Integration?

[meli829]

Hi,

I've just opened my home daycare, and will be starting out with two children, one who wants to be integrated beginning next Wednesday and the other next Thursday.

DCM #1 is going to do 8-10am the first day, 8-noon the third and then the full day on the Friday.

DCM #2 wants to start on the Thursday morning for a couple hours (and she wants to stay with her daughter for that period of time which seems to me like it defeats the purpose of integration but I'm new to this so maybe this is how it usually goes?) and then she wants Dcg to stay longer the Friday, then start full day on the Monday.

I have a schedule that I've created in my handbook, but I'm not sure if I should just put the schedule on hold for the integrations days and more or less let them play and get to know me and each other, or if I should still attempt to follow the schedule?

DCM # 2 seemed to love the structure of the schedule and I'm wondering if I don't follow it while she is there, if that will be ok?

I think I'd rather wait until the Monday to start following the schedule and getting the kids used to it, specially since it will be awkward to try to do with one of the DCM's present.

How do integrations work in your daycares? Is it normal for parents to be sticking around for 1-2 hours on the child's first day?

[Michael]

Hi Meli, welcome to the Daycare.com Forum!

[misol]

I would wait until Monday

With the exception of mealtimes and naptimes, I would wait until Monday before putting them on your schedule. Just explain to the mom that you are waiting until Monday since both the kids are brand new and aren't here full days yet. When they are there for the full day and the parents are not around it will be much easier to get the kids to go along with what you are doing. Maybe you can have a craft activity or cdo some coloring pages or circle time while the mom is there so she doesn't think that you are just sitting all day

[kitkat]

I think having the kids come for a few hours before coming full time is great! I think it will be easier on everyone. DCM staying...not a good idea. If she wants to see how you interact, then fine, but I'd politely kick her out after 20 minutes. I think it will just make things harder on dcg in the long run. I understand dcm will be nervous, anxious, etc about leaving her child, but she picked you for a reason. KWIM? I understand how she's feeling. When I had to take DS to daycare when he was 8 weeks old, I was so scared and it was so hard to drop him off and leave, but it's what I did and it was the right thing to do. DCM needs to do the same. I even have in my handbook that parents need to make drop offs/pick ups brief and to leave if their child begins to cry...staying only makes it worse for everyone.

I would stick to the schedule you have planned, but explain to the parents that during the first week or two things will be "looser" so everyone can get acquainted with each other and their new surroundings.

Welcome to the forum! Good luck with the first few weeks! This is a great forum for asking questions. People have different ideas and views and I always find it interesting to see what others are thinking.

[marniewon]

I think having the kids come for a few hours before coming full time is great! I think it will be easier on everyone. DCM staying...not a good idea. If she wants to see how you interact, then fine, but I'd politely kick her out after 20 minutes. I think it will just make things harder on dcg in the long run. I understand dcm will be nervous, anxious, etc about leaving her child, but she picked you for a reason. KWIM? I understand how she's feeling. When I had to take DS to daycare when he was 8 weeks old, I was so scared and it was so hard to drop him off and leave, but it's what I did and it was the right thing to do. DCM needs to do the same. I even have in my handbook that parents need to make drop offs/pick ups brief and to leave if their child begins to cry...staying only makes it worse for everyone.

Exactly! I would not let mom stay more than a few minutes. Her child will probably be clingy and cling to mom (in which case, she's not getting to know you at all) or she will run off and play (leaving no reason for mom to even be there). I don't know about anyone else, but I'm different when parents are around. Not pretending to be something I'm not, but feel very awkward and unsure of what to do. If there are no parents around, I get down on the floor and play, and we sing and dance, and I sure as heck would NOT feel comfortable doing that with parents here!! I hope it goes well for you!

[meli829]

That's exactly how I feel marniewon, I think with dcm there I will not be myself, and it will feel so awkward that I won't be acting like my normal fun, outgoing silly self with the kids, and it will make it hard because I will constantly be wondering if she is pleased with what she sees. I knew it was a bad idea when she asked if she could stay, but at the time I felt I had to say yes because I have nothing to hide and thought it would sound bad if I said she couldn't stay, but I am regretting my decision now, and I think I will have to let her stay for the first day, but maybe I can make it a policy from now on and even put it in my contract that they can't stay for the reasons others have said.

[DCMomOf3]

When my DCMs overstay I feel like i have to entertain the parent. It's very hard on me and the kids notice. I hope you can get her (tactfully) to leave shortly after they get there.

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

I always tell them just to drop off,.. and call me in like 5 min to see how things are going,.. the kids arent the ones adjusting when a parent stays forever,.. the parent is. and honestly,... they do better after Mom is gone.

[professionalmom]

Exactly! I would not let mom stay more than a few minutes. Her child will probably be clingy and cling to mom (in which case, she's not getting to know you at all) or she will run off and play (leaving no reason for mom to even be there). I don't know about anyone else, but I'm different when parents are around. Not pretending to be something I'm not, but feel very awkward and unsure of what to do. If there are no parents around, I get down on the floor and play, and we sing and dance, and I sure as heck would NOT feel comfortable doing that with parents here!! I hope it goes well for you!

EXACTLY! We are all professionals here. But some professions require people to be well ... sloppy, dirty, goofy, or just plain nuts. And this is one of those professions. Do I want the DC parents to see how I dance? Heck, no. I'm not a professional dancer. But, the kids love it! Do I want the DC parents to hear me sing? No way, Jose! But the kids don't care if I'm a little off key. Actually the kids prefer it when I'm not "perfect" at whatever I'm doing. It's what makes me fun! But with the DCM there, I could not let loose and be my zany, goofy, fun self that the kids love. I would feel like I have to be more "grown-up" than join the kids on their level.

[TGT09]

I think having the kids come for a few hours before coming full time is great! I think it will be easier on everyone. DCM staying...not a good idea.

This exactly. Integration can be great but DCM staying will only hinder the child and your bonding time that you should both be benefiting from while doing integration.

[meli829]

I don't know if I could back out of it now and tell her no when I already said it was ok, but I think I will tell her and any future parent that it will be easier for everyone if they leave their child and go. I think I will even suggest calling them a while after to reassure them that their child is doing fine. I was worried saying no would make her believe I had something to hide, but if she trusts me to care for her child then she wouldn't think that, and if she didn't trust me she should then not be bringing her child here.

[legomom922]

I also have it in my handbook, to drop off and leave, that it is better for the children, so my parents know in advance, there is NO staying. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either, like I am being watched. I usually text them after an hr or 2 & let them know how things are going, or I even send a pic. That puts their minds at ease too seeing their kids smiling & happy! Works everytime for me.

I know you already told her she could stay, but maybe very nicely a day or 2 before you could call her and tell her that you have been thinking about it and you feel it would be a better adjustment if she were to only stay 15-20 min (if even that) ? I would also not do your schedule until monday. Just go with the flow the first few days.

[TGT09]

Lesson learned. I think if it were me, I would just let this one slide and just remember next time to not put yourself in this position. I would feel like as a parent if you took back what you said that A. You aren't trustworthy. B. You DO have something to hide.