Update On My Two Troubled Kids

[NeedaVaca]

Sounds like this mom will be difficult to work with. Considering she used to be a DCP, how can she not know that parents tell us all the time the kids don't like to eat something and then they eat fantastic for us. She should know that you have your policies (no nutella, no DS, yes quiet time/nap time) and she signed your contract. While the way you do things may differ from the way she ran her program she still signed up for YOURS. She can follow the policies and respect the way you do things or yes, she may leave. I would start advertising asap.

[frgsonmysox]

I wasn't taking offense, I was just trying to explain. The only daycare room thats not on my main floor is upstairs and they only use that for prek time.

I appreciate all the responses. You've made me feel a lot better. I was wondering if I was just a bad provider. All my other families love me and get along with me great. I felt, for a while there, that I was inadequate. Chris keeps telling me that I've done great with the kids, but I do feel a bit insecure working with them now.

[countrymom]

why are the children with you for 14 hours a day, that is way too long.

[frgsonmysox]

A lot of my families it's that way, they tend to be military families or medical, or both and they all work LONG hours. All my families are military, 1 is dual military, two are military/medical, and one is military/real estate. Their dad is military (as well as medical), and their mom works in the medical field. They work opposite shifts too, so mom drops off before she goes to work, dad gets off work and goes home to sleep, mom picks up kids after her work. Occasionally dad gets up early and does it. So they get dropped off at 6 am, and picked up at 8 pm.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I wasn't taking offense, I was just trying to explain. The only daycare room thats not on my main floor is upstairs and they only use that for prek time.

I appreciate all the responses. You've made me feel a lot better. I was wondering if I was just a bad provider. All my other families love me and get along with me great. I felt, for a while there, that I was inadequate. Chris keeps telling me that I've done great with the kids, but I do feel a bit insecure working with them now.

It really stinks when one parent can make you question your efforts as a DCP and make you feel inadequate. I have been there myself and ended up terming both of those families (after truly trying for way too long). The headache/anxiety/sadness just wasn't worth it.
Look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself, "Susie Q, you are a GREAT daycare provider. You go above and beyond for these kids. You make sure they're safe, loved, nurtured, and educated. You are a GREAT daycare provider." Speaking words out loud helps us to absorb them and fully accept them as truth. It's why negative people who speak negative words all the time tend to be .... negative.

Many, many hugs to you! :hug: I cringed reading about all they do.

[Meeko]

Sounds like she just wants to somehow "prove" to you that she was a better provider. She sounds like a very insecure person.

Stick to what works for YOU. She can take it or leave it. She may quite testing you if you make it clear that this is YOUR business and not an extension of hers.

I feel for you though....the feelings that maybe people think you aren't up to par is hurtful and maddening. But I think that's how she WANTS you to feel. STAY POSITIVE and throw it back in her spiteful face!! You're doing a great job.

[momofsix]

You sound like you are doing everything you can for those kids and have made so many positive changes! It sounds like you really think things through before you act and aren't simply "reacting" to their behavior-and that is awesome. They are lucky to have you:hug:
I agree that mom is probably just jealous and feeling insecure. I would NOT tolerate a child telling me what I may or may not do in my own home though! I'd try to nip that in the bud in front of mom or dad. Let him (and them) know that you are in charge and make the rules at your house.
Don't let one family bring you down and make you feel like you're a bad provider. It sounds like you're doing super things with those kids!

[MizzCheryl]

This lady thinks she is your boss.
She thinks she is paying you so she gets to make the rules and call the shots.
Jr. can play video games and not take a nap and eat while throwing a tantrum.


She is getting extra and wants more.
Be straight to the point and do not make any excuses or do special for her.

Keeping DCB with you in the toddler room is fine if DCB cannot behave in the other environment. There are toys there and all kids love toddler toys and can use their imaginations to play. Kids do not have to have their every whim.
When DCB offers up back chat shush him immediately. Go play toys or shhh! nap time. Act as if you did not hear him. He does not get to tell you, you tell him.

When mom sends long demanding texts do not entertain them. Say as little as you can.

[frgsonmysox]

UPDATE:

Mom sent a very disturbing email to me that had my husband wanting to term her on the spot. She basically accused my oldest and my husband on being inappropriate with her kids. What happened was her son told her a lie to avoid punishment and the lie involved my son telling her kid to pull his pants down. When what actually happened was her son told my kids to pull THEIR pants down. When I confronted him in front of her after this very disturbing email he admitted the truth and mom goaded him on by saying, over and over, "But the other boys did it too, right? The other boys did it too!" I'm so tired of all this bull****.

Saw she posted an ad on care.com the other day for someone who will do everything she demands (literally, it said that) so I asked her about it and told her that if she chooses to go elsewhere thats fine, but please give me two weeks notice. I noticed the date to start on the site was exactly 2 weeks away. She totally denied it, so I'mpretty sure she'll keep me until she finds someone else and then she will just up and not show up.

Chris and I have decided to term this family. I can't take it anymore!

[Willow]

I'd term effective immediately.

Throwing my husband and children under the bus is a hard line. Lies and accusations of sexual misconduct/abuse are as serious as it gets, there is no way I'd let the kids around my family again.

I would never allow them back into my house and make sure to let mom know I'm shocked that she'd continue to send her kids somewhere she thought her children were being hurt in any way. Emphasis on *I* as a mother would *NEVER* subject my own to such a situation if I believed such a thing had taken place nor would I ever allow them to be around other who made such slanderous false accusations against them.

Then I'd call and report the whole incident to my licensing worker to make sure it wasn't going to come back and bite me as a business owner later on too.

[MyAngels]

I'd term effective immediately.

Throwing my husband and children under the bus is a hard line. Lies and accusations of sexual misconduct/abuse are as serious as it gets, there is no way I'd let the kids around my family again.

I would never allow them back into my house and make sure to let mom know I'm shocked that she'd continue to send her kids somewhere she thought her children were being hurt in any way. Emphasis on *I* as a mother would *NEVER* subject my own to such a situation if I believed such a thing had taken place nor would I ever allow them to be around other who made such slanderous false accusations against them.

Then I'd call and report the whole incident to my licensing worker to make sure it wasn't going to come back and bite me as a business owner later on too.

[Meeko]

Yes...term NOW!

[Heidi]

Document everything, term immediately, and call licensing

So sorry that this is happening to you. From everything I've read about you, you already have some major challenges, and you are an awesome dcp. Hang in there. :hug:

[cheerfuldom]

term now, document everything. get rid of this family before this gets any worse, although it is bad enough as it is. print out her ad and save any documentation, texts, emails, etc that outline the communication. if you are licensed, call your licensor because I am sure she will. even if you are not licensed, be prepared for her to call CPS on you. sorry, she sounds like a whackadoodle so be prepared for the worse.

[Heidi]

term now, document everything. get rid of this family before this gets any worse, although it is bad enough as it is. print out her ad and save any documentation, texts, emails, etc that outline the communication. if you are licensed, call your licensor because I am sure she will. even if you are not licensed, be prepared for her to call CPS on you. sorry, she sounds like a whackadoodle so be prepared for the worse.

Have you ever noticed that when you imagine the worst-case scenario, and plan accordingly, it never happens? :confused: wierd, eh? That alone is a good reason to plan for it...