Help Me Fix This Problem I Started

[Willow]

I say this with all the love in my heart ......but I think you need to take a step back and try not take moms words so personally.

At least the way it's reading perhaps she is just very socially awkward? She sat down with you to discuss an issue that was concerning you, confirmed and agreed to a new plan and even told you they loved your daycare. I'm not sure what else you want from her?

Child struggled even with dad and she merely acknowledged that. I'm wondering what you wanted or expected her to say....nothing at all? I would not just assume she is going to start dropping off again unless she said or indicated that was what she intended to do.


Sounds like you may be reading into what you're assuming she is thinking or feeling and as women (assuming you are one ) that can take things down an unnecessarily hairy road.

The words you're using indicate you're becoming frustrated and even a bit resentful because you're feeling like you've lost control and are subsequently backed against a wall. Try taking a deep breath in those moments and remember you're the one that has the control and last say. You're not being forced to do anything. Dad can drop off, have boy wave goodbye, turn and rejoin the group. If mom resumes picking up and you're uncomfortable with that plan address it again and require change. Have confidence that you know best, that the parents trust that you do and that's why they're going along with this, and that everything *will* work out!

You're going to run into a slew of parents who do all kinds of things that'll drive you up the wall and back down the other side. In the grand scheme of care pick ups and drop offs are one of the toughest but it does sound like these are reasonable people compared to most others. I'd challenge you to try to work through it as you're bound to encounter this again and with parents who aren't nearly as pleasant to deal with. Try to learn from this one to build up that skill set and backbone for the future if you can.

[Unregistered]

Thank you. I agree with you. Im letting the past six months of stress and akward encounters and comments get the best of me. I need to unwind, relax, and wait and see what happens. It could be social akwardness...im totally full of that myself. I need to stop stressing and deal with things as they come insteado letting resentment build up. People will never respect me if i dont request it...as well as letting stuff like this just go on before speaking up might only appear to be disrespect because im already upset. Thank you for your clear and unbiased response.

[Willow]

Thank you. I agree with you. Im letting the past six months of stress and akward encounters and comments get the best of me. I need to unwind, relax, and wait and see what happens. It could be social akwardness...im totally full of that myself. I need to stop stressing and deal with things as they come insteado letting resentment build up. People will never respect me if i dont request it...as well as letting stuff like this just go on before speaking up might only appear to be disrespect because im already upset. Thank you for your clear and unbiased response.

I get it because I was totally in that same boat when I first started. I am an intensely private and introverted person when it comes to other adults. I love little kids and critters but can take or leave most over the age of 6 or so . It was so hard to adjust to all the different (perceived) craziness that came through the front door.

I can't tell you the "what the what?? what is wrong with you??" ever goes away completely but it does get better when you make it a priority to keep yourself empowered in your mind and your actions. You have the last say and all the control. That's helped me become quite a bit more tolerant, when I remember that if ever things get to be too much I am always the one in charge and I do always have an out.

Don't get flustered, just take a minute to think it out and then require the change you need to get back to a better place.

I wish you luck

[AmyKidsCo]

Via Email:

Dear Child's Mom,

I wanted to take a moment to address a couple of things that will hopefully help drop off's run a little more smoothly. I've noticed kiddo struggling lately and I'm sure that has to bother you as much as it bothers me! In the time I've been doing care I've noticed that the more extended the transition time, the harder it seems to be on the child. I really do think a quick smooch and wave could help him get an easier start to the day! If you are confident, that confidence will transfer. If however you keep coming back because you sense something is wrong, or you believe your child will be upset if you leave, then unfortunately they will pick up on that and it does cause a lot of anxiety. I know you have the best intentions, but I do hope you can trust me on this and be open to trying a new routine for little Johnny in the mornings!

It'll also help me get back to the rest of the group more quickly. I don't mean to be picky, but licensing has some pretty specific rules about quick transitions to preserve the safety and confidentiality of all children in care. Just as I'm sure you likely wouldn't feel comfortable with other parents being in my home and around your child without the proper background clearances, you can appreciate why this is so important. Licensing has been cracking down on this issue in particular lately and I don't want to end up cited for it!

If you have any questions feel free to shoot them my way, your cooperation is much appreciated!

Sincerely,
Provider

When in doubt - distribute sympathy, understanding and in the end blame licensing to take the heat off yourself when you have a parent that's that over the top

FANTASTIC letter!

It sounds like this mom needs reassurance that her child misses her and isn't more attached to you than her... Unfortunately I don't have any more advice than what you've already gotten, except maybe make sure to tell mom that the child talked about her during the day, or something, so she knows he misses her??