Potty Training

[cherryhill]

Just need some suggestions. I have a three year old that is not potty trained. I take her potty every hour, but will not pee or poop in the potty she will wait until she is dry and pee in her pull up. When she poops she usually does it when we are outside and I don't know right away and she will lie and tell me she didn't poop. She will play outside or inside with a dirty diaper. I ask her why she won't tell me if she needs to go and she tells me she only wants to potty at home. Apparently she goes potty all the time at home just scared to go here. What should I do, should I continue taking her hourly, I feel like I'm wasting my time. She has not once told me she has to potty here.

Thanks

[KnoxMom]

Speak with the parents to find out the difference between your potty and hers. My son did that at 2; would potty at home but not with grandparents because theirs was "too big". We ultimately got matching sets just to keep it consistent. I would still take her hourly though. Have you tried rewards (potty chart/stickers)? Have you tried putting panties inside of the pullup? Girls hate being wet/dirty! I would ask the parents to bring her in the potty area in the morning/afternoon and have a talk with her while they put her on it to let her know she needs to use that potty as well.

[Francine]

I have a little boy that is 2 that has been going potty at home just fine for Mom but was refusing here for me, until last week! I suggested to Mom that maybe she should take him in there when she drops off and picks up for a couple of days to see if he will go for her here. That way too letting him know that it's Mom's idea and that it's okay with her. Worked like a charm, has been dry since! It took her taking him in there twice. Good luck!

[cherryhill]

Thanks, that is a great suggestions. I thought little girls didn't like to be dirty either, but she will poop at home and not tell anyone and take a nap and wake up with a horrible rash. I think she is peeing in the potty at home only.

[Play Care]

At 3 I would take away the pull ups and put her in big girl undies. When I do this I typically plan our activities to be in areas that are not carpeted or have soft furniture. I serve the child lots of liquids (yup, even juice which is never served here) so I know they will have to go.
When I have children who are afraid of the toilet, I've found that they just need to go to get over it (I will use a potty ring if I think it will be more comfortable) After the first accident (because they will try to hold out), I have them help clean up and give a cheerful "next time you will do that in the potty!" And I keep having them sit every 1/2 hour - 45 minutes - I know I've read not to time it like that but I find with older kids who are ready just resistant it works better to do so - especially since I'm filling them to the tippy top with water/juice::
Also - if she typically stays dry at nap, do not give in with a pull up for naps - because then she will try to hold it all AM and go in the pull up (which will leak since they are not meant to be used like a diaper) so either way she will be wet...Or at least put the pull up over the underwear.
I do think once she actually goes on your potty she will be just fine. Good Luck!

[cherryhill]

Speak with the parents to find out the difference between your potty and hers. My son did that at 2; would potty at home but not with grandparents because theirs was "too big". We ultimately got matching sets just to keep it consistent. I would still take her hourly though. Have you tried rewards (potty chart/stickers)? Have you tried putting panties inside of the pullup? Girls hate being wet/dirty! I would ask the parents to bring her in the potty area in the morning/afternoon and have a talk with her while they put her on it to let her know she needs to use that potty as well.

I have stickers but haven't had the opportunity to use them here, she has never used the potty here.

[daycare123]

I would also suggest getting the same potty as they have at home. Ditch the pull ups. When she does go at your place make a huge deal out of it! Kids love praise. I like the idea of mom taking her in there to go also!

[jenn]

I like the idea of the parent taking them, but I would only do it once. I had one that would only go at home, and so mom took him to our bathroom to get him comfortable with it. Then, every morning he would cry and whine for mom to take him to the bathroom when he got here. Then when she picked him up, he would do the same thing. He still wouldn't go without her here. It was just a bad habit to break. If a child cannot tell me they need to go, they are not ready, to me. I do not send them or take them on a scheduled basis. My own daughter was "home trained" for quite a while before she was able to go other places. Then one day, she just got it.

[cherryhill]

At 3 I would take away the pull ups and put her in big girl undies. When I do this I typically plan our activities to be in areas that are not carpeted or have soft furniture. I serve the child lots of liquids (yup, even juice which is never served here) so I know they will have to go.
When I have children who are afraid of the toilet, I've found that they just need to go to get over it (I will use a potty ring if I think it will be more comfortable) After the first accident (because they will try to hold out), I have them help clean up and give a cheerful "next time you will do that in the potty!" And I keep having them sit every 1/2 hour - 45 minutes - I know I've read not to time it like that but I find with older kids who are ready just resistant it works better to do so - especially since I'm filling them to the tippy top with water/juice::
Also - if she typically stays dry at nap, do not give in with a pull up for naps -because then she will try to hold it all AM and go in the pull up (which will leak since they are not meant to be used like a diaper) so either way she will be wet...Or at least put the pull up over the underwear.
I do think once she actually goes on your potty she will be just fine. Good Luck!

Kind of scared to put her in panties I think she will just pee and poop in them. She would not hold her pee she usually whines when i ask her to go. The thing is I'm not sure if she understands or knows the urge to go. She does not stay dry during nap. My daughter is 4 and has been trained since two along with another little boy I watch. They both showed interest and actually used the potty.

[Willow]

If she can't keep a diaper dry, gives no indication she needs to go and refuses to tell you when she's wet or dry she is definitely NOT ready for underwear.

I'd back off entirely and let mom and dad know you'll encourage her when she shows some signs of readiness, but are not on board with pushing it any more. Trying to force "training" on a child who isn't ready can do a lot of emotional and mental damage. Let them know you aren't on board with putting her through that.

[blandino]

I honestly don't take children every "x amount of time". I wait for them to be able to tell me they need to go. IME toilet timing will keep them from wetting, but isn't really toilet training. I think a little bit of taking in the beginning to get them in the habit is okay, but it really doesn't need to be done.

[nanglgrl]

If she can't keep a diaper dry, gives no indication she needs to go and refuses to tell you when she's wet or dry she is definitely NOT ready for underwear.

I'd back off entirely and let mom and dad know you'll encourage her when she shows some signs of readiness, but are not on board with pushing it any more. Trying to force "training" on a child who isn't ready can do a lot of emotional and mental damage. Let them know you aren't on board with putting her through that.

This is what I was going to say. When children are ready to go on the potty it's easy, it should never take more than a week for them to go into the bathroom on their own, pull down their pants, climb on the potty and go. Think of potty training like you wold think of a child taking their first steps, they do it when they're ready.

I watched my niece when she was about 3 years old but after a disagreement about policies my sister took her to another provider. Before my niece left me she was showing some signs of readiness but wasn't quite there yet. A month later my sister brought her back to me and all the signs my niece had shown before were gone. Come to find out (from the provider) that she was sitting my niece on the potty every hour.

One thing to consider is that the parents may say their child is going potty at home and she might not be. I've seen it so many times where a parent says they go at home and what they really mean is that they sit them on the potty at certain increments throughout the day. I've also seen it where the parents say this and the child never goes at home and actually wears a diaper. The parent thinks saying this will make the provider train their child.

[Play Care]

Kind of scared to put her in panties I think she will just pee and poop in them. She would not hold her pee she usually whines when i ask her to go. The thing is I'm not sure if she understands or knows the urge to go. She does not stay dry during nap. My daughter is 4 and has been trained since two along with another little boy I watch. They both showed interest and actually used the potty.

Ahh, in that case she probably is not ready. I was talking more about kids who were ready but reluctant or even afraid.
I have a Dad who is insisting his child uses the potty for everyone but me but I'm having a hard time believing it...In her case I have told him I will not do anything until she shows some signs of readiness.

[Play Care]

I honestly don't take children every "x amount of time". I wait for them to be able to tell me they need to go. IME toilet timing will keep them from wetting, but isn't really toilet training. I think a little bit of taking in the beginning to get them in the habit is okay, but it really doesn't need to be done.

I find when children are ready potty training takes less than a week - but the first day I do usually try to get them to sit every hour or so. This rarely lasts beyond the first day. I make it a positive, cheerful experience. I do agree that if this lasts beyond the first couple of days then the child is not training, you are But I sometimes get the feeling that some providers are waiting until the child just decides to do it themselves (wouldn't that be nice!:. And I have found even my most "ready" kids have needed some gentle prodding to get going.

[Play Care]

I watched my niece when she was about 3 years old but after a disagreement about policies my sister took her to another provider. Before my niece left me she was showing some signs of readiness but wasn't quite there yet. A month later my sister brought her back to me and all the signs my niece had shown before were gone. Come to find out (from the provider) that she was sitting my niece on the potty every hour.

One thing to consider is that the parents may say their child is going potty at home and she might not be. I've seen it so many times where a parent says they go at home and what they really mean is that they sit them on the potty at certain increments throughout the day. I've also seen it where the parents say this and the child never goes at home and actually wears a diaper. The parent thinks saying this will make the provider train their child.

In almost 9 years I have had two children that were ready but reluctant/afraid. I did sit them every hour - BUT used lots of praise and even accidents were met with a cheerful/sincere "that's okay, you'll make it to the potty next time!" By the end of the morning of the first day, both kids had "clicked" and no longer needed to have timed potty use. I suspect there was more to the issue than the fact the provider had her sitting.

I do agree with the last paragragh - I'm dealing with this now. And in this case there is no way I am going to take this child every hour because she is NOT ready and it would traumatize her.