Tweet
Advice/Experience
So I have 1 child who is a 2 year old girl who can talk up a storm, and understands everything being told to her and knows exactly what she is doing is wrong or hurtful to other children (biting, hitting, p inching, pulling their hair etc) for no apparent reason. The parents are super nice, and it appears that she doesn't not walk all over them at home because I have seen them be stern with her in front of me. Yet this little girl cannot be left alone, she must be under a watchful eye at all times. She will randomly go up to other children (twice my own daughter) and will bite/pull hair/pinch them. She then will put herself in time out right away, (although I do not think this does anything for her any more). There are many days where she cannot just be engaged for more than 30 seconds on any on thing, unless I am sitting right with her and even then it's only for a few minutes. She is a single child, so not sure if she just isn't used to having to share someone or what. I am at a loss as what to do with her and have seriously contemplated telling her parents she's "grounded" from my house because of safety for the other children, and the fact that I cannot attend to the other 2 children in my care, or even go throw a diaper away unless she is sitting in a highchair is not fair to anyone involved. I have 12 plus years experience with children with severe behavioral problems and nothing I do seems to help her. I have just started staying home and watching 3 children, and to be honest the dynamics and what I could/want to accomplish would be completely different if it wasn't for this little girl. Has anyone else experienced a child like this, what advice would you give? :confused:
-
-
I would set up some sort of behavioral plan with different consequences. What do the parents do at home for discipline? I had an issue with one child so I put everyone on a sticker chart. One of the consequence was they missed out on the treasure box at the end of the week if they didn't get a sticker every day during the week. Additionally parents also took something away at home the day they didn't get the sticker. Time out didn't work with this child, although I still did it for the sake of that I would put other kids in time out for doing the same things. But I think the reinforcement at home really helped, as well as having a visual tool. -
I completely know what you are talking about. This is exactly my second daughter. She is not a "bad" kid (I dont think any kid is...) but she needs CONSTANT supervision. She is smart and verbal and not physically delayed but she does have emotional immaturity and problems with impulse control/focus. She is also aggressive with other kids and can have severe tantrums. What I do with my three other kids and my numerous other daycare kids thru the years does not work with her. She is currently being evaluated for delays and sensory issues and has been accepted into a specialized preschool. all that to say...I have had to limit the number of daycare kids I can take and am looking forward to closing the daycare as finances allow. She does not do well in a group setting without a lot of hands on teaching and attention. If she was a daycare kid, I would term and recommend a nanny/sahm situation as well as evaluations. You can try one last shot with the parents but with as much experience as you have and with special needs kids, I am doubting there is much more that you can do. I would be very surprised if the parents had any ideas that you havent already tried.Comment
-
I'm not sure if it would work with a 2 year old but I've done it with older children. I told them that since they were breaking the rules they would have to stay with me as I couldn't let them hurt the other children. So wherever I went, they went (hand in hand if need be). She may get pretty bored when you have to feed an infant if she has to sit right next to you or when others are playing outside she has to walk with you to supervise or stay close to you with a toy and can't join the others.
If you can trust her to sit still at a little table you could tell her that since she isn't playing nicely she needs to sit at the table and YOU will choose the toy she gets. At one point I had a child that time out wasn't working for either. Every time she acted out I put her in a high chair and gave her a coloring book or paper and crayons. That really seemed to work. It sounds somewhat like a reward but it calmed her down. Also I worked at a preschool at one time and a teacher there would give a little boy time out on her lap rather than in a chair. She felt he needed attention and that was why he was acting out. So in her lap he got the attention and closeness he seemed to need.
Is she possibly just tired? My grandson is 2 and has always seemed to need more sleep than most other children. He gets really nasty when he gets tired. I just give him extra naps. He seems to also sleep at naptime or even if he doesn't at least he isn't annoying the other children and me!
Also, maybe have her hearing checked?
Just a few things that come to mind....
Having said that I kept a child when I shouldn't have because I never wanted to term anyone. I'll never do that again. Sometimes they just need something that we can't give them.
Good luck, I know its rough!
LaurelComment
-
thank you!
Thank you everyone for the advice, and it is nice to know it hasn't happened to just myself. I am going to try again with the reinforcements (whatever she is really into that particular day) and using those at short intervals (literally every 2-3 minutes) and see if that helps.
Today she is not here and the atmosphere is so much more relaxed and quiet. There's rarely any yelling or fighting going on when she isn't here.
I have noticed that the majority of the behaviors happen between 7am and 11am. It seems as if there's a magic switch and after 11am she is typically a lot "calmer". Some days she is after she eats more, other days it doesn't matter. I may try laying her down in the morning.
I have sat her at the table many times to give her space and to keep the other kids from getting worked up, or the possibility of her hurting them. She does well for the most part. But I cannot in good conscience have her sit the whole day at the table. I would just feel really bad for her. Most times this is only a short term fix and within a half hour she is back to acting up/out.
She is an extremely smart little girl, so I often do wonder if she doesn't need a more firmly structured day planned (like she would get if she were in school), and needs to be challenged more (which with different age groups I have I cannot do) academically and cognitively. I also think her being an only child she has trouble with controlling her energy levels and being ok with "sharing" the adult. That is how I would approach it with mom and dad too. It'll be tough if it comes to that becuase they are family of some of my close friends, but I only want whats best for the little girl.
Anyway hope everyone had a great Easter and thanks again for the advice!Comment
-
Could she be looking for more attention than you're giving her? Maybe if you make a point of paying lots of attention to her when she's being good she won't feel the need to misbehave to get attention. If she's an only child with 2 parents at home, chances are she's used to a LOT of attention!Comment
Comment