My Child Is Not

[laceylmm]

in competition with your child! Do your dcp try to compare their children to yours? I have my own son who is 15 months (my last baby, I have four total). I have a dcm who is constantly comparing her 16month to my son.

Always gives the run down on all the 'words' he says and how advanced he is. I'm not saying he isn't a bright little boy but he says very little when actually here. Then she boasts over and over about how he is in a big boy bed and how well he is doing, and doesn't know how we are letting our son still sleep with us (doesn't say it just asks questions then shakes her head like 'oh no, not in my house!'). Then he is also potty training at home.

Funny thing is that dad drops him off and tells me the real deal. Big boy bed is a disaster and no one is getting sleep! And the other day while in underwear he had diarrhea all over dad!

Then they always telling me the things the are trying to 'break him of' hitting, and saying 'uh uh'. Mom spanks him for doing either.

It's funny how much you change as a mom from your first kid to your last. I just take everything in stride now. He will get there when he gets there. But I want something clever to say to her.

[laceylmm]

Oh and she is really nosey. If any of my kids aren't in the room when she picks up she wants to know where they are. The other day my daughter was in her room because she was in trouble. She then asked why she was in trouble. Then wanted to know what her dad was going to say about it when he got home. UMMM none of your business!?!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'd be making my interactions with her as short as possible. I try to not feed into crazy people's craziness too much.

Or, just start saying the same phrase over and over again. "All children are different! "

[Brooksie]

I'd be making my interactions with her as short as possible. I try to not feed into crazy people's craziness too much.

Or, just start saying the same phrase over and over again. "All children are different! "

This! Keep it short and sweet. If necessary straight up tell her that family business is not work business and it really isn't any of HER business. And I know the type of person she is bc my sister is the same way. Always makind a point to show everyone how well she is doing and how happy she is when in reality she's hanging on by a thread. The people like that are shoving their fortune in your face are usually the most unfortunate.

[laceylmm]

It takes her at least 10min every night to get out the door. And I usually have him ready to go!

[spud912]

I had a very condescending family (well, the dad was more so ) who would constantly compare his daughter's progress to the other kids (mine included), all of which were at least 8 months YOUNGER than his daughter (hello?! Of course they won't be as "advanced!" 8 months difference at age 2 makes a HUGE difference!). Then he would blame the other kids for any lack of progress in his daughter.

One time he told me that the reason his daughter was having accidents was because her language was so advanced, whereas the other kids can't talk nearly as well. Because they couldn't communicate as well, she was "copying" them and wasn't telling me when she had to go potty. I don't think so! First of all, one of the other children was much more advanced going potty than she was (even being significantly younger). Secondly, their daughter was purposely peeing on the floor when she wasn't getting her way and throwing a temper tantrum. Lastly, what does that have anything to do with going potty?!

They ended up putting in their 2 week notice. One of the reasons? They didn't like that my daughter had her own room she could retreat to and their daughter did not have her own room at MY house (thus it was "unfair") .

[hope]

I have a nosy DCM also. Everyday she asks where my Ds is. I told her napping every time. Eventually I started saying..."you know". I soon realized this was the perfect response for all of her questions. She was asking questions so that she could judge me. I could hear it in her tone, her facial expressions n snarky remarks. So when she would ask why my husband was home for the day, why my dd was tired, who I received flowers from n why,why Ds was in a pull up....I replied with "you know". It totally confused her and she was able to assume the worst as she wanted. Fine with me, I don't need to prove anything about my family to her.
Other parents can ask same exact questions and I don't mind answering bc they are asking out of true concern or just being friendly. With these parents I answer but remind myself never to go into too much detail.

[laceylmm]

I have a nosy DCM also. Everyday she asks where my Ds is. I told her napping every time. Eventually I started saying..."you know". I soon realized this was the perfect response for all of her questions. She was asking questions so that she could judge me. I could hear it in her tone, her facial expressions n snarky remarks. So when she would ask why my husband was home for the day, why my dd was tired, who I received flowers from n why,why Ds was in a pull up....I replied with "you know". It totally confused her and she was able to assume the worst as she wanted. Fine with me, I don't need to prove anything about my family to her.
Other parents can ask same exact questions and I don't mind answering bc they are asking out of true concern or just being friendly. With these parents I answer but remind myself never to go into too much detail.

You are right! I def feel like they are trying to judge me. When we got our taxes we bought a new tv and couch. They said 'Wow! What else do you plan on buying?' ummm, again none of your business.

When dcd wanted me to break a rule for them, and I said 'NO!' he said 'What are you a Christian or something?'

Who even asks that to someone?!

[just_peachy]

I have a nosy DCM also. Everyday she asks where my Ds is. I told her napping every time. Eventually I started saying..."you know". I soon realized this was the perfect response for all of her questions. She was asking questions so that she could judge me. I could hear it in her tone, her facial expressions n snarky remarks. So when she would ask why my husband was home for the day, why my dd was tired, who I received flowers from n why,why Ds was in a pull up....I replied with "you know". It totally confused her and she was able to assume the worst as she wanted. Fine with me, I don't need to prove anything about my family to her.
Other parents can ask same exact questions and I don't mind answering bc they are asking out of true concern or just being friendly. With these parents I answer but remind myself never to go into too much detail.

:::: Haha that answer cracks me up!

I have one mom who's always looking for dirt... "How's so and so sleeping these days..." in that confidential hush-hush voice... My answer is that every kid is an absolute angel and their issues are moot...

I have one dad that accidentally tells on his wife ALL the time. CRACKS ME UP. Mom: "Son is sleeping in his bed all night now! I don't know what other kids' problems are." Dad: "Wife got so mad at Son's crying all night, she screamed at him from our room to shut up shut up shut up!"

[laceylmm]

I have one dad that accidentally tells on his wife ALL the time. CRACKS ME UP. Mom: "Son is sleeping in his bed all night now! I don't know what other kids' problems are." Dad: "Wife got so mad at Son's crying all night, she screamed at him from our room to shut up shut up shut up!"

[littlemissmuffet]

in competition with your child! Do your dcp try to compare their children to yours? I have my own son who is 15 months (my last baby, I have four total). I have a dcm who is constantly comparing her 16month to my son.

Always gives the run down on all the 'words' he says and how advanced he is. I'm not saying he isn't a bright little boy but he says very little when actually here. Then she boasts over and over about how he is in a big boy bed and how well he is doing, and doesn't know how we are letting our son still sleep with us (doesn't say it just asks questions then shakes her head like 'oh no, not in my house!'). Then he is also potty training at home.

Funny thing is that dad drops him off and tells me the real deal. Big boy bed is a disaster and no one is getting sleep! And the other day while in underwear he had diarrhea all over dad!

Then they always telling me the things the are trying to 'break him of' hitting, and saying 'uh uh'. Mom spanks him for doing either.

It's funny how much you change as a mom from your first kid to your last. I just take everything in stride now. He will get there when he gets there. But I want something clever to say to her.

I would actually let her know what you know ...

When she mentions how her precious is in a big boy bed say "Yes, how is that going now anyways? Dad told me you guys were having a heck of a time and nobody was getting any sleep! Have things improved?"

When she mentions potty training say "Man, dad told me about Johnnie having an explosive poop all over him!! I hope that hasn't happened again!"

Just hint that you know the REAL scoop at home. Eventually she will shut up.

[hope]

You are right! I def feel like they are trying to judge me. When we got our taxes we bought a new tv and couch. They said 'Wow! What else do you plan on buying?' ummm, again none of your business.

When dcd wanted me to break a rule for them, and I said 'NO!' he said 'What are you a Christian or something?'

Who even asks that to someone?!

We must have same DCM! We recently purchased a new couch for the playroom n my DCM had a million questions over it. I replied "you know" to all as I kept myself too busy to talk. She then turned to her dd and said "how do you like your new couch, this is your couch, we got you a new couch". I wanted to tell her that no, my husband's income paid for it, not the income she pays me. I let it go as I do so many of her other snarky comments.

[Lyss]

I'd be making my interactions with her as short as possible. I try to not feed into crazy people's craziness too much.

Or, just start saying the same phrase over and over again. "All children are different! "

I have a DCM that occasionally pulls this and it drives me nuts!! I will say since I've been doing the above comments or not talking about my DD with her it has pretty much stopped.

Our DD's are a week apart (16mos) and they get along great but they are two completely different kids!! She loved that her DD crawled and walked first (I appreciated the extra time when DD wasn't mobile : but was not so thrilled when she heard my DD talking or waving bye & blowing kisses when her DD had yet to do that. I don't talk milestones (about my DD or any other DCK) with this DCM because it starts it back up.

This same DCM also always hung out for 10-20mins in the beginning but I started making sure DCG was ready to go and we played with one activity right next to the door so DCM had no reason to step beyond the entry (where she hates to sit because its dirty from shoes : and then I'd start the everyone say bye to DCG comments and she got the hint, especially once when DCB stared at her after saying goodbye and then yelled to me "I already said goodbye but she's not leaving!!" then looked at her and said "My mom's coming and I need my shoes! You're in the way!" ::::

[NeedaVaca]

I can't stand dealing with people like that! The way I see it you have several options. You can do as PP mentioned and let her know exactly how much you know, I bet she stops real quick! In some situations you can just give her a blank stare, no comment whatsoever-she will end up so flustered or unnerved by it she won't even know what to do, you can take the high road and say nothing or "one up" her with the fact that you have 4 kids vs her 1 child. "oh you know...once you have 4 kids your perspective sure changes". you could say that to most things child related and she can't really win. even if she does have something additional to say, you just reply well until you have 4 you just couldn't understand-all with a nice smile

[rmc20021]

I once had a friend who did this same type of comparing. If I told her something my kids had done, she would actually say, "I'm so glad MY kids don't do that".

Fact of the matter is HER kids did do that but she was blinded by anything they did and tried keeping it secret and covered up. When her son got into trouble with the law, he was in football at the time and would have been kicked off the team. She kept it secret and hired an attorney to get him off.

Her other son ended up hanging himself.

So I wouldn't worry about what she 'brags' about because when people brag like that, it's usually because they're trying to convince themselves and their lives aren't as great as they want people (and themselves) to believe they are.

I wouldn't even bother with her...just keep doing what you're doing and keep the contact to a minimal.