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My daughter is 2 1/2 and lately she just doesn't want to be out here with the daycare at certain times of the day. She wants to play with her toys in the living room. My daycare is in our converted garge so I cannot see what she is doing in there so I haven't been letting her. I do give her an hour while the other children are napping to play with her her own toy and one on one with me . How does everyone else handle their own child when these issue come up?
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I can totally relate and to be honest aside from giving her that time she needs in a different room I have no great suggestions. Maybe can she *help* you a bit vs doing what everyone else is doing? -
When my own kids were that young, I tried to treat them like I would if they were dc kids during dc hours. I allowed them to play with their toys at nap time (both outgrew naps around 2 1/2-3) It made things easier on me and kept rules consistant for them. I do have a spot to the side of the dc for any child who needs some space and would direct them there. I didn't let them go to their own rooms during the dc day until they were around 4 or so - they were more independent and able to understand that I couldn't be with them.Comment
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Yes I do this. My son has grown up in my daycare since I started when he was 6 months old. I make concessions for him and I don't treat him the exact same way I do my DCKs.
I don't make concessions for behavior of course! But he gets to retreat into our bedrooms to play and the daycare kids don't. Sometimes he just needs some space so I try to honor that. Also we have a lot of daycare toys and supplies but we also have a stash only he is allowed to play with. Not right in front of the DCKs of course.Comment
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Thanks for the qick responese ladys I think I will try setting up an area just for her to have alone time in my kitchen with is right off my daycare room.Comment
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This is a very interesting topic for home daycare providers... our own kids in the daycare mix!! Here's what I learned.
I went to a training about “Children's Challenging Behaviors” and at that time I was struggling with my own daughter's behavior in the daycare mix. I explained during this training that I had the same set of rules and expectations towards all kids, everyone would do the same activity and have the same treatment, but unlike the other kids, my daughter was the one I had no control over and struggling with her unacceptable behavior. I was treating her the same way as everyone else but I was having a better control of the other kids and unable to control my own daughter! What was I doing wrong??!
Instructor - “So you are treating her like any other kid in your daycare...?” -
Me - “Yes!”
Instructor - “That is what you are doing wrong”!
She continued explaining that we have to accept things the way they really are! - “Your daughter is not another kid in the daycare!! You are not her daycare provider!! This is not her Daycare!! ...and the sooner you embrace that the sooner you and your daughter will find peace in this arrangement!”
Every daycare provider in that room froze at that moment... It was very clear this was a very new idea to all of us and all of us had struggled at some point with this dilemma!!
The instructor explained that putting my daughter at the same emotional level as the other kids was creating emotional stress/confusion on my daughter and causing the defiant behavior.
Finding ways to validate the difference and make concessions it's more tricky that I would've expected, but I did see big improvements in my daughter's behavior and levels of stress from that day on.Comment
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I agree with the previous poster.
I do a lot of compromise with my own kids. They are not at daycare, they are home. As long as we are all on the same level of the house, my kids can go where ever they want, but the daycare kids cant, for example. I have had much more peace with the whole daycare arrangement once I did not expect my kids to be just like the daycare kids. I do special things with the older two while everyone else naps. If Daddy comes home and does something with just them, thats cool with me. I actually have not had any issue with the daycare kids being jealous of my kids and the parents are overall understanding of the scenario as well, although I try to shield the parents from seeing too much. like I wouldnt give my kids popsicles right when the parents are getting here and seeing their kid didnt get one. Its important to use common sense, but no, some of the rules are not the same for my kids. I would let my 2 year old play in a room alone as long as she could come get me if she needed me or I peek in on her. I dont make my kids do exactly as the daycare kids all the time. I dont feel bad about this at all. If a parent doesnt like it, they can leave, permanently......although that has never happened.Comment
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I agree also - my children were "thrown into the mix" with the DCK, but as they got older they got to have more privileges. If you're not comfortable letting her play by herself in the house while you're in the garage (and I don't blame you) can you have her be your special helper with the DCK? Let her pick the book, bring over the crayons or whatever. And remind her that she'll get her "special time" to play with her toys "during nap time" or whenever it is.Comment
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All these tips are extremely helpful. I have a huge problem with this myself and although this site has given me some wonderful ideas and helped some, it is an ongoing problem and I am just taking it day by day.
Right now I have helpers here most of the time while my kids are not at school. This does help. One of the helpers is a 13 year old girl and she is here just to "babysit" my own kids. I have two little girls so they LOVE this privilege. It's up to my kids if the girl wants to play with them in the daycare or in our living room, or go for a walk, etc. Then sometimes I have a sub and I take my kids and go out for the afternoon. I have one other helper who is here to watch the daycare while I take care of my girls and again we do what they want, either play with daycare or go in the livingroom, etc.Comment
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My own daughter is also 2 1/2 and I have the same things come up. She is probably the child with the most challenging behavior of the group and she does need time away from the group. The way the downstairs is laid out there is no real escape other than having her park it on the couch for a bit and relax with her shows (last resort). But I really made a point to child proof the upstairs as well as down here and have begun letting her go play in her room upstairs. I keep her monitor on when she is up there and I can hear her just fine. She had a really big issue sharing everything downstairs so we have "toys that are for everyone" and "toys that are just for Hazel" and honestly I believe she really does need to make the connection that she has her own space in her own home. Other wise its just overload for her. Good luck!Comment
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This post was so helpful - my almost 2 year old is struggling lately and my 7 year old is miserable. I am realizing I'm not doing enough to make them feel special enough in the context of the DCKs.Comment
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My own kids behavior has improved a lot since I first started daycare. Of course we still have "episodes" but I treat them like "my own children".
They have their own space, they can do things the daycare kids cannot do, because this is my kids home.
They are older though...5.5 and almost 8. They can be trusted to not be within my sight at all times. They know the rules and what they absolutely cannot do. My property is completely gated, but I still don't want them in the backyard without me...mostly because they start watering all my plants (after I've already watered) and playing in the water too
But, yes give them their own appropriate space for their age. Don't force them to play or participate in activities just invite them. And be their mommy...show them they are special
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