Spend Time With Your Kids!!

[AmyLeigh]

I might restructure my rate system to give credit for days parents spend with their kids - I doubt it will change anything but maybe an incentive to be with them? I just don't get it.

It doesn't always work. I charge based on attendance for this reason . Yet, I sometimes still get dcg coming when mom (or mom and dad) have the day off. Here all day long. Sometimes late pick up. Drives my dh NUTS!

I totally get not wanting to take your child with you when going to the doctor, or doing errands once in a while. But I agree with PP, once you get a taste of kid free time, it's hard to give it up.

[Mom&Provider]

One of my dcm is a teacher as well and her absolutely lovely and adorable daughter was here the WHOLE week of spring break last week 7:30 to 5 pm. Where was mom? At home hanging out.

This was my Spring Break also. Mom is a teacher, was home all week (no appointments etc.) and the only day she kept her two kids home was when a friend was coming over to visit. The rest of the week they were here, 7:30 am on the dot and didn't leave till just about closing. I just don't get it...AT ALL.

[KBCsMommy]

I charge whether they are here or not so the parents send them. I can't lie and say it doesn't bother me if I know they are home but it isn't my place to judge how they are spending their paid for time.

It would be nice if they were at least picked up early on a day like that.

I feel the same way, I try not to judge because everyone is a different. But when children are clearly exhibiting behaviors that they need more time with their parent's, I have to bite my tongue to ask them why they didn't just get a fish

[Starburst]

I may be the odd ball but I would take those kids anyway just because I would feel bad for them that their parents would rather act like teenagers with no responsibilities than spend some time with them- at least that way they would know that someone cares about them and likes having them around.

My mom (single mom) would always drop me off at gymnastics and then go to bingo and leave me at my aunts house (we lived there but that is not the point when your 5)- eventually I didn't want to go to gymnastics anymore because of that, so I quit. When we moved out into our own appartment in another city (I was about 8 or 9), my mom worked nights all the time and I always had to take care of myself and my brother but there where sometimes when she had days off she would go to bingo- I understand she needed some time to herself but it's like really? Are we really that bad that you would rather spend every night out of the house with out us?- not to mention losing money that could be used to pay bills and having bill collector call all the time! And lately she keeps saying "I did my best to raise you guys" or "Thats not how I raised you..." (I think: other than financially you didn't really raise me, I pretty much raised myself), or she starts crying and for sympathy asks "I wasn't a bad mom was I?" (uh.... no comment) or asks me "why do you never hug me or tell me you love me?" (again- no comment).

BTW my mom was 30 when I was born (I am her oldest) so it's not like she was a teen mom or a young mom or anything. And now she jokes that I am always acting like I am the mom and she is the daughter.. Yeah... "acting"...

[Willow]

Starburst - my.mom was a single teen mom. Pregnant at 16, had me at 17 while she was still in high school and this was more than 30 years ago. She had no help from my "father" and was a single mother until she met my dad when I was 5. In that time I spent A LOT of time in daycares while she finished school and fought to provide for us all on her own.

Difference is that even as a very young child she reassured me everyday that this is what we HAD to do, and proved that to me by spending every other free moment she had doing things with me. She didn't go out. I never had sitters outside of my grandparents (when they weren't truck driving or raising their other six children).

I am fairly certain had she not made me feel like the utmost priority in her life I would not be the person or mother I am today.

I am so sorry your experience was so different. I can't begin to imagine the hurt that would cause a child and it's exactly why I have that stipulation in my policies today.

[nannyde]

Starburst - my.mom was a single teen mom. Pregnant at 16, had me at 17 while she was still in high school and this was more than 30 years ago. She had no help from my "father" and was a single mother until she met my dad when I was 5. In that time I spent A LOT of time in daycares while she finished school and fought to provide for us all on her own.

Difference is that even as a very young child she reassured me everyday that this is what we HAD to do, and proved that to me by spending every other free moment she had doing things with me. She didn't go out. I never had sitters outside of my grandparents (when they weren't truck driving or raising their other six children).

I am fairly certain had she not made me feel like the utmost priority in her life I would not be the person or mother I am today.

I am so sorry your experience was so different. I can't begin to imagine the hurt that would cause a child and it's exactly why I have that stipulation in my policies today.

I love your posts Willow. I read everything you write.

You know what strikes me in this conversation.... as we are talking about this there's another thread about attachment parenting going on. I can't get over how oppositional these are.

I wonder how many parents who shun their child by intentionally setting out to have the absolute least amount of time AWAKE with their kids would call themselves attachment parents if they were interviewed when their kids were babies???

I wonder how many people get burnt out on their kid when they are pre-mobile and the pendulum swings to near complete shunning once they can move and assert their will.

This isn't a smack to attachment parenting. It's nothing new... it's just the current version of "my child". I've seen a load of different versions of this over my career. I'm not against attachment parenting at all. I wouldn't practice it nor would I care for dck's with it but to each their own. I just wonder how many kids out there are going day after day... week after week.. month after month... with next to no real awake face time who have parents who believe they are attachment parents.

[daycarediva]

Starburst - my.mom was a single teen mom. Pregnant at 16, had me at 17 while she was still in high school and this was more than 30 years ago. She had no help from my "father" and was a single mother until she met my dad when I was 5. In that time I spent A LOT of time in daycares while she finished school and fought to provide for us all on her own.

Difference is that even as a very young child she reassured me everyday that this is what we HAD to do, and proved that to me by spending every other free moment she had doing things with me. She didn't go out. I never had sitters outside of my grandparents (when they weren't truck driving or raising their other six children).

I am fairly certain had she not made me feel like the utmost priority in her life I would not be the person or mother I am today.

I am so sorry your experience was so different. I can't begin to imagine the hurt that would cause a child and it's exactly why I have that stipulation in my policies today.

This made me tear up! I really hope my daughter is as wonderful and appreciative as you are of your mother some day! Being a Mom that young, and devoting your life to your child, was SOOO hard. The most rewarding thing I have ever done, though and I wouldn't change a thing. Kudos to all of the fantastic young Moms out there! lovethis

[pandamom]

yes!!!

I work at the base childcare center. The Air Force and Army here got today off work for Family Day. Guess what happened? Around 9-1030, once the children slept in at home and woke up, a lot of the parents decided to drop their kids off at childcare for the day.

Normally I'm OK with parents taking the day or afternoon off to spend by themselves or spouse since we're overseas and we don't have family to watch kids for date night or whatever. But today was FAMILY DAY!!! We had 10 kids (out of our 14 kids) here today.


I could have brought our sons with me to work (they go to the same center) but DH WANTED them home with him. Even though they just lounged around and watched cartoons together, they were still doing something together

[Willow]

I love your posts Willow. I read everything you write.

You know what strikes me in this conversation.... as we are talking about this there's another thread about attachment parenting going on. I can't get over how oppositional these are.

I wonder how many parents who shun their child by intentionally setting out to have the absolute least amount of time AWAKE with their kids would call themselves attachment parents if they were interviewed when their kids were babies???

I wonder how many people get burnt out on their kid when they are pre-mobile and the pendulum swings to near complete shunning once they can move and assert Itheir will.

This isn't a smack to attachment parenting. It's nothing new... it's just the current version of "my child". I've seen a load of different versions of this over my career. I'm not against attachment parenting at all. I wouldn't practice it nor would I care for dck's with it but to each their own. I just wonder how many kids out there are going day after day... week after week.. month after month... with next to no real awake face time who have parents who believe they are attachment parents.

Holy ditto , in my head I call you "the guru" and watch for your bits of wisdom all over :P


I get EXACTLY where you're coming from with that.

You speak to any number of mothers while they're still even just pregnant and they think they know exactly how it's going to be (don't get me wrong, some actually do and are strong in character enough to stick to their convictions through those individuals are sadly far between). They're going to have a natural birth, breastfeed, stay home, baby wear, co-sleep, cloth diaper, never let their child cry -ever- and by the time the kid is two the end resulting relationship is night and day from the actual experience.

Women fantasize about pink and blue, fluffy soft blanket snuggling, bonding, sweet toddler hugs and kissing skinned knees. Many set out to get pregnant judgmental of other mothers and perhaps even their own. They're going to do it better, they're going to do it BEST.

And then reality hits them upside the head like a cast iron frying pan .

Pregnancy can be incredibly complicated, labor hurts and permanently alters a woman's body, sleepless nights are awful, the amount of laundry blows your mind, all the mind numbingly hard work is HARD! SURPRISE!!!

The ones not anticipating the effort involved then start cutting corners and ultimately end up passing the buck as much as possible to avoid having to.take responsibility for the child they created. They cut enough corners and pass the buck enough times and the child becomes one know one want to or even can deal with.

Being an AP enthusiast I will still openly admit I think those that shoot for a level of perfection fall the hardest. What they often expect of themselves and their child isn't humanly possible and they burn out soooooo fast.

[NeedaVaca]

yes!!!

I work at the base childcare center. The Air Force and Army here got today off work for Family Day. Guess what happened? Around 9-1030, once the children slept in at home and woke up, a lot of the parents decided to drop their kids off at childcare for the day.

Normally I'm OK with parents taking the day or afternoon off to spend by themselves or spouse since we're overseas and we don't have family to watch kids for date night or whatever. But today was FAMILY DAY!!! We had 10 kids (out of our 14 kids) here today.


I could have brought our sons with me to work (they go to the same center) but DH WANTED them home with him. Even though they just lounged around and watched cartoons together, they were still doing something together

This made me sad...I probably would have said something to each of them as they dropped off. Oh, I'm surprised to see you here today, didn't you get the day off for FAMILY DAY??

[AmyLeigh]

I love your posts Willow. I read everything you write.

You know what strikes me in this conversation.... as we are talking about this there's another thread about attachment parenting going on. I can't get over how oppositional these are.

I wonder how many parents who shun their child by intentionally setting out to have the absolute least amount of time AWAKE with their kids would call themselves attachment parents if they were interviewed when their kids were babies???

I wonder how many people get burnt out on their kid when they are pre-mobile and the pendulum swings to near complete shunning once they can move and assert their will.

This isn't a smack to attachment parenting. It's nothing new... it's just the current version of "my child". I've seen a load of different versions of this over my career. I'm not against attachment parenting at all. I wouldn't practice it nor would I care for dck's with it but to each their own. I just wonder how many kids out there are going day after day... week after week.. month after month... with next to no real awake face time who have parents who believe they are attachment parents.

You make a good point, Nan.
My opinion about this has to do more with extremism, which has been talked about in other posts. It seems as if some people believe that one can only parent in extreme styles. Tiger mom, helicopter parent, attachment, independent hands off, etc ad nauseum. What happened to being balanced? It's extremism that causes the next trend to be extreme in the opposite direction. The pendulum just keeps swinging.

[trippingontoys]

I have a parent who brings her child once a week so she can study. She only goes to school two days a week and doesn't work. He is a great napper and sleeps 2-3 hours each afternoon, and this is after he sleeps til 9 in the morning. That's a lot of quiet time to study each day. A few weeks ago she drops off her child and mentions she is watching her niece that day. I also watch the niece but it wasn't her scheduled day with me. So she's too busy to watch her own child, but not her niece?

I work at home to be with my kids. Even though it seems like they have to share most of my time with other peoples kids. Sometimes I think I'd have more time with them if I worked outside the home..........

[mama0609]

I don't get it either.

I do not understand this at all. I had to put my two kids in daycare for about 1.5 years. It pained me having to drop them off everyday and I hated how our evenings were so rushed that I hardly got to spend any time with them. I used my vacation days to spend extra time with them. Any day I got off early I rushed to pick them up. It got so hard but I'm thankful my husband got a new job with excellent pay that allowed me to stay at home. I did try home daycare for almost a year trying to have the "best of both worlds" be home and still make some money, but it didn't work out. I am so fortunate to be home with my kids and I love it so much! I cannot even fathom my kids going to daycare as newborns, luckily I only had to work part time when they were babies and I didn't go back to work until each of them were 9 months old and I worked opposite shift of my husband so they didn't have to go to daycare. When my youngest was 1.5 I tried out the whole 9-5 office job and that's when they were in daycare. My kids are almost 7 and 4 and we have only had a babysitter come to our house one time. Other than that if we want to go to dinner or shopping or whatever we have gmas and gpas watch them. I take them on my errands with me or to my own appointments and it's just part of being a parent. It's just something you have to do. I don't get shuffling the kids around to whoever so you can get your stuff done.

[countrymom]

I don't know what to say that you guys didn't already cover. I have such a hard time understanding why parents need so much alone time. I had a parent who wanted so much alone time that she would even forget to come and get her kid. Right now I have great families, they all stay home with thier kids, but I also notice that they are around my age.

[EAP]

The parent who was home all week was the last one to pick-up Friday. It just made me sad. l would LOVE - ADORE - CHERISH (and frankly can't wait for my vacation week) extra time with my children - I miss them when I am away for a few hours - I can't imagine doing this to my child. It was hard for me to look the mom in the eye at pickup