Another Sleep Question About Co-sleepers

[youretooloud]

I actually stopped being friends with her because she was too overbearing. Also, her daughter wasn't enjoyable to be around. The girl would cry/ cross her arms/ storm away in a huff and the mom would chase her around asking, "what's wrong honey" every 5 minutes on the playground.
I have no other experience with AP parents, so I am not sure what is the norm? I just do what feels right and what I have learned (hands on) throughout the years. I take all parenting articles with a grain of salt...

That isn't really AP. That's more "raising a brat" parenting.

We did not co-sleep. Occasionally due to illness, or other problems we did..but, not as a general rule. (Youngest has some health issues that made breathing and sleeping hard sometimes) Other than that, we were very A.P... way before it even had a name. Nobody ever said "attachment parenting" or "Gentle discipline" or anything like that. It was just what came naturally.

However, I/we have always expected perfect behavior and manners. The only excuse for a tantrum outside of the house was complete exhaustion. There was absolutely zero tolerance for rudeness or snarky snotty behavior. We went home a few times because the behavior was not acceptable. They both knew If I said "quit that now, or we are going home" that even a dirty look would have them in the car so fast their head would spin. (at home, I allowed meltdowns and tantrums)

They were both invited over often. Parents WANTED them at parties. Parents invited them on vacations. Because we taught them compassion, kindness and manners. They were both tolerant... ate what was served, and suffered in silence unless it was "real".

But, I did not let them cry as kids. I let them know disappointment, but never allowed them to cry alone. Even if they deserved what happened to them.. I always felt like they deserved my support and compassion. As infants they were not ever left to cry anywhere. My sister made my youngest cry alone in a hotel room and then spanked her..that was the last time she watched my kids.

Their dad (my ex) rarely agreed with me. He wanted me to make them "**** it up" more often. Or he'd say "they should just sit there quietly" when I knew it was too much for them. He liked to go visit his family, and it was so boring your brain would rot in the first hour..so, I rescued them as often as I could. I didn't make them "**** it up".

I have never spanked or punished them or any child. I think punishments are as a last resort...like prison. By the time you need to go to prison, it's too late to learn. But, as a child, I taught them. I did not punish them. I made them fix mistakes, I did not punish them for making a mistake. So, they don't make many mistakes now. If they did, i'd let them handle it on their own. (they are both adults)

[snips&snails]

Make sure you tell the parents BEFORE you sleep train, especially the AP one. APers don' tend to sleep train and I would be livid if someone was doing that to my child. Give them a chance to leave your care first

Yes - DO inform the parents. In centers we always assisted the children in going to sleep via patting/rocking etc . My son coslept but once he got a bit of help FALLING asleep he always slept like a log - no teachers in the same room or anything.
When he was in a situation of a much more negative nap situation I knew immediately at bedtime something was up, he became a nightmare to get down and I was livid. Took weeks to get him back to easy bedtimes.

There is a lot of research about the negativity of CIO - please educae yourself before passing judgement. Yes crying can & does happen at naptimes but there is a huge difference between children crying because he or she doesn't want to sleep, & crying alone in a room until becoming exhausted. Especially with infants. My littles are helped to sleep, yes naptime is the ugliest part of the day sometimes but with time & patience they learn & my regular clients sleep easily without a battle

[lovemykidstoo]

Why ugh? 5 years old is not too old to nurse. This is a great article I think everyone should read.

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

Yup, you have your views and I have mine. I think that if a child can walk to a bus stop and get on a bus and spend the whole day at school and dress themselves and make themselves a sandwich, then they can get a cup a get a glass of milk. Even your link says that there is no evidence of benefit after the age of 2 because the study hasn't been done. "However, no one has yet proved, either way, that the benefits of breastfeeding either continue or stop at two years of age, because the appropriate studies have not been done." I think that at the age of 5 there are other options. Now, I know and you know that we will never agree on this point, so we should agree to disagree.

[Heidi]

Yes - DO inform the parents. In centers we always assisted the children in going to sleep via patting/rocking etc . My son coslept but once he got a bit of help FALLING asleep he always slept like a log - no teachers in the same room or anything.
When he was in a situation of a much more negative nap situation I knew immediately at bedtime something was up, he became a nightmare to get down and I was livid. Took weeks to get him back to easy bedtimes.

There is a lot of research about the negativity of CIO - please educae yourself before passing judgement. Yes crying can & does happen at naptimes but there is a huge difference between children crying because he or she doesn't want to sleep, & crying alone in a room until becoming exhausted. Especially with infants. My littles are helped to sleep, yes naptime is the ugliest part of the day sometimes but with time & patience they learn & my regular clients sleep easily without a battle

I think this is a great discussion to have, because we all have something to learn from each other. Just as I think many people confuse the terms "CIO" and "sleep training", which are vastly different, we also seem to be confusing "attachment parenting" with "permissive parenting".

Alot of what you did, I did, and I am definately not a AP parent. Sometimes, my kids did have to "**** it up", but I'd say when they made mistakes, I taught them to make it right vs. punishment, with a few exceptions.