Problematic Behavior During Mealtimes

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have a child that has been here for 3 weeks that will turn 5 in the Fall. I have nipped the potty language, inappropriate phrases, and just plain bad words. I have never had to tell a child, "Ms. ___ is the boss." but I have with him. I have not been able to nip his problematic behavior during mealtimes.

During breakfast he will attempt to chat to me the entire breakfast meal until all of the other children are done and we all leave to do our math. THEN he will eat. That's not problematic, just tiresome to have to say, "DCB, please eat." Maybe I should just take away all of the food when breakfast is over and he'll learn to eat in a timely manner or be hungry?

During lunch, he will "ACCIDENTALLY" have food that he doesn't want to eat fall on the floor so he can throw it in he trashcan. He creates more of a mess on the floor with his food than all of the other children combined.
He is unable to sit on his bottom with his feet under the table without being reminded 3+ times in the 20 minutes that the other children are still at the table. All of the other children finish within 20 minutes or less and he is always left at the table with just me. At that point in time, it will take him until it is nearly naptime to actually eat (20-30 minutes). He has always only partially eaten one of the four things on his plate by the time the other children are completely done with their meal and drink. He also has to be reminded that it is not play time during our meals as he will attempt to go under the table, make faces, bother other children, etc. This is my oldest child here and he is the one with the problematic behavior.

I am able to separate him for 4 minutes (1 minute per year of age) according to the state, but no longer than that. I can't save food that has been put on the table according to the food program.

Any advice or tips on what you would do? :confused:

[NeedaVaca]

Yes, when meal time is over it's over. He will learn to eat like all the other kids (in a timely manner). For me, even intentionally dropping food on the floor I would take the plate and say I guess you aren't hungry. We don't play with food!

[cheerfuldom]

set a timer and when the meal is over, its over. he doesnt really have to follow rules right now since you are letting him take as long as he wants. I am not sure what regulations allow but I have set up a small area for one child to eat alone before. still in view, still being supervised and tended to but not disrupting the regular table. I have booster seats at the table and have strapped in a bigger kid before if they cannot stay in their seat. both options solve the problem quickly and they can re earn sitting at the table in a big kid chair at a later date.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I am in the when meal time is over it is over camp. They learn to eat when it is put in front of them

[rmc20021]

I have a boy who just turned 5 last week who will not stop talking at the table. I'm constantly telling him less talking, more eating. Because of his talking, it distracts the other kids. They actually sat at the table one day for lunch for a full hour.

After that, it's been timer time...absolutely no reason for a child to take that long to eat lunch.

[daycarediva]

I don't play around at meal times. I set a visual timer and give reminders. I allow 20 minutes for snacks and 30 for meals. This is the exact time the school district gives kindergarteners.

I don't remind to eat. I don't comment. Whatever isn't eaten goes in the trash when the timer goes off. All of my kids hop up when it dings, scrape plates and go wash hands instantly.

I do three reminders for sitting nicely. 3rd time, you lose your chair. I have only had to do that ONCE to one kid and it NEVER happened again.

I would set up something fun for the kids who finish lunch, and clean up their mess so that this dcb either eats, or gets left out.

I would also have him clean up his own mess. That may be harsh, but all of my littles help and they are careful not to drop too much now. If my 2's can manage a meal in 30 minutes without making much mess (no food scraping unless it's spaghetti day around here), so can this almost 5 year old!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I think I just can't stand the thought of food going to waste. :: I'll set a timer from now on. I'll report back to this thread if this behavior ever stops.

As for cleaning up his own mess, he does! It took him 10 minutes after lunch to pick up all of the peas on the floor. There must have been 40...
I've tried doing something fun after to get him to eat slightly faster, but he still isn't done anywhere close to when the other children are. He finishes maybe 5 minutes sooner.

I don't think I am allowed to separate a child from the other children for mealtimes. If I was, that would be the solution.

[Willow]

I agree with the others about putting a cap on mealtimes. Don't set a timer he can see or hear, just make a mental note of the time and when times up take his plate.

I'd also be having him clean up any food he drops on the table and floor.

[AmyKidsCo]

I agree with the others about putting a cap on mealtimes. Don't set a timer he can see or hear, just make a mental note of the time and when times up take his plate.

I'd also be having him clean up any food he drops on the table and floor.

Ditto!

[Heidi]

Ditto!

ditto ditto

"It looks like you are done...you may be excused..." removing plate....

[KnoxMom]

I've actually had to use a timer on my OWN son. (He is 3 and eats at a rate 2.5x slower than everyone else) He gets it honestly from me; I'm always the last at the dinner table/restaurant. The quick fix is to just cut off the meal when everyone else is done; he'll catch on quickly! ::

[snbauser]

I don't play around at meal times. I set a visual timer and give reminders. I allow 20 minutes for snacks and 30 for meals. This is the exact time the school district gives kindergarteners.

I don't remind to eat. I don't comment. Whatever isn't eaten goes in the trash when the timer goes off. All of my kids hop up when it dings, scrape plates and go wash hands instantly.

I do three reminders for sitting nicely. 3rd time, you lose your chair.

I do all of this.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

9 days of doing this, and the majority of them he has gone to bed without eating lunch (except for MAYBE a couple of pieces of something) which was the most problematic meal time.

Before EVERY meal/snack, I say, "If we play in our chair, what happens?" and the kids tell me, "We eat standing up because playing isn't safe!" Then I ask, "If we play while we're eating what happens?" and they all tell me, "Our food goes bye bye and we go to sleep. Playing while we eat isn't safe!" This is a warning before EVERY meal. I also ask, "When DO we play?" and they all tell me, "At center time and at recess!"

He only "doesn't play" when it's something like fish sticks or chicken nuggets (2 of the lunch meals in the past 9 days since beginning this). Every other time he has gone to his cot 45 minutes before all of the other kids. Several of the times I have talked to him and told him if he wants to remain eating with his friends and then participate in reading after lunch then he needs to remember that we only play at center time and recess, otherwise we need to sit on our bottoms, talk nicely to our friends, and eat.

:confused: 9 days ....

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree with everyone else. Set limits, tell him what they are, and follow those limits to an art. He either eats or he doesn't. He won't starve. You have to offer it, you can't make them eat it. When the rules are broken, follow through with the consequence. He will get it as long as you are consistent. I do allow quiet talk at my meal table. They are timed to thirty minutes. They clean up their own mess to the best of their developmental abilities and they know what is expected. Of course, on the late afternoons that I have my special needs baby, she doesn't sit at the table with the others. She is tube fed so she is usually in the walker during meal time unless she is taking a nap.

[Heidi]

9 days of doing this, and the majority of them he has gone to bed without eating lunch (except for MAYBE a couple of pieces of something) which was the most problematic meal time.

Before EVERY meal/snack, I say, "If we play in our chair, what happens?" and the kids tell me, "We eat standing up because playing isn't safe!" Then I ask, "If we play while we're eating what happens?" and they all tell me, "Our food goes bye bye and we go to sleep. Playing while we eat isn't safe!" This is a warning before EVERY meal. I also ask, "When DO we play?" and they all tell me, "At center time and at recess!"

He only "doesn't play" when it's something like fish sticks or chicken nuggets (2 of the lunch meals in the past 9 days since beginning this). Every other time he has gone to his cot 45 minutes before all of the other kids. Several of the times I have talked to him and told him if he wants to remain eating with his friends and then participate in reading after lunch then he needs to remember that we only play at center time and recess, otherwise we need to sit on our bottoms, talk nicely to our friends, and eat.

:confused: 9 days ....

I think he's getting to much attention for it. Even when you ask everyone, he knows by now you mean him. Keep it much simpler. Hand him his plate, give him a few moments to settle down. If he futses around, take his plate, say "It looks like you are done, you may be excused", and that's it. No facial expression, nothing. Put the absolute minimum on his plate (and everyones) and let them get seconds family-style. That way you are not wasting so much food. It may make it interesting enough for him to stay. Serving yourself if quite fun.

I personally would not take away story time, because it's completely unrelated. He would just need to wait on his mat until story time.