AHHHH My Kids are Out of Control!!!

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Vent time!!! I am so over the top with my own 4 girls...I chose to do daycare so I can be home with my kids and not miss out on their lives and do fun activities with them....but lately I feel as if staying home with them is doing more harm than good!

My oldest is 13 and next oldest will be 11 next week...they are both becoming VERY rude and mouthy...I know they are going through some hormonal changes but wow, I don't even want to be around them most of the time...most things that come out of their mouth is negative....when I raise my voice at my 11 year old, she gets even more mouthy and always needs the last word, she will not stop!... they are rude to the little daycare kids a lot....I have taken their phones away until they can straighten up.

My youngest will be 5 in November and she has always been difficult...always does what I tell her not to despite a zillion time outs. She picks up a lot of bad attitude from mostly my oldest daughter (who has ADHD). I feel like I'm at a loss with her because she is highly stubborn and disciplining my older 2 is making her behavior worse.

My almost 7 year old is usually very good but seems like the last year she is going downhill too....not listening to a lot of things I tell her to do (or not to do if it's something bad).

Usually my best 2 girls are my almost 7 year old and 11 year old...I know my 11 year old is going through pre-teen stuff....but all together I feel like they are getting out of control!! I have tried being calm with them but they get my blood boiling so bad they NEED to be yelled at or they will NEVER stop arguing.

It boiles down to not listening, being rude, and constant arguing. We still have 2 more weeks before school starts and I feel as though my nerves won't hold up that long. Why do my kids feel the need to upset me so much? I don't tollerate disrespect and they disrespect a lot!

Thanks for letting me vent...please tell me I'm not alone....and ANY and ALL suggestions are welcome!! I am at my ropes end, I don't know what to do with them anymore...yelling doesn't seem to phase them, taking things away works only short term. HELP!!

[Crystal]

Awwww, I'm sorry you're dealing with that!
You are right that some of it is hormonal, it will pass
But, some is probably the transition to having other people's children in THEIR home. My kids were little when I started, but as they got older, I found out that it soetimes bothers them alot to have other children running around all day...they share not only their home, but their parents with these little strangers
So, give it some time, talk to them when it's just you and them about how having the kids there makes them feel....don't let it dissuade you from continuing with child care, but let them know you empathize with them and that this was a decision you made for THE FAMILY, and we all need to work together to make it work. Your older girls should be able to understand the concept of money.....let them know, plain and clear, this is your LIVLIHOOD, they need to be nice and thoughtful with he other kids, or you lose money, then they lose STUFF because you won't be able to afford STUFF - like the monthly fee for cell phones
I'd also let them know, that effective immediately, any and all back talk, disrespect, etc. comes with immediate consequences - take a priveledge away, take away something they value (like you did with the phones), whatever you decide, and STICK TO IT!
Good luck, it will get better.....especially once they go back to school.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Awwww, I'm sorry you're dealing with that!
You are right that some of it is hormonal, it will pass
But, some is probably the transition to having other people's children in THEIR home. My kids were little when I started, but as they got older, I found out that it soetimes bothers them alot to have other children running around all day...they share not only their home, but their parents with these little strangers
So, give it some time, talk to them when it's just you and them about how having the kids there makes them feel....don't let it dissuade you from continuing with child care, but let them know you empathize with them and that this was a decision you made for THE FAMILY, and we all need to work together to make it work. Your older girls should be able to understand the concept of money.....let them know, plain and clear, this is your LIVLIHOOD, they need to be nice and thoughtful with he other kids, or you lose money, then they lose STUFF because you won't be able to afford STUFF - like the monthly fee for cell phones
I'd also let them know, that effective immediately, any and all back talk, disrespect, etc. comes with immediate consequences - take a priveledge away, take away something they value (like you did with the phones), whatever you decide, and STICK TO IT!
Good luck, it will get better.....especially once they go back to school.

Thank you Crystal...I have told them if I didn't do daycare then they wouldn't have this house to live in because without daycare we couldn't afford the mortgage and other bills...they just don't want to get it...I'll just keep taking the privelages away,....I think they are all ready to go back to school where they will realize rules do exist outside of the home also. I know it will get better when school starts...I will be able to refresh and not get so uptight with them as well. Two weeks just seems soooo long when they are at each other every single day.

[countrymom]

i have 4 kids 12,10,8 and 6--3 girls and a boy (he's 3rd in line) my kids start fighting with each other the minute they wake up. Its just dumb stuff. They like the hide the remote on each other, or fight over the chair or even 1 of the 4 bathrooms we own. I too think its time to go back to school. when i talk to other parents they all have the same problems, so its not only you, its all of us.

[safechner]

I know how that feels. Don't give up on your kids. If I were you, I would send the kids stay in the room all the week like grounded with NO tv, no cell phone, no computer, no chat with friends or play outside with friends, no go anywhere, etc.. They will realize how you feel and they will start respect you. It doesn't matter if they are going through pre teen or hormonal changes. They must respect you no matter what. Trust me, they will cry to get out their room but you will need to stick with it, and they can sit with ya'll for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That would be it. I know it sounds harsh but it works!

My daughter started disrespect me some time and I got her grounded for two weeks. She learned a lesson and she would never do it again. That was 3 years ago. She have been so good so far.. Hope it helps...

[missnikki]

Oh me oh my... Yup, I'm right there with you.

My DD is 13 and goes a K-8th school which I am the Daycare Director of. We are around each other WAY too much, since she comes in with me at 6:30am and often stays until 6 pm. She goes to classes for the day. I try to arrange other things for her but she doesn't get it- if she's not done with her homework, she CAN'T GO! I mean, sometimes it's like DUH kiddo...you want to leave, do your work then go! Instead it's constant arguing, smartmouthing, dilly dallying and farting around. So by the end of the day we've both been here way too long and we get home and almost want nothing to do with each other.

It seems like the only language they know at that age is moaning, whining, complaining, and demanding. On rare occasions, you might catch a glimpse of 'happy' if you look really hard.

This, too, shall pass.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Thank you for the great advise and letting me know I am not alone!!

Something dawned on my tonight...I was driving to the store this evening with my 11 year old (11 next week anyway) and we noticed the BIG full moon....I remember joking a few times that the kids seem to get hard to handle around the full moon but now I'm really starting to think deep about it.....it seems to be a pattern, the full moon comes and the kids seem to be very hard to handle.....

is this just coincidence or do any of you notice this with your kids?? I am really believing it...I remember the last full moon I seemed to be yelling at them a lot too. Strange.

[professionalmom]

Ok. I had a coworker about 6 years ago who had this same problem with her 2 kids. They were actually telling each other that they wished the other was dead! Now this was before I had kids or was doing daycare. But I gave her some advice and it worked. I think it worked simply because I could think of the situation from the outside. Here's what I told her to do:
1. Strip down their bedrooms until they are truly BED ROOMS - meaning only their beds, the bedding (sheets, blanket/comforter, and 1 pillow). Take out all electronic devices (tvs, dvd players, iPods, video games, computers, cell phones, etc. - EVERYTHING). Take out all the toys. Put the toys in boxes and store them in the attic, garage, where ever. Take out fiction books (especially if you have one interested in a specific series and will find it fun to read for days on end). Leave in the educational books and the classics (Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn, etc.).
2. Ground them to their rooms for 2 days. That's the starting place - 2 days. If they whine about it, take on another day. Don't complain about it or remind them each time they whine. Just say, "you just got 1 more day. Want to try for another?"
3. The rules for grounding are simple. You stay in your room, stay quiet, don't whine. After all, they are the ones choosing this behavior, which means they choose to submit to the consequences of their choices. They are allowed to come out of their room ONLY to use the restroom (time it if you have to), shower (10 minute max - don't let them dilly dally with hair and makeup), or go to church. They can eat in their rooms, but make sure you serve them healthy foods, but their least favorite. If they hate liver and onions ... that's what they get.
4. Let them know that THEY have the control of how long this lasts. Either they can get with the program and start listening to you and be done in 2 days, OR they can be stubborn and drag this out for weeks.
5. After the 2 days, then they get to rejoin the household. BUT they have to do their chores (put dishes in dishwasher, fold some laundry, make their beds - whatever) in order to RE-EARN their privileges (tv, dvd players, phones, iPods, video games, toys, etc). And they earn them back 1 category per day (tv on Mon, dvd player on Tues, etc.) or 5 items per day (when talking about a large group like toys).

This may sound harsh, but it works for the teens and pre-teens. Your younger ones may not be ready for this, but if they watch the older ones going through it, they will learn just the same! It may sound like this is more like prison, but you have to think about the situation. You said they are out of control. You MUST get the control back. They MUST learn that no matter how old they get, they will always have to answer to someone (parents, employers, law enforcement, etc). They need to understand that rules exist and that there are consequences to breaking those rules. As teens and pre-teens, that may mean confinement to a bedroom, but as adults the consequences are much worse. Also remember all the lessons this teaches: rules/consequences, needs/wants, privileges are EARNED not an entitlement, that mom and dad are to be respected, that they are to respect each other (and others outside the family), etc. The list goes on and on. This method teaches them so much about how life really works and how to be a great, functioning, respectable, and honorable person.

It will be very difficult for you to do this, especially at first. But I can almost guarantee results with this. Remember, you have talked (and yelled) until you were blue in the face. Talking is done. It's time for action. Like I said, only tell them the rules as they are entering their rooms for the beginning of the grounding. Do not keep telling them the rules or giving them chances. Break the rule, get another day - period. No bargaining. No pleading. Nothing.

My coworker had a complete 180 degree turn around in her 2 kids after the first weekend. One of her kids got another day or two added, but quickly got the picture that mom meant business. The family soon found that they could actually enjoy each other. Oh, there was one exception in her case, it was during the school year so the kids could get out for school and only school. They were also grounded from their extracurricular activities, since that would amount to only being "grounded" at bedtime. Plus, you them to HATE this consequence so it will deter them from misbehaving again.

I hope everything works out for you. I honestly think that this method will help your situation and I pray that it would only take 2 days for them to "get it" so you can have at least some of the summer left to enjoy your transformed angels. I will pray for you.