My DS (17mos) is rude!

[EchoMom]

My 17 mo DS is rude! I think... He has been from day one an intense, high maintenance, rage baby. He is insanely capable and IMO advanced. He is and has always been extremely social and the 2 year olds have always viewed him as a peer ever since he started walking at 10 months.

He is very affectionate toward the babies, giving kisses, pats, and hugs. Problem is, his hugs are usually like choke holds around the neck, never hurt anyone, but too tight for comfort and I always have to tell him to be more gentle.

With the 2 year olds he plays, runs, climbs, etc. with them and they totally think he's a peer. But, even though he's younger, he is the ring leader and they copy his ideas and all want to be his friend. He's just as tall as the 2 year olds.

However, he's so rude! He sits on them all. He puts his feet on them, touches their face and hair. He'll sit on their lap if they're in a chair. If they're laying down he will ALWAYS wrestle them. He LOVES to climb on top of kids and wrestle.

I don't know what to do. He's not aggressive, never hit, bit, etc etc. He's just really playful or really rude but I can't tell.

Is it affection or bullying or selfish?

What do I do? Too young for time out? Just keep redirecting? I feel like every sixty minutes I hear a kid whine and pull my DS off of someone.

BTW he does this to me too. Crawls on my head, sits on me, crawls across my face. I move him off of me repeatedly and he just keeps doing it until I snap at him and then he cries.


Great, just as I finished writing that I've just now seen him PUSHING 2.5 year old DCB! I don't even know where he has ever seen someone push, how does he know to do that?! DCB just stands their and whines. My DS keeps walking right up to him, looking him dead in the eye, and then two handed pushing him backward in the chest. He's not mad or agressive, he's just in a super ornery mood right now! (Friday evening, ready for the weekend!) I got up told had him look right at crying DCB and say that's not nice, it makes him sad, NO. Then give him a nice hug. But then he did it twice more, to which I also did the same thing twice more....

[itlw8]

I would say it is normal. tell the big kids not to lay down on the floor that will help. Do not let him do it with you or dad sit up immediately if he crawls on you. Sit up and say no you may not crawl on my head but I will hold you like this.

[Blackcat31]

Sounds to me like some of his cognitive skills are SUPER advanced and some are right on par and that is why he is having a tough time understanding personal space.

He probably isn't capable of perspective thinking yet and doesn't understand how it feels to others when he climbs, chokes (hugs) and sits on them.

His confidence tells others that he IS confident and sure thus making him the ring leader but his brain hasn't quite figured out that other people have "feelings" and don't just like to be felt....kwim?

I think he is not rude at all and is more likely just trying to make sense of the world around him with the tools (skills) he has at this moment.

Hang in there and just keep doing what you're doing. Eventually it will all catch up and make sense for him.

[Scout]

My DS's clearest word is TACKLE! :: Thank goodness it's usually just because he is walking around with his nerf football! It's him just wanting to be friendly I think, he wants to be where the kids are.

[snips&snails]

Most 17 month olds have little or no concept of personal space. Just keep reminding to be gentle & redirect. It will come

[cheerfuldom]

totally normal for the age. its actually a good thing that he is testing limits but hasnt escalated to aggressive behavior like hitting, biting. he is playing but his style of play can accidentally hurt or scare others. i think for now, i wouldnt encourage him to touch the other kids at all (no "sorry" hugs and that type of thing). He cant handle that and probably wont be able to do that gently for months, maybe years. I would just have a strict "no touching others" rule for him. No hugs, no sitting on others, no feet on others, no holding hands games (that probably turn into him pulling someone down). Just straight out no touching others. If he tries it, pick him up and put him a little distance away from the other kids and tell him "no touch" in a firm voice and walk away. He can work on parallel play or playing the same toys as another kids but not touching the other kid, just sitting next to. He gets his hug and even a little playful tag/wrestling time with mom and dad, not other kids. for now your main goal is to keep everyone safe. parents are much more likely to pull their child from daycare if the providers kid hurts their kid then if it was any other kid.

as for "where do they learn that?".....humans have natural instincts and personalities. they dont need everything modeled for them in order to figure out how to do it. even only children that are undersocialized will test with physical boundaries (biting, hitting, pushing, etc) or verbally (saying no, screaming protests and whatnot)