The "Shadow" Technique

[just_peachy]

One of my DCG who will be 2 in May and who I've had since birth has been a TERROR around here. Hitting if someone even LOOKS at her wrong. Literally. Time-outs were utterly ineffective, and they're time consuming and awkward with other peoples' kids anyway.

On Thursday I finally tried the Shadow technique I always read about on here. I had to wing it since I don't know the correct procedure. She was pretty much by my side ALL. DAY. When I was in the kitchen she was playing with fridge magnets, and when we were anywhere else I'd carry around a small tote with stacking cups and a few of those squishy rubber blocks. Every time she wandered off, I told her "stay by me, it's not okay to hit our friends." By the end of the day, I didn't feel like it had any effect BUT I was glad that the other kids felt safe and it was also a lot less work than time-outs.

Friday she was almost PERFECT. She hit twice which is a MAJOR improvement and her whole demeanor had changed. A coincidence? I don't know, but I tend to think not.

I never would have thought of this process, and even with all the reading I do, I have never read about it either until here! Thank you all!

I didn't like the feeling of winging it though. Are there any article links about the appropriate process? Or what to say to them? I'd love to learn more about this. Also, do you tell DCP when you do this?

Friday was the best day of the week by far. What a relief!! happyface

[melilley]

Hi! I have an 18 month old who likes to pull hair and has bit a friend a couple of times. After a week of him doing this, I decided to do the shadow technique. Yesterday was the first day of doing it and I do admit I had a hard time having him be right by me the whole time due to the other ages of my kids and the 18 mo. old would run off, but every time I changed a diaper, I had him right next to me. When I cooked he was "cooking" with me. I'm not sure how well this is going to work, but I'm going to do it a few more days and see if it will help. I did speak to the 18 mo. old's parents just to let them know what I am doing because we have had conversations about their son doing this and they are totally fine with me doing the shadow technique. And come to find out, he came from a home daycare where all the kids were older than him and they hit him and took toys from him. His parents said they are working with him at home on the hair pulling also because he pulls his older sister's and mom's hair there. They do time-outs, but I don't feel they work for kids that young. I do like to talk to parents when I do something like shadowing and I tell the parents anyway if their children are consistently doing something because like in my situation, they may be doing the same at home.
I don't know if there is any literature on the technique, but I just think it's having the child be by you at all times. I wonder how effective it really is for the child or if it's just good for the safety of others. Good question!

[Play Care]

When I have to have a child shadow me, I do tell them simply "if you can not play nicely with friends, then you have to stay with Ms. K" maybe they don't quite understand at first, but I do think eventually they "get" it.
Now in my dc an 18 month old would always be in my line of sight anyway (and a plan in place if I couldn't have my eyes/attention on them) simply because they are still learning the rules (you can play with the toys, not the garbage ) Where I might let a 2 1/2 yo go around the corner for a second or two before I pop my head around.

[Angelsj]

The technique and its purpose are explained here.

Before this starts the controversy it inevitably will, I do NOT agree or practice everything this website or people practice, but this particularly method (actually called tomato staking) is explained quite well.

[melilley]

When I have to have a child shadow me, I do tell them simply "if you can not play nicely with friends, then you have to stay with Ms. K" maybe they don't quite understand at first, but I do think eventually they "get" it.
Now in my dc an 18 month old would always be in my line of sight anyway (and a plan in place if I couldn't have my eyes/attention on them) simply because they are still learning the rules (you can play with the toys, not the garbage ) Where I might let a 2 1/2 yo go around the corner for a second or two before I pop my head around.

All the kids are always in my line of site, I never let them play where I can't see them and my home is set up where if we are in the main playroom, there is a gate so they can't run off by themselves. If we are not, all the doors in the hall are closed and the rest of the house is an open floor plan. The 18 mo. I have will pull hair when I'm sitting right next to him!
I do the same, tell them what they are doing and have them sit/stand/play right next to me. Hopefully the 18 mo. old I have will eventually see that if he can't play nice, he has to be right next to me!