Extending Trial Period?

[daycarediva]

In almost 8 years, I have never had to do this before. There have been kids that I KNEW weren't going to work out and let go, and many more that I thought were acclimating well and kept on.

I have a dcb who started Monday. He has some pretty bad habits, some of which I knew going in. I have talked to Mom daily about the things I am seeing. Today he was so unmanageable I had my daughter(almost 14 and off of school) shadow him.

I run a 2+ prek program. Dcb is 2 1/2.

I expect my 2's to sit at the table for the duration of meals (20 or so minutes). I cannot have them up and down. Running back and forth to toys with sticky hands. They get one warning, and then the food goes in the trash and they are sent to wash hands. I have been giving dck 3 warnings, but he is up every minute (no joke). He got up 3x and each time I gave him a gentle reminder and then the last time I asked him if he was all done or if he was going to keep eating. He said he was all done. Then he LOST it when I took his plate away. It's like this at EVERY meal/snack. All food has to be kept at the table, dcb carries food, drinks. Today he threw his (plastic) fork so hard it broke. He grabs food from the other kids, dumps milk on his tray, etc. My day care parents were like at breakfast drop offs.

He pushes and hits. I think that's self explanatory. Monday-nothing, but he didn't move far from me. Tuesday-hit x 1 over a toy he wanted, Wednesday-shoving x1 but I was watching him like a hawk. It is the main reason he was removed from his former childcare situation. Mom said he picked it up there, and was hit daily. Today he was hit, but my dcg (who has NEVER hit anyone here) hit him back seconds before I grabbed him, as he was repeatedly hitting her in the head with a block as she was trying to move (I was helping another boy with buttoning pants after potty). This was right after breakfast and I immediately asked my daughter to shadow him. She stopped him from pushing 3 times, and hitting once between 8-11:30.

Spitting/raspberries, which I posted about before, after two days of saying "Yucky, that's gross!" and having him clean himself up, this behavior is almost gone.

He doesn't know how to pick up, he screams when even asked to help. My kids all love picking up, as they only take out one bin at a time, then they race to see who can pick theirs up fastest. They all get hand stamps at the end of each race. Dcb refused to pick up. I didn't give him a stamp. Commence screaming. (see next paragraph)

EVERY SINGLE TIME I say no, or remove him from something he throws a massive screaming fit. I just walk him to the cry corner and tell him he can come join us when he calms down. He will stop crying almost immediately and come out and play nicely again.

NOW---in between bouts of this behavior, he is a great kid! So smart, loves loves loves circle time, crafts, free art, outside. He has our routine down pat "After circle time we goin outside to play!" He gets excited about coming here, has learned words to some of our songs, etc.

There is a week left in his 2 week trial. I would like to extend his trial to 4 weeks, note the behaviors and if there is improvement, keep him on. Has anyone extended a trial before? How would you word this to dcp's?

I think he will work out, just needs more time. When corrected he seems surprised (previous child care never addressed any of this) and will say sorry, hug the other child. Today when he broke the fork he said "Oh so sorry!" ran to clean it up and then gave me a hug with ANOTHER apology "I sowwy I brake you fork!"

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Holy nightmare.

How did you word the initial trial to begin with? That would dictate how I worded the addition of 2 more weeks.

[butterfly]

I think you are braver than me if you want to deal with this kid for another 2 weeks!!

I would just speak to the parents about it. Tell them you aren't ready to give up just yet and would like to try another 2 weeks, but if things don't improve you'll have no choice but to terminate services. I don't see any harm in extending the trial period another couple weeks.

Good luck!!!

[KnoxMom]

Re:

Holy nightmare.

How did you word the initial trial to begin with? That would dictate how I worded the addition of 2 more weeks.

I agree. It's not what you say, it's what people hear. Maybe you can even position it as transitioning from 'observation' to 'orientation'. You aren't a newbie and can tell whether or not you'll be able to get him in line and if it's something you are willing to deal with. From the way you described it, you have faith in his potential. Pray about it and go with your gut. If you think the parent is willing to work with the rules you set out and is comfortable with your approach to discipline then you already know the answer. However, if this is not the case, let it go so you don't regret it later.

Good Luck!

[NeedaVaca]

Extending the trial period might also help get this mom on board with working with him at home too...Like a wake up call. There is no way he learned all of these bad behaviors at another daycare. It sounds like he is not required to help/pick up at home, sit at the table to eat or hear the word no...mom might give in when he says no or cries, she might not be teaching him to pick up after himself or proper table manners...give the extra notice if you think it will help & tell her what he needs to be working on to be a good fit for your daycare.

[Blackcat31]

I expect my 2's to sit at the table for the duration of meals (20 or so minutes). I cannot have them up and down. Running back and forth to toys with sticky hands. They get one warning, and then the food goes in the trash and they are sent to wash hands. I have been giving dck 3 warnings, but he is up every minute (no joke). He got up 3x and each time I gave him a gentle reminder and then the last time I asked him if he was all done or if he was going to keep eating. He said he was all done. Then he LOST it when I took his plate away. It's like this at EVERY meal/snack. All food has to be kept at the table, dcb carries food, drinks. Today he threw his (plastic) fork so hard it broke. He grabs food from the other kids, dumps milk on his tray, etc. My day care parents were like at breakfast drop offs.

I think you need to do a bit of tough love boot camp. Stop giving him the 3 warnings and just have an immediate consequence. IME, the 1,2, 3 warning plan is for kids who already know and generally follow your rules. This little guy doesn't "get it" yet. I would set him at the table and the first time he breaks any of your table rules, have him get down. Once he starts to SHOW you he understands but is mis-having more because he is choosing to, then start the warning system.

Right now he is mis-behaving because that is the only way he knows how to behave. kwim?

He pushes and hits. I think that's self explanatory. Monday-nothing, but he didn't move far from me. Tuesday-hit x 1 over a toy he wanted, Wednesday-shoving x1 but I was watching him like a hawk. It is the main reason he was removed from his former childcare situation. Mom said he picked it up there, and was hit daily. Today he was hit, but my dcg (who has NEVER hit anyone here) hit him back seconds before I grabbed him, as he was repeatedly hitting her in the head with a block as she was trying to move (I was helping another boy with buttoning pants after potty). This was right after breakfast and I immediately asked my daughter to shadow him. She stopped him from pushing 3 times, and hitting once between 8-11:30.

I think the same rules should apply for hitting or any form of aggressive behavior. IMMEDIATE consequence and separation. Once he understands, then begin the warning system.

I also think that once he is agressive or hits someone, he should be separated from the group. Shadowing you if possible or simply placed at the table or a separate area away from the other kids.

He doesn't know how to pick up, he screams when even asked to help. My kids all love picking up, as they only take out one bin at a time, then they race to see who can pick theirs up fastest. They all get hand stamps at the end of each race. Dcb refused to pick up. I didn't give him a stamp. Commence screaming. (see next paragraph)

I would make sure that 3 or 4 toys or pieces are left out after the others willingly clean up. Refuse to allow him to move on to any other activity until the 3 or 4 toys left out are pick up and put away. Sometimes making a HUGE deal out of what you and the other kids are doing helps too. Tell the other kids loud enough so he hears that you sure wish "Billy" would hurry and pick up the toys so he can join the fun you are having with the other DCK's.

If he refuses to pick up, then don't allow him to play with any other toys other than the 3 or 4 toys left out. (start fresh each day)

EVERY SINGLE TIME I say no, or remove him from something he throws a massive screaming fit. I just walk him to the cry corner and tell him he can come join us when he calms down. He will stop crying almost immediately and come out and play nicely again.

I would definitely continue doing what you are doing here....ignore the tantrums.

There is a week left in his 2 week trial. I would like to extend his trial to 4 weeks, note the behaviors and if there is improvement, keep him on. Has anyone extended a trial before? How would you word this to dcp's?

I think he will work out, just needs more time. When corrected he seems surprised (previous child care never addressed any of this) and will say sorry, hug the other child. Today when he broke the fork he said "Oh so sorry!" ran to clean it up and then gave me a hug with ANOTHER apology "I sowwy I brake you fork!"

I think you are awesome to be willing to extend the trial period!! Especially if you see that this kid has it in him to be great! I think you should just document his improvements and his areas of needing some more work....if anything as an aide to help you see where his most troublesome areas are.

It is always good when you get a child you KNOW is perfectly capable of being awesome (even though they might not always show it) and it makes it completely worth it to go that extra step! Good for you!!

[wdmmom]

Clearly he can't function at a table. I would buy a booster that you can slide a tray on and have him sit there. This way he's not getting up and you aren't having to redirect. If he does well in the booster, move him back to the table after a week. If the table issues resume, back to the booster.

As for blowing raspberries, I don't allow my daycare kids to touch one another. We learn to keep our hands to ourselves unless we are high fiving or giving hugs (these are invited gestures).

As for cleaning up, if the parent's don't make him clean up at home, he's just not going to do it at your house. Obviously he knows that he's not being rewarded with a hand stamp so I would find a playard. If he doesn't want to pick up, he can play by himself for a while.

[daycarediva]

Holy nightmare.

How did you word the initial trial to begin with? That would dictate how I worded the addition of 2 more weeks.

everyone gets a two week trial, it's part of the contract and is worded:

The first two weeks are regarded as a trial period, at which point either party may terminate the contract without notice. After the first two weeks, TWO WEEKS WRITTEN NOTICE either by parent or provider is required to terminate the contract. With the exception of gross misconduct on the part of the parent or child, this may be grounds for immediate termination. In cases of non-payment, legal action may be taken and the parent agrees to pay all legal fees incurred as well as late and back charges and missed work.

[daycarediva]

I think you need to do a bit of tough love boot camp. Stop giving him the 3 warnings and just have an immediate consequence. IME, the 1,2, 3 warning plan is for kids who already know and generally follow your rules. This little guy doesn't "get it" yet. I would set him at the table and the first time he breaks any of your table rules, have him get down. Once he starts to SHOW you he understands but is mis-having more because he is choosing to, then start the warning system.

Right now he is mis-behaving because that is the only way he knows how to behave. kwim?

I agree and will start that next week. My dd even said "Why are you giving him another chance?

I think the same rules should apply for hitting or any form of aggressive behavior. IMMEDIATE consequence and separation. Once he understands, then begin the warning system.

I also think that once he is agressive or hits someone, he should be separated from the group. Shadowing you if possible or simply placed at the table or a separate area away from the other kids.

I do separate him immediately. When he cannot be rightnext to me, he gets his own toys and is on the other side of the playroom from the kids.

I would make sure that 3 or 4 toys or pieces are left out after the others willingly clean up. Refuse to allow him to move on to any other activity until the 3 or 4 toys left out are pick up and put away. Sometimes making a HUGE deal out of what you and the other kids are doing helps too. Tell the other kids loud enough so he hears that you sure wish "Billy" would hurry and pick up the toys so he can join the fun you are having with the other DCK's.

If he refuses to pick up, then don't allow him to play with any other toys other than the 3 or 4 toys left out. (start fresh each day)

Great idea! Will do! He is a great play-er!

I would definitely continue doing what you are doing here....ignore the tantrums.

Mom does this at home too. "I can't understand you when you are screaming, sit here and come talk to me when you calm down."

I think you are awesome to be willing to extend the trial period!! Especially if you see that this kid has it in him to be great! I think you should just document his improvements and his areas of needing some more work....if anything as an aide to help you see where his most troublesome areas are.

It is always good when you get a child you KNOW is perfectly capable of being awesome (even though they might not always show it) and it makes it completely worth it to go that extra step! Good for you!!

I see SO MUCH potential in him, he is sooo smart, so funny, so outgoing and a genuinely happy, fun kid and will fit right in here EXCEPT ^^^. There was ZERO aggression, spitting and he picked up after nap when I said he could have free art time as soon as he put his blocks away. Done in 30 seconds, high fiving me and picking out paper!

Mom is on board, I told her verbally about extending the trial and will type something up formally with a signature over the weekend. I have been open and honest about everything, and Mom has even changed her home play rules (he has a toy organizer with bins) and allows him one bin at a time now and one handed car play. They tossed his sippy cups when I said he could drink from a cup here, etc. I'm excited about daycare parents who get behind me and work together!