Ugh Help

[wahmof3]

I know that children act differently when their parents are here

I am having a terrible time with a DCB 3 and I need your help.

This ONLY happens when DCP's/adults are here.

Here is a list of behavior issues:

jumping on furniture
running inside
full run of my house including places he KNOWS he isn't supposed to go
climbing on tables
hitting/pulling other children
throwing things

and then the other kids join in

I always reprimand him in front of DCM and all I get is him sticking out his tongue at me. He is definitely having trouble with the shift in authority.

The child is a wonderful child otherwise.

Need to get this behavior to stop, any ideas?

[MamaBearCanada]

What does DCM do when this happens?! If she doesn't seem to care that he is sticking out his tongue & disrespecting you that would be a big problem for me.

[wahmof3]

What does DCM do when this happens?! If she doesn't seem to care that he is sticking out his tongue & disrespecting you that would be a big problem for me.

She does tell him to stop. Honestly the tongue thing is new and I don't think she even see's him do it. Yesterday he wasn't in her view when he did it.

[lolaland]

When this happens I just ask parents to say their goodbyes before they knock on my door and pass the kids inside fast when I open the door ... a half of a second transaction! Always works ...

[wahmof3]

When this happens I just ask parents to say their goodbyes before they knock on my door and pass the kids inside fast when I open the door ... a half of a second transaction! Always works ...

I have thought about this, but I think my DCP would really be ticked off!

[LittleD]

I have thought about this, but I think my DCP would really be ticked off!

Explain how his behavior is unacceptable at pick up and either you do the bye bye outside or you will have to discipline in front of her.

What do you normally do when he acts out (and mom isn't there)

I'm not afraid to discipline in front of parents anymore. They misbehave, they get time out, I don't care who is there. If a parent needs to talk to me about the day I apologize and ask them to call later, as I am busy.

Or if I know its going to be bad, I have them sitting at the table and doing crafts as soon as 1st pick up is about to start.

[lolaland]

I have thought about this, but I think my DCP would really be ticked off!

Yes... it is a technique that I only felt comfortable using after a relation of trust was built with the parents... and that takes time (or a very good backbone ...not my case )

[countrymom]

let mom know that due to his behavior that you need to do the quick good bye. Really if it ticks her off then she needs to do something about her sons behavior. She should then hold his hand nice and tight and not let him go.

[rmc20021]

I had a similar problem with my 4 yo (just had his birthday 2 weeks ago so barely 4). Every day when mom got here to pick him up he would do whatever he could to defy what he knows the rules are.

He'd go and take toys from someone else. He would run back into the house and start playing, or plop down in front of the tv. He wouldn't listen to either his mom or me. I had even attempted to physically 'help' him walk back to her and he would just flop down onto the floor and not cooperate.

All dcm did was threaten to leave him there and play games with him. He was never verbally disrespectful, but he just refused to listen. I told him in front of mom that he was going to have to go into time out and mom would have to wait for him if he didn't do what was asked of him. THAT didn't even make a difference.

So, the next time it happened, I sat him down the next day and TOLD him that is not acceptable and from then on he would have to go into time out if he didn't listen when his mom got here to pick him up and she would have to wait until he was done before he could go home. I told him he was to walk to the door, and get his things on and leave.

That night when mom got there to pick him up, he walked to the door, got his things and was trying to walk out of the door even before dcm was ready. He hasn't made any attempts to play that game again.

Another thing he likes to do is run off and hide when someone arrives, whether it's his mom or someone else. I have forbidden him to do that and explained it's because with so many kids here if he's hiding and we needed to leave the house in an emergency that he might get missed. So now he doesn't do that any more either.

Figure out a plan...let him know what it is when mom isn't around. Then if he misbehaves at pickup, follow through with it.

Perrsonally I don't like to push them out the door because I like to make contact with the parents each day for just a second. I have in the past had them dressed and ready to walk out the door when dcp's arrive, but I still like to take that time to communicate with the parents.

[Willow]

I have thought about this, but I think my DCP would really be ticked off!

So it's ok for him to behave badly and tick you off but it's not ok to put that back on the parents??!

Tell them too bad. Have him ready 5 minutes before pick up and standing at the door.

Let them know the boy is acting up only when they pick up and drop off and you simply can't let it continue. Not only is it dangerous but it's upsetting all the other children. Because the parent won't address it this is your solution for them. Act happy and cheery when you relay the new routine as if you deserve an award for being so creative and helping out a stumped mom/dad happyface


What can the parent possibly say? "NO??! You need to let my child continue run amok all over your house completely heathen and out of control????!"

If they do it's time to find a new family

[Blackcat31]

Then hand the issue over to mom.

"DCM, Billy cannot stand on my couch. Will you please have him get down?"

"DCM, I do not allow kids to disrespect me in my home, please have him apologize."

I'm kind of a hard-a$$ about this kind of thing and I do NOT tolerate bad behavior from a child because the parent is present.

If it gets out of hand and the parent is not stepping up, I will say "Well, it looks like Billy has forgotten how to behave. Time for yu to go" and then I will literally usher the family out the door.

I have also reprimanded a child the next morning with a consequence if they are older than age 3. Kids are plenty old and wise enough to "get it". THAT is precisely why they do it when the parent is present. They want to see who, if anyone is going to step up and fix the issue.

If you are concerned about DCM being PO'ed (which I wouldn't care...as Willow said...) then hand the problem to mom and let her fix it.

If she can't get him under control then request that she call/text before pick up, get the child ready to go and make pick up quick.

DCM can call you later if she needs to talk.

[MarinaVanessa]

I'm with BlackCat on this one. I personally wouldn't address the issue with DCK directly because it's a power struggle ... as in "my mom is here and she's the boss". I would put the responsibility on the parent and address it exactly as it happens. I wouldn't discipline the child in front of a parent because of what happened with another member of this forum. The DC provider intervened and a complaint was filed, licensing came out and wrote her up because according to licensing the parent was present and at that point the parent is responsible for the child. After seeing that, I changed my whole perspective and way of handling a situation like this to be handled just like BC suggested. You make the parent responsible.

If the parent complies and reprimands the child then the child will see that the parent and provider are working as one unit and you will see improvements. If the parent doesn't effectively correct the situation then this needs to be addressed with the parent and if no corrections are made then I don't see how the issue can be improved.

[My3cents]

I know that children act differently when their parents are here

I am having a terrible time with a DCB 3 and I need your help.

This ONLY happens when DCP's/adults are here.

Here is a list of behavior issues:

jumping on furniture
running inside
full run of my house including places he KNOWS he isn't supposed to go
climbing on tables
hitting/pulling other children
throwing things

and then the other kids join in

I always reprimand him in front of DCM and all I get is him sticking out his tongue at me. He is definitely having trouble with the shift in authority.

The child is a wonderful child otherwise.

Need to get this behavior to stop, any ideas?

If you can, have him ready to go. Walk him to his mother hand and hand, and switch off giving his mother his hand. Then say bye see you tomorrow. Make drop off and pick up times quick, simple and easy. If he takes off running. Go get him and hand him to his mother. It is a fight to see who is in charge, you or Mom. For me when the parent's arrive they are in charge. IF they don't step in then I pick up that responsibility. I just do as I would if they were not here. If it means putting the child to time away or time out, then I do this in front of the parent. If it becomes a big issue I address it with the parent. NannyDe has a great method for this issue. Because I live on a busy street, I have a hard time to implement her method. Good luck, this can be the hardest part of the day.

[My3cents]

Then hand the issue over to mom.

"DCM, Billy cannot stand on my couch. Will you please have him get down?"

"DCM, I do not allow kids to disrespect me in my home, please have him apologize."

I'm kind of a hard-a$$ about this kind of thing and I do NOT tolerate bad behavior from a child because the parent is present.

If it gets out of hand and the parent is not stepping up, I will say "Well, it looks like Billy has forgotten how to behave. Time for yu to go" and then I will literally usher the family out the door.

I have also reprimanded a child the next morning with a consequence if they are older than age 3. Kids are plenty old and wise enough to "get it". THAT is precisely why they do it when the parent is present. They want to see who, if anyone is going to step up and fix the issue.

If you are concerned about DCM being PO'ed (which I wouldn't care...as Willow said...) then hand the problem to mom and let her fix it.

If she can't get him under control then request that she call/text before pick up, get the child ready to go and make pick up quick.

DCM can call you later if she needs to talk.

I have a mom that uses 1,2,3 magic. The child waits until 3 before she will listen/move. If the child is able to do that on 3 they are able to do it the first time, 2nd at the very latest. This child get's it on 1. Drives me nuts. This child waits to see me ask 3x before she will respond. I agree with you they know and they do "get it". They are smarter then life gives them credit for. Once I picked up on what she was doing she now hears me on the first ask, because I don't give the three chances before I act on carrying whatever it is out. It took a while but she knows I don't do things the same way as Mom does. Me- Child, Please go put your jacket on. Nooooo. Ok time out, and I stop what I am doing and put the child in time out. If I did not get a response from her I would ask one more time. Mom-, go put your jacket on. Noooooo. Child, what did I say? Nooooo. I want you to go put your jacket on. Nooooooo Mom, ok child 2 go put your jacket on. Noooo- child then says this in a playful mode. 3 ok go to the corner. You didn't put your jacket on.
Anyway I believe unless the child has a hearing problem they do get it the first time they hear. They like to push. Make a game out of it. See what your reaction is.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

If the parent does not correct the behavior then I will. I had a very dramatic time out with full on screaming and crying from a 3-year-old about a month ago. Hasn't happened since.