Friends and Family...

[DanceMom]

DO you have friends or family that because you stay home and are a daycare provider think they can ask you all the time if you will watch their kids for an hour on a weeday or on the weekends for a few hours..


Last thing I want to do is take extra kids during the day (w/o getting paid ) and i REALLY dont want to watch other peoples kids on the weekends on my day off !!

[kendallina]

I don't have any family in the area, but I have a lot of friends that I met through a playgroup when I was a stay at home mom (before child care). I have never had one of them ask me to watch their child for free. Some have had me watch their child for pay (most of my childcare/preschool kids are playgroup kids anyways). I do offer occasionally, like if a friend is sick or just needs a break, and I have friends that offer to watch my daughter. So, I guess I'm pretty lucky that way, I could DEFINITELY see that becoming a problem, though.

[tmcp2001]

Yes, I absolutely do! However, it doesn't usually bother me all that much. During the week, it totally depends on if I have room that day or not. I usually ask them to bring some extra food if their child(ren) will be here during a meal. On the weekends it depends on what we have planned as a family - plus, my "true" friends will watch our kids on the weekends occasionally too, so it's reciprical (sp?).

If you're feeling taken advantage of though, just say no. It's okay to say that sometimes! (I'm still convincing myself of that too!)

[Crystal]

I used to. I said no every time. They don't ask anymore.

[AfterSchoolMom]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have friends that ask me to watch their kids during the day, and others that ask me to do it in the evenings AFTER I have been watching kids all day. It drives me UP THE WALL. One set of friends will reciprocate if we ask, but ironically, I feel really weird about asking other people to care for my own kids. Am I alone there?

This fall I'll only have SA's before and after, so I'm sure I'll get lots of requests for favors - but I'm going to stand my ground and say no, unless there's an emergency.

[DanceMom]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have friends that ask me to watch their kids during the day, and others that ask me to do it in the evenings AFTER I have been watching kids all day. It drives me UP THE WALL. One set of friends will reciprocate if we ask, but ironically, I feel really weird about asking other people to care for my own kids. Am I alone there?

This fall I'll only have SA's before and after, so I'm sure I'll get lots of requests for favors - but I'm going to stand my ground and say no, unless there's an emergency.

Nope, your not alone. I feel the same way. She offers to watch mine but she hasnt yet..... I have watched hers like 10-15 times and Im finally done. I cant do it anymore. I lie to her every single time and Im running out of lies..I cant jsut tell her the truth because Im a wimp and would feel reallllly bad because she is a GOOOOD friend...but then again GOOD friends should understand....... I just wish she would stop and think " Oh she does this for a living, watches 9 kids a day - last thing she would want to do is watch mine on her day off"

"I" would think that...but I am so considerate of people it's sickening.

[momofboys]

Nope, your not alone. I feel the same way. She offers to watch mine but she hasnt yet..... I have watched hers like 10-15 times and Im finally done. I cant do it anymore. I lie to her every single time and Im running out of lies..I cant jsut tell her the truth because Im a wimp and would feel reallllly bad because she is a GOOOOD friend...but then again GOOD friends should understand....... I just wish she would stop and think " Oh she does this for a living, watches 9 kids a day - last thing she would want to do is watch mine on her day off"

"I" would think that...but I am so considerate of people it's sickening.

I had the same problem with a friend of mine who has 3 kids! She is sweet as can be and a SAHM too but she does not do childcare. Anyway, she would ask if I could watch them for a few hours so she & her DH could go out. Which is fine but in the evenings after I'd watched 4-5 kids all day. I was usually pretty pooped. She always said she asked me b/c my locationw as so convenient, (which it is but still . . .). I finally had to have a heart-to-heart with her & said I love you & your kids but after watching kids all day I am tired. I barely have the energy to tend to my own 3 let alone have 3 more kids in my house during dinner & bedtime. She totally understood & she has not asked me since! I felt bad but you have to do what it best for you.

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

I dont have room for them. my friends kids are all older now but when they were small I didnt have room either,... now I do have a neighbor girl who is here from 4 to 530 on thursdays and her Nana pays me 20 a week. =-)

[juliebug]

yes i do but they all pay me! they are the ones who so help me when i am low on kids but me friends all are understanding and know some times i just can't watch there kids!

[katie]

Yes! I have a friend who called and asked me the other week to take her son all day Saturday for free so she and her husband could have a date day. Are you kidding???? I would give my left arm to have a date day. However, I told her I was exhausted from watching my own 4 plus three others all week and she never asked again.

[melskids]

where i used to live, i had friends and DC families ask me ALL the time. and i always did it. nothing like having someones kids 50+ hours a week, and then having them ask for a saturday so they can go on a "date" night. talk about super burn out... now, in our new town, most of my friends kids are older, so it doesnt come up. and as far a DC familes, they all know to not even ask.... 7:00 to 5:30 monday - friday and thats it.

[MarinaVanessa]

I'll watch my friends and family members kids but it all depends on them whether I do it for free or not. I do not like being taken advantage of so if it's an occasional dinner or date night then I don't mind as long as they are open to watching my 5yo DD in exchange. My BIL and his fiance have asked me to watch their son 2x's and I did (one was a stay over) and that was fine. He was a doll (thank goodness) and listened and went to bed without a fuss but the day that I asked them to watch my DD so that I could have a date night with my fiance and they said no that they were busy was the last time I was open to that idea. I asked my sister instead and she stayed the night at my house (I love my sister) and they had the nerve to then ask if she'd be willing to watch their son also and if they could tag along with us to dinner and a movie . Um ... no. And get your own babysitter.

With my SIL it became a habit of watching her boys. Sometimes it was during the day during DC hours, sometimes it was at night so she could go out. It became a regular thing so I finally told her that if she was going to bring them during the day on a weekday she had to pay the drop-in rate just like my other clients did since she was taking up spots and on weekends I would watch her older boy for free (he's 10 and takes care of himself) and the 1yo I would watch for a fee. I also have her pick her boys up at 7am in the morning the next day because there's no way I'm staying up until 11pm or later and then waking the boys up. She goes out less than she did before but now I get paid to watch her well-behaved boys even if I LOVE doing . I just don't want to make it easy on her so that she gets to the point that she's dropping the kids off every weekend.

Don't take advantage of the situation and I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine is my method of thinking .

[professionalmom]

I think that it doesn't matter what profession you are in, family and friends tend to think of you as a resource. For instance, I have a cousin who is a plumber and installs tubs, hot tubs, etc. for a living. I have asked him for advice on plumbing projects and he doesn't charge me. However, if I asked him to actually do the work for me, I would pay him. When I was in law school, I knew I had family members chomping at the bit for me to graduate so they could get free legal advice and services. I would have given "some" free legal advice, but I would charge for services (probably a reduced fee, though). Same with being a daycare provider. If someone had a question about daycare in general, aspects of caring for young children, etc, I would offer the advice for free. But if they want to actually utilize my professional services, I would charge, but at a reduced rate. But it would also be contingent upon my abilities at the time. For instance, if I had just worked 6am - 6pm with 6 kids all day and someone wanted me to watch their kids while the parents have a date night from 7pm - 11pm or midnight, sorry, no can do. I just would not be able to do it, after working a long day with so many kids. That's really pushing it for any person. But if we were talking a Saturday night and I was closed on Saturdays, so that the 7pm to 11pm or midnight would be the only time I have children other than my own, then sure, why not.

As for explaining things to the family and friends, just be honest. Tell them that you run a quality daycare which means that you are actively involved with the kids all day and by the end of the day, you are physically drained. Explain that their children deserve to have someone watch them who is not burned out from entertaining children all day, that the deserve someone who still has some "umph" left in them. Or if they are asking you for your days off, just explain that your family needs your time and attention especially since you have been devoting so much of yourself to other children and families all week. Don't be afraid to also point out that while they work 40 hours a week and look forward to their weekend, you are working 50+ hours a week and look forward to your days off just as much. Don't make it sound like you work harder them them, just point out that you both work full time and that you need the break just as much as they do.