The Absolute NERVE Of This Woman

[snowball]

Why did you even open the door??

Call her and tell her to come pick up her child or you're calling the proper authorities.



Don't get mad, just stop letting people treat you like crap. You're the only one who can do that. It will get better when you start requiring respect. Right now you are allowing this to happen and of course that's not going to feel good!

I agree with this.

And I would call CPS on her if she's not answering the phone. I don't play "touched it last".

I don't mean to be harsh, but you really need to grow a backbone. This is an unacceptable situation and you are not as powerless as you think. BUT you need to take that power.

[youretooloud]

I don't think this would be considered abandonment. So, I wouldn't even bother with that. You did open the door...you let them come in.

Anyway.. How is it going so far? I hope both you and your son get better fast. My kids always threw up every 8 minutes when they had strep. I guess it's because the throat is swollen and it triggers the gag reflex. You might need to take him in for a strep test.

TECHNICALLY you are off today. So, I would leave him in his carseat as much of the day as possible so he's not right in the middle of everything. Do only the very, very basic things. If he does get sick, I'm guessing mom will just medicate him without ever taking him in...and she will still want to bring him to you.

I would also be willing to bet that she doesn't really care if you term or not...she's probably already looking for someone else as we speak. So, if you term her before she can run out, you will feel better about it than you would if you waited for her to quit. She's also probably not the kind of person who would give you a two week's notice or a check for what she owes.

I GET that she HAS to work.. I really do. But, to force him on you is beyond abusive to you. She doesn't care about you or your health...she obviously isn't concerned about his health (because that will be on you too) and she doesn't know enough people who like her well enough to help her out.

[Blackcat31]

I don't think this would be considered abandonment. So, I wouldn't even bother with that. You did open the door...you let them come in.

I agree that the OP let them come in but when a mother refuses to answer calls/texts from the provider in regards to their child, I consider THAT action abandonment.

[TheGoodLife]

I agree that the OP let them come in but when a mother refuses to answer calls/texts from the provider in regards to their child, I consider THAT action abandonment.

I disagree. She told them that she would NOT take the child, yet the DCM left him/her. She may have opened the door when they knocked but she did not tell the DCM that she would watch the child. If you question it, let the police/CPS decide when you notify them and tell them the situation. But I do think that it would be abandonment to leave a child when you were told it was not open/available for the day. I hope it is all figured out and you and your child are now resting- but please keep us updated when you are feeling better!!! :hug:

[momofboys]

Any update? Curious as to what is happening/happened!

[Luna]

If you've called everyone on her emergency contacts list, I wouldn't even give her a "heads up". I would just call the police and explain what happened and let them tell me what they think I should do. I would explain that I answered the door and let her walk in because I'm so sick and tired that I can't even think straight!
There is no possible way that woman would darken my doorway again.
Please update as soon as you can, this is worrisome.

[littlemissmuffet]

To the folks trying to turn this around on the provider, asking why she opened her door... seriously, you're going to blame the provider for the mother's complete and utter lack of respect and responsibility? Wow.

This is MY HOUSE, I answer my door when someone knocks. I don't expect a parent who I just told I was closed for the day to abandon their child. The OP clearly stated that when she opened the door that the mom set the car seat on the floor and left. This "mother" was determined to leave her child there, what was the OP supposed to do

And yes, it IS abandonment when you leave your child somewhere without proper care. The OP isn't available to care for this child, so how is this situation NOT abandonment? You aren't open on weekends, if a parent just dropped off their child in your front entrance and left what would you call that????

Stop blaming providers for parent's neglegent and irresponsible actions.

[MsLaura529]

Purely out of curiosity - can I ask if ethnicity or a language barrier is at play here?

Perhaps this parent has no idea how truly offensive and off the wall what she did was???

Reason I ask is a local potato farmer apparently pays to transport inexpensive labor from "south of the boarder" during his fall harvest. I learned of this because this past fall I had a vehicle full of women show up at my doorstep (during naptime) and pretty much try to just shove their infants in my arms and take off. Only one spoke broken English, she told me the name of the man they were working for and that they needed care right now because they had to get to work. I had no openings for infants, much less that many (there were like a half dozen!) and there is no way they could have completed the necessary paperwork. I tried explaining this and they still tried barging in and setting their babies right in my entryway!!!!!! I tried being nice initially and telling them sorry, commenting about how adorable their babies were but it didn't work. No joke, I about had to manhandle them to get them to keep their babies in hand and get them out the door. The whole thing completely threw me for a loop because it definitely wasn't run of the mill social/cultural behavior for anywhere I've ever seen.

Wow!!!


OP - I am speechless at you situation. I know everyone is saying "why did you let her in?" or "you should have followed her back out" ... but if this were me in this situation, I think I would have been in such complete shock by what happened that it would have taken a couple minutes to process what had happened, so I would probably be in the same situation you are now. What a horribly, rude mother. I hope her baby never hears of this story that his mother said "I don't care if he gets sick" ... how sad.

[Unregistered]

Yep, would be very tempting to first pack up all their belongings and a termination letter, then drop the baby off at the CPS or Police Station. Actions have consequences. If I did not have permission to transport, then I would be making some calls, but knowing it would drag the process out longer. Oh wait, CPS is just a few blocks over - even drop dead exhausted I'd consider the walk in this case. I would be so shocked and angry. I really feel for you. She is pretty much demanding you to terminate care. If not having care today was inconvient for her, imagine not having care at all until finding a new provider. Mind boggling. What did she think would happen? I would put in the termination for her not to be on my property moving forward as well. I would not want her trying to push her way in again, especially with other children present. Good luck and I hope everyone is feeling better soon!

[NeedaVaca]

To the folks trying to turn this around on the provider, asking why she opened her door... seriously, you're going to blame the provider for the mother's complete and utter lack of respect and responsibility? Wow.

This is MY HOUSE, I answer my door when someone knocks. I don't expect a parent who I just told I was closed for the day to abandon their child. The OP clearly stated that when she opened the door that the mom set the car seat on the floor and left. This "mother" was determined to leave her child there, what was the OP supposed to do

And yes, it IS abandonment when you leave your child somewhere without proper care. The OP isn't available to care for this child, so how is this situation NOT abandonment? You aren't open on weekends, if a parent just dropped off their child in your front entrance and left what would you call that????

Stop blaming providers for parent's neglegent and irresponsible actions.

Plus, no way is she even able to think clearly going on 25+ hours of no sleep & sick, plus sick child. I know I would be a zombie...

[lolaland]

Wow!!

If I had your parent I would probably be stuck in this same situation like you right now. I too have trouble giving the right reaction/answer when I’m caught off guard, and after 5 years I still struggle with this. Knowing me the way I do, this would be all that I personally would have the courage to do:
1 – Write an immediate termination letter
2 – Keep calling all the phone numbers provided by this mother until I get someone to pick up the child and the termination letter and all her belongings
3 – Never again open the door to this family
4 – Forget about them and move on

I do agree with most previous posts in this thread but I would not have the “back bone” to react in any other way right now.

Tomorrow will be a better day, this will all be in the past and I hope you will be able to have a better recovering with your child.

Good luck

[MarinaVanessa]

To the folks trying to turn this around on the provider, asking why she opened her door... seriously, you're going to blame the provider for the mother's complete and utter lack of respect and responsibility? Wow.

This is MY HOUSE, I answer my door when someone knocks. I don't expect a parent who I just told I was closed for the day to abandon their child. The OP clearly stated that when she opened the door that the mom set the car seat on the floor and left. This "mother" was determined to leave her child there, what was the OP supposed to do

And yes, it IS abandonment when you leave your child somewhere without proper care. The OP isn't available to care for this child, so how is this situation NOT abandonment? You aren't open on weekends, if a parent just dropped off their child in your front entrance and left what would you call that????

Stop blaming providers for parent's neglegent and irresponsible actions.

I think that people are asking why she would even open the door because in order to hold a parent accountable for their actions than we must also be accountable for ours. There are many things that the provider could have done differently here and the purpose of people talking about why she "should" have done in this respect can serve her and other providers as a good lesson in what to do in this situation.

I'm good at what I do and although I'm not as seasoned as other providers here I do know what I should and should not be doing and use my backbone ... even though this is true I STILL came upon a similar situation not more than 2 weeks ago and opened the door earlier than I should have for a parent. Even I needed to be reminded of what I should have done, which was give this parent termination papers. I SHOULDN'T have opened the door, I SHOULDN'T have let the parent in and I SHOULDN'T have taken this child early. I know it helped me to have people point it out because it helped strengthen my resolve to do better next time if this situation cam up again.

Peeps could have not answered the door, could have told the DCM no, could have picked that carseat right up again and followed DCM to her car and plunked it down right next to her and walked right back in her house ... there was a TON of things that she could have done and I for one think it's important to point those things out (and I wasn't even one that "blamed" her) so that if she is faced in the same situation she can know what to do and feel better about doing it. I don't think anyone is "blaming" her in a mean way ... most even gave suggestions as to what she can do now that everything has already happened. I don't think anyone had any bad intentions.

[Willow]

To the folks trying to turn this around on the provider, asking why she opened her door... seriously, you're going to blame the provider for the mother's complete and utter lack of respect and responsibility? Wow.

This is MY HOUSE, I answer my door when someone knocks. I don't expect a parent who I just told I was closed for the day to abandon their child. The OP clearly stated that when she opened the door that the mom set the car seat on the floor and left. This "mother" was determined to leave her child there, what was the OP supposed to do

And yes, it IS abandonment when you leave your child somewhere without proper care. The OP isn't available to care for this child, so how is this situation NOT abandonment? You aren't open on weekends, if a parent just dropped off their child in your front entrance and left what would you call that????

Stop blaming providers for parent's neglegent and irresponsible actions.

Wow what?

I'm not blaming a provider for parents negligent and irresponsible actions. I'm asking why a provider took responsibility for another parents negligent and irresponsible actions.

If a parent shows up an hour before I open and bangs on my door before I'm out of bed I'm not getting up and I'm certainly not opening the door. If a parent brings their child without a coat and I accept that child into care I cannot be upset that then no one can go outside that day. If a parent decides not to pay me, and I let that go on and on and on and on, I cannot be upset that I cannot pay my bills.

If I get up and open the door - I can't be upset about that because my response was my own responsibility. I can be upset they showed up early, I can be upset they disrespected their contracted times, but I can't blame them for how I choose to respond to their actions.

If I accept a child not prepared for the day into care - I can't be upset that it then effects everyone else and ruins everyone elses day because I choose to take that child in regardless. I can be upset a parent didn't remember that their actions effect everyone, but everything beyond that is on me as the provider.

If I don't put my foot down about being paid promptly and in full - I can't be upset then that a parent continues to take full advantage of that. I can be upset a parent doesn't think me enough of a priority to pay me, but I cannot be upset at the parent for how I respond to that disrespect.


All of that is what it is.

Skirting around those situations telling a provider it stinks doesn't fix it. EMPOWERING THEM however, does. How do you stop it? How do you fix it? How do you prevent it from ever happening again? THIS is how.

Sometimes support comes in the form of sympathy and other times it comes in the form of solutions. I stink at sympathy, I'd rather tell a provider "You were a pushover just there! Don't do that again!" so they know it's ok to put their foot down and they don't have to deal with such angst again in the future.

We cannot control parents, we can only control how we respond to them and require our own lives to be. You cannot bank on strangers caring about you family or your life as much as you do which is why ONE HAS TO STAND UP FOR ONES SELF.

[Candy]

She didn't answer so just call CPS

[Heidi]

Purely out of curiosity - can I ask if ethnicity or a language barrier is at play here?

Perhaps this parent has no idea how truly offensive and off the wall what she did was???

Reason I ask is a local potato farmer apparently pays to transport inexpensive labor from "south of the boarder" during his fall harvest. I learned of this because this past fall I had a vehicle full of women show up at my doorstep (during naptime) and pretty much try to just shove their infants in my arms and take off. Only one spoke broken English, she told me the name of the man they were working for and that they needed care right now because they had to get to work. I had no openings for infants, much less that many (there were like a half dozen!) and there is no way they could have completed the necessary paperwork. I tried explaining this and they still tried barging in and setting their babies right in my entryway!!!!!! I tried being nice initially and telling them sorry, commenting about how adorable their babies were but it didn't work. No joke, I about had to manhandle them to get them to keep their babies in hand and get them out the door. The whole thing completely threw me for a loop because it definitely wasn't run of the mill social/cultural behavior for anywhere I've ever seen.

oh...that is so sad...