In tears...at wits end.

[hgonzalez]

I have a 2.75 year old DCB here who has been here 5 mos. When he started I immediately noticed he had issues. He is able to speak only 5 words clearly and has not made progress in the last 5 mos. I have a child who is Autistic and see a lot of similarities in how they perceive situations and react so impulsively. I had a conversation with the parents, they had him evaluated and the center came up with 'not in the spectrum'. The diagnosis is speech delay, both receptive and expressive. I do not agree with this, but kept my mouth shut when they shared the news.

This boy is very aggressive. Watching him, you would think his mission in life is to break rules. Some of this is developmentally appropriate. However, he throws toys (big toys) at people (me and kids), kicks me and other kids, knocks over my chairs etc when angry. I decided to try brief time outs.

When he does a misdeed, I take him to the time out chair and say "no hitting' and then he screams and carries on for a long time, trying to knock the chair over and swinging at everything he can. When he is quiet, I let him get down and I repeat the rule. Within 5 minutes, he will turn around and look right at me and do it again. Or...he will wait until my back is turned and then do it again.

After a week of this; he now does the misdeed and then runs to the chair to sit down. He is not making the connection correctly. He thinks that hitting means running to a chair and sitting down. He has the blankest look on his face when he does this. He is repeating the actions, but does not get the social part of the situation at all.

This goes on all day long. The parents are super nice people, but since they have gotten the 'all clear' on Autism, they don't seem concerned with his behaviors. I cannot afford to lose the family financially (there is a sibling) but I also think the other kids here should not have to put up with this (nor should I). I do get excuses from the parents...'maybe he is tired or hungry'.

I can barely stand to listen to his screaming when he is upset. I know he can't help it, but it is wearing me out so much I started to cry today when dealing with him. It's not crying it is all out SCREAMING.

Any suggestions? I have tried distraction, but don't want to reward him for misbehavior and don't want the other kids to think they can get away with those behaviors either.

Help me.

[Brooksie]

Unfortunately I don't have any suggestions for you because I'm literally dealing with a same sort of situation, except its MY daughter. Today has been HORRIBLE!!!!! I'm at my wits end too. So I am sending a lot of virtual (((( hugs )))) and let you know you aren't alone! Wish I could be more help. But just think, the weekend is almost here!

[NeedaVaca]

If I had a child that made me that unhappy to watch everyday I would not be able to take it!! If he was diagnosed with a speech delay are they getting therapy for him? If it were me, I would start advertising and as soon as you find a replacement for him term...it's not worth your being so miserable. I had a child that I had to term and the relief was immediate, I was sooo much happier everyday

[countrymom]

do you let the parents know what he is doing. If not, start doing it. Start writing it down---what the kid did, and what the actions you did and if you let the parents know and their response.

I would rather lose a family then lose all my families. I can just imagine how the other kids feel when he is there. I've been there too and sometimes all there is left is to term.

If you term just let them know that you can't meet the childs needs anymore.

just curious, he must be doing this at home, what do the parents do when he acts up like this. and are they getting therapy for his speech. If they are not getting help for his speech then you should term because really, it would sound like they don't care to me.

[snbauser]

I would rather lose a family then lose all my families. I can just imagine how the other kids feel when he is there. I've been there too and sometimes all there is left is to term.

This!! You may not be able to afford to lose this family, but what will you do when the other families start leaving because either their child/ren get hurt, are unhappy, or when they start following in this type of behavior. You have to make the best decision for the entire group, not just this family.

[Little Star75]

I had the same situation, I had good communication with mom. I made her aware that if this continued I will have to term him. She tried her best to be consisted on the discipline but it wasn't successful. Unfortunately, I gave her two-week notice, ever since this dcg left it has made my life much better. I don't want to sound rude but I feel relief.

Good luck!

[hgonzalez]

They are getting him both speech and OT. They are good parents, very attentive but they have a lot on their plate and I am afraid they give in to this kid. I have a rule about no 'food or drink from home' being brought into my home and they will sometimes bring his cup full of milk with the statement, 'he wouldn't let it go'.

I think he is a pretty smart kid. He make lots of connections, but they are mechanical and rigid connections.

I do talk to them about what is happening and I will either get 'he does that at home, too', or 'He didn't sleep well last night'.

I am a single Mom with no other income so I can't just term people without replacements lined up. I enjoy his baby sister a lot, but it is always tougher financially to term a family of 2. I have a new family starting in a month, and maybe after that I can consider my options. I am worried what they will think about being here with this kid.

OMG...he is screaming next to me right now because another child walked up to him. I could just cry.

[itlw8]

I had one boy that was like that. He ended up being dianosed with asbergers. We got him in to be tested and he got into the early childhood special ed. 4 mornings a week. I did the same things they used at school and it helped alot.

We made sure he had lots of movement We he got worked up jumping helped. also taking a big breath and counting to 4. We did it several times. It worked.

I do think it is time they look into starting testing. something is going on.

[canadiancare]

do you have access to visiting resources? I know some agencies offer support staff to train caregivers and work with the kids. Not sure if that will help in your situation but it might be worth a try. That or maybe suggest a center based care arrangement for the child and keep the baby.

[cheerfuldom]

honestly, his parents are not going to be able to change this overnight or any time soon, even if they start taking the discussions seriously. either you can handle him or you cant. it sounds like your only option is to get a replacement in and then term. his parents can send his baby sister though they probably wont. there is no magic answer. just because you have a special needs child does not mean you have the skills necessary to deal with someone elses special needs child. i dont say that to hurt your feelings but it is the truth. we adults need to respect our limits. hang in there and term as soon as you can.

[Unregistered]

Well you will lose other parents and your mind if you don't term. Start really hustling for a replacement. That is not normal and that kid is a HUGE liability. You have to be there for the other kids too. I have had to term kids that the parents either didn't think anything was wrong or the behavior was too much to ride it out even when the kid was going through therapy. You are one person and can not have that.

I do feel for you I have been there. Hang in there and I hope you get replacement soon. Also FYI never take sibling pairs. Cause when this happens you are in a world of hurt when you have to term. Not worth it IMO.

Hang in there, breath.

[Oneluckymom]

Well you will lose other parents and your mind if you don't term. Start really hustling for a replacement. That is not normal and that kid is a HUGE liability. You have to be there for the other kids too. I have had to term kids that the parents either didn't think anything was wrong or the behavior was too much to ride it out even when the kid was going through therapy. You are one person and can not have that.

I do feel for you I have been there. Hang in there and I hope you get replacement soon. Also FYI never take sibling pairs. Cause when this happens you are in a world of hurt when you have to term. Not worth it IMO.

Hang in there, breath.

I agree. Unfortunately, if you don't start lining up replacements you may lose your other families. I can only imagine what you and the other kids are going through. Good luck and I hope you are able to start interviewing.

[daycarediva]

Ok, I think terming is your only option at this point. If you already have ONE kid lined up for March, start advertising for another one ASAP. Tell the parents that he is on a 30 day probation, start documenting the heck out of all behavior and get a behavioral plan in place that the parents agree to use at home. Tell parents that when he is very violent there is no way to keep the other children safe, so you will have to call for pickup. Put it BACK on them. That way, when you do term, all of your ducks are in a row.

Next, treat dcb as a threat. (sorry, but he is) Separate him from the group when you can't be right next to him, allow him soft toys only, etc and keep everyone as safe (and sane) as possible. Ignore the screaming as much as possible. (I KNOW how hard this one is) I wouldn't put him in a chair, on a carpet or soft area and away from everyone.

I feel for you! ((((HUGS))))

[hgonzalez]

Thanks for all of the support. My own child (now grown) has Aspergers and his behaviors are very similar. I have the skills, but it is very time consuming and also wearing on the other kids. It is also hard to stay motivated if you feel there is no hope in sight. The center where he was evaluated does not specialize in Autism, so I am not surprised that they are not seeing it. It is also hard to evaluate a child in a solo situation. My own child is technically a genius, but can't navigate day to day social situations.

My house is used for daycare both upstairs and downstairs. I do have to limit the types of toys that are kept upstairs not only because of the other kids possibly being injured, but I have nicer furnishings, a big screen TV and lots of windows that could be broken.

I thought I could work with this child, but if the parents are not going to get more than speech and OT help for him, I am not sure I can. There is a chance that the speech people from our school district will see more. I believe they are going to come into my daycare and evaluate him. I can only hope he moves into some kind of services at age 3 and he can get some consistent help and I can get a break.

I may have to consider looking for other kids, if there is not any hope for improvement. :-(

[My3cents]

I have a 2.75 year old DCB here who has been here 5 mos. When he started I immediately noticed he had issues. He is able to speak only 5 words clearly and has not made progress in the last 5 mos. I have a child who is Autistic and see a lot of similarities in how they perceive situations and react so impulsively. I had a conversation with the parents, they had him evaluated and the center came up with 'not in the spectrum'. The diagnosis is speech delay, both receptive and expressive. I do not agree with this, but kept my mouth shut when they shared the news.

This boy is very aggressive. Watching him, you would think his mission in life is to break rules. Some of this is developmentally appropriate. However, he throws toys (big toys) at people (me and kids), kicks me and other kids, knocks over my chairs etc when angry. I decided to try brief time outs.

When he does a misdeed, I take him to the time out chair and say "no hitting' and then he screams and carries on for a long time, trying to knock the chair over and swinging at everything he can. When he is quiet, I let him get down and I repeat the rule. Within 5 minutes, he will turn around and look right at me and do it again. Or...he will wait until my back is turned and then do it again.

After a week of this; he now does the misdeed and then runs to the chair to sit down. He is not making the connection correctly. He thinks that hitting means running to a chair and sitting down. He has the blankest look on his face when he does this. He is repeating the actions, but does not get the social part of the situation at all.

This goes on all day long. The parents are super nice people, but since they have gotten the 'all clear' on Autism, they don't seem concerned with his behaviors. I cannot afford to lose the family financially (there is a sibling) but I also think the other kids here should not have to put up with this (nor should I). I do get excuses from the parents...'maybe he is tired or hungry'.

I can barely stand to listen to his screaming when he is upset. I know he can't help it, but it is wearing me out so much I started to cry today when dealing with him. It's not crying it is all out SCREAMING.

Any suggestions? I have tried distraction, but don't want to reward him for misbehavior and don't want the other kids to think they can get away with those behaviors either.

Help me.

This is a hard age and he sounds like he is at his peak for this age. I know I have four at this age. Redirection, time out or away, (I would place him in time out and if he got up, put him back even if it wore me right out and it does at times) If he won't sit in time out, put him in a high chair, or make him be your shadow. Another idea is to give him his separate space. Change up your voice. If you have tried everything under the sun and no changes then it is time to move him on. These little's are as smart as can be, they have the art of manipulation down- it is just finding the one up on them and letting them know that you are ultimately in control and consistent. Bring yourself back down to earth and stop crying and realize this baby is only 2 and he is trying you for all his worth. It is his mission. When he see's he doesn't get any emotion from you for his behavior that sometimes helps. You can term or hang on for the ride- Hugs it is a trying stage to get through and it seems that you see more and more of this kind of behavior. Don't get down, get creative

I suggest you get him outside and running, boys esp have the need to move and be more physically active, girls just want to talk it all out. Get him moving so come nap time he is exhausted. If you can't get out, do inside exercises. Make sure he has enough things to explore that interest him but at the same time not over stimulated. Thank Goodness it is FRIDAY!!! Hope right there in that one word alone FRIDAYhappyface