Help With Explaining A New Household Member

[small_steps]

My story is that I've been a single mom for over the last 3 years (from day one of opening my home daycare). I have been dating a guy and it's so right. Finally! However, we've recently begun talking about the future and the possibility of him moving in. It would be him coming here because my business is established and going well plus he loves it at my house because we live in the country (he's from the city). So the issue is when the time comes, and we're ready to move on to the next level, how do I talk to my daycare parents about that? Obviously they know that I do not just move anyone in, I've had no one live here but my children since opening. However, I do have a personal life too. Right now he's mainly here on the weekends, but he will start coming some weeknights when he can in the very near future. I don't want my daycare parents to be shocked and I want to be open with them because I'm not trying to hide him. It's just so awkward for me because it's so new to me.

Also, when he does move in, he works in sales and while he will be gone some, he will have an office at home and be able to do a lot of work from home so he will be her during the day when he does move in.
I'm licensed, so he is required to have a background check on file which I've already done that. His background is good. No skeletons in his closet thank goodness.

IF you were in my shoes, how would you go about introducing this new issue to the daycare parents. I realize once he's here and moved in it will be easier because when I interview daycare parents I will obviously tell them who all lives in my home, but now with this being new I worry that some won't approve and that I may lose a few kiddos. I hope not. I hope they trust my judgement and know that I wouldn't bring anyone I didn't completely trust around my own kids let alone theres. But I also am a realist and know that some may have a problem with it because it is a change.

Thanks in advance

[Country Kids]

I guess honesty is the best but be prepared to lose clients. Alot of clients even will even question when a provider is married and has a husband home during childcare hours.

I do know of friends of mine that are providers that have lost clients due do dating issues. They didn't like the boyfriend maybe being there during drop off if he stayed over or maybe stopping by, being there at pick up time to have dinner at the house, things like that.

Clients can't run your life and you have to have one but on things like this, it might take awhile to get them used to the idea.

Good luck in this new chapter of your life and keep us updated!

[Starburst]

If you do have some more religious daycare families than chances are they may feel uncomfortable and leave because of the issue that you two are not married. Most of the times families DO prefer that the provider is married if co-habiting because they want their children to want to aim to be married when they grow up and want them to have as many examples of happy marriages as possibly. Also, whether we like to admit it or not, this business is based on your image in your community and if you are in a more religious community that could effect your business. Yes, you have a personal life and it is private but there are some parents who try to pry or snoop because they want to know everything about the person they are leaving their kids with and want to make sure they have similar values.

I'm not an overly religious person (spiritual but not religious per se) but I personally told my fiance from the begining that we are not living together or having kids together until we get married because I don't want us to get too comfortable and be together after 10 years with kids and still not married. I am afraid if there was a big fight or something that he could just up and leave and never look back. At least with marriage there is some insentive to stay or try to work it out before resorting to divorce- and, in CA, with divorces the wife gets 1/2 especailly if they have kids- just saying! (not that I would want a divorce). Also if my business was struggling and he was the main breadwinner or had any benifits I may not be eligible for insurance through his job even if we had children together. But my personal reason could also have to do with the fact that my mom was never married when I was growing up (she is now but it doesn't really count cuz it was just recently) and I never felt stable because she was a single mom and she did have a hard time getting by with two jobs and the thought of being resoponsible for another human life alone based on just one income alone seriously scares me! And also I want better for my kids than what I had.

Also think about do your kids like him? are they okay with him moving in (don't just assume ask!)? My mom didn't even care with her bf and he hardly ever had a job and I honestly never liked him and the rest of my family HATED him (for a very good but private reason). They were together for over 10 years and maybe about 2 years ago she finally kicked him out and he's now living in another state with his mom. I sometimes get nightmares that they are back together and litterally wake up angry.

[laundrymom]

My opinions usually differ from everyone else. So. Lol. Here goes.

This is James, we've been dating a while and things are getting serious. You will be seeing a lot more of him.

If they want a happy provider, they need to let her be happy. If they don't, they do not deserve you.

[MyAngels]

My opinions usually differ from everyone else. So. Lol. Here goes.

This is James, we've been dating a while and things are getting serious. You will be seeing a lot more of him.

If they want a happy provider, they need to let her be happy. If they don't, they do not deserve you.

[canadiancare]

I'd do as above. Introduce him as someone you are seeing/getting serious with and that as per your legislation he has his police check on file with the agency.

Congratulations on your new relationship.

[crazydaycarelady]

If he were to move into my house I would have to list him on my daycare license and they would do a background check on him. A PITA I know but you could reassure your dcparents by telling them he is moving in and has met all of the licensing requirements.

[KnoxMom]

Happy for you! I think the parents will appreciate you being honest and upfront about him. Make it clear that you have had his background checked per state regulations and ask if they have any concerns or suggestions that would make them feel more comfortable with him being present.

[KEG123]

Just be honest. That you've been dating for a while and it's going well. That in order to have anyone move in, they have to be background checked so they can rest assured. Offer to have them meet him. Let them know if he will/will not be around during daycare hours, etc. Just be honest and let them know it's taken lots of thought and you're not rushing into this.

[Willow]

Congratulations to you! I was in the same place a few years ago!

My daycare parents knew about the boyfriend (now husband) because we were all packed and ready to go Friday evenings and then they saw our pictures on facebook of what we did during the weekends (he lived an hour and a half away so we took turns coming up here and him coming down to our place). They asked questions and were very supportive of the relationship. During the winter when he wasn't working on the road as much we started talking about him staying during some of the weeks. I first got him background checked per licensing requirements and then let my parents know that he may be around once in awhile after it came back cleared. The first time each family showed up when he was around I introduced them and they were so happy for me. The kids all adored him and transitioning him into my daycare life was very easy

I ultimately ended up moving into his home because he owned and I rented but anyhoo, that's about how I brought him in.

I wish you lots of happiness!


(Starburst - If anyone would have questioned me from a moral or religious pedestal I would have termed them immediately. If they don't trust my judgment to properly manage mine and my children's best interests then they shouldn't dare be leaving their children in my care. You either think I'm a good hearted, sane, rational and reasonable human being or you don't. If you don't then don't let the door hit ya....the end of my first marriage wasn't my fault and I wasn't:
a. going to live alone the rest of my fault out of the fear of some zealots religious judgment or
b. going to commit the rest of my life to a second marriage without being sure we would all be compatible living life together - FIRST

I'm sorry but your entire post in this thread rubbed me the wrong way.....)

[kathiemarie]

Have you ever talked about him to your DCP? If you haven't I would start saying thing about this great guy you are dating etc. Then when you guys do live together they will know a bit about him and it wont be a surprise. Congrats on finding a good one!

[My3cents]

If you do have some more religious daycare families than chances are they may feel uncomfortable and leave because of the issue that you two are not married. In this day and age??? I would be more concerned with the religious end of it then. Most people live together before getting married. Most not all, but if you loose clients over that all I can say is UGH!!! Most of the times families DO prefer that the provider is married if co-habiting because they want their children to want to aim to be married when they grow up and want them to have as many examples of happy marriages as possibly.I think this is in your head and not real. ITs not the reality of todays life. It would be nice, but its not realistic to what is going on all over the country. Also, whether we like to admit it or not, this business is based on your image in your community and if you are in a more religious community that could effect your business.yes Yes, you have a personal life and it is private but there are some parents who try to pry or snoop because they want to know everything about the person they are leaving their kids with and want to make sure they have similar values.I think many want to know the child is happy and safe and well taken care of.

I'm not an overly religious person (spiritual but not religious per se) but I personally told my fiance from the begining that we are not living together or having kids together until we get married because I don't want us to get too comfortable and be together after 10 years with kids and still not married. I am afraid if there was a big fight or something that he could just up and leave and never look back. At least with marriage there is some insentive to stay or try to work it out before resorting to divorce- and, in CA, with divorces the wife gets 1/2 especailly if they have kids- just saying! (not that I would want a divorce). Also if my business was struggling and he was the main breadwinner or had any benifits I may not be eligible for insurance through his job even if we had children together. But my personal reason could also have to do with the fact that my mom was never married when I was growing up (she is now but it doesn't really count cuz it was just recently) and I never felt stable because she was a single mom and she did have a hard time getting by with two jobs and the thought of being resoponsible for another human life alone based on just one income alone seriously scares me! And also I want better for my kids than what I had.

Also think about do your kids like him? are they okay with him moving in (don't just assume ask!)? My mom didn't even care with her bf and he hardly ever had a job and I honestly never liked him and the rest of my family HATED him (for a very good but private reason). They were together for over 10 years and maybe about 2 years ago she finally kicked him out and he's now living in another state with his mom. I sometimes get nightmares that they are back together and litterally wake up angry.

I think you should do what you is best for you and be honest with your parents. I would have him come around during the day a little and then slowly mention it to your parents. Your parents above all else want you happy, if your happy most likely the kids are going to be happy, They want safety above all. Make sure you cross your t's and dot your i's. Make sure this man knows what kids are like and that you will not ever not be quiet when they are present. It is part of doing daycare to have kid noise going on. Explain your business and that things you can normally do in a home that is not a business can't be done in your business when you are working. Your parents don't live your life, so you have to do what you want in your life- you just have to make sure it is all safe- Just because they are into religion and beliefs that are not the same as yours doesn't mean you should cave into your own to keep them happy. Good luck and best wishes for your new relationship~

[My3cents]

My opinions usually differ from everyone else. So. Lol. Here goes.

This is James, we've been dating a while and things are getting serious. You will be seeing a lot more of him.

If they want a happy provider, they need to let her be happy. If they don't, they do not deserve you.

Agggghhhhh lovethis I don't know if I would throw it in the parents face like that, but I do like the message I would just have him be around and introduce him as your boyfriend and then when you decide to have him move in they will know and you can just say we have decided to live together. Again best wishes-

[My3cents]

Congratulations to you! I was in the same place a few years ago!

My daycare parents knew about the boyfriend (now husband) because we were all packed and ready to go Friday evenings and then they saw our pictures on facebook of what we did during the weekends (he lived an hour and a half away so we took turns coming up here and him coming down to our place). They asked questions and were very supportive of the relationship. During the winter when he wasn't working on the road as much we started talking about him staying during some of the weeks. I first got him background checked per licensing requirements and then let my parents know that he may be around once in awhile after it came back cleared. The first time each family showed up when he was around I introduced them and they were so happy for me. The kids all adored him and transitioning him into my daycare life was very easy

I ultimately ended up moving into his home because he owned and I rented but anyhoo, that's about how I brought him in.

I wish you lots of happiness!


(Starburst - If anyone would have questioned me from a moral or religious pedestal I would have termed them immediately. If they don't trust my judgment to properly manage mine and my children's best interests then they shouldn't dare be leaving their children in my care. You either think I'm a good hearted, sane, rational and reasonable human being or you don't. If you don't then don't let the door hit ya....the end of my first marriage wasn't my fault and I wasn't:
a. going to live alone the rest of my fault out of the fear of some zealots religious judgment or
b. going to commit the rest of my life to a second marriage without being sure we would all be compatible living life together - FIRST

I'm sorry but your entire post in this thread rubbed me the wrong way.....)

lovethis

[Country Kids]

"If you do have some more religious daycare families than chances are they may feel uncomfortable and leave because of the issue that you two are not married. In this day and age??? I would be more concerned with the religious end of it then. Most people live together before getting married. Most not all, but if you loose clients over that all I can say is UGH!!! Most of the times families DO prefer that the provider is married if co-habiting because they want their children to want to aim to be married when they grow up and want them to have as many examples of happy marriages as possibly.I think this is in your head and not real. ITs not the reality of todays life. It would be nice, but its not realistic to what is going on all over the country. Also, whether we like to admit it or not, this business is based on your image in your community and if you are in a more religious community that could effect your business.yes Yes, you have a personal life and it is private but there are some parents who try to pry or snoop because they want to know everything about the person they are leaving their kids with and want to make sure they have similar values.I think many want to know the child is happy and safe and well taken care of."

I think it really maybe is where you live in the country to how parents take it.
Yes, this is your life but in the end the parents are the parents of the children. They don't know a guy moving into the providers home for Adam and are taking the word of this provider. Just because a person doesn't have anything on their background doesn't make them not guilty of things that they may not have been caught for. We have a case here where a business owner was caught with hard core drugs, lost the business, family, everything. A good friend of mine knew this person for the last 10 years and never suspected anything with drugs, use of drugs, nothing. I guess it was very shocking to all the customers.

Have two friends that met guys that were of different races and one lost clients and the other almost did. In the end the guys ended up not being so great so they didn't last. The one that lost clients, lost long time clients. I don't want this to get into a racial thing, I am using this for an example of how clients act to different things.

Another one ended up divorcing and meeting someone new. Lost almost every client because it was an ugly divorce and then they didn't know this new guy but the provider had known him for years I guess.

Alot of people ask abouit husbands hours even and if they will be around the kids and such. Parents usually aren't comfortable with men around their children and especially ones that might be new to even the provider.

I guess in the end, only you know your clients and what kind of relationship you have with them.