Am I Being Unfair

[proudmommyofthree]

I have a dcb 19 months old who arrives at 5:50am mon-fri, another 2 kids siblings ages 3 & 5 that arrive at 6am mon-fri. Another set of siblings ages 5 and 6 arrive anywhere between 5:45am-10am (mom works retail and the five year old is not in kinder yet) anyhow the 2 that have a varied schedule only come early on the morning about 3 times a month. 2 weeks ago when they arrived I had them lay on my mats so the other kids, who are here every morning, lay on the couch. I have a large sectional couch and the 4 kids can lay there easily. The other children arrived and laid in their normal spots (they all go back to sleep and wake up at 7).

Fast forward to this week. I get a text the dcgs will be here 2 days early this week. On Tuesday when they arrived, the oldest dcg looks at her mom ands says "ask her" so mom tells me "oh they want to know if they can lay on the couch instead of the mats?" I told her I have kids that will arrive here any minute and that is their usual spots. If I change their spots I will not have happy kids and they are here everyday. She looks at her kids and says she said no sorry girls. So I start feeling guilty and place the boy on my other little couch in the play room which is directly behind the larger couch. During nap time I have more kids and they are on mats, cots, and both couches and I didn't think the mat thing in the AM would be an issue.

Was I being unfair by asking them to lay on the mats? Also, this morning, they asked their mom to ask me if they can sleep on the same couch they did yesterday which I was going to anyways. ( it really bugs me that they tell their mom to ask me) but if I am unfair I would like to know. I'm ready to hear the truth . Thks

[proudmommyofthree]

Wow I had alot of typos hope I made sense

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

I dont allow anyone on my house furniture at all. Can you not make all the kids sleep on the mats just make everything fair?

[mamac]

I can see how the older kids might feel it's unfair that all the little kids get to sleep on the couch all the time. I would just go by the "first come first served" rule. If there is space on the couch then whoever gets there first gets to use it. I wouldn't have made other arrangements unless that is what you want to do permanently. You might have a few unhappy young'uns that have to get used to laying on the mats but once they realize that's the way it's going to be it should be fine. I imagine they may even be too tired to care where they sleep.

As far as the kids asking the mother to ask you, I personally tell my son that if he wants something HE needs to ask for it. I feel it makes him more independent. On rare occasions, if it's someone he doesn't know very well, he gets really shy and then I'll ask for him. Your DCKs should be comfortable and old enough to ask you themselves.

[JenNJ]

This is exactly why I don't let the kids on my furniture. My couches down in the playroom can only fit maybe 5 kids total and ibhave more than that here each day. I alone am allowed on the couches. No favorites, no fighting.

[proudmommyofthree]

Thanks everyone. I guess I didn't see it as unfair to them which is why I asked here . Apparently they always ask there mom to ask for them even with other people. THe girls will even ask the other kids to ask me if they want something so I had a conversation with one of them that they need to start asking me if they want something.

I can purchase more cots and mats and have all the kids lay them to make it fair . Thx again

[rmc20021]

Well I feel so much better after reading the posts about not allowing dck on your own furniture. That has always been my rule and I felt so guilty for it but felt it was best because the kids would get on the couch and try to wrestle, etc so I made it a rule NOBODY on the couch, and NOBODY on my recliner.

I recently got rid of my couch and made the living room more daycare(ish) ...it's only myself and my 2 older foster kids here so they sit on bean bags and I'm in my recliner for watching TV. I have fold away chairs for company (that way nobody will stay past their welcome, right? LOL)

But...if it was me, they would all be on mats/cots, no matter who they were, what time they arrived, who got there first etc. Not to mention, what if one of them wets on your sofa while sleeping???

[DCBlessings27]

I used to allow the daycare children on my furniture, but I no longer do. I was super annoyed one day because a dcm brought her child in sleepy and told her that she could lay down on my couch. Um, no. It's my home--not everything in my home is used for daycare.

[daycarediva]

I don't have ANYTHING in the daycare room other than daycare furniture and toys now for this exact reason.


I had dck's that arrived before 6, and the Mom told me that they would lay back down and go to sleep. NEVER happened. When I talked to Mom about it, she refused to enforce it. Even my own littles aren't running around the house screeching before 7am.

[Michael]

Wow I had alot of typos hope I made sense

FYI, I made grammar and spelling changes for you.

[youretooloud]

I don't let anyone lay on my couches. I don't even want them to touch them. LOL

But, when I did have very early kids, I bought some cool, funky body pillows and blankets at Walmart and the kids used those every morning to watch tv and either sleep or veg. It was a special morning only thing. When the early mornings stopped, I used the pillows for a reading nook.

[Candy]

I don't think it was unfair. They are only there 3 times a month. I wouldn't change my normal routine just for the days they are there. Btw i hate when parents ask something for their kids and then looks at the kid and says you hear that she said no. I just said it! You are only repeating yourself to make me feel guilty.

[Starburst]

I think the furniture issue is pretty much covered...

But I would try to work with the mom of the girls and tell her "I notice that ___ and ____ seem to ask you to ask me questions alot; I also notice they tend to ask the other daycare children to ask me questions too instead of asking me directly. I think they are old enough to learn to be more independent and I want to try to get them to feel more comfortable asking me questions directly instead of having others ask me. So for now on I would appriciate it if you encourage them to directly ask me their questions."

It seems like they are shy or afraid that you might say 'No' or get mad at them and they need to learn that you will not always get what you ask for but it doesn't hurt to ask. Also they need to learn to be more independent and not rely on others (espesually once they get to school).

There were times when I would ask my mom if she could ask her friends something (because I didn't know them as well) and my mom would say "Ask them yourself" or her friends would say "I want ____ to ask me herself" and yeah I was shy asking but I am a shy person and need to learn to get out of my comfort zone once in a while.

[nannyde]

You need to learn the art of saying “we'll see". Whenever a kid tries to get their parent to intercede between what the kid wants or what the kid wants to secure during their stay the answer to the kid is ALWAYS “we'll see".

“Sally wanted to know if you are going to do playdoh today". Answer with eyes on the child and say “we'll see".

Never commit to ANYTHING while the parent is there. Also, I never do what they ask for unless it directly benefits me. If the parent asked if they could have the couch I would have them on the mats for a month at least.

A child only involves the parent to increase the odds of you doing what they want and getting the INSURANCE that they will get what they want by your commitment to the one who writes the check.

Your decision to have them sleep off the couch is what's best for YOU. It's not about what kid gets the couch. It's about what is easiest for YOU. The mom and kid want what's best for them. They don't understand that you have to do what is best for YOU. What's best for you is what's best for business.

[Heidi]

You need to learn the art of saying “we'll see". Whenever a kid tries to get their parent to intercede between what the kid wants or what the kid wants to secure during their stay the answer to the kid is ALWAYS “we'll see".

“Sally wanted to know if you are going to do playdoh today". Answer with eyes on the child and say “we'll see".

Never commit to ANYTHING while the parent is there. Also, I never do what they ask for unless it directly benefits me. If the parent asked if they could have the couch I would have them on the mats for a month at least.

A child only involves the parent to increase the odds of you doing what they want and getting the INSURANCE that they will get what they want by your commitment to the one who writes the check.

Your decision to have them sleep off the couch is what's best for YOU. It's not about what kid gets the couch. It's about what is easiest for YOU. The mom and kid want what's best for them. They don't understand that you have to do what is best for YOU. What's best for you is what's best for business.

I agree....those kiddos are already manipulating people with the "asking mom" routine.

Oh...and they need to learn that life isn't always "fair". It isn't. I don't know why we should try to convince them it is. I'm not trying to be unkind, one can say it gently, but it's actually unkind to give them the idea that everything is the equal or the same for everyone, when you think about it....