HELP! New 22 month old has cried for 3 straight weeks!

[Christina72684]

Three weeks ago we added a new 22 month old (but looks like a husky 3+ yr old) boy to our daycare. Before coming here, he was at home with his grandma (possibly great grandma) who suddenly had health problems and had to go into a nursing home. Another DC parent says they know the family and the boy is never away from Mom or Grandma, so this is a totally new experience for him. Plus when he first started he just started to get the stomach bug that was going around so he didn't feel good at all.

Well, he's been here for three full weeks (minus 2-3 days from being sick) and he's cried the entire time he's been here! He cries the minute his mom brings him in, cries every time the door opens for other kids to get dropped off, cries all day long, etc. The only time we've gotten him to stop crying is when he's eating (which might be why he's HUGE) or when he's sitting in an adult's lap watching TV (which I can't afford to pay someone to sit with him all day and we only have the TV on the first 2 hours of the morning because everyone's so sleepy and quiet). Today he didn't even stop crying to eat breakfast, which is usually the only time he stops. Oh, and I don't think I've heard him say more than 3 words (yes, no, and more), so it's very hard to communicate with him.

So, should we try and stick it out, or get rid of him? Any advice on how to talk to the parent? We've never had this situation before. I'm not sure Mom would even care. She drops him off and bolts out the door. One morning last week when she dropped him off she was trying to tell me something and he kept crying so she slapped her hand over his mouth so shut him up! She's definitely not the lovey dovey mother type (and she's young, like 23ish). I don't want to upset the family (the grandpa is the local police chief!), but it's sad that they just don't seem to care.

We already have a brand new 12 week old baby the cries non-stop, we rather not have him doing it too. So any advice/help would be greatly appreciated!

[Little Star75]

That sounds like separation anxiety. I had the exact same issue when I started a 13 month old dcb. He stopped after the 4th week, he is now a happy little boy however he is at times very fuzzy. He changed dramatically .

I would give dcb another week or so if not you might have to term. I was in the same shoes back in February and couldn't afford to hire someone just to come help with this dcb.

Good luck!

[littlemissmuffet]

I usually give kids a full month to transition because a) I charge monthly and b) in my experience it takes kids this long to fully adjust to the new routine, environment, being away from parents, etc. However, I usually start kiddos at 12 months. I have never had an older child take more than a week or two to transition. For me, a 22 month old shouldn't be crying ALL DAY LONG... and I would have to terminate because that's just too much. I expect my kids that age to be starting different stages of indepenence - not acting like babies.

If you have had enough, I would simply let the parents know that Friday (or sooner) will be your last day of providing care for little Johnny. Let them know that the constant crying is just too disruptive to group care - to you AND the other children and he doesn't seem to be progressing in transition. Let them know that a nanny might be more ideal to them. And leave it at that. They might be mad, disappointed, etc but you need to look out for you and your other kiddos.

Good luck.

[Play Care]

If you have had enough, I would simply let the parents know that Friday (or sooner) will be your last day of providing care for little Johnny. Let them know that the constant crying is just too disruptive to group care - to you AND the other children and he doesn't seem to be progressing in transition. Let them know that a nanny might be more ideal to them. And leave it at that. They might be mad, disappointed, etc but you need to look out for you and your other kiddos.

I had a similar situation last Fall and it was AWFUL. It was so upsetting to the group that after two weeks I had to give notice.

It was a delicate situation but I was so glad when it was done.

[blandino]

I had a little girl who was exactly like this at 19 months. She only came PT, which made matters ever worse. She crie all day for a month and after that she cried sporadically throughout the day when. And ALWAYS cried when other parents came in and they weren't hers.

We later found out that she didn't go to bed until 11ish, and woke up at 6am. She was chronically tired. Her parents were very young - and didn't have her sleep or nap on a schedule. Actually at 19 mo she wasnt napping at all at home.

[Leanna]

Sometimes it just takes a little one longer to adjust - especially if he isn't used to being away from his family. Now he has all these new transitions: no more grandma, Mommy gone at work all day, and a new daycare place & teacher, not to mention all the new kids! This is probably how he is feeling::confused: Don't assume Mom doesn't care. Maybe she bolts out because she is trying not to prolong her departure & make him more upset. Maybe she put her hand over his mouth out of momentary embarrassment or frustration. Who knows? If you truly don't think it will work out, then of course you might have to suggest they move on, but until then try talking to mom about it and see if she has any suggestions. What does the little boy like? If he is into TV maybe use characters to pull him into activities. For example, use the Sesame Street characters (or whatever he is into) to play a game or as babies to take care of. If the little boy likes to eat, try some very simple cooking activities. Be calm and slow-moving with him...sometimes it helps if you tell them where you are and what you are doing at all times. I am getting up to change the baby's diaper. Now I am going to sit with Tony and build some blocks. etc. etc. This worked really well with a little one I had two years ago. She really just needed constant reassurance for the first six weeks or so she was here. She finally settled in nicely. Good luck!

[MNMum]

I enrolled a 18 mo old in January. She cried like you are describing for 4 weeks. Now she is perfect. Never cries, has completely adjusted to group care. Napping took a little longer to completely adjust, maybe 6 weeks. Now she naps 2-3 hours every afternoon. I comforted her as able, talked to her, but did not carry her around all the time. I didn't want her to think that was the norm, either she was going to adjust to what it is really like to be one of seven, or I would have termed. It was a long month - I feel your pain. You've already given it a good try-if it is driving you nuts- term! If you have it in you, give it another week or so.

[just_peachy]

I had a little girl who was exactly like this at 19 months. She only came PT, which made matters ever worse. She crie all day for a month and after that she cried sporadically throughout the day when. And ALWAYS cried when other parents came in and they weren't hers.

We later found out that she didn't go to bed until 11ish, and woke up at 6am. She was chronically tired. Her parents were very young - and didn't have her sleep or nap on a schedule. Actually at 19 mo she wasnt napping at all at home.

Funny, I was going to say the exact same thing. I have a DCB who's 2, I've known him his whole life but only been watching him the last 6 months or so. He cried and cried, only didn't cry when he was eating, and wanted to be up at the table 24/7 with food in front of him even if he wasn't eating.

Finally, I started telling him at the start of every cry "It sounds like your body is trying to tell you it's tired. Let's lay down." Then I'd lay him down over and over (usually only took 2 or 3 times) until he stayed laying down. Sometimes I'd give him a book I know he likes. Sure enough, he passes out every time and sleeps for HOURS. When he wakes up, he's as good as new!

It took forever for me to figure this out, because he gave no other tired indicators and because his parents didn't clue me in. I hope it's as simple as that for you!! :hug: