This Does Not Sound Right

[Unregistered]

I have a child in my care that is 3 years old. According to the parents, they are having a very very hard time with her at home. THey say they can not get her to go to bed at night EVER, she is hitting her younger brother who is only 1 for no reason at all.

She hits them, her grandmother and so on. For the most part, the child is difficult at times in my care, but I think it is fair to say that most kids have both good and bad days.

The past few weeks, I myself have had to send the child home on two different occasions due to tantrums that have been lasting longer than an hour. Her behavior has become more difficult to deal with, however, I am dealing ok. I use calming jars, redirection or time outs when needed.


I had a meeting with the parents just recent about the DCG behavior and they told me that when they put her in time out at home, they have to take her shirt away, because she uses her shirts to self soothe. They asked me if I could do the same thing. I told them that I did not think that I could do such a thing, as I belive it is a violation of personal rights??

Does this sound odd to anyone else? I would like to help the parents to find a better solution and I would like to see if I can find something that will help stop with the spontaneous hitting for no reason to the other children.

[originalkat]

My question is, "Why cant she use her shirt to self-soothe?" If she is trying to cope with the situation or calm down after a tantrum shouldn't she be allowed to do that? But to answer your question, No I would not take away her shirt at daycare.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I don't understand why you wouldn't want a child to self soothe? She is already being punished by being taken away from people/activity. Why does she need to be removed from everything AND have her only source of comfort removed? That seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

I would never remove a child's article of clothing unless I was assisting them in changing.

[Unregistered]

I had a hard time figuring out this myself. The only thing that I could think of is that they may see it as still having a privilege. they said they used to take her blanket away, but now that she does not carry that around anymore, they take the shirt away...

I could never due that and i want to help the parents find another way to help them so they don't do it either....
They are very nice people, much older parents who seem to be some what clueless on how to parent....

[Patches]

I don't understand why you wouldn't want a child to self soothe? She is already being punished by being taken away from people/activity. Why does she need to be removed from everything AND have her only source of comfort removed? That seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

I would never remove a child's article of clothing unless I was assisting them in changing.

Agree with this ^ :confused:

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I had a hard time figuring out this myself. The only thing that I could think of is that they may see it as still having a privilege. they said they used to take her blanket away, but now that she does not carry that around anymore, they take the shirt away...

I could never due that and i want to help the parents find another way to help them so they don't do it either....
They are very nice people, much older parents who seem to be some what clueless on how to parent....

I would talk to them. A blanket is a possession (possibly even a prized one). A shirt is an article of clothing that covers the body. There is a difference.

[Evansmom]

I've been told by a psychologist that clothes are a right not a privilege so no I would never take a child's clothes away. It is their right to be clothed.

The reasoning they are using for taking it away blows my mind. Why wouldn't anyone want their child to learn to self soothe?

Edit to clarify: the doc told me RE: children, they have a right to clean clothing (they need not like the clothing). It was in regards to a teen disliking the clothes they were bought . But I figured it applied here too.

[Heidi]

My question is, "Why cant she use her shirt to self-soothe?" If she is trying to cope with the situation or calm down after a tantrum shouldn't she be allowed to do that? But to answer your question, No I would not take away her shirt at daycare.

exactly

It sounds like OP has good communication with the parents. I think it's time for a sit-down.

[Willow]

Sounds like they are trying to "break" her in a sense

Hour long tantrums sound insane to me for a 3 year old. Probably par for the course if they're going that far at home and you can't follow suite in your home.

Does she have any developmental delays or sensory issues?

[nannyde]

She's probably stretching the shirt over her knees and ****ing and chewing on it. It's something to do when she is isolated.

[Angelsj]

Isn't the entire point of a time out for them to self soothe? Why is this a problem?

[rmc20021]

I've noticed recently a lot of kids these days will chew/**** on the sleeves of their clothes. Myself, I have a hard time tolerating that because there's nothing I hate more than grabbing a child's hand and grab a sopping wet sleeve.

It really sounds like a sensory issue to me. My daughter had a lot of issues with sensory and she felt 'calmed' by certain touches of fabrics. Too many people around sent her into hysteria. You could see the expression on her face completely soften when she was soothed in a manner which felt comfortable to her...by removing the aggrevating force.

I wouldn't be surprised if this girl isn't having some type(s) of sensory overload with a lot of other kids around. Kids=noises, movements, spacial=overwhelmed=acting out.

[Unregistered]

She's probably stretching the shirt over her knees and ****ing and chewing on it. It's something to do when she is isolated.

I talked to the mother about 30 min ago and this is exactly what she said. She also said that one time she managed to wrap it around her neck.

I have never had this issue with the child. To my knowledge she does not have any type of sensory issues, however, does not mean that it is not possible.

for me, the child will normally listen, however does not listen at all to the other teachers. She also does not listen to her parents at all and is aggressive towards them.

I told the mom that if she feels that the shirt is becoming a safety issue, then I understood why they were taking it away, but that unless the child was harming herself with a shirt here, (which they are not) then I cannot take the shirt away.

the mom understood and expressed a lot of frustration and cry for help on how to better manage her daughters behavior. I suggested they talk with their doctor and see about taking some parenting classes....

[nannyde]

I talked to the mother about 30 min ago and this is exactly what she said. She also said that one time she managed to wrap it around her neck....

I'm good

[countrymom]

I would start to wonder if the shirt is going to become a saftey issue (wrapping around the neck, kids are fast it can happen) I also don't think the shirt is to self sooth I think its become a habit, like when she goes to time out, she has nothing to do so she picks at her clothes, maybe she is sitting too long in time out, maybe no one is looking to see her when she is in time out.