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I have a new little guy that is VERY dependent. There are plenty of times when he is ok to explore on his own but most of the time he latches on to me like a baby gorilla. If I have to put him down to change a different child or get someone ready for nap he screams and cries bloody murder until his face is red and snot is pouring down his face. And I mean this is like 0 to 60 in half a second. I always try to put him down and re assure him or put him near something that he lifes to play with but he freaks as if I'm going to leave him forever or something. Any suggestions?! I'm going to lose it! Other than that he's a great addition to our group. It seems like the times I literally HAVE to put him down are the times where he freaks as opposed to if I just put him down to have him check something out..
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I have his twin here. I have just started trying to give him something new to catch his attention when I know I have to change, feed, etc. with another child. I have found that sometime sing while I am feed or diaper another child helps hold his attention and it is really helpful when the other kids start singing and dancing along while I sing because then he is drawn to the kids.
Sometimes one of my older children will sit and play with him for a while also to keep him busy I call the older child a special help and then eveyone wants a turn playing with him. This has helped becuase he is slowly starting to get better.
It will take time and usually Mondays will be bad if he is held alot at home but it will get better. -
The first thing you do is put him down.
Then, you don't pick him up unless necessary and maybe once every half hour or so for a couple min. to calm him down and let him know its ok. But then put him back down and introduce a toy.
It will be hard for both of you for a few days, but its the only way.Comment
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At 8 months thats very normal. ALL my kids did that around 8 months. My 13th month old is STILL doing it. So we hold him as much as possible, because truly and honestly kids NEED that touch, that reassurance around that age so that they can become more independent because they TRUST that when they DO need something someone will respond and not ignore them because they are trying to force independence. Studies show time and time again that kids that are responded to, touched more often, and aren't left to cry and figure it out become more independent.
I tell all my parents that I utilize baby wearing and will do on any child under the age of 2 that needs that extra touch. I have a newborn, 4 week old girl, starting in June (she isn't born yet obviously), and her parents know that she will basically be worn 100% of the day as necessary. Parents CHOOSE me because of my "AP" and "Crunchy" daycare ways.
The only option is NOT to let them cry. There are numerous options. Some just take more of your time and effort but pay off more in the end.Comment
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Try wearing him if your licensing laws allow it. A ring sling, woven wrap, or something like an Ergo, Beco, Boba soft sided carrier would probably calm the baby down instantly & allow you both hands free to do other stuff.Comment
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sorry..froggysox and crunchy mama;
put him down put him down put him down! Talk to him while he's there, sit next to him, rub his back or his belly, but don't pick him up for screaming. You can touch him without carrying him. When you do pick him up, to feed him, diaper him, etc, TALK to him. "It's time to go change your diaper, so I am going to pick you up...up?" See if he'll raise his arms.
When you have to get up...tell him "I am going to change x's diaper )or make lunch, or go potty). When I am done, I will come back". Don't try to distract him, or fool him. He's not fooled...
. The idea is to be respectful and reassuring, but don't deny him what he's feeling. Eventually, he will understand that you are nearby, that you love him, and that he CAN soothe himself. Support his independence with love and reassurance. Also remember that his receptive language is way ahead of his expressive language, and getting better each day. If you say the same things each time, he will get it, believe me.
How on earth do you get him to nap? Let me guess...he doesn't nap well. Which would make him crankier and needier.
I do agree that babies need touch, but not every second. I don't think wearing them like a "sack of potatoes" is a bonding experience. Personally, if that were God's intention, I think he would have equipped us with pouches!:: I am NOT trying to be disrespectful of Froggy or other AP parents. I'm sharing my opinion only.
I think you need to give him the message, gently and kindly, that he is capable and strong. You can be kind and loving and still get that across to him.
It usually takes me about 2 weeks of this "tough love" to get them there, and it pretty much only works if you have them full-time.Comment
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sorry..froggysox and crunchy mama;
put him down put him down put him down! Talk to him while he's there, sit next to him, rub his back or his belly, but don't pick him up for screaming. You can touch him without carrying him. When you do pick him up, to feed him, diaper him, etc, TALK to him. "It's time to go change your diaper, so I am going to pick you up...up?" See if he'll raise his arms.
When you have to get up...tell him "I am going to change x's diaper )or make lunch, or go potty). When I am done, I will come back". Don't try to distract him, or fool him. He's not fooled.... The idea is to be respectful and reassuring, but don't deny him what he's feeling. Eventually, he will understand that you are nearby, that you love him, and that he CAN soothe himself. Support his independence with love and reassurance. Also remember that his receptive language is way ahead of his expressive language, and getting better each day. If you say the same things each time, he will get it, believe me.
How on earth do you get him to nap? Let me guess...he doesn't nap well. Which would make him crankier and needier.
I do agree that babies need touch, but not every second. I don't think wearing them like a "sack of potatoes" is a bonding experience. Personally, if that were God's intention, I think he would have equipped us with pouches!:: I am NOT trying to be disrespectful of Froggy or other AP parents. I'm sharing my opinion only.
I think you need to give him the message, gently and kindly, that he is capable and strong. You can be kind and loving and still get that across to him.
It usually takes me about 2 weeks of this "tough love" to get them there, and it pretty much only works if you have them full-time.
I don't disagree with attachment parenting when done by a SAHM, but I think for the most of us -it just won't be feasible (not at least without wearing yourself down). The way I care for children in group care, is not necessarily how I would care for my own children - but i look at it as necessary for group care.
Bravo to anyone who believes in AP and can do it while caring for a group of children. For me, it isn't an option - and I practice pretty much what Heidi referred to. I don't feel like that approach is horrible, but a a necessary part of caring for a group. Like nannyde, I make sure parents understand that this is group care and children don't receive the same type level of attention that they do in one-on-one care. My children are all happy, healthy, and thriving using this method. Their needs are attended to, but their wants might not be. I understand that touch and comfort is a need for infants and my kids get plenty of holding and snuggles - but not on demand or all the time.Comment
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I am a very AP mama. But when I tried to do this when I started daycare, it left my kids unhappy and me totally stressed. Being AP is a lot of work emotionally and physically. I am not enough of a person to be able to provide that to my daycare kids. The kids in my group care have to learn independence earlier than my own kids did. I agree that the best way for a baby to be parented is to respond to their needs in an AP manner, I just am not able to do that for my daycare kids.
I do wear my little daycare babies, but most defintely not all day long. And once they become to heavy for my body to carry them easily, I stop. Usually around 4-5 months. I need to remain physically able to do daycare for some time.
For this little guy, I would put him down and go about your day as you would. If you need or want to get something else done, put him in a safe place with suitable toys and reassure him verbally or with a pat. Some kids take longer than others to adjust.
MnMum married to DH 9 years
Mum to Girl 21, Girl 18, Boy 14.5, Boy 11Comment
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I'm all about making reasonable accommodations because I utilized and adored AP principles when my kids were little, but it's just not feasible to carry out in a childcare setting in the same way or at the same level.
If parents want 100% then it's necessary to have one of them stay home with their children. If they can't or are unwilling to have one parent stay home then the child is going to need to learn to self comfort on some level a lot sooner.
Brooksie - can you talk to the parents about what they do at home? Maybe let them know that if they are doing things differently, if they are in sight every single second and holding him non-stop that it will make things infinitely harder for him when he's with you and there are other children to tend to at times throughout the day....perhaps that'll help them understand the need to encourage a bit more independence. If they're on board his outrage and panic should begin to lessen.Comment
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Yay!! Another APer!!!
Same here, I advertise it and my parents really appreciate it
Even with FIVE of my own kids I've never had to ignore or make a child self soothe before they are ready
If you don't want to be an APer, thats up to you, but I find it really rude to tell a parent to not be one to make your life easier. You are additional care, they are primary care. The way they want to raise their child should not be based on what makes your life easier. If anyone ever told me to NOT be an AP mom because of THEIR job that they are paid to do, I would be furious.
I'm all about making reasonable accommodations because I utilized and adored AP principles when my kids were little, but it's just not feasible to carry out in a childcare setting in the same way or at the same level.
If parents want 100% then it's necessary to have one of them stay home with their children. If they can't or are unwilling to have one parent stay home then the child is going to need to learn to self comfort on some level a lot sooner.
Brooksie - can you talk to the parents about what they do at home? Maybe let them know that if they are doing things differently, if they are in sight every single second and holding him non-stop that it will make things infinitely harder for him when he's with you and there are other children to tend to at times throughout the day....perhaps that'll help them understand the need to encourage a bit more independence. If they're on board his outrage and panic should begin to lessen.Comment
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Probably a conversation to have over the phone before the interview? That's a pretty major expectation to have. I'm worn out mentally and physically by the end of the day not wearing babies all day. I had 3 infants at the same time. I will have two newborns at the end of this year.
If anyone came to an interview without informing me of this expectation up front and then trying to convince me in an interview to perform my job lugging their child around all day on top of it I would beyond furious at them wasting my time and not questioning this in the phone call.
You look for care that suits your wants and needs and then interview that person. Not randomly pick someone and expect them to perform a new task that they are not willing to perform. That is rude in my opinion and they would be subject to "the crazy eye" if they showed up to my interview trying to talk me into it.
To each their own. If that is what you choose then I respect you for it but it's completely ridiculous to expect all care givers to make those concessions in their own business just to appease a parent.Comment
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I wouldn't tell a parent what they need to do to make my job easier, but it sure is going to make it easier on their child. To me when they make the decision to place a child in group care, they need to understand that more times than not (I understand that some of you practice AP with your DC kids - but most of us won't) it isn't going to be the same as one on one care. If at home a child is being attachment parented and then they go to daycare and expect the same treatment - that is going to be a really rough transition for the child.Yay!! Another APer!!!
Same here, I advertise it and my parents really appreciate it Even with FIVE of my own kids I've never had to ignore or make a child self soothe before they are ready
If you don't want to be an APer, thats up to you, but I find it really rude to tell a parent to not be one to make your life easier. You are additional care, they are primary care. The way they want to raise their child should not be based on what makes your life easier. If anyone ever told me to NOT be an AP mom because of THEIR job that they are paid to do, I would be furious.
And, IMHO, if the transition is too difficult, and the child is not adjusting - then I would need to term.
So, I have told parents that it would be wise to prep their child to be I daycare, otherwise the transition can be very hard for them at first.Comment
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