Child Won't Sleep At Home

[clep]

I have a family that has been with me for quite some time. They are one of my favorite families.

Their 2.5 year old daughter won't sleep at night. She just keeps herself awake playing and falls asleep between 9 and 11. She is exhausted during the day.

Sleeping is not an issue at day home. By the time nap rolls around she is very tired and really ready for her nap. She usually sleeps about 1.5 hours.

When she is with the parents she does not nap during the day and they say she goes to sleep right away at night. She shows signs of crankiness and exhaustion with them when she doesn't nap, but they feel it is better for her to be exhausted during the day to have a good sleep at night and that she would actually be getting more sleep in the end. They have said if she sleeps at day home it takes her longer to get to sleep at night.

I have let them know as kindly as I can that the issue is a parenting issue. She often will laugh at her parents when they try to discipline her and just doesn't take them seriously. I think that is a huge part of the issue where sleeping is concerned. I have provided them options to try at home which seemed to make sense to them, but they only tried one of the options for one night and then didn't do anything else again. Dad (who is a child psychologist) has let me know they have not made any consistent moves to curb the issue at home. That is rather frustrating.

I have let them know gently, that I do not feel allowing her to spend her day obviously showing signs of exhaustion the whole afternoon into the evening to be a solution for their parenting issues.

This morning mom brought her in eating breakfast (which is a big no no here) because she didn't have time to feed her as the child was so tired she let her sleep in.

This issue has been ongoing with them commenting for me to drop her nap for about a month. I am just not prepared to do what is in the best interest of the parents if it is not in the best interest of the child. I am at the point where I am going to term this family and I really don't want to. Any ideas?

[nanglgrl]

Unless this family has other issues I wouldn't term. It sounds like their child is overtired at bedtime and if they would step up and parent her the problem could be nipped in the bud quick like. You could tell them that your policy is that everyone has a nap and if their child is too old for a quiet time they are too old for your program. You might also check with your state regulations as some states say that providers are required to have X amount set aside for nap.
With a family like this I would most likely take the approach of: "I don't require that the children nap but we do have a quiet time during the hours of X-X. Children are not required to sleep but they are required to lay quietly on their naps so the other children can rest. I will not wake a child up that falls asleep or purposefully keep a child awake." They will probably ask that you let their child watch TV, read a book or play but just tell them it would be disruptive to the other children who all take a nap and go to bed at a decent time at home.

[clep]

Unless this family has other issues I wouldn't term. It sounds like their child is overtired at bedtime and if they would step up and parent her the problem could be nipped in the bud quick like. You could tell them that your policy is that everyone has a nap and if their child is too old for a quiet time they are too old for your program. You might also check with your state regulations as some states say that providers are required to have X amount set aside for nap.
With a family like this I would most likely take the approach of: "I don't require that the children nap but we do have a quiet time during the hours of X-X. Children are not required to sleep but they are required to lay quietly on their naps so the other children can rest. I will not wake a child up that falls asleep or purposefully keep a child awake." They will probably ask that you let their child watch TV, read a book or play but just tell them it would be disruptive to the other children who all take a nap and go to bed at a decent time at home.

I agree completely. My only issue is that mom comes in every morning sharing with me how bad the child slept the night before because she napped here the day before. I am getting tired of the consistent communication in an effort to wear me down into not giving their child a nap. That is my real issue. Well that, and the fact that when I reminded her that children do not bring food into the day home, she started again telling me about the sleep issues at home and letting me know that was what she had to do to get food into her.

[MissAnn]

Unless this family has other issues I wouldn't term. It sounds like their child is overtired at bedtime and if they would step up and parent her the problem could be nipped in the bud quick like. You could tell them that your policy is that everyone has a nap and if their child is too old for a quiet time they are too old for your program. You might also check with your state regulations as some states say that providers are required to have X amount set aside for nap.
With a family like this I would most likely take the approach of: "I don't require that the children nap but we do have a quiet time during the hours of X-X. Children are not required to sleep but they are required to lay quietly on their naps so the other children can rest. I will not wake a child up that falls asleep or purposefully keep a child awake." They will probably ask that you let their child watch TV, read a book or play but just tell them it would be disruptive to the other children who all take a nap and go to bed at a decent time at home.

I do let my kids bring books to bed. They can bring up to 5. They can read as long as they want. I leave the lights on until they put their books down when they start to drift off to sleep. When parents complain about nap, I tell them I do this and it seems to pacify them. I only have one kid who takes more than 15 minutes to fall asleep and her parents do complain about bedtime. I agree with OP, this is a parenting issue.

[Blackcat31]

When a child has issues at bedtime it is automatic that the parent assumes it has to do with napping at daycare.

In all honesty, the real reason is more than likely her irregular sleeping patterns with the non-napping on the weekends.

In truth sleep begats sleep.

I would suggest that the parents really do some research on sleep and the effects of lack of or insufficient sleep in young children.

One of my absolutely favorite books that explains the sleep process and how parents often mistake the evening crazies for not being tired (when it is really a sign of being over tired) is Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka http://www.amazon.com/Sleepless-Amer...ess+in+America

It does an excellent job of teaching/elaborating on the need for good sound sleep and what signs and behaviors parents often mis-interpret for children not needing a nap

[MissAnn]

I agree completely. My only issue is that mom comes in every morning sharing with me how bad the child slept the night before because she napped here the day before. I am getting tired of the consistent communication in an effort to wear me down into not giving their child a nap. That is my real issue. Well that, and the fact that when I reminded her that children do not bring food into the day home, she started again telling me about the sleep issues at home and letting me know that was what she had to do to get food into her.

She needs to watch Supernanny!

[MamaBearCanada]

Ok I'm going to be the odd one out...

My own daughter is almost 3 and since about 2.5 she started taking longer & longer to go to sleep at night. Not disruptive or complaining she would just be lying in bed awake til 9 or 10pm. We finally dropped her nap and she now sleeps 7.30pm-7.30am. Now there are some days we still put her down if it's been a really busy day but those days she does go to bed later (down at 8.30pm sometimes not asleep til 9.30pm). She does have a rest time in the afternoon. I was reluctant to stop the naps but things improved when I did and it's what works best for us.

Having said that - parents need to follow your policy without complaining or find somewhere new.

[Country Kids]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say some children honestly don't require the sleep we think. I know its good for them to sleep but sometimes there are non sleepers borne.

Had a child that had to absolutely be lying completely still and everyone else had to be perfectly still/no noise to fall asleep. I mean if a spider barked during naptime the eyes fly open and they couldn't fall back asleep. Also, they only nap for like an hour before waking up. Some days this child won't nap here (its like they can't slow down their body/mind down) and still won't fall asleep till 9:00/10:00.

Is up and down all night long for the parents. Literally only sleeps 1/2 the night. Rarely cranky though for me during the day. I'm starting to think this child doesn't really require sleep even though the parents and I would love for them to sleep.

I have a couple friends who literally onley sleep 3-4 hours a night. They function normally, hold jobs, have families,etc. They just don't need the sleep like some people do.

I now though on the other hand require vast amounts of sleep! I envy the kids during naptime because I would love to lay down and sleep with them.

[Blackcat31]

I have a couple friends who literally onley sleep 3-4 hours a night. They function normally, hold jobs, have families,etc. They just don't need the sleep like some people do.

I only sleep 4 hours a night. I despise sleeping. I have never napped in all my adult life.

I hold a job and have a family......not sure how "normal" works into that equation though.

[Country Kids]

I only sleep 4 hours a night. I despise sleeping. I have never napped in all my adult life.

I hold a job and have a family......not sure how "normal" works into that equation though.

I meant as people that don't sleep aren't so sleep deprived that they can't hold jobs and have families. They function just as well as people that get a whole nights sleep-8 hours.

[clep]

I only sleep 4 hours a night. I despise sleeping. I have never napped in all my adult life.

I hold a job and have a family......not sure how "normal" works into that equation though.

When a child has issues at bedtime it is automatic that the parent assumes it has to do with napping at daycare.

In all honesty, the real reason is more than likely her irregular sleeping patterns with the non-napping on the weekends.

In truth sleep begats sleep.

I would suggest that the parents really do some research on sleep and the effects of lack of or insufficient sleep in young children.

One of my absolutely favorite books that explains the sleep process and how parents often mistake the evening crazies for not being tired (when it is really a sign of being over tired) is Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka http://www.amazon.com/Sleepless-Amer...ess+in+America

It does an excellent job of teaching/elaborating on the need for good sound sleep and what signs and behaviors parents often mis-interpret for children not needing a nap

I am trying to purchase this for myself right now. My kindle isn't cooperating but it will eventually. Thanks so much.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say some children honestly don't require the sleep we think. I know its good for them to sleep but sometimes there are non sleepers borne.

Had a child that had to absolutely be lying completely still and everyone else had to be perfectly still/no noise to fall asleep. I mean if a spider barked during naptime the eyes fly open and they couldn't fall back asleep. Also, they only nap for like an hour before waking up. Some days this child won't nap here (its like they can't slow down their body/mind down) and still won't fall asleep till 9:00/10:00.

Is up and down all night long for the parents. Literally only sleeps 1/2 the night. Rarely cranky though for me during the day. I'm starting to think this child doesn't really require sleep even though the parents and I would love for them to sleep.

I have a couple friends who literally onley sleep 3-4 hours a night. They function normally, hold jobs, have families,etc. They just don't need the sleep like some people do.

I now though on the other hand require vast amounts of sleep! I envy the kids during naptime because I would love to lay down and sleep with them.

Yes, I agree, but this child is not one of those children. She is exhausted all day and sick often. She sleeps like a rock and is the last child up every day. I have no doubt that she really needs it. The parents also agree that she is exhausted all day and that she is not getting the sleep she needs. They just think that it is because she sleeps at day home. Monday mornings when they drop her off she is still tired even after having a weekend of no naps and night time sleep.

[MsCathy]

Time for a newsletter....

I had the same issue here a few weeks ago with a family. To top it off.....I have cousins so I felt like both moms were ganging up on me. I was go stressed over it I actually cried!!! These moms were texting me at night (obviously angry) that their children would not go to bed because they nap too long at daycare.

My solution..... Sent home a newsletter explaining that I have in no way changed my rest time routine or times in the past 8 years, I attached a nice long article on the importance of sleep/rest for children and I offered to help them with a bedtime routine at home "since that was obviously where the problem was".

I also referred to nap time as "rest time" and explain to parents that no one is forced to sleep but they must remain quiet on their mats. If they sleep.....obviously their bodies tired.

I haven't heard another word about it since. Lol. The issue is obviously a parenting issue..... Good Luck!!!!