Need Some Help.....What Would You Do? (lon)

[Francine]

I have a little guy that turned 2 in September, at some point around his second birthday his Mom called me on a Sunday night and said that they had been working at potty training over the weekend and that he was doing really well " can I bring him in underwear tomorrow?" I said that I would welcome Pull Ups, and when he stays dry for at least a few days we can switch over to underwear. I expained about it being a hygiene issue etc. I never saw a pull up and never heard another word about potty training. In fact last week when Dad came in to pick him up he was wearing another kids pull up because I had been working with the other kid so I thought we would give it a try with him too. Dad didn't say a word about it!

So I just got a call from my best friend who also does daycare, this Dad just called her looking for daycare. The reason he gave is that I have had my Grand Daughter come into the picture ( her Dad is deployed so my daughter is staying with us for a while) so I don't have time to potty train their son. Apparently they have been working really hard with him EVERY weekend and he does fabulous and then he comes here and gets nothing all week. This is all news to me, they haven't even mentioned it since the day I told them to bring pull up and then didn't. OH, MOM DID BRING PULL UP'S TODAY!!! So the real reason that they are looking is because Mom is pregnant and I can't take the new baby. Mom and I have talked ( I love her, Dad is a creep) about them moving on to one of the centers that will take the baby and do preschool with the boy. Apparently they have started looking into the Centers/preschools and have found out how much more expensive they are. So they are now looking for another home daycare, that is fine with me because I can't take the baby anyway but don't blame it on me and my grand daughter.

I have a new baby starting in March, her older brother has been here since birth. He is being forced into preschool earlier then they wanted because I don't have room for him if I take the new baby. BUT if boy #1 is leaving I would have the room. If I ask them if they are planning on leaving they are going to say NO because they don't have anything else lined up yet. So what do I do? I am so mad and hurt by this father for blaming me for this. Usually this friend and I give out each others names when we aRE FULL but once she figured out who she was talking to she got flustered and didn't think to do that, I wish she would have!!

So, what would you do? Sorry this is so long and probably very confusing!

[Blackcat31]

First thing I would do is stop stressing about what dad is or isn't balming on you. Even if it does ****, which it does, you really have no control over what parents tell others....kwim?

Doesn't mean it is true or not true, just that it is their lie to own so I wouldn't stress about that.

As far as the the DCB leaving goes, why not straight up ask them? Let them know you have heard through the grapevine that they are seeking to find alternate care and that you need to know what their plan is.

Either that, or decide if you really want to continue working with a family who is lacking communication with you and simply give them notice. That way you can take the other little guy and all is well.

Once I find out a parent is no longer communicating with me, I have a hard time working with them. Communication is the ONLY way to work together and if that is not happening, then you all are simply walking down the road towards termination either by you or by them.

[My3cents]

I have a little guy that turned 2 in September, at some point around his second birthday his Mom called me on a Sunday night and said that they had been working at potty training over the weekend and that he was doing really well " can I bring him in underwear tomorrow?" I said that I would welcome Pull Ups, and when he stays dry for at least a few days we can switch over to underwear. I expained about it being a hygiene issue etc. I never saw a pull up and never heard another word about potty training. In fact last week when Dad came in to pick him up he was wearing another kids pull up because I had been working with the other kid so I thought we would give it a try with him too. Dad didn't say a word about it!

So I just got a call from my best friend who also does daycare, this Dad just called her looking for daycare. The reason he gave is that I have had my Grand Daughter come into the picture ( her Dad is deployed so my daughter is staying with us for a while) so I don't have time to potty train their son. Apparently they have been working really hard with him EVERY weekend and he does fabulous and then he comes here and gets nothing all week. This is all news to me, they haven't even mentioned it since the day I told them to bring pull up and then didn't. OH, MOM DID BRING PULL UP'S TODAY!!! So the real reason that they are looking is because Mom is pregnant and I can't take the new baby. Mom and I have talked ( I love her, Dad is a creep) about them moving on to one of the centers that will take the baby and do preschool with the boy. Apparently they have started looking into the Centers/preschools and have found out how much more expensive they are. So they are now looking for another home daycare, that is fine with me because I can't take the baby anyway but don't blame it on me and my grand daughter.

I have a new baby starting in March, her older brother has been here since birth. He is being forced into preschool earlier then they wanted because I don't have room for him if I take the new baby. BUT if boy #1 is leaving I would have the room. If I ask them if they are planning on leaving they are going to say NO because they don't have anything else lined up yet. So what do I do? I am so mad and hurt by this father for blaming me for this. Usually this friend and I give out each others names when we aRE FULL but once she figured out who she was talking to she got flustered and didn't think to do that, I wish she would have!!

So, what would you do? Sorry this is so long and probably very confusing!

Either have a sit down talk and talk it out with them and work towards a resolve or.....

let them go and don't look back, but let it be known to them that you know what they tried to pull and the other provider is your good friend-

do something, don't just stew in it--- Best-

[Heidi]

I would definately lay my cards on the table with mom.

I'd go with the "grapevine" approach because you don't want to throw your friend under the bus for possibly sharing confidential info.

If mom fesses up, which she probably will, then let her know that you'd like to part on good terms AND you have kids on your waiting list (dont be specific), so you'd like to work together so that they find a good place to go, and you can make your budget.

[bunnyslippers]

I would let them know that you are aware they are looking for other care, and that you have a replacement for their spot. I would give them a two week notice and move on. As BC said, once communication has broken down, it can be difficult to continue working with a family. You also KNOW they are planning to leave in the future, so from a business perspective, I would absolutely term and keep the other family that WANTS to stay.

[wdmmom]

I wouldn't entertain the "he said, she said" game. Who really cares what he's claiming when seeking care elsewhere. In the end, it comes down to 2 things: Most parents have the notion that if there is a sob story, providers feel sorry for them and the rate they give them reflects their pity.

I would tell DCF that you may be able to take the baby after all and ask if they are interested in the spot. If they say no, move on and offer it to another family. If they do, start discussing deposit and rates right away so they know what they are in for.

[sunlight]

I agree with Blackcat. Don't focus on what is being "said". Ask them if they are looking for new care that way you will know where you stand and can focus on filling the spot if needed. I would start looking immediately for new kids. Let everybody know that a spot will be coming available and put them on a wait list. I use the wait list all the time. It works really well if a family doesn't need immediate care and can wait a bit. I don't require a deposit unless I know for sure a family is leaving and have an exact date the spot is available. Sometimes I run into families that are moving, buying a home, etc and they give me notice. Sometimes they do end up leaving and sometimes they end up staying because something fell through. But I have my list handy incase!

Good luck!