody today. Right? We talked about that".

So, I kind of went off on Dad "He has never bitten anyone HERE in his life... He's biting at HOME...not here" I told Dad what big brother told me yesterday, and then praised Big brother for telling me the truth, and how I appreciate the truth.

Dad asked "Did you tell him he has to go to time out if he does it again?"

*EYE ROLL* "I have nothing to do with how you handle that at home, but you need to handle it, because this (lifted baby's shirt) is actually a very serious bite mark and should have been taken care of by the doctor".

So, Daddy said "Maybe Big Brother needs to get shots so if he bites again, he can't give rabies....is that what we need for you? Should we go get you some shots?"

*EYE ROLL AGAIN* Because i'm sure that will be a helpful discipline tool.

[CedarCreek]

That last comment would have sent me over the edge!

Seems like dcd is not taking this seriously!

[youretooloud]

That last comment would have sent me over the edge!

Seems like dcd is not taking this seriously!

They (mostly Dad) just doesn't want to discipline him. They seem to be afraid of him...which I don't understand. He's not difficult, he's not tantrummy, he's not even very obstinate compared to other three year olds. He's just an easy going guy.

But, he is sensitive. His feelings are easily hurt, and I think they can't do anything to hurt his feelings, even if it's better for him in the long run.

[sharlan]

I'm with Crystal on this.

I see some very rough years ahead for the little one if this is allowed to continue.