Help Me Rationalize Please - First Day With New DCG

[youretooloud]

Her dad is from here (US) and mom is here from the Philippines.

I've only had one family from the Philippines, and I never noticed that...they seemed right on target.

[MarinaVanessa]

I'm going to agree with the post that said that you should wait a bit longer before bringing any of this up to DCM. The child is a new child and may just be adjusting to her new environment and testing her new limits. I know a lot of her behavior seems suspicious but some of it could also be chalked up to her being coddled at home and perhaps being over-protected and you should really give it a little more time so that you can separate developmental delays from child behavior that is different because of the different environment.

Children are born with a natural sense of exploration but can be conditioned differently if held back. You really don't know what home life is like and perhaps at home she is required to be quiet and not touch anything so maybe that's why she won't communicate much or play. Maybe at home she is required to sit quietly. Also in some Asian cultures making eye contact is a form of disrespect where not making eye contact in our culture disrespectful.

For now it would be really hard to make any assumptions especially because she is so new to your daycare and she is only there twice a week. I suggest like a previous poster said and take a developmental assessment checklist from a reputable source (like the CDC) and do a thorough observation for about 2 days. Make notes as you check some of the milestones off (or the ones you leave blank) as to the type of behavior that you observe. Then in about a month or so do it again and see if there are any differences or improvements. Then if you still have worries about her not hitting certain benchmarks bring them up to mom and give her copies of your assessments and notes for each time to show her examples of what you are talking about. Tell her that you do it for all of your clients.

If you still have major concerns you can suggest that she take your observations with her and bring them up to her daughter's next appointment. Don't label or diagnose, only recommend she speak to her child's pediatrician.

[DaisyMamma]

Wow. I can't say that I would want to continue watching that child.
Forgive me if that sounds harsh, but I'm one person. That child needs one person to herself, not one person who has to watch 5+ other kids at the same time.
I would let mom or dad know my concerns and let them know that I would see how it goes for a couple weeks.
I would also let them know that the children here feed themselves after about 1 year of age. That she's expected to follow rules, take a nap, etc.
Let them know on a daily basis how things are going. Don't forget to mention the good!
I would remove the coffee table.

[NeedaVaca]

I think you are going to have to decide how long you will be willing to deal with this if you are seeing no improvement after she is full time. For me personally, I wouldn't do it for more than 2 weeks if it is taking me away from the other kids in my care. I can't have all of my focus directed at one child, it's not fair to the other DCK's. I also think that when she comes again on Wednesday you should mention that she needs to be able to self feed and they need to be working on that at home.

[nannyde]

Did the dad work outside the home on opposite days or shifts than the mom during the three years she was cared for by him?

There's a good chance she has spent hundreds of hours in the last three years awake when the adults are asleep. There's a chance she also may be from an environment where there is so much clutter that she has learned to be up and high to function. She may have had thousands of hours of tv.

I would find out WHY she was put in care now and if there is any child protective involvement. Who is paying child care and how secure are you that they will be able to continue to afford it.

I have a feeling this isn't her first day care.

[Crystal]

I had a VERY similiar situation about a year ago. Dad is Japanese, Mom is Filipino. Dad worked graveyard until she they felt she was ready for daycare and took care of her during the day (as Nannyde says LOTS of TV time)

It is also a cultural thing and also a lack of boundaries. (Spoon feeding is cultural. That doesn't mean she cannot do it, she just has to learn how.)

The first week the little girl was in my care (she started at 2 years 9 months....I typically only start them as infants but she was a referral from a professor so I took her) she exhibited OFF THE WALL behaviors and similiar things that you describe. After the first week here, and acclimating to OUR culture of care, she has been an ANGEL ever since.

Give it some time. Hopefully she will come around.

[MonkeyingAround]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everyone's comments.

Dad was actually laid off a few weeks before DCG was born and only went back to work this week. According to the parents she has never been to any daycare or watched by anyone else.

She is now coming on Thursday so we will see how it goes then. I am going to try my best to work with her but I will have 5 kids 5 and under - one of which is an infant.