Need Advice

[frgsonmysox]

I have a family that recently started, 2 kids - one is turning three next month, one turned five in November.

The younger one is very aggressive. She can't share at all, and attacks any child who has a toy she wants to play with. I feel as if I'm constantly having to have her sit out, and if I leave the room she has to come with me. She is also very defiant already ("I just wanna...", and "why do I have to do that?" are constant phrases). I have banned the "I just wanna's..." because it goes something like this

Me: Alright, it's circle time!! YAY!
DCG: I just wanna color
Me: After circle time it's art time! So lets sing some songs and dance and then we can do an art project
DCG: I just wanna eat.
Me: You just ate breakfast, we will have snack time in a little bit.
DCG: Why do I have to do that? I just wanna play with the toys upstairs (the upstairs is banned and off limits to daycare kids)

Its "I just wanna's" all day, even if I'm in the middle of saying something.

Her brother is much worse. I'm pretty positive at home these kids don't play. They watch tv and play video games all day, and I'm not sure they know HOW to play. The 5 year old cries and throws fits over everything. His sister sat in the chair he wanted and he cried for 1.5 hours over it. I've been telling him to go sit on the stair and I ignore it when he cries. I've told him that whining and fits will not get his way in this house, and in fact will do the exact opposite. He doesn't have manners, or etiquette skills, and he doesn't have good personal/social skills, imagination skills, and his letter and number recognition is non existent. She wants me to have him reading and writing by August so he will be ready for Kindergarten. My other daycare kids are even telling me that these two kids are "bad" and "don't follow the rules!"

I don't know what to do! I don't want to term them, I want to teach them so that they learn these skills that they aren't learning at home.

Also, my husband was wondering if I needed to report this, and I'm not sure myself. They are disciplined by being made to drink vinegar? He thought it was abusive, but I wasn't sure.

[Luna]

I would say forcing them to drink vinegar is abusive, but it isn't up to us to decide. We report it and the authorities will decide.
My advice would be to continue with what you are doing. They will soon understand that what works at home won't work with you. I have had a family similar to this and they have learned to play when they're here, watch tv at home. They have learned we do activities together and we will all get to do all activities. Your persistence will pay off, especially for those children!

[CedarCreek]

I agree with the pp about persistence being the key. I also just completely ignore the "I just wanna" and the "why" s.

As far as the vinegar, did the kids tell you that or one of the parents? That's very disturbing imo.

Heck,I remember being little and being made to eat/drink soap and thought that was abusive and swore I would never do that to my kids. I grew up to realize a lot of my child hood was abusive. Id be worried about what else is going on if that is true.

[NeedaVaca]

I would tell mom that her expectations of reading & writing by August is doubtful since he came to your care with no knowledge of basic letters or numbers and most kids know these by age 2-3. They need to be working with him at home daily on basic skills!

[frgsonmysox]

the mother told me, and told me to do it if I felt it was necessary. I told her I didn't feel comfortable doing that and we'd continue with the reward chart, and time outs if needed. The 5 year old also mentioned it to me as well.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

You ABSOLUTELY need to report the drinking of vinegar for punishment to CPS. Even using a swipe of vinegar or soap on the tongue is considered abusive. That is completely unacceptable.

I second the poster that said you need to chat about realistic expectations for the 5-year-old who has not mastered the basic skill that are essential for reading. Plus, even the children that have mastered all of the skills still learn at their own pace so there is no guarantee that a child will be reading by X age.

[cheerfuldom]

Do you have a trial period for these kids?

you have a lot to overcome with each of them, from the sounds of it. Its important to recognize if they are the right fit for your program.

[frgsonmysox]

I'm not someone who gives up on hard cases. I've dealt with it before with other kids, and I nearly always have been able to influence them positively.

I don't know how I would have turned out if someone had given up on me. My parents weren't great parents, and they didn't teach me a lot of skills. So when I have kids in my care that need that positive adult role model I don't want to quit on them because it's too hard. I just need ideas on how to get them to become more positive and able to free play and not be aggressive.

I will report the vinegar thing. I know it's my responsibility to report any signs of abuse, but I wasn't sure if it was one. I'm still trying to figure out whats abusive and whats not, and it's not always easy for me to recognize in others.

Thanks for the help

[Starburst]

There was an adoptive mom on Dr.Phil that would use hot sauce and cold showers as punishment. Viniger is very sour and many kids don't like the taste of it- some types of viniger also may contain alcohol. Using foods/drinks/medications as punishment (or rewards for that matter) is never advised because it could lead to eating disorders or phobias.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20096514-504083.html