So Demeaning!

[daisymae31]

I work as a preschool teacher with one other worker in the room with me. Since August, she's had control over a little girl who wets her pants all the time. The little girl was always disruptive at nap time, etc. Finally, I had to take over when the mom complained about ME, not my coworker. When I took over, the kid stopped wetting her pants, and nap time was no longer being disruptive with her "false" trips to the bathroom just to get off her mat. For the last month and a half, all has been good with this little girl. I leave for 3 days due to flu, come back, and the mom is all over me again because her daughter had a accident the day I got back, which we didn't find out until the next day, because the girl did not tell us. I was to blame again. But what really irks me, is that my coworker said in front of the little girl, where all the other students can hear, "While you were gone, we didn't have any problems with her". This demeaned me in front of my students. They do not respect me when the other teacher chisles away at my authority in front of the students. I've gone to my boss, but she said that I am just not able to work with other people. Does anyone else see something wrong with this picture???? The coworker consistently, I see it now, has chipped away at the foundation of respect that I can attain, by saying such unfounded remarks in front of the children. She has demeaned me in front of parents, and in front of my boss. But they all take her side. I am baffled by this. I am the lead teacher. The coworker came in August new to the business, and told me from day 1 that she was difficult to work with. I've heard from my boss that she has nothing but good things to say about me, but I can tell that my boss is floored that I have such grievances about her. Even though the coworker has demeaned me in my boss's prescence.

I just don't get it. Why does my coworker get to say such awful things to me, and I never do the same back? Part of me wonders if she wants the lead teacher role.

My boss says that my coworker probably doesn't even realize she is being that way. I don't see how anyone with an IQ wouldn't see how rude they were being. My boss said that I just need to develop a thick skin. Even another coworker that I can confide in, said that after 6 years in the business that she would be hurt too, if someone said that "we didn't have a problem with the girl while you were gone." Well, I didn't have a problem with the girl for 1-1/2 months either.

Am I being too sensitive? Or is this coworker out to undermine my position of authority in the room, in a mole kind of fashion, subtle way?:confused:

[TheGoodLife]

I can not stand people like that! I'm sure you probably have, and it sounds like she wouldn't be one that would even take to it, but can you try to talk to her about it? Explain that it is unprofessional to speak to/about you in that manner with other people around? Again, sounds like she is a major PIYA, but if you try to be nice (fake it) would that maybe smooth things over? I was a teacher and had a para that completely undermined me, cried if I ever had any slight criticism or asked her to do something other than how she wanted to do it, ect. (Only difference is my principal knew it and took my side. I always hated to think what stories she told my principal about me, though!) Is there anyway to switch her to a different room? Ugh, good luck with whatever you decide to do, that would make work so awful! Good luck!

[daisymae31]

Thanks for replying Mama2Bella! I talked to someone I confide in at work, and they said that no, that I wasn't being too sensitive....that in fact, my coworker was being quite rude.

So how did you handle your assistant who kept crying and created such problems whenever you needed to tell her any constructive criticism?

[Heidi]

You know, I think you need to call her on her behavior. Be ready next time (and you know there will be a next time). Then, pull her aside, look her in the eye and say "xx...this is it is unnacctable that you talk to me this way in front of the children (parents). It needs to stop NOW".

That's it. Don't say more, dont cry, dont go to your boss, don't cuss at her. Address the behavior head on and directly. She is being a bully, and she needs you to stand up to her.

THEN, once she understands you will not take her bull, have a nice, calm planning meeting with her. Do you get teacher planning time? If not, get some, even if it's an hour at the end of one day. Try to get her input into the classroom. Try to get her ideas. Maybe she has some good ones, but doesn't feel respected, so she dis's you to make herself feel better. I wouldnt get into that. Just move forward.

One of the many reasons I'm a family childcare provider! Good luck!

[daisymae31]

THanks for responding. I am at my wits end. This coworker obviously wants to do me in. I feel like I am getting emotionally abused and no one does anything about it. And my boss is the worse one. Everytime I complain about it, the conversation gets turned around, and made to look like I am the problem. My coworker is very underhanded and streetwise. Yesterday, I offered to get her a sub sandwich as I was going to get one. She didn't know that I was going with another coworker who I consider a friend. As I was taking her order for what she wanted on her sandwich, my friend coworker comes through the door asking me when we were going to go to get the subsandwich, and suddenly my mean coworker says that she doesn't want a sandwich. I guess it was ok for her to "use me", but not if other people in the daycare center see that I am actually a nice person to my coworker. That's all I can fathom. So, it's not just "my imagination" that this coworker has things underfoot with regards to me. She wants my job, and erodes things that I do, in an underhanded way that noone can see. And it's working. My boss has totally turned on me.

Do I just quit? I think that's what my boss wants me to do. I will be at this daycare for almost one year in March. It's like she doesn't want to have to pay me benefits.

[daisymae31]

daisymae

I can't confront this coworker. It will do not good. She is out to get my job. She would just laugh at me behind my back for me thinking I can confront her. And my boss is on her side. So, what can I do? And now I have bronchitis, which will take a few weeks probably for me to be up to speed. This situation at work has made me physically weak, and now I have bronchitis. What's worse, is I was set up by my coworker having me observed in my work performance duties on Thursday, my first day back after being sick for 3 days. Nothing I do is "right". Yet, at my last job, I was called back 1-1/2 years later, and asked to work there again by my old boss, and the head of the district teacher. So I don't "get it". Why can I not get through to my current boss as to what is happening to me? All my authority is being eroded by this coworker. It's so obvious, yet my boss doesn't want to see it. Why, I don't know. I don't know what is going on behind my back. I feel it's too late. I get my full benefits in one month. It's like my boss wants me to go, and is bringing out all the arsenal to get me to quit.

[Blackcat31]

My advice? Quit. Look for another job.

There is NO amount of money in the world that would make me work in an environment that is so unsupportive or caring.

If there is this much tension and bad feelings between you and this co-worker, I can't imagine what the children of this center feel, see and hear.

I would put my notice in, apply for another job and leave the minute another job opportunity came along.

Things are only a problem when YOU allow them to be. Stop allowing this co-worker to treat you like this. Stop allowing the director to sweep your complaints under the rug.

If neither the co-worker or the Director does anything to change the situation, quit.

There really is no other alternative unless you want to continue working under these conditions.

[Lyss]

My advice? Quit. Look for another job.

There is NO amount of money in the world that would make me work in an environment that is so unsupportive or caring.

If there is this much tension and bad feelings between you and this co-worker, I can't imagine what the children of this center feel, see and hear.

I would put my notice in, apply for another job and leave the minute another job opportunity came along.

Things are only a problem when YOU allow them to be. Stop allowing this co-worker to treat you like this. Stop allowing the director to sweep your complaints under the rug.

If neither the co-worker or the Director does anything to change the situation, quit.

There really is no other alternative unless you want to continue working under these conditions.

I agree!

I know it's hard to walk away from a job but I would totally start looking for something else! I'm sure you will feel a weight lifted when you give notice!

[Kaddidle Care]

I agree with Blackcat - as you are already experiencing, this kind of situation can make you physically ill.

Perhaps it's time to have a meeting with the boss AND your co-worker to air things out. It sounds to me like you are being talked about behind your back. Everything needs to be placed on the table. You can't keep this bottled up.

If you are out a lot due to being sick, etc., your assistant is having to take over your duties and probably resents not being paid the same as you and having to do the job of 2 people. (unless your place brings in another to help her)

I have been in that situation and it's not fun - you feel like you are being taken advantage of constantly.

It's time to tune up your resume and start looking. Having to wait a year for benefits is a bit much although I don't know too many places in this business that actually have to provide benefits because hours aren't that long.

I believe an employer now has to provide benefits to anyone working over a certain amount of hours (35?? I don't know the number) under the Obamacare Act. You might want to look into that. If this is true, don't be surprised if your hours are cut back in favor of hiring another person to fill in.

I was on the opposite side of your story, felt taken advantage of and was not being heard by the Director at all. So.. I quit and while I went several months without a job I do have one now that I love.

When one door closes, another one opens. Everything for a reason.

[daisymae31]

Have asked for a meeting between the 3

I have asked for a meeting between the director and my coworker, but the director says that I just need to be blunt with my coworker. My director is not taking my advice, that I need for this to be done between all three so that it's on the table.

In fact, one of my lungs is having problems and I'm not getting in air due to possible pneumonia. My doc ordered me to stay home for one week. Can you believe the director told me to thank my coworker and another worker brought in to cover for me, to thank them for covering for me? My coworker was gone for one week just about two weeks ago. The director never told my coworker to thank me for covering for her, yet I am supposed to thank my coworker for covering for ME!! I feel like the director is trying to jab me, by letting me know that my coworker is now "in charge" and not me.

[Play Care]

I agree with Blackcat. It sounds like both the coworker and director are in cohoots against you. They have no desire to resolve the issue and I think it's time to move on