What to Make of This

[countrymom]

I have a 9 yr old girl that comes with her brother who is 2.5yrs old. they come 3 days a week in the afternoon for 4 hours. Now she just started coming about a month ago, and I noticed that the brother is really clingy. but the last 2 weeks he's been crazy clingy and lately its the total hysterical crying. but today he threw up crying for her. but she was right here with him. she can't go outside without him crying, not even to the bathroom. so I asked mom about it today and she said that he's like that at home, because sister is not really home (she hangs out with her friends)
so after a while I had enough and made him come with me in the kitchen away from her, till he calmed down. then we went for a nap and he wanted her to sleep with her. (not going to happen) also before mom left she said to the dd that she had to play with her brother and not with my dd (whos her friend and 10yrs old--girls stuff) I told mom that she needs space and doesn't need him clinging to her.
I don't know what next week will bring when she goes back to school, but my week is going to be very long. but what would you guys do--he doesn't want to play with anyone or anything even after redirecting him.

[Jewels]

Sounds like the daughter is maybe mini mommy to lil brother, when she is home, she has to do alot of the stuff for him. I think her going to school is just what he needs, and her, and I would think that after a couple weeks of no sissy during the day he'll get used to being with the other kids, and without her, I would be doing alot of ignoring to any fits he throws, and trying to give really positive attention when hes playing good with himself or the other kids, Lots and lots of happiness for him. I think its sad the mom told her to play with her little brother instead of a child her age, I don't know, I've never experienced it, so don't know what I'd do, besides pull some of my hair out.

[kendallina]

Ugh, poor little guy, that doesn't sound like fun for anyone.

I agree with you, sister needs her space and shouldn't be forced to play with him the whole time. Seems like mom's trying to make it easier on him, but, like you said, big sis has to go to school now and can't be there for him at all. I wonder if he has a transitional object that he uses at home that may be comforting to him (toy/stuffed animal/etc)?

For the first two weeks that he was there, was he clingy like this at all?? Sounds like it just started, which makes me wonder why all of a sudden? Strange.

I would imagine that after a while he's going to get it that she's not going to be there with him in the afternoon, but hopefully you and mom can find something that can take the place of his sister (even music that he really likes, anything...). Wish I had more advice...good luck!

[DCMomOf3]

I think her going to school will be good for him and her. She will get to be a kid, do 10yo girl things, with other girls. I think he's suffering separation anxiety but with sister being there too, he has something to cling to instead of being given the cirumstance to adapt. I'd ignore the tantrums, make sure he's safe and has toy options nearby, and let him pout it out until he is ready to join you and the other DCKs.

[kendallina]

Sounds like the daughter is maybe mini mommy to lil brother, when she is home, she has to do alot of the stuff for him.

Yeh, that's what I was thinking too. It's too bad, she shouldn't be put in that place. I mean, nothing wrong with her occasionally helping him out if he's having a sad moment, but geez, to expect that she's going to be responsible for him the whole time, too much!

[marniewon]

I have the exact same situation, just different ages. The sister here is 5 and will be going to K this year. Brother is almost 2. He is very clingy to big sis all day long, and will stand at the gate and cry when she goes to the bathroom or anywhere else without him.

Here's the thing though. We've been dreading (mom, dad, us) the start of school thinking he's going to have melt downs when she's not here. Last Friday, she was sick, but dcd brought him anyway. He did excellent!!!!! He was a totally different child! We all had so much fun and he didn't get any time outs (which he does a lot) or lose furniture (I don't allow jumping/running/standing on my furniture, and if they do any of those things, they lose the privelege to sit on adult furniture for the rest of the day. Clean slate every morning, but this one usually loses his furniture within the first hour). Honestly, it went so well and we all had so much fun that we are really looking forward to big sis going to school (not that we make her feel unwanted).

So maybe, for whatever reason, her being there is making things worse, and when she leaves he will be fine. At least I hope it works that way for you too!

[countrymom]

thanks guys, I'm hoping next week it will be ok. I've had him since march, but this just started. I question what goes on at home. Because I have 4 kids and none of them have ever acted like this, heck, they can't wait to be alone sometimes.

[QualiTcare]

i agree with the others...

my daughter is six and my son is four. they're together all the time and always have been, and my daughter has tried to play mom - getting his food, his drinks, etc. for him when she gets her own.

but now, since she's getting older, she wants to be alone. she used to want him to sleep with her and now she's a big 1st grader so she wants to sleep in her room by herself which is okay - most of the time. when she tries to go in her room and shut the door to play though - OMG!!! you'd think someone had pinched my son. he goes crazy!

he's perfectly fine when she's at school and he's at home - or if he's in preschool away from her. but if she's anywhere around - he has to be doing what she's doing or it's the end of the world.

your dck will be fine when the big sis isn't around. when she's around though -what he's doing is normal.